


Between Love & Hate

by Zephoria



Series: Dodging the Heat [2]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Love/Hate, Slow Burn, references of abortions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-08-05 07:22:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 172,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16363445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zephoria/pseuds/Zephoria
Summary: It was meant to be a good year for Laura. She no longer had Sebastian as a teammate and she actually liked Daniel. But her new and shiny relationship falters before the season starts, her sister was working for the enemy, while her brother seems happy to sleep with the enemy and all of it means that Sebastian seems to be around more than ever. But it's fine, she wasn't going to let him distract her from the one thing that matters more than anything - her championship.(Part 2 of Dodging the Heat)





	1. Here We Go Again

**Author's Note:**

> I have a plan to post weekly. I have 12 chapters ready to go so I'll try and post every Sunday where life isn't interrupting.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy year 2!
> 
> Thanks to the lovely @formulaoneisfast for betaing and assuring me it's not all terrible.

 

Laura leans on the wall looking at the assembled car for the upcoming season. It looks good, the morning briefing they had with the team showed everything looked really promising – all that was needed was testing to confirm the numbers. She watches as Daniel excitedly talked the engineers, wearing his usual bright watted smile.

He was so damn happy and chatty. Last year when she did this with Seb, the only thing they said to each other was a greeting and a goodbye. Daniel wouldn’t shut-up whether it was talking to her or someone else in the team. And it’s nice to have a teammate that liked her, but he’s not Sebastian. She immediately winces at the thought because she wasn’t going to miss him – getting rid of him was meant to be the highlight of her life.

“Cheer up princess.” Rocky is next to her with a clipboard.

“I am incredibly cheery,” she protests. “Everyone looks depressed when compared to Dan.”

Rocky looks over at him and then back at Laura. “So, you’re not wishing your favourite was here?”

“Rocky, please don’t start. It’s like day 1.”

“I’ll start after lunch then,” he winks at her. “Ready for sim work?”

“Yes.” This she was looking forward to. It would be another confirmation that the car could fight for wins and even the championship, at least using the testing numbers – nothing of course was certain. But still, an hour later she’s wearing a smile that would challenge Daniel’s. The car wasn’t just beautiful, it was good. Really fucking good. She itches to hit the track, she wants testing to be here. She wants to drive and race.

Briefings check. Sim work check. Her day felt like it was flying. She’s eating lunch, well picking at it because lately nothing appealed to her. But if she starved herself, Phil would only give her a lecture when they trained.

“So, when are you heading to Oz?”

Laura looks up from staring at a piece of cucumber at Daniel who had sat down opposite her. She shrugs. “When I have to.”

“Do you catch up with family? You were born there right?”

“Yep and no family there. No need to hang about.” She eats the cucumber determined to not get sick – it’s bloody cucumber.

“If you wanted, we could do something. I was going to do some surfing in Perth before going to Melbourne. You’re welcome to join,” he offers.

“I’ve never surfed,” Laura comments. “I’ll see how my schedule pans out.” It was her polite way of saying no. She wasn’t stepping a foot into the country unless required. “You done sim work yet?”

“It’s up next. But the car seems like it’s going to be on it.”

“Definitely,” Laura agrees sniffing at a piece of chicken. That wasn’t going to stay down.

“The chicken is great,” Dan says with his mouthful. “Eat it.” When she offers him her plate he happily slides it over to him. “Don’t get ill before testing,” he warns. “I’ll have the incredibly unpleasant task of doing all the driving.”

She grins because she thinks he’d probably enjoy that. She reaches for her phone that was buzzing, before excusing herself to answer it. Her face falls as she chats to a very friendly Kate. Kate might be friendly, but her appointment confirmation now clashes with testing.

She bangs her head on the wall behind her. “God Lau, such a fuck up,” she mutters to herself after the call is done. And getting a text to confirm their conversations doesn’t help. Did everything that goes wrong have to be a punishment? She chews her lip, head running through things so quickly it made her feel off balance. Lost.

She scrolls through her phone book to Jenson’s name, finger hovering there. She should call him. She blinks and kills the phone to standby. No, it wasn’t Jenson’s problem it was hers and she wasn’t going to go back on promises to herself she made long ago – deal with your own problems if you made them.

She drags her feet towards Christian’s office to discuss being excused from testing. To go with the truth or a lie…

 

*        *        * _._

She gets a text from Lillian who was in Italy and willingly had crossed enemy lines. She was still not comfortable with her sister working for Ferrari this year. But despite all her efforts, she had not been able to sway Lillian from the dark side. She reads the message from Lillian once her own day had wrapped up at Milton Keynes.

 _How many secrets you want me to steal to prove my undying loyalty?_ Clearly Lillian was attempting to ensure that her new job wasn’t going to lead more testy conversations between them, because it was a damn sore point whenever it was raised.

Laura grins and hastily replies. _Or maybe you can delve into sabotage during races?_

There’s another text. This time it was a picture of Lillian and Molly. Both decked out in red. Seeing her sister not wearing the colours she was, stung. She tries to tell herself it wasn’t personal, to let it go. She fails.

_Red was never your colour._

The next photo was of Lillian giving her the finger followed by a text that read – _I’m going to be Sebastian’s number one supporter._

Laura’s breath caught. _Sebastian_. She blinks and forces herself to drag in air as she falls into the side of her car. The one person she had struggled to block from her thoughts all winter break. The one person that seemed to stubbornly remain and swirl around in her head, constantly dwelling on their post Abu Dhabi encounter, on his request to have dinner, be with him, let it all go between them… Her phone was being crushed in her grip. Why couldn’t she let that go? Why couldn’t she move past that, despite her utter refusal at the time and turning him down?

If Lillian dared to jump ship and support Sebastian she was going to disown her. That much she was certain of, because this year she was going to keep oceans of distance between her ex-teammate and herself. There was literally no reason to speak or be with him. None.

 

*        *        *

 

February had finally rolled around, and testing was upon them. The season start was drawing ever nearer, and Jenson wished it was March and they were in Australia and arriving for a race instead of testing. Testing was not something he enjoyed, but he was sure he wasn’t alone. Heading towards McLaren he smiles when Lewis falls instep next to him.

“Is Laura okay?”

Jenson frowns, “Yeah, why do you ask?” He looks at his teammate and could see he looked confused.

“Because I just saw Daniel and he mentioned she wasn’t testing this week because she was unwell…”

“Bullshit,” Jenson responds before he can even filter his response.

“So, she’s having a sickie?” Lewis raises his eyebrows.

Jenson had come to a stop to dig out his phone. He’d seen Laura four days ago and she had been perfectly fine, and he’d spoken to her yesterday on the phone and she had said nothing about missing testing. Laura didn’t keep secrets from him; they were always open with each other. _Supposedly_.

“Was she meant to be here?” Lewis presses watching as Jenson tries to call her.

Frustrated when he gets voicemail Jenson hangs up the phone. He was worried and pissed off and he wasn’t sure which one would dominate the moment he got his girlfriend on the phone.

“Is the honeymoon period over between you two already?” Lewis asks as they drift towards McLaren.

“We’re fine,” Jenson answers though his mind wasn’t really processing Lewis’s questions, it was raking over every detail of his conversations with Laura to see if she had said something about not testing and he just hadn’t paid enough attention.

“Yeah…” Lewis mutters feeling dubious.

But Laura is dropped as both McLaren drivers move to greet the team and prepare for the day’s program. But Laura lingers on Jenson’s mind and he couldn’t shake the feeling that, as Laura would put it – shit was going to hit the fan.

 

*        *        *

 

“What?” Sebastian was going to end this because it was like Molly was tiptoeing around him since they moment they met up for testing. It was distracting him from his excitement to officially drive a red car.

“What?” she answers eyes wide with a fake innocence.

He folds his arms as they stand at the back of the Ferrari pits. “If you tell me, you’ll feel better.”

“I will, soon,” she promises with a tight smile, and he misses what she adds under her breath. And clearly wanting to change the subject, she raises her eyebrows, “By the way, I’m surprised you don’t have one of your many new girlfriends attached to you currently.”

Sebastian’s face is wiped blank. “You’re over-exaggerating.”

“Nope. I see we are moving on. Funny how that coincides with Kimi returning.”

“You’re reading into this far too much,” he states bluntly.

She stares at him for a long moment. “Moving on isn’t a bad thing. It’s been well over a year.”

Sebastian says nothing because it wasn’t a year, it was months, but they were talking about two very different relationships. He had no intentions of correcting her. “Can we go back to talking about you?” He really didn’t want to refer to Laura Aston in any way. He was doing great with his resolutions of not thinking about her.

She sighs, and Sebastian watches her take a deep breath before she spills, and his eyes widen like saucers as she babbles at him. “Oh,” it’s all he can manage as a response when she falls quiet. She gives him a shaky smile, looking for more than that. And he steps towards her and pulls her into a tight hug. “It’ll be okay Mol. We can work it out,” he tells her and then she promptly bursts into tears.

Shit.

And here he was worried that come testing he was going to break his resolution with Laura Aston. There were more important things and he squeezes Molly tighter. And if you believed the rumours, Laura wasn’t even doing testing, so resolution intact till Melbourne at least. But now he had a whole different set of issues to deal with that he was not equipped to handle.

*        *        *

 

Laura lays on her bed staring at the ceiling. She felt empty and relieved and terrified all at once. She couldn’t process all her emotions at the moment, they were raging through her, but she knew that no matter what the emotional consequences were she did the right thing. She looks over at her phone that was buzzing, swallowing before looking back at the ceiling.

It would just be Jenson. She hadn’t told him anything, not even that she wouldn’t be testing and that was something she’d cancelled a week ago. The truth was she had wanted to talk to him about what was going on, desperately. But she didn’t know how to bring it up, and it wasn’t fair that just now when things were good between them, when they were both happy and _together_ , it might all be fucked up between them. For three weeks she’d been filled with dread because she wasn’t sure that Jenson would have sided with her on her decision, so she’d done this the easy way – silence and made her own choice.  And really, it was her problem, not Jenson’s…

He’d want answers when she saw or spoke to him next. And Laura hadn’t decided yet if she was going to lie or tell the truth. She hated lying but that would be easier, would mean that they would be okay. She wanted to talk to someone, and for the millionth time she thinks of calling Lillian.

She closes her eyes tightly remembering she’d chosen to do this on her own with no one to judge her. So not Lillian, not anyone. She sucks in her breath as the cramping in her stomach intensifies and she rolls over, hugging her belly waiting for it to pass. It does and her ragged breathing returns to normal as she hears her phone buzzing again. She closes her eyes ignoring it and hoping for sleep.

 

*        *        *

 

Laura’s eyes snapped open when she heard the banging on her apartment door, ripping her from her dreams. It takes a moment for her to remember where she was and for a second, she hates that it wasn’t against a wall in the RBR motorhome with her then teammate fucking her. She takes a moment, getting sucked back into whatever relationship she had with Sebastian and her fingers clench the bedding under her as she silently loathes him.

The pounding on her door repeats and Sebastian fades from her mind as she hears the muffled shouting. “Laura? Open the door!”

Jenson’s voice is like a cold dose of reality and she gets off her bed, silently screaming at herself to stop dreaming of fucking Sebastian Vettel. She hated them, hated that he seemed to haunt her with increasing frequency as the season opener drew nearer.

She throws open the door to her apartment to come face to face with a livid Jenson Button. “Hey, how was testing?” She was going to avoid the obvious reason he was here and dance around it for as long as possible till she was forced into either lying or fessing up with the truth.

Jenson shoves passed her. “Where the hell were you? And don’t you dare give me the spiel Red Bull is dishing to the press that you’re unwell…”

“I wasn’t up to testing,” Laura shrugs. “Do you want something to drink?”

She goes to get herself some water but Jenson snatches at her arm and jerks her back towards him. “Laura,” he says his voice a warning. “What is going on?”

Laura’s eyes lock with Jenson’s as he silently pleads with her to tell him the truth. And she can feel it bubbling up, desperate to spill out and she struggles to hold it back. “Nothing.” The word is choked out and she pulls her arm free from his grip leaving Jenson staring after her.

“You never keep things from me,” Jenson says after following her to the fridge where she pours herself a glass of water.

“Exactly,” she agrees not meeting his eyes. She kept a lot of damn things from him, all of it involving her past. “So why don’t you stop asking and just trust me?”

“Why won’t you trust me and tell me?”

She looks up at that and Jenson can see that her eyes hold fear. “I don’t want you to hate me,” she whispers.

“I love you Laura, why would I hate you?” He was confused but she doesn’t say anything else and frustrated that she won’t answer his questions he lets her go when she mumbles something about having a shower.

 

*        *        *

 

Lillian stares at her sister and Jenson, her gaze flicking between both of them. They had after two years of to-ing and fro-ing finally hooked up, but after six months together; Lillian had never seen the two of them so far apart. There was definitely something going on between them. Laura hadn’t said anything to her about them having issues, that being said, Laura had been unusually quiet the last few weeks which she had put down to her still being bitchy about her job at Ferrari.

Lillian looks up to see Miles walking out with a tray of food. Miles had called them both here, Jenson as a plus one, because he had news. From the fact that her brother hadn’t smiled all evening, she wasn’t expecting good news. In fact, it seemed everyone at the table was miserable except for her which was most unusual.

The moment Miles is seated, Laura speaks, “So do we get this news now?”

“What about after we eat?” Miles suggests.

“I’m thinking now,” Laura answers clearly wanting answers as well.

“Fine,” he mutters. “Well, I’m seeing someone.”

Lillian shifts awkwardly and even Jenson doesn’t bat an eyelid at that statement.

Laura looks between them all. “Who are you seeing?”

“Uh… Molly Neil.”

Laura chokes and splutters on her water. “Molly Neil? Vettel’s PR chick?”

“I think she’s uh… _very_ nice,” Jenson grins and Laura whacks him immediately across the chest, eyes locked on Lillian.

“Did you know?” she demands.

“Well Laura,” Miles starts tentatively, “You seem quite uh… sensitive on anything remotely related to Sebastian so I hadn’t yet gotten around to telling you.”

“Is everyone in this family wanting to be attached to fucking Sebastian Vettel?!”

“And this is why no one told you,” Lillian says more to herself, but Laura must hear as she looked ready to throttle her. Lillian notes that Jenson was being very quiet, and she had a feeling that even Jenson knew. Yeah, smart move not mentioning it.

“She’s not a bad person Laura,” Miles tells her. “And no one here is suggesting that we all love Sebastian Vettel. You’ve made it clear none us can support him.”

“You’ll just work for his team and sleep with his staff.”

Miles was looking at his sister darkly. “You’re walking a fine fucking line right now.”

“So, you’re seeing Molly,” Lillian tries to drag them back to point. “I assume there is more?” Miles had told her about Molly back in December.

Lillian can see Laura muttering under her breath and while she misses it, Jenson doesn’t because he grins and kisses the side of her head laughing. And seeing the small show of affection that had been missing between the two makes Lillian think maybe things weren’t as bad between them as she originally thought.

“So,” Miles says clearing his throat loudly. “I’m seeing Molly and now she’s pregnant.”

The table falls silent, Jenson looking awkward while Lillian reels in shock and Laura looks more ill at the news than anything else. “Now that you all know, can we eat?”

The silence drags on and it’s Lillian that snaps. “I can’t believe that after you’ve spent years going off at me about all my poor choices that I make in my personal life that you can’t seem to remember to use protection! Because there is no way that you actually meant to knock her up!”

“People make mistakes Lillian,” Miles snaps back at her. “I like Molly; we’ll deal with this like adults.”

“So, she’s keeping the baby then?” Lillian presses.

“That’s what she said.” And it’s quite clear to the rest of them that Miles was obviously wishing that wasn’t the case.

“Are we meant to be celebrating this news or mourning it?” Laura asks her voice sounding oddly shaky as her hand reaches past her water for Jenson’s beer, clearly needing something stronger.

Miles forces a smile. “Since Molly insists on having the baby, I guess we’re celebrating.”

They raise their glasses and Lillian toasts, “To pro-life choices.” Miles snorts at that but there’s a bang when Laura slams her glass down before excusing herself and fleeing from the dining room.

“I’ll go,” Jenson says when Lillian stands up. She nods, and Lillian moves to Miles and hugs him hard. “It won’t be that awful you know. Just think, in less than nine months, Laura won’t be the centre of your universe.”

“Funny,” Miles sighs but he wraps an arm around his sister’s shoulders.

Lillian moves to sit on the edge of the table next to him. “So, you and Molly are okay with this…”

Miles shrugs. “It’s not like we were super official. She’s nice, I do like her. Just it was more fun than serious,” he explains. “This kind of takes the shine off it all.”

“It’ll get better when the news digests a little more,” she assures him.

Both their heads drift towards the shouting that suddenly erupts from the other side of Miles’s house. “Guess not everything is going well for the lovebirds…”

Lillian can only hear Jenson’s voice and she raises her eyebrows when she sees him storm passed for a moment before the front door slams shut with a loud echo. “Laura?” Lillian asks when her sister reappears looking upset though she does her best to hide it.

“Sorry to cut the dinner short,” she says awkwardly.

“Everything okay?” Miles asks concerned.

“Yeah, apparently there are certain things you’re not meant to hide from your other half,” she answers moving to kiss her brother goodbye. “We’ll be fine, don’t worry about it.”

“If you need anything…?”

“I’ll call you Lil,” she assures her sister hugging her. When she pulls back Lillian reaches out and wipes the smear of blood from her cheek. “Your nose is bleeding,” Laura tells her as Miles goes to get tissues. She winces when she hears the car horn blare loudly.

“Go,” Lillian orders when she sees Laura hesitate, “It’s just a nosebleed.”

Laura watches as her brother helps Lillian before adding, “It’s not bad news Miles. Congratulations.”

Miles shoots her an appreciative smile before she turns and bolts out the house as Jenson once more blares the horn. “You never get nosebleeds,” he tells Lillian.

“Well, there’s a first time for everything,” she muses tipping her head back. They both listen to the squealing of tyres as Jenson takes off. “What do you think the deal is there?”

“No clue,” Miles answers honestly. “I thought things were good between them.”

“Well something is off, they were giving each other the cold shoulder for most of the night,” Lillian mutters.

“They’re adults, let them deal with their own problems. I have no doubts they’ll have their spat and then be all over each other again and we’ll be back to looking at their sickly displays of love and affection,” Miles grins pulling the tissues back to see the bleeding had slowed and he tries to wipe at the drying blood on her lips and chin. “By the way, this is totally gross…”

Lillian responds with a smile, “Wait till you see childbirth.”

 

*        *        *


	2. Past Excuses

The short ride back to Laura’s apartment is filled with silence, and not because Laura hadn’t tried to break it, but because Jenson refused to utter one word to her. She knows she shouldn’t have said anything it just slipped out, enough of a comment for Jenson to put two and two together. He never was stupid. She reaches over and touches his leg when he parks the car and she sucks in her breath when he hurls her hand off him.

Laura follows behind him as he stalks ahead, refusing to look at her. She chews her lip nervously, that fear she had about him knowing was now raging through her and she could feel things playing out just like she imagined, and none of them included Jenson understanding.

The moment she closes the door behind them Jenson whirls around to stare at her, his eyes are dark with anger. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Laura leans on the door, firstly because she didn’t want to be near Jenson when he looked like he might blow a fuse and secondly, he couldn’t actually leave if she blocked the only exit. “I did tell you, because now you know.”

“Don’t be smart with me Laura,” he warns. “And I’m not talking about the damn abortion, why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?!”

Laura twists the ends of her hair staring at him. “I was going to tell you, I just needed some time to sort my own head around things Jense.”

“And you decided that you’d just get rid of it and not bother to consult with me?” Jenson was trembling with anger.

She licks her lips. “It was my decision,” she tells him. “And I’d make the same one again.”

Jenson’s feet are stuck to the floor; he wasn’t even able to comprehend anything. He was unable to find a reason that made sense as to why Laura hadn’t spoken to him and then it hits him with perfect clarity and it’s like someone punched him in the stomach.

Laura watches his emotions pass over his face and suddenly he was looking at her like he didn’t even know her and her heart beat faster.

“It wasn’t mine…”

Her eyes widen at the words that tumble from his lips. “What? How could you think that?!” She shouts at him. “How the fuck could you think that!?”

“You don’t care about my opinion, if it wasn’t mine that would make sense. Whose was it?” he demands. “I bet it was fucking Vettel’s!”

“What is wrong with you? Laura screams at him. “I did not fuck around on you!”

“You fucked him last year; I know you dream about him. You mumble his name in your sleep all the goddamn time!” Jenson roars back at her. 

Laura pushes herself off the door going over to him and she punches him, hard. Her fist connects with his jaw and he stumbles back in shock while her hand throbs with pain at the hard hit. “You fucking idiot!”

Jenson stares at her stunned rubbing his jaw as she cradles her hand. She was furious, he’d seen her mad before but not like this. He wanted to push the Vettel button more but he knew he was wrong the moment her hand slammed into his jaw. Apologising though… she wasn’t getting that. Because why the hell would she not talk to him about this? How can she possibly think it’s okay to not talk to him on this?

She’s shaking, visibly as she tells him in a calmer voice, “I didn’t tell you Jenson, because honestly you weren’t the first thing that I thought about when I found it. The first thing that I thought of as I stared at that stupid plastic stick was if I could still make February testing. I didn’t think of you, I didn’t think of _us_ ; I thought of my damn career. And that if I had the baby that I wouldn’t even be on the damn grid in March! I’d be kissing my career goodbye and you know what? I chose that over you and over the pregnancy. I love you Jenson, and you are my best friend but I would choose racing over anything. I didn’t tell you because I’m _selfish_!”

“You are,” Jenson agrees. “You are fucking selfish. But you know what Laura… I would have understood your reasons,” he says walking towards her, “I wouldn’t have stopped you. But if you can’t understand why I should have known in the first place, then maybe you’re not ready to be in a relationship with someone.”

She gasps when he grabs her left wrist of the hand she punched him with. That fear she felt was now in her throat and she fights back tears. “You don’t trust me, do you?”

“And you seem unable to get my fucking point!” Jenson tells her frustrated before he holds her hand up after examining at it. “You broke it.”

“Its fine,” she spits out.

And to prove his point he grabs her hand tightly and squeezes it hard till she cries out sharply tears filling her eyes that quickly spill down her cheeks. He throws her hand back at her. “Actually, I don’t trust you to tell me the truth.”

“Jense,” she whispers, “I love you, even if you think I fucked around behind your back.”

Jenson stares at her before shaking his head. “I need some time to think.”

Laura pleads with him to stay but he walks out after telling her to get someone to look at her hand. The front door slams loudly, it echoes in her head long after he’s gone. Ignoring her hand she moves to sit down as she cries. She shouldn’t have said anything; she shouldn’t have left the table at Miles’. She falls sideways on the couch as her vision blurs with tears. She felt like everything was breaking inside, he was meant to love her as much as she loved him. Why didn’t he understand? If he loved her, he’d understand…

 

*        *        *

Miles looks across at Laura seated next to him on their flight. The first race was Australia this year, back to how it should be in his opinion, but he was sure his sister would prefer it was yanked from the calendar all together. He was worried about this weekend, there seemed to be a lot going on all of a sudden for her – her fight with Jenson was not going to help matters. He sighs and grabs his bag when he sees her nibbling on a thumbnail.

“Give me your hand,” he tells her after he dug out some plasters Lillian had packed.

She smiles at him as he begins to tape her fingers. “Disney?”

“Lillian,” he grins at her. “Let’s see if we can save your nails this year.” He is gentle with her left hand knowing it was fractured and still healing, but it was not in plaster, instead the break wrapped so it wouldn’t interfere with her racing. He’s pretty sure she hadn’t mentioned that to Christian yet either.

She wriggles her fingers somewhat admiring his work when he was done. “You hear from Ben?”

“Yeah,” he says shoving the trash in the seat in front. “He’ll be at the track on Thursday.”

She nods but her mood doesn’t perk up. “Just focus on the race,” he murmurs capturing her hand and holding it. “Start the season with a win.”

“Yeah,” she agrees but she sounds flat. He hopes once they get through media obligations she would be able to channel her mood into racing. He squeezes her hand as she lies back and closes her eyes as they begin the descent to land.

 

*        *        *

 

Being in the paddock, meant that they were that little bit closer to the season starting. And Laura was pleased even if she had to get through a shitload of media and press. But she knew the moment she could get in the car, it would give her mind something to focus on besides her monumental personal fuck up that had pretty much seen her relationship with Jenson come to a crashing end. It would be a relief, an escape from her own head, even if it was only a short reprieve.

Walking through the paddock with Phil and Miles her eyes drift towards McLaren but she doesn’t slow, there’s only a painful clench in her chest and a lump forms in her throat. She orders herself not to think about him and her fingers fly to her mouth only to spit them out because of those damn Disney plasters. She knows Miles was smirking.

Inside RBR though she’s grabbed by people and hugged and welcomed back. Christian though cuts in on the fuzzy moment wanting to speak to her alone. Christian is straight to business, “Let me see the hand.”

She pushes up the sleeve of her long sleeved shirt she was wearing despite the heat. It was long enough to hide the fact that her hand was bandaged. Christian looks over it carefully, “You’ll need clearance by an FIA doctor, how does it feel?”

“Sore, but I just need to steer and twist some knobs,” she smiles tightly as he wriggles her fingers. “I’ll be fine.”

“And you fell off a bike?” He sighs letting her hand go. “What is it with my drivers and bikes?”

She grins. “I’ll be more careful.” She flexes her wrist, staring at her injured hand. She wasn’t happy about starting the season this way. But she was confident it wouldn’t affect her performance to a huge degree, it was nothing like her knee; that pain would never compare. And that was something she would be grateful for.

 

*        *        *

 

Jenson was hoping to have a Laura Aston free race weekend, but that was never going to happen. Too many people knew about their unofficial relationship, so when Laura failed to turn up to the McLaren motorhome as per what had been the usual Thursday procedure, it had sent people into hushed conversations. Lewis of course though, demanded personally to know what the deal was.

“I don’t want to discuss Aston,” Jenson muttered trying to ignore the pain in his chest.

“Did you have a fight about her sickie with testing?” Lewis jokes, not at all seeing that this wasn’t a topic that Jenson wanted to delve into.

“Shut up,” Jenson snaps, the question biting a little too close to what he didn’t want to remember.

“Aww, come on man,” Lewis drops the joking and punches him lightly in the arm. “Whatever the tiff is about, you’ll be fine. No one takes _that_ long to hook up and then fuck it up that quickly.” It was meant to be encouraging but the flinch he feels from his teammate and the way Jenson turns his face away makes Lewis come to a halt. “Jenson?”

Jenson turns to look back at Lewis. “We ended things and right now I’m not ready to discuss this, with you or anyone. So for the last time, shut up.”

Lewis, now fully floored watches as Jenson spins on his heel and walks off. He had this horrible feeling that whatever happened wasn’t a little tiff that Laura and Jenson would laugh about in a week. “Fuck,” he mutters under his breath. Deciding to ignore the negatives, he focuses on the positives, neither were going to be getting it on in the back of his car anytime soon, nor would he be dodging law enforcement officers or be searching for his socks all season. This had to be a good thing.

 

*        *        *

 

Lillian was enjoying being back in the paddock, being back at work. She didn’t think she had missed it as much as she had, but now that she’s back… there’s a definite bounce in her step. She catches sight of herself in the reflection of the glass of the Ferrari motorhome as she enters – it still felt odd wearing red.

At least she already knew some of the team. She’d spent some time in Italy prior to the race. And of course there was Molly, who she immediately smiles at and heads towards. Being the Thursday there was a busy day ahead.

When the Ferrari drivers do arrive, they arrived practically joined at the hip. Sebastian Vettel and Kimi Raikkonen. It was like two lifelong best friends had been reunited after years apart. Which was somewhat true with Kimi’s absence from the sport.

“Have you told Sebastian?” Lillian asks Molly.

“About Miles and the baby? Yes. There was cursing about all Astons fucking things up,” she responds as Sebastian splits from Kimi to head towards them.

Molly is given a hard one armed squeeze by Sebastian. “Mol,” he greets warmly before smiling at Lillian, “My favourite Aston sister.”

“I’m sure Laura is going to be devastated at not being number one.” She’s also beginning to think there’s far more to Laura and Sebastian’s relationship than the obvious ‘I hate you’.

Sebastian looked as if he was going to respond but it’s Molly that cuts in. “Lil nose.”

She sticks her tongue out and licks her top lip to check. Nosebleed.

“That is disgusting,” Sebastian comments as she tastes the blood. Molly was handing her tissues.

Lillian gratefully takes them as she says, “It’s just blood.”

“Right,” Molly pushes Sebastian. “Let’s go.”

After getting her nose under control and wiping away all the blood, she looks up to see Kimi was staring at her and when he catches her gaze he gives her a smile. She can’t help but return it but she curses at herself and keeps moving. No she was not going to prove Laura right. She was not going there. She wasn’t interested.

 

*        *        *

 

Sebastian wants to think he was doing well with his resolution. He had up until this point completely avoided Aston. It had been helped with her missing testing, it was helped by them both not having to do Thursday media commitments together. But at some point, his luck was going to run out. And it would seem it was now. She was standing in the Ferrari motorhome with Lillian.

He stares at her, eyes skimming her from head to toe. She looked good, really good but she wasn’t meant to be here. He should march over there and demand she leaves because how dare she come here and break his resolution. And he would, in a moment, when he was finished with the staring. Resolution was already broken so not point stopping now.

He draws in a sharp breath when her eyes flick from her sister to him. Laura’s gaze locked with his and there was no chance of him looking away now. How does she do that to him? She hurt him, she turned him down, she chose someone else. He really did like pain, he really did like setting himself up for more rejection. He couldn’t learn anything. Well he could try and he turns on his heel and walks away.

 

*        *        *

Miles smiles at the sight of his long-time friend, giving him a hard hug when he meets Ben at the paddock entrance. “I know we say it every year, but we need to do this more often,” Miles tells him.

“Yes, more than once a year,” Ben agrees with a wide smile. “Where’s Laura?”

Miles waves behind him. “She’s doing press work for most of the morning.” He hoped that spending the weekend with Ben would help bring his sister out of the doldrums. But there wasn’t going to be a chance to catch up till much later, and while Laura was busy,

“So, you’re really going to be a father?” Ben questions him nearly immediately.

“Yeah,” Miles tries to appear more excited. He not fully finished processing that news.

“So…” Ben waits for more. “What’s she like? Are you both serious?”

“Molly?” Miles smiles at thought of her. “I like her, and we’re trying not let the pregnancy change things. I like her, I enjoy spending time with her.” He’s not in love with her, though he knows he very well could love her, he could be happy with her that she could be happy with him. He likes that thought, far more than the thought of Molly having a baby.

“I think this is a good thing,” Ben assures him. “Being in a serious relationship. You’ve always been so focused on Laura.”

“Hmmm,” Miles makes a non-committal response. He supposes he has spent far too much of his time in the past on not only Laura, but Lillian as well. But he didn’t particularly care for a girlfriend, or any serious relationship. But he had apparently tripped right into one. He shakes his head and pulls out a Ferrari pass for Ben.

“Oh, I get two this year,” Ben says holding it up next to his Red Bull one.

“That’s from Lillian, but my advice is don’t flash that around in front Laura,” Miles warns. His sister would lose it if she suspected that Ben was supporting anyone else but her. “She’s currently raging about certain Ferrari drivers.”

Ben raises his eyebrows.

“Look ask Lillian, she probably knows far more than I do.”

Laughing he agrees and Miles sets about keeping Ben company until he hands their friend to Lillian who is excited to see him, throwing herself into his arms and Miles waves them off before he runs to catch up with Laura.

*        *        *

It’s only at dinner that they all get to sit down together, Miles, Ben, Lillian and a definitely moping Laura. At least Lillian had done her best to fill Ben in.

 It’s only when Ben is alone with Laura, Miles and Lillian having excused themselves and said goodnight to them both that Ben comments on her down mood, breaking the silence as Laura finishes her glass of wine, wishing she could top it up but she had to drive tomorrow.

 “You seem lost,” Ben comments as she sinks into her chair.

“No,” she shakes her head because that wasn’t quite true. “I’ve just lost a lot. Well that’s what it feels like.” God, she missed Jenson and talking to him and everything else she had to give up when he ended things.

“You could go and talk to him,” Ben suggests and he sighs when Laura gives him an innocent look. “Laura, if you love him, go and talk to him. Win him back with your charm and wit.” Clearly Lillian had used her absence today to fill in Ben on her life’s misery.

“Is it really that simple?” Jenson wouldn’t even let her talk to him, and what else was there to say. He knew her side of the story and it wasn’t enough.

“You could tell me what happened and I could try and weigh in with my male advice,” Ben offers and that has Laura give him a small smile.

“The issue is my inability to share my problems, my inability to trust on some level I guess. Even if those people are people I’m meant to trust.” She frowns wondering if she would, _could_ trust Jenson. “And if I can’t give him what he wants, is there a point in pushing, in trying?”

Ben leans across the table and snatches up her hand. “Things take time. Trusting people takes time and love doesn’t equal trust. Tell him that and if he loves you, he’ll understand.”

“Maybe…” Laura tells him thoughtfully. “Maybe…”

 

When her and Ben part, she heads back to the hotel alone, opting to walk, clear her head because she needed space. To think. And her head swirls with Jenson. She wants Jenson. She wants to talk to him. To be friends with him. To have everything back. The way it was before they changed things. Before she was stupid enough to believe it was worth the risk.

In the hotel she’s happy to have the lift to herself and she leans back and closes her eyes, just breathing. Except there’s a ding, a hand between the closing doors forcing them to bounce back open and she’s staring at Sebastian. She blinks because for a moment this wasn’t Australia, it was Abu Dhabi and all that space she was enjoying vanishes as he stares at her with his blue eyes.

She watches him select his floor, stand opposite her, and he keeps staring at her. And all she sees is them. _Him_. Kissing him. Holding him. What it was like to press him against the side of the lift. What it felt like to be pressed into the wall in return letting him have his wicked way with her mouth. Her lips part as her breath hitches and her brain refuses to shut off the images.

“Your floor Aston.”

She blinks at the sound of his voice, head snapping to the right before she sees her escape. She opens her mouth to say something but she has no words. There’s nothing to say anyway, so she darts to freedom and out of the suffocating box with him. She didn’t need to be reminded of his mouth, of his lips, of his offer.

 

It seems to take a long time for Jenson to open the door. Or maybe it feels like that because when your head is repeating your spiel and all those important words you were going to say. Only when Jenson stands there, Laura finds her head had cleared out all words and she can only look at him silently.

“Laura, I’d really like to get a goodnight’s sleep and not do this with you,” Jenson sighs. “Can we please simply ignore each other and move on.”

Laura blinks at him. Move on? Pretend they were nothing. God, her chest hurts so badly right now. But she’s still lacking words and her silence has Jenson shake his head and move to step back and close the door. She reaches forward and snatches at his arm holding him in place. “Can we talk? Please don’t make us ignore each other.”

Jenson stares at her for a moment before he gives a small nod and lets her in. “Okay Laura, let’s hear it so I can go to bed.”

When did Jenson become so mean? She bits her lip. “I want to fix things,” she tells him quietly. “Have things go back…”

“How’s your fingers?” he asks completely side stepping the subject.

She shrugs. Her fingers and hand seem completely unimportant right now. But she flexes them only feeling the slightest of pain. It’s nothing. It’s completely tolerable.

“I was talking about the band aids and your nails. I don’t think anything is going to change Laura. I don’t think you’re ready to tell me stuff, to let me be there for you. And I want to be and I want you to be there for me if I need you. That’s how this works. You don’t do things on your own – “

“No,” she argues. “I can be better. I need time, I’m not ready to tell you everything. I can’t just spit out the past and share all of that with you. Because I really _can’t_.” Why couldn’t he understand that.

“I get that, I do. The past is the past and sometimes that’s best kept there. But that’s not what this is all about. If you can’t tell me things, if you can’t tell me that you and I made a mistake together, and sort it out together… then it doesn’t matter. Past or no past.”

“So, next time you knock me up, I’ll tell you!”

Jenson shoves his hands in the pockets of his shorts, swallowing as he looks up. “You know how easy it would be for me to let this go and take you back?”

“Good!” She walks over and grabs his shirt. “Do that. Make it easy. This doesn’t have to be hard!”

“Laura, you didn’t tell me you were pregnant,” he whispers looking at her. “What else don’t you tell me? What else do you keep from me that it’s important? I don’t know anymore. I thought we shared everything. I thought you could trust me.”

“I do Jense! I trust you. I trust you.” She pleads with him, eyes filling with tears. “I trust you and I love you.” But she watches him blink, shut himself away like he had already made his mind up on her, probably long before she came to the door. “I need you. Who will I talk to in the paddock?” Tears fill her eyes. “Who’s going to be my sane voice and tell me not to take out drivers?”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’ve always been there. I’m not ready to lose that. And it’s not about losing you as my simply my boyfriend, this is about losing _you_ …” She tries to tell herself to not cry, to not break but she’s failing.

“Everyone loses someone eventually in their lives. This is not different Laura. You are no different.” His voice is cold and maybe he really did hate her.

“You think telling people my problems is easy? It’s not Jenson! I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you. I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you but I have never said I was perfect.” Good that was anger. She liked anger and she was happy to light a match to them if Jenson wants to burn them to the ground.

“Laura – “

“No! Don’t think you can make this all so fucking simple. It’s not simple! You know the last time I told anyone about any of my problems and had them help me? Do you know what happened then?”

“Laura,” Jenson tries again, like he was shhing her.

“My brother went to jail! My boyfriend when to jail! Because of me!” she shouts. “So I will deal with my problems. I will deal with them all and I don’t care if you think I was wrong. I was fucking right!” She points at the ground making herp point. “You doing this right now, proves I was right!”

“No Laura, right now you’re proving I was right,” Jenson snaps back, eyes flashing with anger. “You throwing your past up like it’s an excuse, only telling me just enough but never the full story. No. I’m not doing this with you again.”

Furious she wipes at her cheeks and the damn tears that had the nerve to spill. “Fuck you.” She storms to the door and rips it open, only to stop and turn back to him, eyes ablaze. “To think I turned down fucking Vettel after Abu Dhabi last year. Should have done that behind your back like I wanted to then. Maybe I’ll stop by and say hi now”

Jenson opens his mouth to say something but she’s already slammed the door before he can answer it. She hopes he’s pissed now. But more than anything she hoped he hurt.

 

She goes back to her room, seeing Sebastian wasn’t actually an option currently. In her room, throwing herself onto the bed she tries to hold back her tears. She doesn’t feel like she has much left. In some ways she feels like she lost everything. And any hope she has of her and Jenson working things out, giving them time feels like it got stamped out. At least she had racing, that might be the only thing she has left.

Her fingers move to her side where her tattoo was, stroking it. She draws in a shaky breath, steeling herself as she wipes at her eyes as she presses her fingers into the mark.

_Race hard. Die Young._

She will focus on racing. She’ll win them all. Every goddamn race. She will win the fucking championship. It was all or nothing and she’ll die trying.

 

*        *        *


	3. Resolutions are for Breaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know it's not Sunday, but I'm sure we're all hurting from Sunday's race - between Seb losing the title and well Daniel being unable to have any luck, we must all be feeling some pain. So why not ease the pain with fic? So enjoy!
> 
> Thanks to @formulaoneisfast as usual for betaing and being my constant encouragement!

Miles was standing at the back of the garage with Ben, both watching the first free practice. His sister was at the top of the times but she had visited the gravel traps a few times this session. She was pushing, too hard.

“She seems off,” Ben comments.

Miles looks at the screens next to him to see she was a good chunk of time ahead of Daniel. “Maybe…”

A groan from the mechanics and he looks back to the other monitor to see the car was now beached in the gravel. Session over. There were only ten minutes left but still he sighed.

When Laura is back in the pits she apologises for the error but she doesn’t seem sorry, in fact she looks quite pleased when she reviews her lap times between him and Ben.

“You’re pushing too hard,” he tells her.

“I know what I’m doing,” she responds not looking up.

“Looking for a wall to throw the car into?”

“It’s practice Miles, and I was practicing,” she responds bluntly. “And FYI, I win practice.”

“There are no points for practice.”

“Exactly,” she snaps getting irritated. She turns her gaze to Ben, “You want to add something?”

Ben wisely shakes his head, “Nope.”

Laura stalks off then and Miles looks at his friend. “What happened at dinner last night?”

Ben shrugs. “Nothing really. We did speak about Jenson but not in any great depth…”

Miles lets out a puff of air and both turn to watch the other Red Bull roll back into the garage. Session done.

*      *        *

“Sit.”

Laura had been packing up from the debrief when Rocky stopped her and her engineer was looking far from impressed. She sits.

“Everyone seems to want to dance around a few things Aston princess. But you might be top of the times in both sessions and you can parade your times over whatever drivers you want. But today, that was fucking sloppy driving.”

Laura blinks taken aback at her dressing down. “When is being the fastest not enough?” she snaps back at him.

Rocky leans across the table, eyes hard. “You do your laps, you run your program and you don’t fucking push when you don’t need to. And you don’t fucking drop the car in the gravel so my guys have to clean it and check for damage when it wasn’t necessary in the first place,” he barks.

“The car was fine. I went the quickest and tomorrow, I will get pole and you can apologise to me.”

Rocky’s eyes flash with fury. “Watch your mouth with me princess because I ain’t taking any of your attitude. And I don’t give a shit which driver you’re trying to impress right now when it’s quite clear you’re out to prove some fucking point rather than doing what matters!”

If he dares to use this as an opportunity to laud Sebastian over her goddamn head… “What matters is winning. And I will win. I will win and I will do it my way. And I will drive as hard as I fucking like while sticking to your damn program.”

“Laura!” Rocky gets to his feet but she doesn’t stop, she storms out, slamming the door on him. Why couldn’t they all leave her the fuck alone.

*      *        *

It’s late when Sebastian was making his way out of the paddock on Friday evening. The sun had long set and the paddock was mostly deserted. It was the ending of a long day. The first time the cars had hit the track competitively and testing assumptions were beginning to be confirmed or not. It seemed like the Ferraris and Red Bulls were evenly matched, well for the most part. It would appear that Aston had some edge. He was not impressed.

He was doing his best to not let her creep into his head. So, he couldn’t stop his eyes from wondering to her, but he didn’t have to talk to her, or engage with her. They were no longer teammates so there was a lot more space than usual. And he liked it. It was nice. He was succeeding in keeping his distance. If he continued to do that…

He’d been scrolling through his messages as he walked, but when he slid his phone away, his eyes fall on the lone figure of Laura Aston. She was leaning on a wall off to the side, aimlessly staring into the paddock. He blinks at her, he should keep walking, that was part of keeping his success with the distance. But his feet apparently aren’t connected to his head, because she looked more than tired. Her blank stare made it seem like she was… lost.

He drops his backpack when he reaches her and then leans on the wall next to her. He keeps a solid two inches between them. No touching. Somethings had to remain in place before he fell into the same hole as last year.

“Aston,” he says quietly and her head rolls to her left to stare at him.

“Debriefs went poorly?” she queries. “It’s late.”

He stares at her, and the greeting he thinks was meant to have far more bite than it did. “Aston,” he repeats, concern etched on his features because he feels like he can see her right now. There’s no guards up, and the only wall was the one behind them, and there’s no smiles, no snappy comments. She’s looks tired. _Sad._ It eats at him, he wishes he didn’t care if she was fucking sad.. “You okay?”

His hands slides across the wall, his little finger brushing hers. So he was going to touch her, it still didn’t mean anything but he wants to pull her back a little. He was expecting her to yank her hand back, but it stays, so he curls his little finger around hers as she just stares at him with eyes full of so much pain.

“How long did it hurt?” she asks him quietly. He frowns, forehead creasing as her finger links with his as she clarifies, “When your fiancée ended things. How long did it hurt?”

He immediately shifts closer, removing those inches that felt important moment ago as he presses into her side. So the rumours about her Jenson were true. No longer a picture of paradise. “Too long and it still hurts.”

“You could have lied,” she huffs her head turning to stare back out in front of them.

Sebastian’s finger tightens around hers. “Come on Aston, lying isn’t something we do. We have a _very_ honest relationship.” There’s a flicker of a smile at that and he returns it. He asks again, “You okay?” The urge to reach for her, hold her, promise everything would be okay felt overwhelming in that moment.

She was back to staring at him. “I will be,” she promises.

Right, his resolution and all his comprises on his resolutions was now well and truly dead. He’ll be pissed at himself later, not now. “Laura,” he says quietly when her eyes fall closed and he risks reaching out to brush his fingers through her hair and push it behind her ear. “If you need anything…”

“Take Rocky to Ferrari with you,” she jokes and he grins as their foreheads bump each other.

“He was my gift to you,” he gives her a mock pout.

“Your gift fucking sucks.”

“He’s good.” They were now facing each other, Laura’s fingers playing with the hem of his shirt absently as he brushed a thumb across her ear. In this moment, they felt so… easy. Even if in reality they were anything but that.

“In Abu Dhabi Seb,” she hesitates, gaze flicking from his to stare over his shoulder, and he stiffens as he remembers her blunt rejection. It hurt far more than he was prepared for at the time. “I… You were wrong. Nothing changes because we’re not teammates.”

“Don’t hit me or shove me off track and we’ll be fine,” he tells her lightly and it has her yank his shirt in frustration. Yeah, he’s not sure that’s true either. “Aston,” he pushes his face closer to hers forcing her eyes back to his, “We can be better.”

“You say that now. We haven’t started. We start tomorrow in qualifying.” She doesn’t believe him. “And I think it’s you and me. For the championship. McLaren is not hooked up. Mercedes is off the pace. It’s going to be you and me, isn’t it?”

“And probably Kimi.” He refers to his new teammate. “Maybe Dan.”

“No, it’s going to be you and me. I know it. I feel it. And it won’t matter that we’re not teammates.”

“Maybe,” he agrees reluctantly. And for one moment he doesn’t want tomorrow to come, he doesn’t want to start the season. She’s still playing with his shirt and he sucks in his breath when her hand brushes against his bare stomach and he quickly reaches down to remove it. “Don’t.”

“Sorry,” she pushes herself away from the wall. “See you on track tomorrow.” She walks backwards and he’s forced to let her hand go. “I’ll be on pole.”

His lips smirk up. “You’ll try Aston.”

“It’s you and me this year Seb,” she says again. “And it’s _mine_.”

He watches as she turns and walks away. At least she seemed a little less lost, a little less pained. He sighs thinking back to what she said – that nothing was going to change between them. Was it really wishful thinking on his behalf? He snatches up his bag, determined to do it differently this year. Not that it mattered, not that he wanted them to be more, but still… he could try.

*      *        *

Laura sits in the car after shutting down the engine. She lets go of her steering wheel, watching her hands tremble. She clenches her hands and slowly lifts herself out of the car, blinking as she finally hears the roar of the crowds. Pole. She had pole. She knew it, she knew it before looking the times on her dash, she knew it before Rocky told her over the radio. She knew because she had nothing else to give that lap.

It was flawless. Perfect. Because she knew a faction faster and the car would have been in the gravel or in a wall. She had pole and a fucking lap record. She undoes her helmet slowly watching the grandstands opposite as they bounce with an energy she didn’t feel. She raises her hand, and the volume increases before she turns her back on them to get weighed.

The post qualifying questions are a blur, she smiles answers them all but her head was fixed on one thing – and the moment she’s free she heads straight back to the garage. She grabs at Rocky’s arm, fingers digging in tightly. “Pole. Lap record,” she snaps at him. “And tomorrow when I give you and this team a fucking win, maybe you’ll think twice about calling my driving sloppy.” She throws his arm away, storming towards her brother and Ben.

“What the hell Laura?” Miles asks as Rocky charges after her but she doesn’t stop and she knows Rocky won’t yell at her in the paddock. He could yell at her later. She dances around Ben who blocks her before she’s free charging towards the press pen. She was sick of doubters, she was sick of being questioned – she was going to show them all.

And right in this moment she was showing them. The team. The press. The spectators. She got pole and she broke a fucking track record. She hoped they all choked to death on their doubts. And answering questions, most of the world media amazed she digs her fingers into overalls and into the mark on her side.

*      *        *

Sebastian is more than just a little annoyed after qualifying on Saturday. It wasn’t that he was P2 it was more the fact that Aston had gotten pole by over four-tenths and had completely left the field behind. He also heard she had set a new lap record. He was remembering his promise to himself to do this differently this year with her. So he was not going to glare at her during the press conference, he was going to glare at the desk in front of him until he had to speak.

He didn’t understand. She wasn’t that fast, not when they were teammates and not even this weekend. The lap was phenomenal. And there was no way it was simply the car, because Dan was fourth. It’s hard to reconcile when he’d beaten her what he felt was consistently last year - he ignores the voice in his head that reminded him that he beat her with an injured knee after missing multiple races. Confused, annoyed and if he was honest a little worried, he texts Rocky when he wraps up with the press.

He only catches up with Rocky well after post quali debriefs. But he doesn’t care that he has to wait. The moment he spies his old engineer he stares at him hard and not caring that his face was set in a deep scowl. “Why is she so fast?”

Rocky glares at him. “I knew this was going to be about Aston.”

“That car is not six-tenths faster than the field,” Sebastian states pointing his finger definitively while ignoring his comment and insinuation.

“No it’s not,” Rocky agrees. “That was pure speed. Phenomenal speed. All her Sebastian.”

Sebastian struggles to grasp at that concept. Aston was not that fast, and he was sure as hell faster than her. And at the moment it had appeared up to qualifying that the Ferrari was the faster car, even if Aston was at the top of the times on Friday, it was close and he and Kimi had run high fuel loads.

Rocky knows how his ex-driver felt. He knew Sebastian very well. “She drives like that tomorrow Sebastian, she will win the race, it doesn’t matter what you do. And it may hurt, but that’s the truth.”

Sebastian scowls at him. “She should have won here last year but she fucked up. I’ll beat her,” he promises.

“Good luck with that,” Rocky states. “The safe money though will be on Aston. She’s not on the limit Seb, she’s driving past it.”

Sebastian sucks in his breath. Suddenly he wished he was still at Red Bull. He could take all her data, study it to find out where she brakes, where exactly she gained her speed so he could replicate it. Rocky asks him if he wants to get a drink but Sebastian declines, instead he intended to study his times. Laura Aston was good, yes, but she was not better than him.

*      *        *

“Laura?” Lillian knocked on the door as she opens her hotel room. Her sister doesn’t tell her to piss off, despite the fact that she doesn’t acknowledge her either. So she lets herself in and closes the door quietly behind her before making her way to the bed to join her. “You okay?”

“Chipper,” she answers flatly. “I’m on pole. I’m going to win.”

Lillian lies down next to her, moving to cuddle her. “You were brilliant.”

“Yeah,” she answers showing no emotion.

“Lau…” Lillian pushes her face into her. “I’m sorry about Jense.”

Laura’s hand falls to the back of her head, fingers tightening in her hair. “It’s okay, I’ll be okay.”

“Don’t let him break you,” Lillian tells her quietly.

Laura’s head rolls to look at her, eyes locking with her. “He can’t break me. No one can break me.”

“You want me to find you a rebound guy?” Lillian tries to lighten the mood and Laura snorts. “What do you want?”

“Someone that isn’t a friend.”

“Okay…”

“And I like fast cars.”

“You want a driver?” Lillian raises her eyebrows.

“Doesn’t have to be F1 but I want to be faster.”

Lillian snorts and holds her tighter. “I’ll find you someone that you hate that drives fast cars.” They fall silent for a long while. “You doing okay this weekend, you know with everything?.”

“Yeah, my head is full of a lot of other shit right now. Not the past,” she says quietly.

“You want me to stay?”

“Yeah.” And Laura rolls over and cuddles her. “Yeah,” she whispers clinging to her tightly.

*      *        *

It all feels a little too easy. She gets the perfect start and then the rest is textbook. Built the gap. Maintain the gap. The team executes perfect pitstops. And just as she expected, as envisioned it’s hers; the win. And it feels good, better than pole. It was vindication and it’s so sweet.

She punches the air as she stands on the front tyre, and today she enjoys the crowd’s cheers, she lets them fill her up and wash over her. She jumps down to see Sebastian standing at the back of her car, eyes fixed on its rear, face set in a deep frown. He’d finished second, she hoped he’d enjoyed staring at her rear for the whole of the race.

“Enjoy it,” she tells him slapping him on the back. “It’s the only part of the car you’ll see all season.”

“Funny Aston,” Sebastian scowls at her but he offers her his hand.

She raises her eyebrows in surprise as she grasps his hand and shakes it. “Are you really happy for me?”

“No,” he responds dropping her hand. “Let’s not push it that far. But I’m working on being nicer. Baby steps.”

Grinning she nods, “We’ll do baby steps.”

On the podium, standing on the top step she thinks this weekend was worth it. The pain was worth it. She just needed to ensure she ended up here every race weekend. Winning was the cure to all her problems, it filled her up, crushed the void in her chest.

Jenson. Jenson who?

*      *        *

Laura leans against the bar, eyes watching the others crammed together waiting for her to return with fresh drinks. Miles squished next to Molly, holding her hand as he chatted with Ben. Lillian was off to the side slightly, sharing a drink with Kimi Raikkonen who had joined her and Molly. She hopes he was here simply for the booze and not her damn sister.

The team was here, Rocky was around, they’d agreed to disagree on the weekend and look at the next race. She’s pretty sure he hadn’t forgiven her attitude but they’ll work on things moving forward. She certainly wasn’t going to be happy smiley Dan or super friendly Seb with the team. That wasn’t her. And thinking of Sebastian has her stop – she didn’t miss him but usually he’d be here with her post race.

“Aston?” Sebastian asks surprise in his voice when he answers the phone.

She’d slipped outside to call him, enjoying the fresh air. “My favourite ex-teammate,” she says at the sound of his voice.

“I’m only the favourite because of the ‘ex’ part,” Sebastian responds which has Laura grin.

“You didn’t want come out and celebrate my win? Your teammate made it here.”

“I will politely decline your invitation to have you rub your win my face,” Sebastian answers sweetly.

“I would have done it gently,” she coaxes.

“It’s one race Aston. The next one is mine.”

“I was never a good sharer,” she warns him. “And if you’re going to be so polite and gracious when I win, that’s great because I won’t be.”

“I would never expect any less of you Aston.”

“So…” There’s silence. “See you in Malaysia?” she asks.

“Of course, I have to be there if I want to beat you.”

“You’ll try,” she reminds him. “I’m winning them all this season.”

Sebastian snorts. “Good luck with that Aston.”

“Thanks but I don’t need it.”

“Night Aston.”

“Night Seb,” she says before the call ends. She leans against the wall and takes a deep breath. Look at them, not being enemies. And people thought hell would freeze over first. Proud of herself for holding a civil conversation she turns and heads back inside to join the others.

*      *        *

 

 


	4. Poker Faces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to @formulaoneisfast for betaing.
> 
> And shoutout to Ann - Happy Birthday! I hope you enjoy this week's chapter and you had a lovely day :)

 

Laura crosses her arms and tries her hardest to not sulk. She hasn’t felt this kind of hurt since she was in high school and she wasn’t good enough to be considered to join the ‘popular’ kids. Being an adult is meant to mean she doesn’t have to feel like that now.

“Stop pouting Aston,” Sebastian nudges her stopping on his way out of the drivers briefing in Malaysia. “I didn’t get an invite.”

“No one would invite you anyway,” she snaps jerking away from him.

“You really thought Jenson would invite you?” Sebastian shifts to stand next to her letting past the Williams drivers.

Yes, she did. She didn’t think they were being petty about their breakup. Clearly, they were.

“Do you even know how to play poker?” Sebastian asks bringing his drink bottle up to lips and sucking on the straw. He seemed to be taking too much delight in her rejection.

“No, but that’s not the point.” The fact that Jenson excluded her _and_ Sebastian was also a little uncomfortable. She hardly needed rumours started about her and Seb when they were so far off the mark. She heads out of the room, Sebastian instep beside.

“Why is Jenson so pissed at me? You think he’d actually want to be best mates and join my I-hate-Aston-club that I’m president of.”

That has her snort before she grins at him, only for Sebastian to come to a sudden halt, realisation hitting him, and his smile gone. “Oh my god, you told him.” He looked pissed, “You told him about Spain,” he hisses his accusation.

She grabs his wrist to keep him from walking. “We don’t talk about that,” she reminds him trying to dodge the subject. And she doubts this was about Spain, this was probably about her telling Jenson she would have liked to fuck Sebastian in Abu Dhabi.

“We are going to talk about if you are off sharing that information with other people,” he raises his voice as loud as he dares. “We agreed that it didn’t happen and if it didn’t happen then we don’t tell anyone!”

“Jenson and I were friends – “

“Fuck, stop saying that, everyone knows you were together!”

“And we didn’t keep secrets,” she snaps at him.

“Well that’s just fucking great Aston. How long till he goes and starts spreading that through the paddock. Or should I just have Lillian go and do a fucking press release?” he fumes.

She winces. “You’re overreacting, he’s not going to say anything.” But Sebastian was already stomping away from her. Sebastian was clearly overreacting, she trusted Jenson, he wouldn’t say anything. Right? Fuck.

 

*      *        *

Jenson walks quicker when he sees Laura standing outside of the McLaren motorhome – maybe he could walk past her and it’s just a coincidence she was standing there.

“Are we really going to be petty with each other?” she asks annoyed.

No luck. “I don’t have time right now Laura. I have an Interview with Sky – “

“You set up a poker club and invited everyone but me? That’s fucking petty.”

He can see she’s hurt. “You’re taking this very personally. You don’t even know how to play poker. I didn’t think you’d care,” he tells her flatly.

“I care when I’m the only that didn’t get asked! I would have said no.”

Jenson throws his hands in the air whirling around on her. “Then who cares if I didn’t ask you! I didn’t ask Sebastian either.”

“And why didn’t you ask Sebastian?”

He stares at her hard. “Because he doesn’t really do anything with the drivers unless it’s with Kimi. But mostly, it’s because I don’t like him.” He was going to be petty on that point and he didn’t care.

“So you’re not just being a jealous ass?”

Jenson raises his eyebrows. “Of you and Sebastian?” He grabs her shoulders. “You want to go there with him Laura. Good luck. I’m going to stand on the sidelines and eat fucking popcorn while you two implode.”

She angrily bats his hands away. “Why are you being like this?”

He can’t believe she’s asking that. “Maybe,” he says lowering his voice, “It’s because I lost someone that I love and right now I’m trying to get through and survive. So is there is anything else you wanted?”

She blinks and she reels back at his response, looking as hurt as he felt. “You’re not going to say anything, are you?”

He walks backwards and away from her. “About what Laura? How you hurt you knee?” There’s a dart of panic on her face and maybe if he didn’t still love her he’d hold that over her, along with all the other things he knew about her and had learnt over the last few years. “Maybe you don’t know me at all if you have to ask that.” He spins on his heel and walks off then.

*      *        *

Lillian was struggling with the heat. The humidity might literally be killing her and she’s being forced to stand in it and trail Sebastian around the press pen. Molly wasn’t coping well with the heat either, so she got to stay in the cool Ferrari motorhome and she was forced to sub in simply because she hadn’t accidently gone and gotten herself knocked up. The thought isn’t meant to be a dig, it’s simply a fact.

She guides Sebastian to the next journalist, listening to practically the same spiel he had said three times already. But unlike when she did this with Laura, Sebastian makes it sound like it’s the first time he has said it, rather than letting his creeping boredom show.

Her head was feeling lighter and she stares at Sebastian’s water bottle she was holding. She doesn’t give a second thought to help herself as she sucks at his straw hoping keeping hydrated meant the world didn’t spin any faster. Except it’s not water.

Sebastian looks at her with half an amused glance as she interrupts his interview with coughing. “That’s disgusting,” she tells him bluntly and his smile only widens before he plucks it from her grasp and returns to his interview. She stares at her watch, blinking as her vision begins to blur. That’s probably not a good thing.

Her fingers grab at Sebastian’s elbow to say something but she’s already hitting the deck, blackness washing in as fast as Sebastian reacts to catch her.

*      *        *

Laura walks into the medical centre at the track the moment her press work was done. Since she was told Lillian wasn’t dying she wasn’t allowed to leave any earlier. She finds Lillian sitting up on a bed drinking water and looking well… like Lillian.

“Lil,” she smiles at her sister relieved and she moves past Sebastian without any acknowledgement as she hugs her sister tightly. “You okay?”

“Of course,” Lillian assures. “Heat exhaustion.”

“They don’t give you water at Ferrari?” Now she casts an accusatory glare at Sebastian while Lillian rolled her eyes. “Was it Sebastian’s fault?” she asks her. “Say the word and I’ll _happily_ take care of that.”

“Yes, you’d love to have a reason to murder him,” Lillian snorts.

Laura can feel Sebastian approach them before she feels the press of heat of his body against her back. A hand rests on her lower back as he leans around her to squeeze Lillian’s hand with the other.

“I have to head back. Before the murdering I have that Dutch TV interview.”

Laura is only half listening because Sebastian’s fingers were swirling across her back absently and in a light patter, burning their path into her skin, even through her team shirt. They’re not meant to be falling back into old habits. She reaches behind her to rip his arm away, only to have his arm slide through her grip till he was holding her fingers lacing them loosely together.

“And make sure Kimi – “

“I’m sure Molly is already all over that,” Sebastian cuts her off and Laura stifles a noise because Sebastian’s thumb was now rubbing her pulse point in her wrist. There was something very wrong with her as her knees weaken. It was one damn finger.

“Hey,” Miles voice appears from behind her.

Both her and Sebastian snatch their hands back, hers whacking almost too loudly into her leg as both whirl around. If her brother saw, he says nothing, instead moving to hug their sister as Sebastian hurriedly makes his own exit, leaving the three of them. Laura stares after his retreating back while chewing her lip.

“Lau?” Lillian tears her back to the now. “You okay?”

“Yeah… fine,” she shakes her head to clear it of Sebastian as she rubs her wrist furiously. She will be fine damn it.

*      *        *

“I can’t believe you are doing this,” Sebastian mutters as he stands next to Laura outside of Kimi’s suite as he shuffles some cards quickly. “Is this to prove a point to Jenson?” She’d been pretty determined to have her own poker group, demanding her siblings join it, demanding he cares that he and Kimi were left out. He’s not sure why he was agreeing to this, he didn’t care that Jenson left him out. He should be in his own room resting for qualifying.

“No,” she huffs.

He didn’t believe her. “So, how much do you know?”

“I want all red cards?”

He stares at her not sure if she was serious.

“What?” she snaps.

“How much money did you bring with you?” he asks her deciding her impromptu lesson was maybe pointless at this point. He snatches the wad of cash from her pocket she produces. “Right, that’s too much for you.” He counts it and pockets more than half of it.

“Sebastian!”

“Kimi’s playing. You’ll be broke. I’m helping you. Maybe you should work on bluffing your way through this? Lie to me.”

“I love you.”

“Aston, you melt my heart.”

She places a hand in the middle of his chest. “Didn’t think you had one.”

“That’s you Aston.” He leans on the wall and tries to ignore the hand she had slid down to his waist. He should remove that.

“We should play strip poker,” she suggests and his eyes light up and she shifts closer. The space between them was getting ever smaller.

He clears his throat. “I don’t want to play strip poker with your brother.”

“But Kimi’s okay?” she teases.

“Yep,” he smirks back at her. He taps the pack of cards in the middle of her forehead. “So poker. You play Yahtzee?”

“Yeah…” she frowns.

“Just like that. Two of a kind. Three of a kind. Straight. Fold if in doubt and don’t try and outbluff Kimi.” He leans in close to add, “Get five of a kind, you win.” The punch to his stomach was worth it.

“Oi!” Lillian had thrown open the door. “Have you two finished out here? Can we start?”

 

It turns out poker wasn’t her thing and a five minute lesson from Sebastian doesn’t make her an expert. She’s getting more annoyed with each passing hand. Annoyed that Kimi was allowed to wear sunglasses, annoyed that Lillian was actually very good at this, managing to steal a few rounds that didn’t go to Kimi. The only person she could beat was her brother.

By the end of the night, the only money she has is the money in Seb’s pocket which he hands back with a smirk telling her to not quit her day job. She snatches it back. Everyone else had managed to win a hand except her. She hates them all.

“Cheer up Aston,” Seb tells her as they leave Kimi’s suite. “Think of this as a lesson in losing. Maybe it will prepare you for when I beat you on track.”

“Fuck you,” she snaps at him and he stops at his suite a few doors down and she keeps walking to the elevator.

“I can teach you,” he calls after. “I charge by the hour.”

“If I want lessons, and have to pay, I’m asking Kimi,” she calls back to him, turning around as she walks backwards. “Since you’re not even the best.”

His smile falls and she feels better when he slams his suite door a moment later.

*      *        *

Sebastian stands on the pitlane trying not to let it get to him that Aston was on pole. Again. And he was second. Again. She didn’t even top all the practice sessions this weekend. Dan was third and Kimi was in fourth. Maybe if he hadn’t spent the evening teaching and playing poker with fucking Aston…

“Hey Sebi,” Laura skips up to him. “This is two in a row… I feel a trend.”

The smile Sebastian gives her is forced. “There’s still a race…”

“That sounds so familiar… like I’ve heard it before. Was that last weekend? But what happened last race?”

Sebastian glares at her before spinning around and storming away from her. If he wasn’t near her, he couldn’t say something that would be picked up by the cameras.

 

Except the race doesn’t deliver different results. It’s the same. Aston gets a win and he’s stuck in second. He wants to yell at her, tell her to stop it. Apparently, he was too old for tantrums, well he was meant to be trying to reduce them when it came to Aston.

It’s not like last year, he doesn’t even get the chance to fight her on track. The lights go out and she’s gone, barely able to keep her in check.  If they had the same car… maybe he would actually know how good she was, could measure it better rather being stuck in a void wondering if Daniel barely able to match her pace was because of Aston or because of car setup or any of the other numerous reasons.

_Celebrate with me._

Sebastian stares at the message from Aston just as Molly appears next to him. “You should come out tonight with us. Let off some steam.”

Sebastian stares at her contemplating it. He’s not sure he wants to deal with Aston rubbing her win in his face.

“Unless of course you can’t be civil with Laura, then please, don’t come and go back to your room and sulk.”

He looks at the message and tightens his grip on his phone. “For the record Molly, I am playing very nicely.” Molly snorts as she walks off.

 

It’s almost like the group were intent on keeping the peace by ensuring there is ample space between him and Laura. Three bodies kept between them at nearly all times. Molly. Miles. Lillian. He’s surprised Kimi’s not there to add a fourth. Next time he was going to ask Kimi, he should have forced him to be here.

He watches Laura, bounce between her siblings and Molly. He gives her a tiny smile when she looks over at him. Seeing her happy almost made losing okay. Almost. Not quite. She grins and holds up two fingers at him, dancing them around in his vision. Either representing her two wins or his second place. Doesn’t matter which, he still returns it with a finger of his own before Lillian is dragging her away.

“Do you have to do that?” Molly asks him.

“Yes,” he tells her simply. “I do.”

He gets up and leaves the table needing to stretch his legs. It’s when he notices a set of eyes staring at him, burning at him. Jenson. He grins at the other driver and apparently, he wasn’t the only person to pick up on his presence. He grunts when Laura practically bowls into him, hand clenching fistfuls of his shirt.

“Want to dance?”

Sebastian grips her wrists tightly, looking passed at her Jenson. “Aston, I’m not doing this game with you.”

“Please, you don’t care that Jenson hates you,” she snaps at him.

“Sure,” he agrees dragging her hands from him. Her face of disappointment though has him sigh inwardly before he gives something, and his hands slide to cup her face. “I’m not your rebound fling Aston,” he tells her seriously.

She grins at him before pressing flush to his body, happy to take whatever he offered. Jenson was heading towards them and he sucks in his breath, arms wrapping tightly around Laura. Because it looks like Jenson wants to murder them and because yes, he kind of does want to rub it in Jenson’s face. Jenson shoves passed him, bumping his shoulder almost knocking him off balance.

“What did you tell him exactly?”

Laura had pulled back and was watching Jenson leave. “Nothing,” she answers quietly and all that happiness from earlier seems to be draining away.

“Come on,” he pushes her backwards. “Fuck Jenson.”

She snorts. “You’ll dance with me now?”

“Yes, I’ll dance with you now Aston.”

“I can’t believe you will only dance with me if I’m having my heart crushed.”

“I thought we agreed you had no heart?” Sebastian smirks at her. And as he spins her around, smiling as she laughs, they’re both unaware of the folded arms of Lillian to the side watching them with narrowed eyes.

*      *        *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to our weekly chapters again and sorry if this was a little shorter than usual - other chapters are longer than usual so it all balances out in the end!


	5. Dinner Dates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a touch early but not sure I'll get time to post tomorrow. I'm sure no one's going to complain about this week's chapter being posted early.
> 
> Betaed as usual by @formula1isfast
> 
> Comments, questions, suggestions are all welcome! Here or on Tumblr @itszephoria

 

The Chinese GP was here and Sebastian had plans, to focus on this race, win this race, put himself above Aston and finally knock her down a few pegs before her head got too big for the damn paddock. But he's distracted on Thursday, and even though he hadn’t been invited to join Molly and the Aston sisters for lunch, the moment he saw the pictures in Laura’s hand he had swiped them from her and sat down. Kimi wouldn’t even care if he showed up or not for their semi agreed on lunch appointment.

“Sebastian!” Laura snaps as he takes the ultrasound pictures.

“Is it a boy or a girl?” he asks Molly deliberately ignoring Laura who thumps him in the ribs when he refuses to give them back to her, turning away from her hands trying to snatch them back..

“I’ve decided I don’t want to know,” Molly answers smiling.

“No one knows why,” Lillian huffs. “We all want to know.”

“It’s a girl,” Laura declares. “And I am petitioning for her to be named after her favourite racer.”

“Sebastian doesn’t work well for a girl,” Sebastian states and Laura glares at him. “Anyway I think it’s a boy.” He twists the black and white photos trying to decipher something of significance.

“As a _blood_ relative, I get automatic favourite status.”

“Sure Aston.” He pats her hand on the table which immediately curls into a fist. “But don’t forget, Molly has known me longer.” He looks up at his long-suffering assistant who only rolls his eyes at him. “What?” he asks innocently.

“We were having a nice lunch,” Lillian tells them cutting off their bickering. “Please don’t start.”

“We are being super friendly,” Laura bites back. “And anyway,” she shrugs “It’s Sebastian that starts everything.”

Sebastian slides the photos back to Molly and he raises his eyebrows at Laura. ‘Excuse me?” He waves a finger between them, “Are you saying you don’t contribute to this?”

She smiles at him sweetly. “No, I’m saying you cause this.”

“That’s fucking bullshit and you know it.”

“Well we’re only fighting now because you sat down here. If you hadn’t sat down – “

“You know what,” Molly is on her feet. “You stay, we’ll go.” Lillian and Molly are on their feet, Molly rolling her eyes as she walks away, and Lillian raising her eyebrows before she follows.

“See what you did?” Laura whirls on Sebastian after the two of them out of earshot, but she notes his eyes are looking passed her and before she can say anything, he grabs her tightly, hugging her to him and rocking her in an awkward manner. “What are you doing?” she asks as he tries to crush her.

Spinning in her seat she sees Rocky watching them with a curious smirk. “Goddamn it Sebastian!” She holds up the finger to Rocky who was cackling madly as he walked away. Groaning she drops her head to the table. “I’m never going to hear the end of this. You know he ships us, right?”

Sebastian grinning. “What does that mean?”

“Don’t fucking ask.”

Sebastian stands up. “Right I have a lunch date.”

Laura doesn’t raise her head as she waves him off. “Enjoy and say hi to Kimi.”

“I will, he doesn’t backchat to me.” Sebastian bends down near her ear, “And I don’t have the constant urge to strangle him.”

She shivers as his lips brush her ear and she turns to watch him stand up.

“Later Aston.”

She watches him walk off and she smiles after him. Before she catches herself and hurriedly gets to her feet. Right, she had things to do and staring after the Ferrari driver wasn’t one of them.

*      *        *

Miles watches as Laura gets out of the car after practice one. Her face held an unhappy expression. She hadn’t topped the times. That accolade went to her teammate and Laura was currently glaring at him across the garage. God, no one needed to have Dan become Sebastian 2.0.

“You know it’s just practice,” he tells her when she’s out of the car.

“I’m not upset,” she snaps dumping her helmet down loudly.

“It’s not the race. You don’t have to win every session – “

“Yes I do,” she cuts him off. “They’re all important. And I want them all.” She was back to glaring at Dan who waved at her from across the garage apparently unaware he was being hated on right now, or maybe he simply didn’t’ care. Laura doesn’t wave back.

“Please Laura,” Miles begs his sister, “Do not do this again.”

“I’m not pissed at Daniel,” she tells him grabbing her drink bottle. “I’m pissed at me. I ran wide, it should have been mine. It’s fine, I won’t make that mistake again.”

Miles watches her stalk out to do press duties and he sighs and follows her.

At least she keeps her promise. She tops practice 2, 3 and finally takes pole. There’s no doubt something had changed this year, she’d more than stepped up in outright speed. And there were doubters that were sure she needed Vettel to be pushed. It seems like she was doing a good job pushing herself.

 

*      *        *

So she shouldn’t push it. Lillian knows that, but still. God they could be so infuriating but watching them…! So maybe Laura and Sebastian weren’t as bad as last year and maybe they really are trying to be nicer to one another But it’s still there, this weird tension between them she can’t put her finger on, even if it’s not the same but more of an echo of last year.

She’s more certain than ever that they don’t hate each other and it’s why she’ll poke at them. A little - see where things really stand. Plus Laura owes her a damn lot for her past meddling in her relationships and really this isn’t meddling if Laura doesn’t comment. But getting a reaction… Lillian smiles as she waits, that would be a cherry on a top because it would mean _something_. No matter what Laura said.

“Hey,” she smiles at Sebastian who appeared from his post qualifying briefings. “You finishing up?”

“Yeah, I thought you would have headed off with Molly,” he answers looking somewhat confused but grateful that she had his belongings so he didn’t have to wait around longer than he had to. He makes no comment on his earlier unhappiness at Laura taking her third consecutive pole.

“Well I wanted to see if you felt up to get dinner or drinks together?” She touches his arm lightly, making sure the invitation was clear.

The drink bottle Sebastian had grabbed and taken a large mouthful from is almost coughed out on her and his face holds a look of surprise. “Dinner?” he finally repeats, half spluttering as he recovers.

“You don’t have to look so shocked.” She was hurt at his reaction, she was not unattractive and unappealing – his teammate’s glances and smiles assured her of that.

“No!” Now Sebastian looked panicked, “I didn’t mean it like that. I just… Is it a date?” he drops his voice.

“Well not now,” she mutters. She hadn’t felt rejection in a long time. It stung even if she wasn’t interested in Sebastian.

“Come on,” he says gently guiding her to the door, “Let’s not talk about this here.”

“So are you saying no because there’s someone else?” Lillian asks when they’re outside.

“There’s no one,” Sebastian says flatly.

Lillian smirks. “Kimi said there were a lot of someone’s over the summer break.” Sebastian sucks in his breath but doesn’t deny it. “So you’ll date them but won’t have one dinner with me?” She pouts at him.

“We can have dinner,” Sebastian tells her. “It isn’t a date. I don’t date.”

“Fine,” she shrugs. She didn’t want a date with Sebastian anyway, this was all she needed. “I’ll try not to be offended.” She gives him a reassuring smile and his panic must have passed because he rolls his eyes at her.

 

Sebastian sits at the table in the hotel restaurant, forcing a smile as Lillian sips at her wine. They had run out of things to say in less than ten minutes. Now it was awkward. They covered off his pole and work. Tick. He’d tried to boast about his superiority to Aston and that lasted thirty seconds before Lillian had glared at him and he had shut his mouth. So apart from work and Aston they had nothing in common. He can only wish he was able to drink right now.

“So,” Lillian looks up from straightening cutlery. “Why don’t you date?”

“Work first,” he answers simply.

She presses her lips together staring at him harder, like she was tyring to get in his head. She lets out a puff of air a moment later giving up. “Who was your last girlfriend?”

He was changing the subject. “You and Kimi?”

Lillian looks at him annoyed. “Nothing is going on.”

“Fine, but just so you know, Kimi does the dating thing even less than I do.” He sips at his water as Lillian sucks in her breath. They’re another long beat of silence. He wishes he’d made Molly join them even if she dragged along Miles. At this point he’d even take Aston because they hadn’t even ordered yet and it felt like the evening had taken an eternity. But then, _finally,_ someone takes their order.

And after Lillian has ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, she crosses her arms and stares at him hard. “Okay, let’s do this. You and Aston. Go.”

He looks up from watching the dust float in his glass of water. “What?” There’s this tiny dart of panic in him and he shoots a look at his glass because he was having far more fun watching his still water than having Laura’s sister drill him about their non-relationship.

“You and Laura,” she shrugs. “And the _thing_ between you.”

Sebastian blinks at her and he squirms in his seat because this felt like an interrogation all of a sudden.

“One minute she’s all happy with Jenson –“

He can’t hold back his snort at that comment and it has Lillian falter and he has to school his face back into one of indifference as her eyes narrow and she continues.

“And then bam that’s over and you two are pretending to be friendly,” she finishes.

“We can be friendly,” he states. He thinks they were doing great. A thousand times better than last year. In fact they deserve a damn award for their civil attitude to one another.

Lillian leans across the table and he leans away as she asks him quietly, “Why did her and Jenson end things?”

His eyes widen. Did she think he had something to do with that? He had _nothing_ to do with that. “I didn’t even know they were together. Aston said her and Jenson were only friends.” He smirks at her, feeling proud of his answer as Lillian’s smile fades. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about Aston.”

“Fine,” she shrugs and she looks annoyed and he goes back to peering at his water as she checks her watch. They’d be able leave soon – if this didn’t turn out to be hell.

 

*        *        *

“Where were you last night?” It’s the first thing Laura asks her sister when she catches her in the paddock on Sunday as she walks to Ferrari. “We had plans and you blew Miles and I off…”

“Sorry,” Lillian shrugs not look it at all. “I had last minute plans.”

Laura’s eyes narrow. “Really… a date?” There’s another shrug and Lillian remains completely silent. “Fine, I don’t want to know.”

“Of course not,” Lillian laughs and walks away, heading to the doors of the Ferrari motorhome. “Plus, I’d rather not have you kill me when you find out.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Laura asks only to be bumped from behind as Sebastian moves passed her.

“Aston,” Sebastian says stopping in front of her, “This is Ferrari property,” he waves his hands in front of her, drawing an imaginary line. “Now go play somewhere else.”

“Child,” she mutters turning away from him, but not before she hears Lillian’s comment.

“Thanks for dinner last night Seb.”

She freezes.

No. Fucking. Way.

 

*      *        *

It was a shit race. Gone was her winning streak and fuck does it hurt. She’s on the sidelines because she fucked up; sent the car into the gravel like she was damn rookie. And if Rocky mentioned one word to her about pushing too hard she was going to kill him.

Having gotten changed from the race the moment she was finished with her obligations, she tries her hardest to not be pissed that Sebastian had won. It still hurt when he won. Fucking hell. And there was no one to blame but herself and it only made her angrier.

She needed to take her anger out on someone and choosing her target she waits for a response. When she gets what she wants, an invite to the Ferrari motorhome she tells Miles she’ll find her own way back to the hotel.

The team was focused on wrapping up on the weekend, Lillian though was done with her duties and seemed to be relaxing, spinning her phone around while she waited on the table in front of her. She brightens at Laura’s presence as she drops into a seat in front of her.

“You went on a date with Sebastian fucking Vettel?” she whispers furiously.

“I told you, you didn’t want to know,” Lillian replies casually sitting back and wearing a tiny knowing smile.

“Do you hate me that much?” Laura fumes. Because how could Lillian do that to her? After everything she knows they went through.

“No. I like him, and maybe he likes me.”

There’s an odd feeling in the pit of Laura’s stomach. It burned. “You’re doing this to simply shit me off.”

“Me? Never,” Lillian responds joyfully. “What’s wrong Lau? Are you jealous?”

Laura sucks in her breath and her eyes darken. “I am not jealous,” she hisses.

“With all this bickering between you and Sebastian… all the tension…”

Laura grips the edge of the table. “You are deliberately trying to make me jealous!” she accuses.

“But you’re not, right?” Lillian asks. “Because I’m going to ask Sebastian out again…”

If they weren’t in a public setting, Laura things she might have strangled her sister and she wants to shout at her, scream but she can’t say anything besides, “I’m not jealous, but you are meant to be staying away from drivers.”

“But if it’s true love…” Lillian was enjoying this far too much as she leans across the table. “Do _you_ have a _thing_ for a certain driver in red Laura Aston?”

“No,” she answers hotly. “I do _not_.”

“I don’t believe you,” Lillian says simply sitting back again. “With all the tension between you both, I don’t know how the two of you have not ended up fucking already.”

Laura’s eyes widen slightly. “That’s absurd,” she snaps and her cheeks heat up.

Lillian blinks a few times. “Oh my god, you totally have.”

Laura jumps to her feet. “I’m going.”

Lillian is scrambling after her grabbing at her arm. “You slept him. When? How do I not know this?”

“Lillian,” Laura says her voice low and threatening, “Let. Me. Go.”

“Hell no, we are going to talk about this,” Lillian states.

“I don’t have to talk to you about anything and there is nothing to talk about!”

“Is this why Jenson ended things?” Lillian seems far too excited at that prospect. “Oh my god, Laura!”

“No! Oh my god no!” she shouts at her sister because she was not letting that thought be construed as truth in any form.

“Come on Aston.” Sebastian had stepped in front of her after having appeared with Miles. “Let’s go.”

“I’m not finished,” Laura snaps at him trying to remove his hands as he forces her backwards towards the exit.

“You’re finished,” Sebastian states firmly as Miles marches Lillian in the opposite direction. “I think some conversations should be had in private and not public spaces,” he snaps at her.

She turns on him as they walk angrily out of the paddock together. “I can’t believe you had dinner with my sister.”

“I need to eat,” Sebastian answers coolly as they scan their passes to exit. He turns to smirk at her, “Were you arguing over me?”

She shoves him hard. “Don’t date my fucking sister.”

“Your brother?”

She shoves him hard again. Why couldn’t he leave her alone and stay away from her whole family. “Lillian thinks we slept together,” she snaps at him.

“We did.” The statement sent a flush of heat through her as she remembers last year before she banishes the thought as fast as it appeared.

She glares at him. “She thinks I’m jealous.”

He shrugs. “It sounds like you are.”

“I’m not,” she answers hotly. That horrible feeling in her stomach twists. “Do you like her?” she asks quietly.

Sebastian raises an eyebrow at her as they reach his car. “Laura, I have no interest in your sister. We had dinner, and I made it clear it was simply dinner and not a date.”

Well that made her feel a little better.

“Hey,” he says he stepping front of her, “Be pissed about the race, yell at Lillian or Miles or anyone you like about that, even me. But don’t fucking talk about our relationship in public in anyway. Or shout it. Or infer anything that neither one of us wants in the fucking press. Okay?” His voice was quiet but held an edge.

She swallows. “Okay.” He unlocks the car for her. “Can I drive?”

“No. Absolutely not.”

Sighing she gets in the passenger door, slamming it closed. When Sebastian has started the engine he turns to her, “Let’s talk about how jealous you are now.”

“I am not jealous but making your way through sisters by bedding them is not great for anyone’s reputation,” she snaps.

“So you’re simply protecting my reputation?” he asks glancing at her as they pull away.

“Of course, it’s my number one priority,” she responds sarcastically and e snorts at her before they both fall silent.

She leans her head on the window and watches the scenery around them as he drives her back to the hotel. Enjoying the silence. When they get closes she turns to him and hesitantly asks, “You want to get dinner together?”

He looks at her and shakes his head. “Aston, never happening. You turned me down remember?”

There’s regret as she remembers Abu Dhabi. “No reconsidering?”

He glances over at her, eyes hard, determined. “No.”

She looks away. “Whatever. I don’t care. I don’t want to date you or have dinner with you anyway.”

 

*      *        *


	6. We'll take our fight outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, the ever so lovely @formulaoneisfast betaed and provided her usual encouragement.
> 
> I hope you enjoy all the latest instalment.

If you want to know how the race went in Bahrain, and if it was a good race or a bad race it depends on who you ask. Sebastian was sure if you asked Laura she would declare it her best race to date because she won after their first heated on track battle this season. And maybe he should be happy that they finally fought on track, but he lost, so no he wasn’t happy.

And clearly, he had been going on to Kimi far too much about how he was sick of Laura Aston and her fucking winning. The only win he got was China, and that was only because she fucked up and he simply inherited it. If it wasn’t for that, she’d have all the wins to date. So it’s after the press conference that Kimi finds him with a smile and interrupting his stomping around as he gets out of his race gear.

“So I was thinking…”

Sebastian looks up at his teammate, glaring at him because right now he was ready to take his anger out on anyone, and Kimi was not an exception.

“You want to challenge Aston?” Kimi pauses, eyes far too bright.  

He’s immediately suspicious but he straightens up after balling his overalls up and throwing in the corner. “What?”

“On equal terms,” Kimi continues. “See whose really best. I’m suggesting a friendly little bit of competition.”

Okay he was listening.

 

Lillian was looking between Sebastian and Laura with wide eyes as they faced each other with resolute expressions. “No Laura. No! I forbid you.” Sebastian and Kimi had cornered them with the most preposterous idea ever, but her bloody sister was actually considering it – of course she was, Sebastian setup a challenge she wasn’t going to say no to that.

“Do we have a deal?” Sebastian asks holding out his hand as Kimi might actually look delighted with how everything was playing out. Lillian was within an inch of smacking that look off his face.

Laura grasps Sebastian’s hand firmly. “Deal.”

Lillian drags her fingers through her hair as they confirmed their agreement. This could only end badly. There were cameras on them as the four of them stood in a corner of the paddock, probably wondering what the hell they were all doing. The answer was, nothing that wasn’t going to end in disaster.

Laura who was still holding Sebastian’s hands continues. “This is between us. No Miles.” She glares at Lillian before she turns back to Sebastian. “And that means no Molly.”

“Fine,” Sebastian agrees. “Just us. One week from today I’ll see you in Finland.” Sebastian releases her hand and then spins on his heel and heads back to Ferrari.

Furious Lillian turns on Laura as Kimi saunters away. “You and I are going to have a serious word,” she seethes as she walks backwards after Sebastian. Laura though seems to have no regard to her anger as she defiantly drank at her water bottle.

*      *        *

Laura hadn’t expected it to still be so cold in Finland and she reaches up to yank her beanie lower and over her ears as she stood between Lillian and Sebastian. Kimi was opposite holding a set of keys to a fully kitted rally car.

“Rules?” Lillian asks when both and Sebastian reached for the keys only for them to be snapped back up in Kimi’s hand at Lillian’s comment.

“Aston and I will do fine without rules,” Sebastian shrugs.

“I’m happy with no rules.” If Sebastian thought he could play dirty, so could she and he smirks at her.

Lillian was staring at them both. “How about not crashing?”

“You crash, you pay for the damage,” Kimi tells them flatly.

“Seems fair,” Sebastian agrees before telling Laura pointedly, “Don’t crash Aston.”

Sucking in her breath she snaps at Kimi. “Give me the goddamn keys, I’m running first.” Kimi happily hands them over and stalks to the driver’s door while Sebastian moved to the passenger side.

“Hey, I’ll ride with Laura.” Lillian tries to cut in from of him, not at all liking the fact they were going to go together.

“Seb doesn’t trust me,” Laura smirks at him over the roof the car.

“Not one bit,” Sebastian agrees.

Laura extends her finger to Sebastian. “Lillian, you’re timing our runs.”

“Fuck no,” Sebastian says whirling around to look at them. “Kimi’s timing. I don’t trust your sister anymore than I trust you.” Laura rolls her eyes.

“You think I care who wins?” Lillian asks and Kimi looked completely nonplussed, even though this whole thing was his idea. “You’re both fucking morons!”

“Get in the car Sebastian,” Laura orders while sliding into the driver’s seat before slamming the door closed.

“We should put our own personal stake on this,” Sebastian says after he closed the door.

Laura looks over at him as she starts the car. “I don’t need anything else other than the satisfaction of proving, again, that I’m the better driver.”

“That’s the _only_ satisfaction you need Aston?” His eyes were sparkling brightly.

“From you? Yes,” she answers sweetly.

Sebastian leans over, lips close to hear ear, breath warm on her cheek. “You are a terrible liar.”

Laura’s only response is to put the car in first, rev the engine and floor it when Kimi waves her to start. While they had each done one sight lap, she doesn’t know the road. She’s also nowhere near as proficient on dirt as she is on tarmac and she can feel the back end of the car trying to step out from her as she speeds down the quiet trail. She takes the first corner too sharply, gravel flying up when she runs too wide.

“Fuck Aston,” Sebastian curses, a hand now gripping her stocking covered leg as she changes gears furiously building up speed again. “Don’t change careers.” His hand feels like it’s burning her skin even with a layer of material between them. She ignores the hand he hasn’t removed.

Her lines are far from perfect, and she’s in the midst of wondering if she can bargain that they should get another practice lap, when Sebastian’s hand gripping her leg deliberately slides another inch higher. Her breath hitches and she fucks up her downshift when she takes the next right hand bend.

Her concentration was split. Between the road she was racing on and the hand stroking the inside of her thigh. She should be focused on the former but each circle of his fingers as they crept higher was causing everything to tighten up in that sweet way.

Fucking asshole. She narrowly avoids the embankment when she comes around the corner too fast. His hand was now most definitely under her skirt. She should have worn jeans is her thought though she parts her thighs for him as much as she can.

“Breathe Aston,” Sebastian tells her far too calmly, as if he wasn’t risking both of their lives with his idiocy. She does, dragging in a panted breath as she rolls her hips down into the seat looking for a little relief because she can feel the heat pooling between her legs, everything beginning to throb. His fingers so close as she twists wanting him to touch her.

Yeah, her lap was fucked before he even pressed two fingers right where she needed them. Her eyes fall closed and her lips part for a soft a moan.

“Aston! Road, fucking hell!” His hand is gone and her eyes fly back open in time for her to save the car from ploughing into the trees when she completely runs off the road.

“Shit.” She leans over and punches him in the leg hard. “That is your fault!”

“Fuck,” Sebastian hisses in pain as she takes the last bend to return to their start position. It’s only after she’s crossed their marked start finish line that she hits the brakes, the car skidding wildly over the dirt.

She punches Sebastian one more time, but he’s prepared catching her hand and she yanks it back to escape the car, angrily.

She slams the door closed as Kimi calls to her, “That was a shit time.”

“Laura had other pressing needs,” Sebastian explains gleefully as he meets her at the front of the car.

She shoves him hard. “Idiot. Fucking idiot.”

“Give me the keys the Aston. You can wait here for me.”

“Like hell I will,” she snaps, pegging the keys at his chest.

“You okay Laura?” Lillian asks worriedly as Sebastian scoops up the keys.

“Peachy,” is her only response as she stalks to the passenger side and slides in; Sebastian already had the engine running and he throws the car into reverse, backing up to their starting position.

“Ready?”

Laura waves for him to go when he’s signalled and they’re off. And it’s apparent that Sebastian is far more capable on dirt than she is, or maybe, he’d driven this road before. She was going with the latter as she watched his face of pure concentration as he guided the car around almost effortlessly.

“You’ve done this before.”

The smile he gave her was one of anything but denial. “Do your worst Aston.”

Her nostrils flare. Challenge accepted. She undoes her belt and slides towards him, pushing her lips to his throat. She can feel rather than hear the noise he makes before she clamps her lips to the flesh and sucks.

“No marks,” he rasps but he can’t push her off him as his hands are occupied, shifting almost as seamlessly as when they started.

Fine, she’ll stop playing. Her fingers dive to his jeans, attacking the button on his pants while Sebastian sucks in his breath before she pulls down his fly. Who likes foreplay anyway.

“Breathe, Sebastian,” she tells him in the same calm voice he had used on her as she pulls off her beanie and dropping it to the floor. And when his eyes flick to hers she smiles at him before she lowers her head to his lap and working on freeing him.

“Fuck Aston,” he curses loudly lifting his arm from the gearstick so she can drop down.

She feels the front wheel leave the road before Sebastian even shouted her name, “Laura!”

The loss of traction through the corner, sees the car immediately spin and the force from their speed sends her backwards, her head slamming into the glass of the passenger window with a sickening thud when the car makes impact with the embankment. The world swims horribly, waves of blackness threatening her vision as the noise of rocks and grass scraping the side of the car fills her ears, before the vehicle wedges itself to a stop.

Then there’s silence, both in shock before Sebastian reacts.

“Shit.” Sebastian scrambles to undo his seatbelt before reaching for her. “Hey, you okay?” His face is one of pure panic and worry.

She blinks trying to keep him focused as she reaches to touch the back of her head.

“Fuuuck,” Sebastian looks at the window behind her and the cracked glass from the head imprint she left.

She stares at her fingers that were red. “I don’t think that’s good,” she whispers.

“Lau?” Sebastian grabs her face. “Hey, look at me, Laura” he orders as he checks her eyes.

She tries before blinking. “I don’t feel so good…”

He carefully releases her before he’s hurriedly fixing up his pants and finding his phone. She leans against the seat vaguely aware he was calling for emergency services. She closes her eyes half listening as the impending need to pass out begins to fade away and not become her number one priority.

When he ends the call she opens her eyes and can see how upset he looks. “Don’t sleep,” he tells her stroking her cheek and leaning over to kiss her lips hard.

“Not sleepy,” she promises. “I feel a bit better.”

“Good,” he says but his eyes are looking at the window behind her. “Your sister is going to kill me.”

“Yes,” she agrees. “But on a positive note. I win.”

He makes a noise as he pulls her towards him. “Fine, you win,” he agrees as she pushes her face into his shoulder and his arm holds her around her back. “I’m sorry,” he tells her kissing the top of her head. “So fucking sorry Laura.”

 

*      *        *

 

Sebastian stood next to Kimi as his friend prowled around his car, lips pursed and his usual blank face now held a very distinct ‘I’m unimpressed’ expression. He figures that that was equal to fucking furious. But the car was the least of his concerns. He was worried about Laura who had left with Lillian in the ambulance to get full checks. While she had seemed okay by the time the paramedics arrived, it doesn’t shake any of his worry or more accurately, his guilt. All he sees in his head is the smashed passenger window where her head had left its mark.

“So what were you doing?” Kimi looks up from kicking the front right that was wedged awkwardly into the embankment; the front axle was broken. They weren’t driving the car out of here.

“Nothing,” Sebastian shrugs as he shoves his hands into his pockets. “Wheel lost traction, I spun.”

Kimi’s eyes narrowed. “You’ve done this road hundreds of times.”

“Yeah and I once hit a tree,” Sebastian defends in a huff. There wasn’t a point to be made and he wanted Kimi to stop staring at him like that.

“Huh. Okay.” Kimi’s face takes on a slow look of realisation. “Makes sense.”

And Sebastian’s stomach drops because Kimi was now smirking at him. “Don’t,” he pleads.

“You’re in love with her.”

Denying it felt like it would only inflame things so he chooses silence, which only seems to delight Kimi more. Kimi walks passed him, bumping him he as he does heading towards Kimi’s car.

“You’re paying for the damage,” Kimi states bluntly yanking open the driver’s door.

“Aston’s paying half,” Sebastian mutters following. There was no way this was all on his shoulders.

 

*      *        *

 

Laura was hoping the doctors would never give her the all clear. Because she knew the moment that happened… she winces as the doctor does just that and leaves her alone. With Lillian. And her sister immediately explodes.

“What the fucking hell Laura!?” Lillian screeches.

“It was a tiny accident,” Laura replies trying to shush her.

“You’re idiots. Morons. Absolute imbeciles. And don’t think I’m not going to play the ‘I was damn well right card’ from here until eternity!”

“Okay, that seems fair,” Laura sinks back into the bed. “Are you done?”

“No! What were you doing? Where was your seatbelt? Can not one of you be grown up?” Lillian was not getting closer to lowering her voice yet.

“Can we not tell Miles about this?” Laura interrupts her and doesn’t answer her questions.

“Bloody hell we are not telling him. He’s going to wonder why I even let you do this!”

“Okay good. You want to keep yelling now that we have agreed on that?”

“This isn’t funny,” Lillian hisses. “This is your career. A concussion and you don’t race in Spain. You thought about that?”

Well no. Thinking about a possible concussion while unzipping Seb’s pants wasn’t really at the top of the list. She doubts Lillian wants to hear that either so she keeps her mouth shut. Lillian can rant at her all she likes, she has a feeling Seb’s going to feel her sister’s wrath at some point – probably with never ending media commitments. She thinks she’d take that over the lecture.

Lillian does a good job. She does feel like an idiot. And she feels guilty for not thinking. But that’s what Seb did to her – drove away all her common sense. But still…. She chews her lips. She’d like him to not have crashed, she thinks they’d be in a very different place right now if he had kept the car on the fucking road.

Not only would she not be feeling so _frustrated_ , she’d be rubbing in her superiority to Sebastian.

*      *        *

 

“Hi.” Kimi only raises his eyebrows at Lillian standing at the door and she’s not sure what she was expecting as a greeting. “Can I come in?” she asks only because he doesn’t offer and he sighs but lets her passed. Lillian looks around wondering if Sebastian was still lurking about; if he was it would make for a great opportunity to slap him.

“He’s not here,” Kimi tells hers, hands shoving into his pockets.

“We should talk,” Lillian turns back to face him, face one of determination.

“About?” He was showing no interest in a conversation.

“Laura and Sebastian.”

Kimi shrugs. “She’s going to be fine. Sebastian will feel guilty as fuck for a bit and then things will –”

Lillian shakes her head. “No. I meant, I want to know what you know.”

“I don’t know anything. What do you know?” He was suddenly looking at her suspiciously.

“I know nothing,” she responds, gaze focused hard on the Finn. She has a feeling Kimi knows something and she wasn’t talking about facts. She didn’t have any facts in regards to her sister’s relationship with Sebastian, but that doesn’t mean she’s void of information. “But I know you know _something_.” Kimi may like to spend his time silent, at least from what she’d seen at the circuit, but that doesn’t mean he’s not paying attention. She’s pretty sure Kimi is paying a lot more attention than people give him credit for.

His eyes narrow. “What do you know Lillian?”

“I asked first,” she gives him a tiny smile. “Come on Kimi, I know you play the same game as me.”

He smirks at her. “Which game are we talking about now?”

She grins at him, deciding to ignore that comment. “Tell me what you know so I know how bad this is…”

Kimi cocks his head and crosses his arms. “You first.”

“I know they’ve slept together at some point.” So she’ll break first if that means she can learn something.

Kimi doesn’t show any surprise before he returns with, “Sebastian is in love with her.”

“He said that?” Her eyes widen slightly.

“No. Did Laura tell you they slept together?”

“Well, no…” Right, this wasn’t about facts. “Anything else?”

“Pretty sure he left here to go see her in the hospital. Guilty conscious,” he answers, smile back.

Lillian flinches resisting the urge to return to the hospital. “He should feel guilt,” Lillian snaps. “He could have killed her.”

“Because Laura is so innocent? Sitting there with her seatbelt on?” Kimi huffs, jumping to Sebastian’s defence. “They’re both equally stupid. And we both know what they were doing and it wasn’t about proving who was the fastest.”

Lillian sucks in her breath. She didn’t care if Laura held part blame in this morning’s accident, that doesn’t excuse Sebastian. “One of them could have been an adult. You do know that whatever the shit between them is it’s going to end badly.”

Kimi shrugs. “Of course. But I’m not going to interfere, I’m just going to watch.”

“Like their lives are entertainment?” she asks and Kimi grins at her widely.

“It’s not my life, they can do what they want.”

Lillian struggles with that logic. Stand to the side and let her sister walk down a clearly bad path – She stops. Right, Laura gave up her lectures in regards to her own relationship. Fuck, did that mean she now had to stand by and let her sister make all the same stupid mistakes she made?

“So that’s all you wanted?” Kimi interrupts.

 She looks back at him half distracted. “Hmmm? What? No,” and her smile is back in full force as she moves closer to him. “I need a place to stay. While Laura is kept overnight for observation. Can you recommend a place?”

Kimi grins. “I’m sure I can think of something.”

 

*      *        *

It’s getting late and visiting hours are well passed. So Laura is surprised to look up and see Sebastian standing in the doorway of her hospital room. He looks a touch nervous.

“Is Lillian here?”

Laura grins at him. “Nope. She said she wasn’t going to sleep in an uncomfortable chair simply because of my idiocy. I assume that means she’s no longer freaking out now that I’m given the all clear.”

“But they’re keeping you overnight?” He moves into the room and closes the door behind him.

“Observation,” she shrugs. “You know if the nurses find you, you’ll be booted.”

“I’ll take my chances,” he says dragging a chair next to her. “Wanted to make sure you’re okay.” He looks upset and guilty. “You know, Lillian’s right. You’d think one of us would be a responsible adult. I feel like that should be me.”

“I can be a responsible adult,” she returns annoyed but that only has Sebastian snort. “If you were a better driver, neither of us would need to be responsible.”

“Yes, clearly I’m a terrible driver,” Sebastian answers sarcastically, “I’m sure all the guys on the grid wouldn’t be distracted in my situation.”

“I’ll work my way through and confirm that.”

His smiles drops a little and he grabs her hand. “I am sorry Aston.”

She squeezes his hand. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Good. Don’t die on me. It’ll make my championship win a walk in the park.”

She shivers as his fingers move to drag back and forth along her forearm, tickling her lightly. It was nice. She likes it and it has her close her eyes to enjoy it.

“Tired?”

She shakes her head. “Bored. Lillian refused to provide me any entertainment as punishment before she left.”

Sebastian stands up at that to pull his phone out of his pocket. “I have a few movies on my phone. You want to watch one?”

“Are they in English?”

“Yes,” he smiles at her and gives her the phone to choose.

They end up on the bed together, Sebastian’s arm around her, watching the latest Marvel movie, despite them both having seen it. She wasn’t watching as much as she was enjoying Sebastian’s fingers playing with her hair or stroking her arm. She moves closer to him, he was so warm.

He’d kicked off his shoes when he’d joined her and she stares at their feet that were bumping together. She lifts her foot and places it on top of his, trying to squish his toes with hers, not that it was really possible when they’re both wearing socks.

“Aston…”

“Hmmm?” She instead slides her foot against his. Did this count as footsies?

“Laura,” he tries again and she turns to stare at him her breath hitching because his face was right there, eyes bluer than she could remember. He drops the phone behind her as he rolls onto his side pulling her towards him, hand sweeping down her back and settling on her ass.

“Maybe I should go…” he murmurs and in response she hooks a leg over his hip. He smiles at her. “Someone could walk in.”

“We need to finish what we started.”

“Yes,” he agrees. “But not here.”

“You started this in the car, you should finish.”

He lets out a frustrated groan, pushing his face into her neck.

“Ask me what I’m wearing under my pretty hospital gown?”

“Aston!” She gasps when he bites her neck in warning.

“We’re in Spain next,” she tells him when he lifts his head.

“Ah, our anniversary,” he grins.

“If we told Rocky he would probably buy us a gift,” she returns as Sebastian gets off the bed with a snort at her comment. 

“Definitely not,” he mutters before kissing her cheek. “Get some rest Aston. I’ll see you in Spain.”

She grabs his shirt before he can pull away. “Kiss me properly.”

“Absolutely no,” he says trying to remove her hand. “We both know where that’s going to end up.”

“I haven’t got a problem with that.”

“Clearly,” he says dryly. He kisses her cheek again. “Spain.”

“Fine,” she pouts.

“See you then Aston.”

She sighs when he walks out, sliding down the bed. She could wait to Spain. She wasn’t bloody desperate.

*      *        *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So next up we're back in Spain, a year later and we're it all began... do we think there's going to be an anniversary dinner date?


	7. Happy Anniversary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it Sunday? No.  
> Am I kind and wanting to bring joy? Yes.  
> So you all can enjoy chapter seven early.  
> And no promises for a weekend post as I'm not likely to be around much, but we'll see!
> 
> Thank you to @formulaoneisfast for her never ending support and betaing!

 

Of course they were going to be in a press conference together – this was the race where they infamously clashed - _the Spanish Grand Prix_. He was seated next to Laura, seeing her for the first time since Finland. He looks across at her and he’s given a tiny smile, a knowing smile. He returns it, his knee knocking into hers before her eyes flick back to the media in front of them; but her knee remains pressed to his just casually burning a hot circle into his bare skin.

_“Sebastian, do you expect a close fight with Laura this weekend? And do you think you’ll both crash?”_

Sebastian blinks. “I think it’s going to be a close fight between both Ferraris and Red Bulls. It’s clear both cars are evenly matched and I think we will need to wait to see how things go. And no. We won’t crash. We have proven we can do close racing fine on a number of occasions.”

Laura leans forward on her arms smirking.

“Sebastian, there were a lot of words said last year in the heat of the moment. A year on, do you regret those words? Have your opinions changed about women in motorsport?”

Laura rests her chin in her hand looking at him way too much interest, waiting for his response.

“I think a lot of things are said in the heat of the moment, and Aston and I have personally moved on from that. And as for women in motorsport… if they prove themselves, like the rest of the us, I have nothing against it.” And he does believe that, Aston had proved she belonged here, she deserved her seat as much as anyone else.

“So sweet and charming,” Laura comments and he glares at her. Did she have to antagonise the situation? Couldn’t she let them simply do this and get out?

“Do you not believe him Laura?” someone calls from the floor.

“I was being completely sincere with my comment,” she responds, sarcasm dripping from her tone. “Sebastian and I are now the bestest of mates. We’re all good.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes and shifts his knee to knock it against hers in warning. She returns the gesture, knee knocking his much harder. His winces. She does it again, and this time he curses his under breath shifting away from her and he glares at her pleased expression.

The moment the press conference was finally over, they leave together. “Anyone would think you enjoy making things as hard as possible for us.”

Laura gives him an expression of indifference shrugging. “Can’t handle it?”

“I can handle us just fine Aston,” he promises and he’s rewarded with a smile. “How’s your head?”

Her fingers shift across the same place she’d knocked it. “Fine. I’m all good to thrash you again on Sunday.”

He squeezes her hand briefly. “Good, don’t use it as an excuse on Sunday when you finish behind me.”

She’s giving him a full-on grin now. “We need to talk.”

He shakes his head and moves away from her, “No Aston. It’s not talking we need to do. And later.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Sunday?”

“I’ll collect my reward after I win,” he smirks back.

She rolls her eyes and turns to head back to Red Bull. He stares after her for a moment before telling himself he needed to focus. Race first. Concentrate on the race. Laura was second, satisfying his urges was always second.

*      *        *

Miles smiles as Molly drops down to join him for lunch on Friday morning in the Energy station. Her face though was set in a frown. He raises his eyebrows at her and she asks, “What happened between Lillian and Sebastian? Lillian looks like she wants to strangle him and Seb is walking around on eggshells looking guilty as fuck.”

“Maybe it’s the same reason that Laura and Lillian aren’t talking,” Miles shrugs. On their return from their ‘girl’s trip’ last week, they’d both been resolutely silent with him and mostly giving each other the silent treatment. “It’s much simpler if you don’t interfere.”

“I’m not interfering,” Molly holds up her hands. “I have my own problems - like this never ending morning sickness.”

Miles can only give her an apologetic smile. “Sorry. It doesn’t last forever right?”

“Well right now it is,” she mutters looking mightily unhappy.

Hesitating, Miles clears his throat. “So, I have been thinking some things, with the baby and all.” Molly looks up, not looking at all happy at discussing the one thing that was making her feel like shit. “So my place in London, it’s a big place. Room for you, for the baby…”

Molly had gone still.

“And I was thinking… instead of us travelling between London and Zurich – “

“Sebastian is in Zurich,” she interrupts him, stating it like a fact and that was the only point that mattered.

“Well as far as I am aware, Sebastian didn’t father your child,” Miles tries not to look hurt at her completely shooting down the idea.

“Look, I’ve been working for Seb for five years. The house I live in, he bought it for me. He wanted me in Zurich, it’s part of my contract…”

“Laura pays for an apartment for me as well,” Miles states coldly, they could each play their own cards. “And I happen to like London.”

“I like Zurich,” she snaps. “And there’s room for the baby there as well.”

“Well I feel like you are dismissing London – “

“And I think that your opinion will matter when you take a turn growing a life _inside_ of you while constantly fighting the urge to throw up!” Molly is on her feet then and stomping out.

“So that went well…” Miles mutters shoving away the rest of his lunch.

*      *        *

 

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed,” Lillian tells Laura after waiting to catch up with her after Friday practice. Her sister raises her looking as if she didn’t know. “You and Sebastian,” Lillian hisses. “Staring at each other, giving each little smiles. Stop it right now.”

“Lillian, you’re being ridiculous,” Laura tells her calmly as they walk through the paddock.

“Is killing each other not enough of a warning?” Lillian throws her hands in the air, but she gets nothing from Laura. “And what about racing?”

“What about it?” Laura now sounds irritated. “We both topped the times today in practice, everything is normal.” Lillian rolls her eyes. “You’re reading too much into this. Nothing happened in Finland and nothing is going to happen now….”

But as she says that both of them slow as they approach the Ferrari drivers walking slowly ahead, chatting together. It’s Kimi that spies them first and he looks up, his bored expression changing and he smirks at them, Sebastian twisting at his teammate’s sudden distraction. Lillian doesn’t miss him wince at the sight of her, clearly worried she was going to hit him up with more press work.

“We’re going to get dinner,” Kimi says without a greeting when they reach them. “You want to come?” he asks Lillian.

“Don’t encourage them,” Lillian orders Kimi.

“Stop it Lillian,” Laura sighs. “I have plans anyway. Go have dinner with them.” She pushes Lillian towards the Ferrari drivers.

“Whose your hot date?” Sebastian asks curiously.

Laura grins. “Wouldn’t you like to know…”

“Jenson?” Lillian offers knowing very well it wasn’t, but Sebastian’s smiles and bright eyes are gone and his mouth is set in a scowl.

“Don’t,” Laura holds up a finger in warning at her sister.

“What?” Lillian asks innocently.

“I have plans with Rocky,” Laura states bluntly and Sebastian’s scowl fades.

“If he’s giving us our anniversary gift, don’t open it without me,” he tells Laura in response and Lillian sucks in her breath at the way Laura giggles at their personal inside joke. And she doesn’t miss the fact that their hands brush when Laura moves passed him. Bloody hell, how big of a hole did these two want to make for each other?

“Don’t,” she snaps at Sebastian as she moves past him and she’s once more given an expression of innocence. “Keep away from her Sebastian or I will make your life very difficult.” The only response she gets is him saluting her and Kimi as always silently amused.

*      *        *

There’s been a lot of tension building this weekend. And not just the obvious between her and Sebastian, but the tension that press create between her and Sebastian’s rivalry. Playing on their past, on the season to date’s battle and constantly rehashing _this_ race.

And it hadn’t really affected things, once she was in the car, that all becomes background noise and she’s focused on the one thing that matters more than anything. Finish number 1 and doing whatever it takes to get that, even if in the process that means she pushes too hard and fucks up. It’s how she ends up in P2, behind Dan for the first time this season and once more subjected to lectures from Rocky and how she needed to calm down and be consistent. She ignores most of his rant.

Come Sunday, she’s desperate to race, desperate for her win, there’s little else she can think of but getting back at her teammate. Christian tells her to remember they were all on the same side, to not push each other in the first corner, she waves him off, along with Rocky’s warning looks. She had no intention of driving into Dan’s car and repeating last year.

The lights go out and she’s off, but Sebastian has an amazing start, and the other Red Bull becomes the least of her concerns as Sebastian moves his Ferrari next to her and they take the first corner side by side. They leave each other less than an inch of space as they take turn three, a long sweeping right hander together. She pushes him trying to limit his space, force him to cede but he doesn’t budge and she’s furious as she’s forced into third and to give him the racing line.

She stays on the ass of his Ferrari, and he moves to stop her diving up the inside at turn five, nearly clipping her wing on his back tyre. Why does he have to fight her? Why can’t he just let her through? She fucking hates him and if her hands weren’t busy, she’d bang her steering wheel or give him the finger, instead he slips away from her, increasing the distance as he chases down Daniel.

All she can do from that moment on, is looking after her tyres and keeping Sebastian close enough to jump him in the pitstops. They go for the undercut after she sets a blinding in-lap and then out-lap. When Sebastian comes into the pits 2 laps after her, it’s close, and Laura can see him exiting the pits on the straight, she’s ahead and this time she refuses to lift or give him any space as he exits.

And then _it_ happens.

The hit to the side of her car is unexpected, and there’s nothing she can do stop the car spinning across the track. What the fuck just happened? The engine has cut out and there was little she could do, except free herself when the car finally becomes stationery and look at the hole in her sidepod. And the whole time as she’s escorted by marshals from the circuit her head was stuck on one thought – did this just happen? Again?

And she sees red.

She was going to kill him.

 

 

The moment Laura is back in the pits, she rips off her helmet and she can feel her anger bubbling away; ready to spill, she can barely contain it, held only at bay by her sheer disbelief that they were repeating events of last year. Her whole body was trembling when Christian moves next to her, talking to her in a very calm tone as if she needed to be talked off some ledge. She wasn’t going to fuck jump, she was going to wait for Sebastian and then she was going to shove him off and to his death her nostrils flare as she sucks in air furiously.

Her eyes focus on the screens in the garage to see that Sebastian was pulling his Ferrari into the pits to retire. She rips off her gloves resisting the urge to shove the cameras away that want to capture her full spiral into rage, as she tells Christian she’s going to the motorhome and Christian looks at Miles who nods and follows her out. Clearly, she’s not trusted to be alone right now.

And what was she going to do? Commit murder. Probably. Most likely. “Don’t say anything,” she warns her brother, voice shaking as she walks through the back of the garage to the paddock.

Her eyes immediately fall on the driver in red. Sebastian still wearing his helmet and walking quickly ahead. Seething, she heads after him, shaking Miles off her arm as she charges through the paddock to catch Sebastian before he disappeared into Ferrari.

“Laura,” Miles barks her name. He wasn’t stopping her, not when it came this.

“Vettel,” she shouts as he jogs up the steps of the Ferrari motorhome, Molly’s at his side – using the pregnant woman to protect him. She was whispering furiously in his ear but he flips up his visor, eyes ice cold when he turns to face her.

“Stop touching me,” she shouts at Miles who grabs her before she spins back to Sebastian. “What the hell were you thinking?” Her anger only increases because he refuses to say anything, to bite back and she feels herself snapping as Miles tries to pull her away. The words are right there, and she loses her battle to hold them at bay. “This is your fault! You should have given me space. You’re completely incompetent!”

But it doesn’t matter what she says, what she screams at him, he stares at her silently, eyes only growing darker, and seeing his nostrils flare beneath his visor and if he didn’t wear his helmet, maybe she’d punch him for a reaction. “I hate you,” she hisses. “You’re a fucking lose!”

With those words, he responds with, “See you in the stewards’ room Aston.” Sebastian spins on his heel and heads inside the Ferrari motorhome and it only has Laura curl her hands into fists because who was she going to scream at now?

 

The incident ends up being ruled a racing incident. No penalties issued, despite their loudly argued point of view. It’s infuriating, because there’s no clear cut driver to point the finger at. But everyone around them had an opinion and it seemed divided. But Laura didn’t care about anyone else’s opinion, she knew who was to blame – Sebastian Fucking Vettel.

Post-race debriefing sees her dragged in front of an extremely unhappy Christian. He wasn’t only unhappy about the race, but he was unhappy about her words to the press on Sebastian, on her language, on her inability to control her temper and it only had her anger grow, because he wasn’t meant to be supporting Sebastian now. He was meant to be supporting her! Sebastian wasn’t in this fucking team anymore.

Because the day wasn’t shitty enough, to ensure she felt truly isolated, Rocky quietly tells her that he had told her to calm her racing down because incidents like this is what happens – they’re unnecessary and were going to cost her the championship. She gives him the finger and storms out. She had had enough, of this weekend, of this fucking race and of her damn team. She doesn’t even wait for her siblings, she wants to be alone as she storms her way out of the paddock.

And if one of those cameras got in her face, she was going to fucking punch it. But maybe they realised that because everyone keeps their distance as they photograph and film. She gives them all the finger.

 

*      *        *

Miles had been hoping it would be Molly at the door because things had been a little on the frosty side since their mini spat, but instead he finds Lillian. “Laura here?” she asks.

“No. Haven’t seen her since she left the circuit,” he answers letting her in his suite. He’d decided to _not_ chase their youngest sibling down because it might be best to let her cool off rather than enflame things.

“You think she’s okay?” Lillian asks with concern.

Miles shrugs. “It’s Laura. She’s always okay in the end,” he sighs moving to snatch up his beer. “You want something?” He moves to get her a drink when she nods, passing it to her her before the two of them fall down onto the couch. “How much shit did you land with this afternoon?”

Lillian snorts. “Too much. But I’m going to look on the bright side, neither Sebastian nor Laura are on speaking terms.”

Miles frowns. “That’s a good thing?”

“Don’t ask,” Lillian mutters. “No Molly tonight?”

Groaning, Miles covers his face. “We’re not talking.” Lillian raises her eyebrows. “Don’t ask.”

“Okay, not asking.”

They end up watching a movie they don’t understand until Lillian mutters she should go having had enough of this weekend. Miles nods, not making any move to get up till he sees Lillian swaying on her feet. “Lil?” he jumps to his feet to grab her only to help her sit back down and noting how pale she got quickly. “You okay?”

“Fine,” she whispers clutching at him hard. “Just stood up too quickly.”

“Nose Lil,” he says quietly watching the blood slowly appear. And his heart skips a beat with fear when she wipes it. “Maybe I should get a doctor.”

“Don’t,” she whispers pushing the sleeve on her arm to her nose. “I’m fine, give me a minute.”

Miles stands up to get her some tissues and returning to help her stop the bleeding. “See a doctor,” he orders quietly she only nods as she shoves tissues up her nostrils.

*      *        *

Sebastian throws the door to his suite open. Seeing Laura standing there, face with a dark expression was hardly a surprise. He rests his hands on each side of the door blocking her from barging in. “Aston,” he says voice low and eerily calm. “Just because it’s our anniversary, doesn’t mean we _celebrate_ the same way as last year.”

“You were willing to fuck me seven days ago,” she reminds him of their trip to Finland and he sucks in his breath, and his anger dampens for a moment to be replaced by guilt.

“That was very different Laura,” he tells her bluntly. That wasn’t them sorting out an on track dispute, that felt more personal, almost like a different version of them - if that made any sense.

“I. Don’t. Care.”

Sebastian presses his lips together. She doesn’t care. She doesn’t care that after a year they’d ended up exactly where they started and clearly had made no progress. Fuck it, he gives up. He steps aside and the moment she’s inside he slams the door closed so hard the whole wall vibrates.

Fine. She wants to do it like this, they’ll do it like this. He grabs her arm and pulls her to him; fuck any niceties and pleasantries. His mouth covers hers and he kisses her hard, their teeth smacking together from the force, but they barely flinch. His attempts to make her submit are fought, her tongue pushing back against his as she returned the kiss just as angrily.

Getting frustrated he spins her and slams her against the door to his room, grabbing at her hands that push at his shoulders. He forces them back to the door, pinning them there before she turns away from him and gasps at him, “Stop Sebastian!”

He pulls back immediately and lets her hands go. Maybe he went too far, too much…

“Not here. Not standing up. Bed.”

He blinks and the heat in his gut suddenly rushes back ten times stronger. Yes, he wanted her. But he’d always wanted her. He spins on his heel and goes to the bedroom knowing she follows as he rips off his t-shirt, hurling it to the ground before he turns to reach for her.

Her hands fall to his chest, fingers shifting before her thumbs brush his nipples making his cock jump and strain in his shorts. “You shouldn’t wear shirts so often…” her comment is murmured and surprisingly lacking any of her earlier fury and he shivers as her fingertips brush over his stomach.

“Up,” he orders her to raise her arms, grabbing her shirt not wanting her to distract him. He wanted her naked. This might not be the first time they’ve fucked but it will be the first time they’ve seen each other fully nude. Both of them tackle the other’s shorts, as if it was now a race to get rid of the other’s clothes. And when the last piece of clothing hits the floor, his eyes rake her up and down, drinking in the sight as he tells her darkly, “Get on the bed Aston.”

She does, getting on her knees as he joins her. “I want to be on top.”

“No,” he tells her bluntly pushing her down and her eyes flash angrily. He really didn’t want her to have anything she wanted.

“Yes,” she repeats propping herself up on her elbows and Sebastian knocks her knees apart with his, before brushing his fingers against her. She gasps falling back into the pillows far too easily. He twists his hand, pushing two fingers into her.

It wasn’t for her pleasure, it was his. He enjoys the tightness, the burning heat as he pushes them in and out of her. He could take her right now, she’s more than ready, but he wanted to torture her, make her hurt. His thumb circles around her clit, deliberately avoiding it as her hips meet the push and pull of his hand.

“Seb, stop being an asshole,” she gasps and Sebastian tears his eyes from where he was enjoying the view of his hand in her body to look up, eyes pleading with him and seemingly void of her anger. He curls his fingers inside of her, against that one spot… and she cries out arching back as he does it again and again.

“You want that?” he asks her coldly. He pushes his thumb to the one spot he’d been avoiding, rubbing at the bundle of nerves and adding more pleasure for her. “Both?”

She cries out, twisting on his hand, as her fingers pull at the sheets. He watches her enjoy herself, take what he offered. Her eyes are screwed shut as he drives her towards her release. Loudly. Probably too loudly. He doesn’t care.

“Sebastian!”

He rips his hand from her body before she could fall and she lets out a loud needy sob. He likes hearing it, it’s like it soothes some part of him. “Not nice when someone rips away a win.”

Her eyes snap open to meet his cold gaze. “Seb – “

Sebastian though silences her when his hand returns to her body, picking up his previous ministrations as she grabs at his wrist.

“Don’t,” she chokes out knowing he was only going to torture her again. He easily fights her grip as he continues to move his fingers.

“Come on Aston, how many wins have you taken from me now?”

“Seb… Seb… Seb!” she sobs his name, voice rising as she draws closer again. Her hand on his wrist now trying to hold him in place as she rides the edge. He stills his fingers as he moves over her, she stares up at him with tears leaking from her eyes.

“How many Aston?”

She was struggling to catch her breath. “Two? Three?” She only lets out a small sob. “Four? Do we count Monaco last year? Or do I let that one go because you hurt your knee?”

“Stop it,” she whispers with a hoarse sounding voice.

“Maybe…” He begins to move his thumb across her clit slowly, “I should do this for all races we competed in together?”

“Fuck. You.” She pants unable to stop the desire to press into his touch, even knowing how it was going to end doesn’t help. It’s just his thumb this time, his fingers still, moving in slow never ending circles, with the perfect pressure. He was dragging her there slowly this time, but the cliff feels higher, the climb taking longer and Sebastian watches as her legs begins to tremble, her body now covered in a fine sheet of sweat and maybe he should worry she’ll pass out because she’s sucking in so much air.

“Say when Aston.”

Laura’s fingers are white on the sheets, her toes curled so tightly, every muscle straining for release. She’s choking on her breaths and when feels her inner muscles clench on his fingers he grins and immediately stills his movements causing her to turn away from him, sobbing into the pillow as her thighs locked around his arm as she cried in frustration.

He pulls his hand from her body and moves over her. He kisses her cheek; her tears linger on his lips. “Cheer up Aston, I’ve decided you can be on top,” he murmurs as she draws in rapid breaths.

“I hate you,” she chokes out as he shifts to get a condom.

“I know,” he answers simply reaching for her arm and pulling her with him as he rolled on to his back. Laura had made her lack of feelings for him very clear. She might want him, but that was all. He thinks he’s used to her hating him now anyway.

He stares up at her as she leans over him on shaky arms, as he rips open the foil packet before rolling it on himself. Her cheeks are tear stained and he rubs a thumb over them, through the track marks, smearing them as he does. He doesn’t want to see them. The last time they were there she was screaming in pain. His chest clenches painfully at the memory of Monaco last year and he shoves it back down as he tells her quietly, “I’m not going to wait for you to come.” His hands fall to her hips and pulls her down to where he’s straining for her.

Laura pushes herself to sit up, and he’d never seen so much hate in her eyes, not even Spain last year. At least he understood hate. He can’t stop the gasp as her body lowered and swallowed his erection into slick heat. “Fuck,” his head tips backwards as he feels himself nearly fall before she’d even moved.

He pulls his knees up and she leans back, fingers digging into them as she rises up and falls. It feels far better than he could recall, or maybe it had simply been so long since he’d been laid. He stares at her, lip caught between her teeth as she tried to hold back any noise.

She moved at her own speed, for her own pleasure, twisting and grinding for her release as she rides him. He brushed a hand across her stomach, eyes falling to her tattoo he’d never seen in person. _Race Hard. Die Young._ It reminds him of that photo of her in the black swimsuit from last year and he groans as he feels everything tense for his release simply at that image.

“Don’t,” she tells him desperately, hand falling to his chest as she drops forward, her other hand moving between to the juncture of her thighs as she rocks on him. He can feel her fingers moving, feel the clenching of her body around him and he digs his heels into the bed and pushes into her harder, deeper, immediately making her cry out.

He feels his balls tighten in pleasure, he was so close. Right on the edge… Laura’s cries out loudly, almost in relief at the same moment her body locked around his cock, clutching at him as he pushed in and out of her body, milking his release from him. His hands fly to her hips and force her to keep moving as the most intense wave of pleasure slams into his body as he releases into her, buried as deep as he could be.

“Fuck, mein Gott” he moans as his arms wrap around her when she drops onto him, her whole body trembling.

Neither of them say anything for the longest time, both caught up in the dissipating pleasure of their orgasms. And when Laura gets off him, he doesn’t stop her, letting her scramble off the bed on shaky legs. He watches her silently as she gets dressed without looking at him. And then she walks out, the hotel door room slamming for a second time that night.

Sebastian swallows and stares at the ceiling. He didn’t feel any better, he felt decidedly worse.

 

*      *        *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, was the wait worth it in the end?


	8. Fall Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it Sunday? No  
> Why am I posting early? Because I can  
> Do you care that it's early? ... most likely not?
> 
> Beta'ed by @formulaoneisfast as per my usual *waves*

It’s late when Sebastian lets himself into the house and stepping inside has him close his eyes. It smelled like _home_. He smiles and leans against the door, he missed this. No matter what he tried at his own place, it never quite smelled like this, would never provide the same comfort.

“Sebastian?”

His eyes flutter open at the sound of his mother’s voice and then he’s being hugged excitedly at his unexpected visit, showered in kisses that make him embarrassed but doesn’t stop her. She’s bustling him inside then, feeding him even though he had missed dinner with the rest of the family before she’s once again hugging him while he eats, telling him next race will be better and even if it wasn’t she was always so proud of him.

When his father joins him after his second serving of dinner, he might not be showered in kisses and food from him, but he’s still given a hard hug, told him he had a good race despite how it ended. It doesn’t matter how many times his parents had told him, how supportive they were of him, he would never tire of it, especially not now, not when he was so _sore_.

From his race.

Because of Aston.

He falters as he cleans his dishes up. He had been doing a good job of keeping her far his mind, blocking her out, and more so because of their post-race coming together, rather than their on-track coming together. He’s not even sure how to begin processing that, at this point it was easier to simply not.

He decides on an early night, because he was exhausted and because he didn’t feel like dissecting the weekend with his father, worried he’d give something away, that one of them would work out he how badly he really fucked up. It was easier to bury himself away inside his old bedroom and lie on a bed that was really too small for him now, with his glow in the dark stars on the ceiling he had never removed – even when he was too old for them.

He stares up at them as he lies there, waiting for sleep to catch him. But it eludes him, instead when he closes his eyes he sees Aston, sees her screaming at him in the paddock, sees her clutching at sheets and begging him, sees her sheer hatred in her eyes of him, sees her above him, moving and desperate for him. Fuck, his body floods with his heat at the memory and he hurriedly rolls over, pressing his hips into the bed for relief.

Don’t think about her! He screams at himself. He doesn’t want her. She ruined his race. She ruined everything. He wants nothing to do with her. What was wrong with him? If he had stayed away like he wanted, none of this would have happened. Everything would be okay. _He_ would be okay.

He hates her.

But that was the problem. It was a lie. And he knew it as he slams his eyes closed determined to think of nothing till he fell asleep.

*

Laura stretches her legs in the sun, wriggling her toes as she lies on the lounge chair on the balcony. She liked it here, and it felt like forever since she had sat in this spot, but despite that, she was going to relax, and enjoy being in Monaco - at least until she was forced to face up to her sins from Spain.

Her moment though is interrupted when the balcony door slides open and keys drop down on the glass table next to her. “I need to hide the spare key, don’t I?” Jenson asks crossing his arms and staring down at his ex-girlfriend relaxing on his balcony.

She attempts to lighten the mood rather than deal with the fear he'll reject her. “Then how will I break in and enjoy your home?” She smiles up at him, hoping to hide her fear he’ll ask her to leave immediately. Coming here was an escape from the mess she had created, and Jenson... he was her default, the person she could trust and turn to -

He sighs and sits down next to her. “You can’t do this Laura,” he tells her quietly. “That’s not how this works, you can’t hide here.”

She shrugs. “I don’t care.” And she doesn’t, not about what he wants anyway. She looks over at him, “I miss you.”

Her confession though is met with Jenson shaking his head, a sigh leaving him as he looks up appearing frustrated. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“That you miss me too?” she offers wondering how that was such hard inference.

“Of course I miss you,” he replies frustrated.

“I want a friend,” she states firmly. “I want us back.”

“So, we’ll just forget you broke my heart?”

“You broke mine, but yes.” She wasn’t the one that ended things, that insisted they couldn’t be fixed.

Jenson stands up. “No Laura.” The keys disappear off the table and he walks back inside and she swallows the lump in her throat as she moves her gaze out the clear blue sky. Why was everything working against her?

Jenson reappears a few minute later with a small box. She stares at it, her stomach dropping.

“Some of your stuff. If you’re here you may as well take it back.”

Laura gets to her feet. “I want a friend,” she tells him again. “I want someone on my side, I want you on my side and I want someone to talk to about my shit.”

Jenson drops the box loudly on the table next to him. “I’m not doing this with you.”

“Jenson!” she shouts after him when he walked away from her, grabbing the box and storming inside.

“If you want a friend, go to talk to Vettel. You two seem very cosy of late.”

Laura just about crushes the box against her. He wants to infuriate her, work her up. It was working as she remembers their post-race meetup. “I  _hate_  him.”

“Laura,” Jenson says taking a deep breath. “You need to give me space.”

“Fine, keep your fucking space. I don’t want you anyway,” she snaps wishing the hurt in her chest wouldn’t stab at her heart so hard. She stalks to the front door only to pause, her forehead dropping to it. “Was it my fault?”

Jenson sighs behind her. “What?”

“The crash last race. Do you think it was my fault? Last year you said it was…”

“It was ruled a racing incident. Why does my opinion count?”

She turns to look at him, leaning on the door, eyes pained. “Because it’s yours,” she whispers. “And yours matters. You don’t lie to me.” He’d never lied, no matter how much the truth would hurt.

Jenson stares at her and maybe he takes pity on her because he says, “It was a racing incident but if you want me to point a finger, I point it at Seb. He was exiting the pits, he should have given you the racing line. But you knew he was there Laura, so it’s not all his fault.”

“It was my race…”

“You always say that Laura. You know this year you’re…” he shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter.”

“No tell me,” she pleads as she presses him. She wants to know, _needs_ to know.

“It’s like you don’t care what it costs to win. You can’t get through practice without practically binning the car. You fucked up qualifying in Spain, and you didn’t win in China because you were pushing too hard when it was clear you didn’t need to. Fine, you’re quicker but you’re never going to win a championship like this. You need consistency and not throwing away races.”

“Wow, break it to me gently. You sound like fucking Rocky.”

“You wanted my opinion,” Jenson shrugs. “That’s it.”

“Well, when I win my championship, doing it my way, both you and Rocky can tell me I’m right.”

Jenson shakes his head. “Fine.”

The silence is tense before she breaks it. “You can’t hate me forever,” Laura tells him stiffly after a moment. “At some point you’ll have to forgive me and talk to me again.” Jenson doesn’t say anything. “Hopefully you decide to do that before I die and you’re not living with all your fucking guilt.” She leaves then, slamming the door.

*      *        *

Sebastian dips his head as he walks through the paddock on Wednesday not even listening to Molly talking to him in a hushed voice about the press conference they were walking to. He didn’t want her advice, or more accurately her orders to be civil and not exacerbate the situation.

What were the chances no one cared about the clash?

None. He drops in his designated seat; in the middle, front row, as he puts in the head piece, eyes still hidden behind sunglasses as he looks at the packed media centre. Great, he was going to be here answering questions all day. He folds his arms and glares at the press as cameras flash at him. He presses his lips together… if he could have one wish right now…

A water bottle slams next to him and he feels every hair on his body stand on end as Aston arrives. He glances at her, gaze hardening as she even refuses to acknowledge his presence before she sits next to him. They both try to put as much space between them as possible, not caring that both of them end up pretty much in the laps of Hulkenberg and Ericsson.

And then hell starts.

_“Sebastian, shall we start with your view on the incident with yourself and Laura?”_

“It was ruled a racing incident.” He shrugs, voice devoid of any emotion. “I don’t think there is anything else to add.”

_“Laura, your view?”_

“Sure,” she smiles sweetly, “I had the racing line, he slammed into me, the stewards didn’t see it like that, and neither does Sebastian. We’ll all agree to disagree.” Her tone is nothing but ice.

Sebastian’s fingers curl into a fist. He tells himself to shut up, to not respond, no one hear cares about their opinion, they just want to witness a spat and he wasn’t going to give them that. If he sealed his lips any tighter he was going to cut them on his teeth.

_“Words were exchanged at the track between you both at the track, do either of you care to share what was said? Sebastian?”_

He pulls a face. “No.”

_“Laura?”_

“Not that I’m going to share in a public forum only to say that Sebastian refused to apologise.”

Sebastian sucks in his breath. She was baiting him, maybe she wanted a public confrontation and he adds annoyed, “We had a private discussion away from the circuit as well. She seemed uh…satisfied when she left.” Fine, he will throw a match to them as he feels Laura turn to stare at him, eyes wide with disbelief and looking like she wanted him to burn alive.

“If you think that was satisfied, you have a lot to learn,” she hisses at him.

“You want to keep going?” he asks tightly, the warning clear. “We can keep going.” Right in this moment, keeping certain things out of the press wasn’t his priority.

Laura turns back to the press, “I don’t have anything else to say.”

Good. She can shut up. “Next question,” Sebastian snaps.

Ericsson and Hulkenberg were silently laughing, or maybe not so silent because Hulkenberg chokes on his laughter and was now hurriedly drinking to cover up his coughing.

The questions drift away from himself and Aston, but the reprieve is short, he knows that, because then question open to the floor and he groans as what appears to be a hundred hands fly in the air. Luckily, he didn’t feel like lunch.

_“Laura, this is your second DNF of the season, do you think that the fighting between you and Sebastian on track is going to harm your season?”_

“Things are close in the championship. I have won every race I have finished. I plan to keep doing that and as long as Sebastian checks his mirrors and keep his car out of mine, then no.”

_“Sebastian can you and Laura move on from this? This isn’t the first incident between you both?”_

“If you’re asking me if Aston and I can be friends? No. She’s not getting a Christmas card. But we will move on and keep racing, apparently with better use of my mirrors which will result in her not cutting in front of me.”

_“Sebastian and Laura, can there be respect between you as racers or personally, because of what happened in Spain, or is the history now too much?”_

Laura beats him to answering it. “I don’t want or need anyone’s respect.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes and folds his arms. “No comment.” He was going to answer all questions with that response to get through this faster.

_“Laura, there was mentioned a private conversation between you and Sebastian, what it would take behind closed doors for you to uh… be satisfied?”_

Snickers go up around he room and yeah he’d been pissed but this was a different kind of fury that filled him. He doesn’t even leave a chance for Laura to answer that, “That’s inappropriate and I would strongly suggest you rephrase the question,” he orders.

“Don’t fight my battles,” Laura snaps at him before turning to the reporter who was looking at her with a smug smirk. “Not Sebastian.”

He wants to call her out so badly but he clenches his jaw.

Were they done yet? Not even close. It seems to take forever to get through all the questions, most of them repeated or trying to bait them, which Laura seemed happy to chomp on, turning on him whatever chance was taken. He’d like to be petty and attack her, but apparently he had to be the fucking adult.

When they’re done, _finally,_ he’s never been on his feet so fast, ripping out the microphone. “You are a child,” he tells her angrily as Marcus moves passed them telling them to play nice as he laughs.

She looks him up and down, eyes on fire as she says coolly, “I have nothing to say to you Sebastian other than, stay the fuck away from me.”

“Well we’re certainly not having anymore closed door discussions,” he makes air quotes as he stomps after her.

“Good,” she says not even looking over shoulder, “Because I am done with you.”

He’s stops when Molly steps in front of him. “Enough.” Sebastian’s gaze is fixed on Aston’s retreating back over Molly’s shoulder. “You’re both done.”

He shoves passed her. “We’ll never be done.”

*         *         *

Laura leans on the wall opposite Lillian’s hotel room door waiting for her to open up. After today, she wanted a rant, she wanted someone to care, to tell her what to do because since she left Spain she felt more confused than ever, with Jenson’s rejection and having to have her shit with Seb dragged out for an eternity…

And apparently Jenson has decided she can’t rant at him simply because they broke up. So she was going to bounce to the next person because if she can’t clear her head, it was going to implode.

Fuck Sebastian Vettel.

Lillian opens the door and looked awful, maybe as awful as she felt. “You okay?” Suddenly ranting about her ex-teammate is no longer a pressing point, instead Laura was worried about the dark circles under her sister eyes. Hopefully her lack of sleep is not due to the shitstorm her and Sebastian created, as if she needed more shit to come from her and Seb’s clash.

There’s a moment of hesitation before she nods and gives Laura a tentative smile. Inviting her in, Laura follows her inside. “What’s up?” Lillian asks as she moves to carefully fold up and reseal a letter that was on the coffee table.

“I…” She opens her mouth not even sure where to start. She wants to tell Lillian about Seb, and not in regards to their clash, but everything else. “Do you think it’s possible to be such a fuck up at life that eventually life will fire you?”

Lillian looks at her with raised eyebrows. “It’s my job to be the fuck up Laura.” She drops down onto the couch, patting a spot next to her. “Come, tell me all your woes baby sister and I will share all that I know.”

“Can you miss someone but not love them, or want to love them?” Laura asks frowning and making no move to sit. Her head felt very jumbled right now, her thoughts twisting around and unable to make heads or tails. “And I wanted something, a lot, so fucking badly. And then when you get it, it’s not what you wanted. Does this make sense?”

Lillian’s lips press together. “No. Is this about Jenson?”

“No. Yes. Partly.” She stalks over and sits down. “I miss him, but more because I feel like that’s the only way to right things. And everything else is such a mess and he was always…  _there_.” Her chest hurt and she rubs at it furiously. When would it stop doing that when she thought about him?

“You want to talk about what happened with you and Jenson.”

Absolutely fucking not. “No,” she says coldly.

Lillian sighs. “You want him back?”

“I want a friend. And he won’t be my friend. Lewis won’t talk to me, it’s like they pretend I don’t exist. And sometimes I think the whole paddock is on his side and they all  _know_.”

 Lillian shakes her head. “No one knows anything Laura. Trust me,  _I_  would  _know_.”

She ignores her sister’s comment ploughing on. “And you shouldn’t have let me go to Finland.”

“Finland?” Lillian’s eyebrows shoot up. “Finland! This is about Sebastian? Goddamn it Laura!”

Laura crosses her arms. “We should kill him together. You have great opportunities since you work with him. I’m thinking poison.”

Lillian holds up both her hands as she scrambles to her feet. “Laura Aston. Did you sleep with him?  _Again_?”

“You’re not listening to me Lillian! I want to come up with a foolproof murder plot with you!”

“Oh my god, you fucked him. What is wrong with you!?” Lillian screeches at her. “Yes, life is going to fire you! Yes, you are fucking up! Stay away from Sebastian Vettel!”

“If we killed him Lillian,” Laura hisses, “Then I could do that just fine!”

“You could at least try and lie to me rather than dodge my accusations!”

Laura rolls her eyes and throws her arms over her face. Lie to Lillian? God, she learnt a long time ago that that was pointless. But, hey, she can try. “Lillian you’re being ridiculous. Stop it.”

Lillian shakes her head, hands on her hips. “Laura, look at me and say ‘I, Laura Aston have never had physical relations with Sebastian Vettel.’”

Laura’s arms slam back to her sides, fists pounding the couch, glaring at her sister angrily. “I feel like you’re not on point right now.”

“Oh we’re on point,” Lillian fumes as she begins pacing angrily. “Stay away from Sebastian Vettel! No more drivers! Jenson was one too many. And Sebastian? Seriously? You want to let the press get wind of that? They would have a field day!”

“Well I’m not going to write them a memo,” Laura snaps back. “And can you, just for one moment, please  _care_?” she asks frustrated and hurt. Hurt because Lillian isn’t getting it and hurt because nothing was turning out the way she wanted it to, that going to see Sebastian on Sunday didn’t turn out like she had wanted. But what she did want was a little fuzzier, but Sebastian making her suffer like that wasn’t what she wanted at all.

“Care? Laura I am caring!” Lillian pauses when she can see Laura had gone quiet, chewing her lip, and looking up. “Did something happen Laura? Did he do something you didn’t want?” her voice held an edge and Laura knows that if she said yes, Lillian would jump on her murder plot without hesitation.

She shakes her head. “Not like that, I just…” she shrugs because she doesn’t know anything except that she didn’t want  _that_  with Sebastian. Hate and anger. In Finland there was none of that, not like Sunday. She winces, not like today.

Lillian points a finger at her, “Don’t get any feelings for him Laura. None. Not one.”

“I won’t,” she answers stiffly. “I have none. I am not in love with him Lillian.” She wasn’t in love with him, she was sure of that, but she still wanted something more from him, something that wasn’t built on hate.

“You know what,” Lillian says after staring at her, “You need to work out what you want, which should be Jenson. Go talk to Jenson. Get back together with Jenson. That is going to fix everyone. Then you can move on from Sebastian. It will be a thing of the past.” She makes it sound so easy.

“Jenson doesn’t want me.” She touches her chest as she says that, rubbing before the pain hits. “And being with Jenson doesn’t fix this.” Because if it did, last year she wouldn’t have made out with Sebastian in Abu Dhabi and she wouldn’t have spent far too much time wondering ‘what if’ at his offer. Before Lillian could finish whatever she had opened her mouth for, she adds, “And no, I have never slept with Sebastian while I was with Jenson. I’m not a complete bitch.”

“Lau,” Lillian says with a sigh, “Take a moment to sort out your head. Preferably clear it of all things Sebastian Vettel. Maybe stay away from Ferrari.”

“Fine. I’ll do that.” She was happy to put distance between them. “You come to Red Bull for our lunch dates then. And bring Molly with you.” Lilian doesn’t say anything and Laura begins to note how tired she looks all of a sudden and she touches her sister’s cheek “You should get some sleep. You look like shit.”

Lillian snorts. “So sweet Lau.”

Laura gets to her feet. “You want to do dinner?”

“Maybe, I’ll see how things go. I’ll text you,” Lillian promises. “And Lau,” she calls when she reaches the door. “Was he good? Out of ten? Better than Jenson?” Laura doesn’t reply, only slams the door behind her.

*      *        *

Miles had gotten Lillian’s text message asking him to speak with her and when he sees his sister that night he’s surprised at how she looked – tired,  _sick_. Standing opposite him as she clutched a white envelope in her hands, she was looking at him with a worried expression.

“What’s going on Lillian?” Whatever it was, he can see it’s serious.

“Before I tell you, I want your promise that this stays between you and me,” she tells him quietly. Miles blinks at her request as she adds, “No Laura and that means no Molly because I don’t want her to say anything to anyone in the team, or Laura.”

“This seems like I’m walking into a dark room Lil…” It was hardly fair, he didn’t know what he was agreeing to.

“I need you Miles but I won’t tell you unless you promise.”

Miles stares at his sister and her eyes plead with him and he sighs. “I won’t tell anyone, not Laura and not Molly.”

“Swear on your unborn child’s life,” Lillian demands.

“Hey,” he moves to sit on the coffee table in front of her. “What’s going on?”

Lillian hands him the envelop and Miles tears out the letter as he stared at the hospital letterhead. “Lil?” His eyes scan the contents and he feels like all the air was leaving his body as tears well in his eyes and he looks at his sister. “When?”

“After Bahrain. I saw someone yesterday here when I landed in Monaco to get the results.”

“Fuck Lillian.” Miles drops the letter to the ground and grabs his sister and hugging her hard as she promptly bursts into tears. He had a thousand questions and he struggles to hold them all at bay, they could wait.

When the tears finally stopped Miles finds his voice. “You can’t keep this from Laura,” he tells her quietly.

“You promised,” she reminds him pulling out of his arms.

Fuck. “Lil, she will never forgive you if you don’t tell her,” Miles pressed.

“No,” Lillian responds adamantly. “I’m going to take care of it myself and Laura stays in the dark.”

Miles thinks that’s completely the wrong approach and he shakes his head at her. “She’ll work it out eventually.”

“Yes, eventually. But hopefully at the end of the season. She’s fighting for a championship. Anyone can see it’s going to be a Red Bull or Ferrari driver that will be crowned at the end of the year. She doesn’t need the distraction when she’s dealing with her breakup from Jenson already and all the Vettel shit.” She stares at Miles as he hangs his head to bury it in his hands. “You know I’m right.”

“Lil,” he whispers now looking at her. “When are you going to tell her then?”

“Either when things are good, or things are bad…”

“So if treatment doesn’t work?” Miles’ eyes well with tears. So if Lillian was on her deathbed they’d tell Laura? “What are the odds…” He hates the use of gambling terms for a human life and there are more questions he should be asking, but he needed a moment to process.

“Fifty-fifty,” she whispers. “It’s early, that’s good. They sound hopeful.”

Miles feels like his heart is breaking. “Lil…” he croaks her name and drags her back against him and weeps.

*      *        *


	9. Where’s my congratulations bitch?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday to all!
> 
> Beta'd by @formulaoneisfast!

Laura steps onto the yacht in the Monaco harbour smiling at her teammate who was stretched out in the sun, next to an equally relaxed looking Mark Webber. “Is this where they’re hoarding Australians to?” she asks with raised eyebrows.

“Laura.” Dan grins at her patting a spot next to him. “Come join us you ex-Aussie.”

“Mark,” Laura smiles at him giving him a brief hug hoping her cheeks didn’t hold any evidence of her flushed face. She may have held a tiny crush on Mark Webber back in the day – but it was purely in the past. “How’s retirement treating you?”

“Semi-retirement,” he reminds her as she cautiously takes a glass of water from Dan.

“It’s not tequila,” he promises crossing his heart before laughing when she sniffs it.

“Yeah, well… broken trust Daniel.” She takes a tentative sip. “So,” she turns to Mark with raised eyebrows, “Are you doing commentating or just media work?” she queries. Mark was meant to be interviewing them, but there was no sign of camera crews yet, which is nice because she wasn’t really in the mood. Maybe Daniel should have given her something stronger.

“No commentating,” he shakes his head. “At least yet.”

“So today, how much am I going to have to pay you to keep all questions on this week’s race?”

“Does that mean you don’t want any questions about ze German?”

She glares at Daniel and his dumb German accent while Mark laughs. “A lot, if you don’t want any questions on a certain incident.” Groaning inwardly, she moves to sit down, she wants this weekend done, only Mark continues. “You know what Vettel’s problem is? He likes you. But he can’t stand losing.”

Daniel raised his eyebrows at the comment. “He likes her?”

“You sound like fucking Jenson with your high school terms,” she snaps.

“You and Sebastian?” Daniel presses and he’s laughing hysterically. Laura leans over and thumps him hard on the leg. “Stop fucking laughing.”

Mark sits there amused and looking as if he was very much enjoying himself. “You know, back before you and Jenson were ‘not together’, he and I made a bet.” Mark was staring at her pointedly, “Whether or not Seb was into you. He was my teammate Laura, he stared at you long before you were at Red Bull.”

“You put money on me?” Laura asks incensed. She was going to kill him, and then Jenson.

“Not on you, on Sebastian.” Mark’s smirk grows, “Jenson paid up.”

Daniel sits up straight, eyes wide. “What? When?”

Laura is frozen, glass so tight in her fingers it was a wonder it didn’t shatter. “Why would Jenson pay up?” she asks trying to keep the tremble out of her tone. Did Jenson tell Mark? About her knee, about their fight in Australia. About anything? Her chest squeezes tightly and Mark was staring at her, clearly looking for a reaction. She thinks Mark knows; Jenson and Mark were always good mates.

“Aston,” Daniel was looking at her with a similar gaze of expectation, “Seb ever hit on you?”

“No, he has never  _hit on me_  Daniel. In fact you know who he had dinner with? My sister.” And right now, she had no guilt for throwing Lilian under the bus, because it wasn’t a lie and her sister had wanted to make her jealous. She can deal with the consequences of her actions.

Mark actually looked surprised. “Your sister gets around,” he’s back to wearing that smirk. Right, he was good mates with Fernando as well. Would it be wrong to hit him? And Daniel is demanding more answers, but thank fuck, because there was a camera crew arriving and they could all stop with the small talk.

*        *        *

Sebastian was in the Ferrari motorhome, seated and drinking whatever pre-practice drink Antti had passed him, while his gaze was fixed in the distance. Molly drops into a chair next to him, hands scratching at her belly as she turns to see what had caught his attention - Lillian in the distance talking to Ferrari bosses. It’s Molly that answers the question he hadn’t yet asked.

“She’s leaving.” 

Sebastian crosses his arms, frowning. “Why?” And it’s a reflex to think of Laura and their  _issues_  before he realises that that doesn’t make sense.

Molly shrugs. “I don’t know. She’s avoiding me. She’s been attached to Miles for most of the weekend.”

“Aston?” Saying her name has him flinch.

Molly shakes her head. “Haven’t spoken to Laura.”

Good. The little smug smile disappears when Molly glares at him. Whatever, none of this was his business. Maybe Lillian was leaving, maybe she wasn’t. He should drop it. Or maybe he’ll ask Laura. If they ever spoke to each other. Since the press conference they hadn’t uttered one word to each other and that suited him just fine. He sits back and crosses his arms as Lillian is given a brief hug before she’s drifting away and towards his teammate who was eating lunch with his trainer.

“I think keeping your distance from Laura is a good thing,” Molly comments and he blinks and turns to look at her. “Till you both realise that your equally to blame for your issues and then you can both apologise.”

He sucks hard at his straw, eyes darkening. Apologise to Aston? Never. He was going to put as much space between them as was possible. And he was going to enjoy it, take every available moment away from her and breathe, because he was sick of Aston fucking with his head, and now apparently fucking him as well, literally.

 

Except space is hard when it’s Monaco and there were functions. Always functions in Monaco with rich people that needed schmoozing. He shifts through people, with polite smiles, idle chit-chat and shaking of hands. And his eyes finally spy her, head tilted towards that of a familiar individual. He watches her smile, watches her throw her head back and laugh. Avoiding her suddenly wasn’t his priority, instead he pushes towards her. Because fuck them not talking, Mark fucking Webber was not going to make her laugh and smile.

“Aston,” he snaps grabbing her elbow to have her face him.

“Sebastian,” she blinks looking surprised and Sebastian’s gaze drops to her dress and the low cut front. Shit. He forces his eyes upwards to meet hers, and she’s definitely mocking him.

He glares at Mark who was looking as if he had just proved some point...

“I need a moment with you. To talk.” His fingers grip her tighter, happy that was true and he didn’t need to flounder around for an excuse. “About Lillian,” he says before she can reject him and her mouth slams closed and shoots Mark a similar look of ‘I told you so’. He was missing something, but he didn’t care right now.

She jerks her arm free and follows him out of the room and to the main reception which wasn’t crushed full of people from the event. He’s then facing her once more and he’s staring at her chest. “Fuck Laura,” he gestures at her dress despite knowing that he had no right to comment, and he struggles to draw his gaze up, because he’s head is suddenly recalling what she looked like without the dress. He flushes.

“Problem Seb?” she asks innocently as if she has no idea where his head is at currently.

He swallows and orders his head to focus. “Lillian is leaving Ferrari?”

Laura falters, her look of shock masked as quickly as it appears. “Sorry?”

“That’s what I heard. She was talking to the bosses and she’s not back next race.”

“She’s not leaving Ferrari Sebastian,” she states it like a fact. “Clearly there are crossed wires. And the last time I caught her with team bosses it wasn’t about  _job_  positions.” She winces flashing back to Lillian’s affair with the then McLaren team principal.

“She was screwing one of them?” he asks raising his eyebrows before he drops his voice. “Who?”

“Does that matter?”

“Yes. I bet it was Christian,” he decides after quickly going through the options in his head.

“So, now I know which team boss you want to sleep with,” Laura states bluntly.

“Ha, ha, very funny.”

“I’ll speak to Lillian,” she tells Sebastian walking backwards. “That everything?” He reaches for her hand but she darts out of his reach. “No. Not in this life time.”

He smirks. “Really? You were begging me a week ago,” he reminds her, voice low. “A lot. Very,  _very_ loudly.”

Laura sucks in her breath and without a response turns and walks away back inside. He stares after her, hands shoving into his trouser pockets. Wasn’t he desperate for space? He blinks and shakes his head, because what he wants right now involves very little space between them. Fuck.

*      *        *

There’s about fifteen minutes before qualifying starts and Miles watches as Laura chats to Daniel. His head was anywhere but on this weekend’s race. How was he meant to focus on anything right now with everything Lillian had told him? How was he meant to keep this from Laura?

Laura is reaching past him for her balaclava a few minutes later, frowning at him. “We need to talk by the way.”

“What about?” he shakes himself back to the present.

“Lillian,” she answers and Miles freezes and he’s sure his heart stopped.

“What about Lillian?” he asks quieter. Maybe Lillian had changed her mind? Maybe Lillian had told her or was going to tell her and he didn’t have to be the only person that felt like he had to hold it all together.

The balaclava is yanked on as Laura answers, “Somethings up. Seb told me she’s not at the next race. Which I told him was not true, but Molly said the rumour is she’s leaving. And Lillian is conveniently avoiding me…”

Miles stares at her because he hadn’t thought about what Laura would hear. “Later.”

She’s frowning and Miles hands her her helmet which she takes. “Miles, you’d tell me if something is wrong, right?”

Reaching out Miles rests his hand on the top of her head and the twists it back to the rest of the garage. “Focus baby sister.”

Laura puts her helmet on, casts one more look back at him before she walks to her car. Miles folds his arms, clenching his fists to stop the tremble in his hands. He tells his own head to focus. He’ll deal with Lillian and Laura when this was done. But no matter how hard he tried, qualifying was a blur.

The only reason he knew Sebastian was on pole without looking at the times was Laura swearing nonstop on the radio. He yanks off the headphones and groans. Right, more shit between the two of them to deal with and he really didn’t have the energy right now. He yanks out his phone as he exits the garage texting as he goes.

*        *        *

When Laura emerges from Red Bull on Saturday evening it’s to find her sister leaning outside waiting for her. “I see you stopped avoiding me?” She was not going to pretend to be happy right now. She wasn’t. She lost pole.

“I wanted to share my exciting news!” Lillian beams at her.

Laura can’t even muster a smile as she answers flatly, “Is that to tell me you quit Ferrari because you want back on my side. The winning team?”

“Excuse me, which driver got pole today?” When Laura looks like she might kill her she quickly adds, “Sorry! But my news.”

Laura can’t muster any excitement but she waits for her sister to tell her.

“So I took a new position at Ferrari. Head of a department or something. More money and everything.”

“You got promoted?” Laura looks surprised.

“Yep, new position based in Maranello.”

Oh. Now she understood. “You’re not coming to races?”

“No, I’ll be positioned in Italy.”

“But… you left your last job to take this one to go to the races,” Laura was struggling to wrap her head around this. It didn’t make sense.

“Just say ‘Congratulations Lillian.’,” Lillian orders.

“Congratulations Lillian,” Laura repeats, frown only growing. “Does that mean you won’t be in Montreal?”

“Come on,” Lillian links their arms together. “Let’s get dinner and I’ll let you bitch about Seb to me all night.”

“But Lil…” But Lillian cut her off, talking nonstop and not about her promotion and still none of it made sense.

*        *        *

There are times when you are gifted a win, but that’s not how Sunday plays out. It’s not a gift, it’s bloody earned. She overtook Sebastian on track before the first pitstops and then she drove each lap like it was qualifying. She didn’t simply want to win the race, she wanted to win it with the greatest distance between her and Sebastian possible and she wanted to do it by setting fastest lap after fastest lap.

Rocky is constantly in her ear, telling her to calm down, look after the tyres. But this was Monaco, and she wanted it and she wanted it badly. She should have won here last year, this should have been hers already. And why can’t she have it her way? Why can’t she make it utterly hers so there would be no doubt? She should win because she was the fucking fastest.

And she does. She scrambles from the car, and listens to the cheers from the crowd, to the cheers of her mechanics and the team. She throws herself at them, at Rocky who says she’s going to give him a heart attack, at her sister, the only one in red who hugs her hard, at her brother who looks like he might cry as he knocks his head to her helmeted one.

If she needed to redeem herself in anyone’s eyes because of last race – she’d done that.

She feels like she’s floating as she hugs Daniel who’d finished third, and he wears his trademark smile as he hugs her tightly, congratulating her. Sebastian on the other hand, was wearing a dark scowl for the entire post-race ceremony. He doesn’t look at her once nor does he offer his congratulations. And right now, she doesn’t care.

Because she just won the Monaco Grand Prix.

*        *        * 

Sebastian can’t shake off his sullen mood, not even by hanging out with the team post-race. He felt truly beaten and it wasn’t the first time that had happened it was just the first time that Aston had ever been clearly more supreme. The urge to throw a tantrum was bubbling beneath the surface as he drinks with the guys. He was only half listening to the conversation going on around him, his mind was focused on the race trying to work out where he went wrong… was it setup? Did he not have the right line through a corner?

“Seb?”

Sebastian is jarred from his thoughts by Molly who was smiling at him. “Sorry?” he blinks focusing on her.

“I’m going to head off, Miles asked me to swing by the Red Bull celebrations,” she explains. “Did you want to tag along?”

“No, I’m going to have an early night,” he responds finishing off his drink. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

Molly nods staring at him for a moment but chooses to not say anything else, instead she walks out. Sebastian stays for one more drink before excusing himself and heading from the hotel bar back to his hotel room. In the lift he closes his eyes and tries to calm the rage pounding through him, he didn’t want to feel like this. Getting beaten shouldn’t feel like this, he needed it to stop. It seemed like it was only Aston that could drive him up the wall like this – no one else made him feel this much when it came to racing, not even racing with Mark.

He steps out of the lift and walks down the corridor towards his room. He has a cold shower and then lies on the bed staring at the TV waiting for sleep. He’d nearly drifted off when his phone goes off signalling a new message. His eyes fly open and he sits up to grab it from the bedside table.

“Aston,” he mutters opening the message.

_Where’s my congratulations bitch?_

His nostrils flare as he responds.

_Never. Hell will freeze 1 st_

He throws his phone aside before turning off the TV and rolling over onto his stomach in the darkened room. He once more begins the chase for sleep this time he finds it drifting off to a world where Aston couldn’t drive instead she stood next to him cheering… she was just Laura.

*      *        *

Laura can’t sleep. No matter how much she tries, rolls over, kicks at the blankets and bashes her pillow; it remains out of reach. She’s worked up and still on her high from her race win and eventually, frustrated, she throws off the sheets and gets up. Moving to get dressed, she changes into a singlet and shorts, determined to workout till she was completely exhausted. She’d run till she dropped; that was the plan. So she’s still not sure how 40 minutes later she found herself breathing hard, on her back next to Sebastian Vettel.

Somewhere between leaving her room and heading to the hotel gym she had decided she wanted her congratulations from Sebastian, and she'd tear it out of him if she had to. She'd knocked on his door till he answered, looking as if he'd been asleep and not happy to see her despite her beaming face. Seeing the complete dislike and disgust in his eyes for her made her feel better and worse all at once. Without an invitation she’d waltzed into his room, gloated and mocked him till he snapped.

There'd been no congratulations, instead he’d gone off at her, called her a cheater, convinced her win wasn’t because she was better than him. And when she’d just smiled and said she was, he’d attacked her, mouth covering hers to kiss her furiously, pouring his rage into it. And _this_ was what she wanted, not pounding her frustration out on a treadmill as they’d set about hurting each other. But no matter how hard she tried, how hard she bit at his lips, he wouldn't wish her congratulations. Instead, he had bitten back turning their kiss bloody, and all the pain she inflicted on him to get what she wanted was simply returned, from yanking at hair, scratching the other as they tear clothes, before setting about bruising and marking each other’s bodies. The sex had been rough, rougher that anything Laura had experienced, she knew she’d be sore tomorrow.

Sebastian turns his head to look at her, eyes full of pure hatred, “Get out Aston.”

Sitting up, Laura ignores her muscles that protest at the movement. She stares down at him, eyes scanning the deep scratches on his chest that were bright red and the fading bite marks and the forming bruises. She reaches out and drags a finger between the marks, like playing connect the dots. He snatches her hand, fingers curling tightly around her already bruising wrist.

“I said, get, out,” he warns, voice shaking. “I don’t want to see you, be with you. Get. Out.” He throws her hand away she’d been unable to twist free from his grip.

 “Touchy,” she comments crawling off the bed, trying not to wince at the pain of the simple task of getting dressed, after finding her clothes strewn around his suite. She notes that it was nearly 3am as she pulls on her shoes roughly. She doesn’t leave though; she goes back to Sebastian where he was lying on his back, arms thrown over his face like he was hiding from the world.

“You want to know the secret for my racing?” she asks him and his arms slam next to his sides glaring at her. “I can give it to you…”

“What?” Sebastian spits out at her, wishing his damn curiosity to hell.

And Laura’s fingers reach for the sheet he’d pulled over himself and throwing it off him. She ignores him when he says he didn’t want to fuck her, instead she bends down quickly before he can stop her and fastens her mouth to a patch of skin near his right hip. She sucks hard at the skin, ignoring his hands that were pulling at her hair. She sinks her teeth in hard, redoubling her efforts to mark him.

“Fuck, Aston!” Sebastian yelps, hands flying to her shoulders and he shoves hard with all his strength, sending her flying across the room, and falling into a chest of drawers as she does, her head smacking hard backwards against them making her see stars.

“Why the hell did you do that?” Sebastian asks angrily, rubbing at the dark forming hickey on his skin.

Laura blinks a couple of times to clear her vision before answering, “Race hard. Die young.” Sebastian just stares at her as she clambers to her feet, her thumb hooking into her shorts after lifting her top to flash him the tattoo near her hip, the same place she’d marked him. “Though if you died, I certainly wouldn’t grieve for you. Asshole.” She touches the back of her head that was throbbing now.

“You have a magic tattoo?” he scowls.

“It’s not the tattoo, it’s the meaning,” she snaps at him, her hand dropping from her head. “Maybe when you work it out, you’ll come close to me again.” She spins on her heel and stalks out, slamming the door to his room as hard as she could. The positive side of this encounter was that she was indeed now exhausted, but there were far more negatives, a pounding head, a bruised and aching body and definitely more hate for Vettel.

 

Sebastian lies on the bed in the dark. He wasn’t tired now, he felt wide awake, his mind playing over those words ‘Race hard. Die young’. His fingers are resting on the fresh mark on his skin she’d left, and he rubs it thinking of Aston’s tattoo in the same spot. He’d seen it, never stopped to ponder its meaning because if he was honest, if it was taken as a literal thing, it scared him, ‘race to die’ it would translate to. He presses the tips of fingers hard into the bruise, was that it? If she wanted to kill herself, she fucked up by not achieving it yet, and all she did today was the win race.

Frustrated he throws himself onto his stomach, pounding the pillow before dropping his head down on it. Fuck Laura Aston.

*      *        *

 


	10. Under Your Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well it's practically Sunday here so that means a new chapter!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy! I might post mid-week. We'll see how we go :)
> 
> Happy reading.

They’re in the hospital, Lillian and himself. Miles winces as Lillian makes herself comfortable in an oversized chair for her treatment. It was going to take a few hours. He looks around at the other patients, nearly all looking tired and sick. His eyes drift back to his sister who looked _fine_ , she looked _healthy_. His heart picks up pace with fear that this wasn’t going to work, that he was going to have watch this vibrant being fade into something she wasn’t.

Lillian doesn’t belong stuck in chairs or beds for hours, Lillian didn’t belong in rooms of white and grey-ish walls… but then again, who did? He swallows and tries not get upset because Lillian seems to have decided that none of this was worth crying about anymore. “Laura isn’t going to buy this whole promotion lie for long you know.” They should discuss the other issue surrounding her cancer diagnosis; though neither had mentioned the c word aloud.

“Long enough,” Lillian says watching as the nurse fusses around her with bags of drugs.

“And when she wants to see you?”

“Leave me to worry about the excuses,” Lillian waves off his concerns. “You keep your mouth closed. I’ll lie, since I’m better at it, and you go do your job with Laura.”

Miles stares at her because her dismissal on all of this, as if it was nothing was something he can’t wrap his head around. And besides her getting upset when they discussed this in Monaco, she has seemed nothing but calm and collected. No tears, no fear, just her usual sheer determination. “Can I talk to Molly about this?”

Lillian looks back up at him. “No. Sebastian can’t know.”

Miles sighs loudly. “She won’t say anything if I ask her. And why does it matter if Sebastian knows?”

She ignores his questions. “No. You made a promise. I’m not letting you break it.”

He doesn’t know how to tell her that he’s not sure he can deal with this on his own. She was putting him in an unfair position, but it wasn’t his life on the line. The nurse has finished and Lillian pats the chair next to him for him to finally join her, and he shakes his head and moves to sit down.

“Want to talk about baby names?” Lillian asks him; clearly wanting a change of subject.

“Sure,” he forces a smile. “What you got?”

*      *        *

“Antti said you were distracted?”

Sebastian jumps in fright when Molly startles him as he packs for Canada. “Sorry?”

Molly’s face is one of concern, like he had proved a point. “You okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” he asks as he begins to carefully put everything in his bag in order – years of doing this had taught him to do it perfectly and how much he could take versus how neatly you packed. He scrunches his face at the tossed in clothes so far. He should be rolling…

“I don’t know,” she walks over to his suitcase and begins to pull everything out. “This is a mess.”

“I’ll fix it,” he says walking back to the closet to get more clothes, but Molly was already rolling up his underwear. “I’m fine Mol,” he watches her as she begins to put everything back in carefully. “Why don’t I make you do this for me more often?”

“Because, you don’t pay me enough,” she grins and he rolls his eyes and hands her two dress shirts. “So… anything new happening? Seeing anyone?”

His hands are buried in his sock drawer when she asks and he freezes, head immediately filled with Laura and he sucks in his breath. He’d gone all morning without thinking of her or her tattoo. Fuck. “Have you seen me with anyone?” he asks, fingers gripping his balled up socks tightly before he shoves them in his luggage that she was neatening.

“Oookay,” she looks up at him. “Either that’s a yes there is someone, or you really don’t like socks.”

“I’m not seeing anyone Molly,” he snaps.

“Did you get attached to one of Kimi’s girls?” She moves his socks neatly to the edge. “Or maybe it’s someone in the paddock?” He refuses to comment, instead dumps more socks down. “I know you’ve have gone and made promises to yourself, non-negotiable contracts and arrangements so you don’t get hurt again –“

“Don’t,” he interrupts her quietly, he doesn’t want to rehash the past and she stops and looks up at him.

“You can’t run from love forever,” she gently responds, and she reaches to squeeze his arm while he stands there frozen. “And by avoiding what you want –“

“I don’t want anyone,” he interrupts her viciously, because he didn’t, everything she was saying was completely pointless, and she rolls her eyes at his reaction.

“And by avoiding what you want, _when the time comes_ ,” she continues to press her point, “You’re just letting…”, he winces even if she quickly rephrases to avoid saying her name, “ _Her_ , continue to have a place in your life.”

He’d say thank for not saying her name but he was annoyed they were even having this discussion. “There isn’t anyone so we don’t need to do discuss this. And _I_ decide who’s in my life, and _she_ definitely fucking isn’t!” Mostly, she’s as far out as she can be all things considered.

“Okay,” Molly gives him a tight smile. “You’re not distracted by a girl then,” she sighs and Sebastian goes to get more socks. “What else is there then?”

“I’m not distracted,” he answers simply and she raises her eyebrows.

“What about your feud with Laura?”

He returns to her with more socks, “Don’t bring her up,” he orders loudly.

“Seb.”

“No!” he marches back to his dresser. He didn’t want to discuss Aston, he didn’t want to remember he slept with her again, he didn’t want to remember that she scratched her way under his skin, literally. “Aston has a lot of issues and I’m not getting involved –“

“Seb,” Molly tries again.

“And all she wants is to make my life hell and to hurt me and –“

“Sebastian!” Molly cuts him off loudly and he stops with a sock in each hand. “That’s more socks than you need.” He looks at the bed and the vast amount of socks he’d brought over.

“I like socks,” he says defensively.

“Maybe you do have girl problems,” Molly grins at him, “You can’t win all the races Sebastian.”

He points a finger at her angrily. “She’s not better than me.”

“I didn’t say that,” Molly holds her hands up in surrender. She gets off the bed and grabs his shoulders. “You know what would be a good distraction from getting caught up in your petty feud with Laura?”

“It’s not petty,” he huffs.

“Get a girlfriend.”

He glares at her and she grins and tells him to put the socks back. He does and he slams the drawer shut loudly. He didn’t need a girlfriend and he didn’t need to settle anything with Aston. He was completely happy with how things were currently. He stalks over to help Molly keep sorting his luggage who was still wearing her smirk, she wasn’t right, not about anything.

His eyes look at all his socks – except maybe he still had too many socks?

*

Laura frowns at the text from her sister that came through when she steps off the plane in Montreal. It was wishing her a great race, be safe, etc, but it was more the fact that Lillian wasn’t _here_ that irked her. “What do you think of Lillian’s new job?” she asks her brother as they walk towards customs.

Miles shrugs, keeping his head down as they don’t stop for fans. “I think she deserves whatever promotion she received.”

“That’s not my point,” Laura says as they walk faster. “More that she wanted to come to races and now she’s not. I just think there’s more to it –“

“There’s not,” Miles tells her coldly and Laura pulls back to stare at him confused. “I mean, I saw her last week, I helped her set up hew new office and she was excited. There’s not more.”

“You know when you lie,” Laura says slowly, stare fixed on him hard, “You don’t look me in the eye.” And he wasn’t, he gaze was fixed on their destination.

That has Miles comes to a dead stop and he grasps her face tightly, staring at her squarely. “I saw Lillian last week, and she was fine, and she’s her usual determined self to get what she wants, and this is what she wants.”

Laura touches her brother’s wrist, “Okay,” she tells him quietly, “I’ll drop it if she’s happy.” Her brother shakes her his head and they keep walking. Laura though can’t shake that feeling there’s more to this. “You’d tell me if something was wrong right?”

Miles tugs her closer, wrapping an arm around her tightly and kissing the side of her head. “Yes, I would and I will,” he promises.

With that Laura, goes back to her phone to reply to her sister, telling her to enjoy her new job and she would send her pictures of everything she’s missing. And with that she stops to make Miles pose for a selfie and sends it to Lillian. She was going to let go of her doubt for now, if Miles says she was okay, for the moment she would let it slide, at least till after the race.

*

After settling into her suite, tired from her flight she was determined to rest before she started her PR shit tomorrow and pre-race weekend events. She was going to be focused this weekend, be studious and hard-working and the perfect team player – she wanted to capitalise on her win from Monaco, and not let anything or any _one_ get in her head. Except she doesn’t get the space she wants, instead she’s interrupted by knocking and she’s forced to abandon her assessment of the alcohol in the mini-bar and face the one person she was busily not thinking about.

Sebastian stands there, looking as if he didn’t want to be here and maybe his parents had sent him to apologise with his bowed head and hunched shoulders. She’d prefer it if he was pissed at her. She blinks before finding her voice. “I am not in the mood Sebastian,” Laura greets him bluntly, the weekend hadn’t even started, she hadn’t even prepared herself yet to deal with her ex-teammate.

“We need to talk,” he tells her firmly, licking his lips and shifting forward as if he was contemplating barging in passed her.

Her eyes fix on the peek of his tongue, her head immediately thrown back two weeks before she can catch herself – angry kisses, him pulling at her hair, fingers gripping her arms tightly as he struggled with pulling her closer or pushing her away, him inside her, fucking her, him -

 Laura blinks and the memory rushes away as fast and hard as it appeared. She pushes the door wider and steps aside. “What do we need to talk about?” She closes the door after him. Hard.

Her life would be so much simpler if he just vanished. She turns to face him, he hasn’t made himself at home, he simply stands there, hands pushed into his pockets, staring at her as if he hasn’t looked before – she doesn’t like it.

He hesitates before telling her, “I’m sorry about Monaco. If things went too far…”

She winces, did he know that’s what she was thinking about? She rubs at her nearly healed bruises on her wrists. “It’s fine.” It was, it wasn’t like she said stop and hurting him had felt good at the time. She wondered how many marks still littered his body. Asking him to take off his black shirt might not go down well simply so she could get a kick out of him still bruised as well.

“About what you said,” he almost looks uncertain and she raises an eyebrow. “With your tattoo…”

“Oh?” So he’s not here to have sex with her – why was that disappointing?

“Things are okay right? You’re not going to do something stupid? To yourself? On track?” He almost looks concerned, _worried_.

“No, so you can stop celebrating my early demise,” she responds. “I’m not suicidal.”

He sucks in his breath at the response. “I am concerned. You have a tattoo that practically says you’re prepared to die. And honestly Aston, you’re driving is all over the place this season. You might have won a lot of races, but you’ve only won or not finished.”

She shrugs at his comment. “I am prepared to die. I want to win. It’s all or nothing Sebastian.”

He stares at her, clearly not expecting that response. “No. One, you’re going to throw away the championship with that attitude because consistency is key and racking up a shitload of DNFs is going to see you fall behind.”

“I’m still leading,” she snaps angrily.

“And secondly, there are other drivers on the track you should be concerned about.”

“So far Sebastian, you’re the only person that seems to hit me, so I’m not greatly concerned,” she answers coolly and it only seems to get him worked up more.

“And what good are wins and championships if you’re fucking dead?” he asks angrily.

“You’re just pissed I am beating you,” she returns loudly. “It’s all or nothing, and what I have right now is a lead in the championship and more fucking wins than any other driver this season so don’t tell me how to drive! And what right do you have to _preach_ to me when for the last two races you haven’t shown one ounce of care or concern!” That was it, she had lost her cool. “So don’t come here and shout at me about being safe. That’s not your right when for the last two races you seem to have taken a lot of fucking pleasure in hurting and tormenting me!”

Sebastian blinks looking slightly taken aback as she screamed at him. “For the record Aston,” he whispers voices shaking and pointing a finger at her, “You. Came. To. Me. You showed up at my room! You wanted to fuck. So don’t you dare put all that on me,” he hisses. “I told you to leave in Spain! I told you to leave in Monaco and you fucking pushed! What do you want from me? What? What Aston?”

She stands there frozen, body rigid as he shouts at her. What did she want? “I don’t know,” she whispers the truth, as his eyes bore into hers, upset and suddenly feeling exhausted and so very over them.

He strides over and she immediately steps back but he’s quick, grabbing her around the waist and pulling her against him. His eyes are cold and hard, full of hatred. Hate. He hated her. She lifts her chin, returning his gaze with her own angry stare even if she suddenly had an overwhelming urge to cry.

“You want me to hate you Aston?” he asks her roughly. His grip on her tightened, he pulled her closer as his other hand twisted into her hair, yanking her head back. “That’s what you came to me for…”

“Don’t,” she rasps but his mouth covers her. It’s hard, angry and she hates it. She hates that she kisses him back. She hates that her body floods with heat. She hates that she pulled him closer. She hates that he bit her lips hard. She hates that she angrily dragged her nail down his back trying to hurt him through his shirt. She hates that she moaned, that she clung to him as he swung her around and shoved her backwards till her thighs hit the back of the sofa in the suite. Her body was on fire and when he yanks his mouth from hers, she’s literally shaking in his grip.

“Is that what you want Aston?” he repeats, voice softer but he appeared unaffected by their kiss and she looks down, her throat clamping around the lump in it. He was right. There was something wrong with her.

“Aston, look at me,” he orders, hand removed from her hair as he lets her go. She can only try and lean away from him as he says again, “Laura.”

She raises her eyes at her name, sucking in her breath, his voice far gentler. His eyes are softer now, unguarded and she can see he’s hurt and frustrated. Is that what she did to him? “Seb – “

“Is that what you want?” he asks again. His hand cups her face, a thumb brushing back and forth across her cheek. “Or maybe if you hated us so much in Spain… in Monaco…” his voice drops to a murmur as his nose brushes hers and she feels like she’s slipping away, drowning in him. “Do you want me to love you?”

The press of his lips to hers is so soft, so careful. “Seb…” it’s all she can manage between his lips parting from hers before returning. This time she invites him to more, wanting more, desperate for more. His tongue licks at her parted lips, teases her as he hand moves to cradle her head gently. She shivers when he pulls back, her eyes closed, as she pleads, “Don’t stop.”

His thumb brushes across her lips and she opens her mouth, breathing harder as she slowly opens her eyes again. Sebastian was staring at her, and there was no anger there now, what she saw scared her, her heart clenching because she’s not sure she’s ever seen it. “Please don’t stop,” she repeats reaching to pull him back to her, palm running across his stubbled jaw. “Please…”

And he does and this time she’s pulled firmly against him, and he kisses her deeper, kisses her till her head spins. He hasn’t kissed her like this before and her knees go weak as she sags against him. She feels like the air in the room was being sucked away, like she can’t breathe, yet she’s unable to stop. She wraps an arm around the back of his head, fingers scrunched in his hair while the other clings to his shirt.

She wants him, there’s liquid heat coursing through her, but it’s not an urgent and desperate need like moments earlier. Instead it’s being chased by something else, something intense, something that wasn’t sure she’d felt before. It floods from her chest, fills her up right to her fingers and toes. She was drowning in it, consumed as he continues to kiss her. It felt like she was falling, hurtling into an unknown abyss and the only thing she has to hold onto was Sebastian, and terrified she tightens her grip.

“Laura,” he pushes his lips to her jaw. “Laura stop…” his voice sounds desperate.

“I don’t want to stop,” she whispers but his hands are pulling at hers, untangling them and with the heat of his body no longer against hers, she drags her eyes open. He was staring at her with wide eyes, clearly not expecting this and caught off guard as much she was. She sways before she sits back on the edge of the couch not trusting her legs.

He shakes his head at her stepping further away from her. “No Laura. No…” he sounds as breathless as she felt.

Laura’s fingers curl into the fabric of the sofa, gripping at the padding tightly. She opens her mouth but her brain hasn’t reconnected that function and there’s no words as Sebastian rubs at his mouth furiously, trying to remove traces of their kiss – the same kiss that made her head spin and the world feels like it stopped.

It’s only after he’s spun on his heel and stalked out, the door slamming behind him does she choke out, “Don’t go.”

*      *        *

“You seem very quiet Lau,” Miles murmurs as they stand at the back of the garage Friday morning.

She doesn’t look at her brother, she was worried people would be able to see. Though she’s not sure what. But it feels like it’s buried in every fibre of her being, and instead of feeling so good when she was kissing Sebastian on Tuesday, it now felt like it was tearing her and she hurt. And no matter how long she showered for, or how much she scrubbed her body she couldn’t get rid of it. Sebastian had wormed his way in under her skin and buried himself in her. She wants him out.

“I’m fine,” she mutters ignoring the tremble in her fingers as she brings up her earpiece to put it in.

Miles hand falls to her elbow and squeezes it gently. “Lau…”

“Don’t,” she tells him. “Please just let me drive.”

He gives her a sad smile and drops his hand. “Okay.”

She didn’t want to talk, not about Sebastian, not about anything really. She only wanted to drive, get in the car and disappear. She wished practice was an all-day event. At least pulling on her helmet feels like she’d shut out some of the world as she does a radio check with Rocky after sliding into the comfort of her car.

Maybe she could stay here forever…

*      *        *

All or nothing. “All or fucking nothing,” Sebastian mutters under his breath as he stared at the lap times. Fucking Aston, still on the top of the time sheets. He thrusts the paper out at a waiting mechanic. He wanted back on the track.

He stares at the screens in front of him, watching as Aston’s Red Bull screamed around the circuit, setting more purple sectors. He hadn’t spoken to her since their fight and kiss. They’d barely even acknowledged each other in the paddock.

He was fine with that. Maybe they’d now keep away from each other, move on from this shit. He didn’t need her in his head and fucking up his life. He didn’t need her making his chest and heart ache. He didn’t need to be constantly second guessing himself. If she would only disappear –

The Red Bull on the screen brakes late, way too late and he chokes on his drink as the car hits the wall, DRS open before it flips into the air and summersaults nose over tail down the track. Carbon fibre, wheels, bouncing off the car before it’s buried deep in the gravel.

“Aston…” His heart stopped and the session was immediately red flagged.

*      *        *

Miles felt the fear sink into every pore of his body as he stare at Laura’s car flipping on the screens. He couldn’t breathe and it felt like an eternity before it finally came to a rest.

“Laura,” he chokes out willing her to get up and get out.

There’s marshals running to the car, but it’s the only movement on screen. He tears his headphones off and shoves his way through the garage. He sprints across the pitlane to Rocky on the pit wall. Maybe she was simply talking on the radio.

“Aston? Laura!”

“Is she answering?” he demands an answer from Rocky and Christian is holding his arm tightly as he tries to get his driver on the radio. Panicked, all Miles can do is stare at the screen in front of him and try and remember to breathe as he waits.

There’s only stillness amongst the chaos and the world feels like it’s closing in on him because this can’t be happening.

*      *        *

 


	11. I'm really very fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Midweek update as promised! I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> Betaed by @formulaoneisfast

 

 

The world twists fast. She can’t stop it from spinning and then it seems to fold in on itself. And all the noise stops and there’s silence, apart from her head ringing loudly. She blinks at the sudden stillness. It’s nice, she doesn’t want to move.

She blinks when someone leans in front of her. Mouth moving and no noise.

She opens her mouth to say something but she can’t and she realises with horror she can’t breathe. There’s no air. She struggles, gasping as she tries to fill her lungs back up.

The voices in her head are louder, more insistent. She wants them out. She reaches for her visor flipping it up, feeling fresh air and she sucks it up.

“Aston! Aston!” The marshal is shouting at, everyone is shouting at her.

She reaches for her seatbelts, undoing them, her hands seem sluggish, like they won’t work.

“Stay, medics are on the way,” the marshal is telling her.

But she wants out and she struggles to lift herself free, stumbling out with the help of the marshal. The roar of the crowd makes her blink and look at her car. It’s everywhere and nowhere. She needs to sit.

She’s helped to the edge of the track and she leans against the fencing, letting herself slide down and sit on the ground. She pulls at the fastening of her helmet, removing it and pulling it off. She drops it between her legs sucking in air.

If people are talking to her she can’t hear them properly, everything seems far away or maybe she’s underwater. She stares at her helmet and her fingers reach to touch the damaged surface on the side, paint scraped away.  She blinks at it as medics skid in front of her.

She reels back from the lights they shine, before she slams her eyes closed - maybe everyone would disappear if she wished hard enough, maybe she could fade away.

“Laura! Laura, I need you to look at me.”

Everyone always wanted her. She drags her eyes back open.

“We need to get you to the medical centre.”

She only blinks. Dropping her head and hugging it because she feels the worst headache coming on. Everything becomes a blur from that point, but she’d stopped trying to catalogue events.

 

Head scans, pain killers. And apparently quite a severe concussion. Well she’d probably hit her head somewhere, not to mention that she had destroyed her car down to simply a cockpit.

It seems to take a long time before she got to see anyone. Miles charging in, looking white and terrified. He hugs her tightly, squeezing her as hard as he dared; she returns it limply.

“I’m fine,” she whispers. “I’ll be fine.”

“Fuck Laura,” he whispers pulling back to check on her. He smooths her hair, like he was petting her, checking she was there. “You scared me.”

She swallows the lump in her throat and she can feel tears burning behind her eyes as he continues, “I love you so fucking much.”

“Miles,” she chokes out wanting him to stop. “Please see if I can leave now?” She wipes at her face roughly to stop any tears from spilling. “I don’t want to be here tonight.”

He nods, kissing her forehead. “Okay. Christian will want to see you. You scared a lot of people.”

She only nods.

Christian hugs her for a long time. He looked shaken. He tells her she won’t compete on Sunday and she can only nod. The medical team had already told her she wasn’t allowed to risk another hit to her head. She’d be upset about that later, when her head could catch up, and finish processing things.

Rocky holds her tightly. Kisses her cheek hard. “I thought I might have lost you, princess,” he murmured. She pushes her face into his shoulder as he moves to whisper in her ear, “Sebastian wants to see you. He said call him if you can’t. He looked pretty shaken up.”

She pulls away and he passes her phone to her. “Thanks,” she forces a smile. “Did I get the fastest time?”

Rocky frowns. “Yeah, but that hardly seems – “

“Sebastian’s probably pissed about that,” she mutters moving to unlock her phone only to see the flurry of messages. She hastily relocks it not ready for that. When she looks up, Rocky was staring at her hard and he shakes his head.

“Call him Laura.” He’s forced to leave then, more checks to be done and Laura watches as her engineer talks to one of the medical personal, pulling out his small notebook he always carried and writing down details. He turns and blows her a kiss, she barely manages a smile.

*      *        *

“I’m not hungry,” Sebastian says when Antti brings him lunch. Debriefs were done from free practice one and while it was lunch, eating was the last thing he wanted. His trainer frowns and Sebastian pats his arm moving passed him, “After. I’ll be back.” He walks out of the motorhome and into the paddock, sidestepping guests and fans wanting autographs as he quickens his pace towards Red Bull.

The moment he spies his former engineer he lunges at Rocky, gripping his arm tightly as he asks, “Did you see her?”

“She’s fine,” Rocky tells him immediately and Sebastian forces himself to relax, hearing she’s fine should be enough. Hell he’d seen her get out of the car, sit down, seen her walk to the medical car. But he hadn’t seen _her_ , and he’s jealous that Rocky got to do that because hearing it didn’t feel like it was enough “Hey,” Rocky grips the back of his neck, squeezes in comfort as he murmurs, “She was sitting up, she was talking, she’s fine. No long-term damage. I’m sure she’ll be back mouthing off at me in no time.”

Sebastian forces a smile as he asks quietly, “She didn’t mouth off at you?”

“No. She seemed pretty shaken up. Maybe she realised she’s not fucking immortal,” Rocky releases him and folds his arm. “She’ll call you.”

Aston realising she wasn’t invincible? Was that even possible? Shaking his head he mutters, “She doesn’t have to call me and she won’t.” He really wasn’t in the mood for any of Rocky’s jokes or comments.

“I know you care about her Sebastian,” Rocky’s voice is serious and Sebastian slides his hands behind his head, fingers locking together as he sighs looking upwards. Coming to see Rocky always had its consequences but asking Molly via Miles would have very different consequences, in the form of a lot fucking questions. “Hey,” Rocky snaps his fingers to get his attention, “You don’t want people to know whatever shit is going on between you and Laura –“

“There’s nothing,” he snaps, dropping his arms and folding them defensively.

“You want them to know nothing,” Rocky keeps pressing his point, “That’s your business. But people are going to work it out at some point Sebastian. Those that matter anyway and sometimes, being honest and open from the start means you’re not talking to me to solve problems you both went and created.”

Scowling, Sebastian tells him, “Well don’t do me any special favours. I haven’t asked for any. Ever.”

“Fine,” Rocky makes a face and shrugging. “I won’t pass on her message. You go to the medical centre and get that from her in person then.” Rocky waves through the paddock, hand gesturing in the general direction of the medical centre.

He goes very still, cautiously weighing up whether it was worth pushing the point. “Aston wouldn’t tell you shit.”

“And I said, she wasn’t exactly herself,” Rocky returns, eyes hard on him, daring him to ask, daring to prove he had made a point. “You want the message?” Rocky is then digging out a piece of paper from his pocket, only to snatch it back when Sebastian reaches for it. “Ask me. _Nicely_.”

Sebastian grits his teeth. “Can I have the message, please?” he forces out and Rocky beams and passes him the scrappy note, that Sebastian hastily unfolds.

“She wants to see you,” Rocky shrugs as Sebastian reads the hospital details with room numbers in Rocky’s scrawled handwriting and his heart stops before he looks up betrayed.

“You said she was fine.”

“She is,” Rocky grabs his shoulders. “Observation. Checks, she’s fine. I promise. Go and see her, she wants to see you.” Sebastian folds up the note carefully. “She’ll be fine Seb. I promise.”

“Yeah, thanks,” he says quietly. “If they’re doing checks, she’s not racing…”

“She’s not. Team is looking at subbing someone in,” Rocky shrugs. “So… you two are a proper thing then?” Shaking his head Sebastian turns and walks off as Rocky calls after him, “I did you a favour! A yes or a no is fine!” He only holds up his hand in a wave as he makes his way back to Ferrari.

*      *        *

Miles winces when Laura snaps at a nurse who was trying to make her comfortable. She’d been transferred to a local hospital., forced to stay overnight for observation due to the knock on her head. She’s cranky and upset, but there was no reason to go off at every doctor and nurse that opens their mouth – she was the exact opposite of Lillian who he had sat with during her first chemotherapy. He sighs and looks at his phone as he sees another text from Lillian.

“Lillian really wants to talk to you,” Miles reminds her and Laura only glares. She seems to want to avoid everyone right now. “She’s worried Lau.”

“I’m fine,” she mutters slinking under the sheets, the last of the nurses leaving, probably happily.

He moves to sit next to her. “You want to talk?”

“No,” she answers coldly. “You were meant to get me out of this.”

“Come on Laura. Don’t fuck around with your health.” He watches her pick at her nails not looking up at him. “What happened?”

“Misjudged things,” she shrugs. “I don’t really remember.”

“If I head back to the circuit to take care of some stuff, will you be okay?”

“Yes. I’m not a child,” she snaps. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“I’m sorry you can’t race, that this weekend isn’t what you wanted…” he trails off as he stands up but she won’t look at him and he bends down to kiss the top of her head. “Love you Lau.” He doesn’t get a response. “I’ll pop back later with Molly. We can do dinner?”

She shrugs again and sighing he doesn’t know what else he can do to cheer her up, so he leaves, giving her the space she apparently wanted.

*      *        *

Jenson knocks on the door to the hospital room, feeling relief rush through him at seeing Laura propped up and looking fine, not a scratch on her despite the fact that she wanted to do cartwheels in her car this morning. He barely gets a smile and he hesitates, “You want company?”

She stares at him and he gets the tiniest of nods before her hand falls from her lap towards him and he drops into the chair next to her snatching it up immediately, clasping it between his before he kisses it. “Fuck you scared me.”

“I scared me,” she tells him quietly, her fingers tightening around his.

“It’s like you wanted to prove a point after Monaco,” he says, elbows on the bed as he leans towards her. “Make me regret things by killing yourself.”

“Am I succeeding?” she asks jokingly but her eyes don’t light up and there’s no smile. Maybe it wasn’t a joke.

“Yes,” He kisses her hand again and she looks at him pained, full of so much hurt. He wants to take it away, make things all right for her. “I’m sorry,” he tells her.

“It’s fine,” she whispers. “You didn’t crash the car.”

“Hey,” his grip tightens hard. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

She sighs and looks away from him. “Don’t go there.”

He hesitates, playing with her hand, the only part of her she was letting him have in this moment. He presses it between his, trying to line them up and squishing it lightly between his palms. “Maybe I want to…”

Her head whips to look at him, eyes narrowing at him. “Don’t fuck with me, Jenson.”

“I’m not Laura.”

Her hand is yanked from his, apparently, he didn’t get that either. “Maybe you’re right… maybe I don’t want regrets. Maybe I think we should work on this.”

Her gaze is hard, intense as she stares at him. “So what? This fails again in six months? So you can bail when you realise I’m shit at relationships? So you can hurt me again? Nothing has changed. I haven’t changed.”

He drops his head to his hands. He knows that, he knows nothing will change. But losing her… He looks up. “I still love you.”

She presses her lips together looking as if those words don’t mean anything anymore as she says simply, “I don’t think that was ever enough.” And she can be cold, she can look like she doesn’t care, but he knows that’s not true and what he hates right now is that she didn’t trust him enough anymore to show him that. She’s right, nothing has changed. If anything, things slid backwards.

“I miss you,” he murmurs. “I think Lewis misses you, even if he won’t admit it.”

“Lewis can go fuck himself,” she snaps, anger falling across her features and he decides now isn’t the time to poke at that. “I’m fine Jenson. If you’re checking up on me, I’m fine.”

“Yeah, I can see that, perfectly fine and not upset at all,” he tells her sarcastically. She was glaring at him and sighing as he presses, “Lau, I’m here. Rant at me, bitch, let something out.”

He watches her struggle, trying to work out where to start or what to reveal, he’s not sure. “I hate this weekend,” she snaps. “Fucking Sebastian.” He sits up and folds his arms sucking in his breath, because he wasn’t sure he could deal with her going off about Sebastian when it’s clear there’s something between them but she continues not pausing, “And fucking stupid practice. And fucking stupid doctors,” she rants.

But he doesn’t get a chance to comment because apparently, she’s only getting started. “How dare he question me! I know what I’m doing! I know how to fucking drive! And he thinks he gets to care? And why can’t I do what I want? And maybe people should realise I have won more races than anyone else this season! But no, that’s not enough for anyone! And fucking Rocky always lecturing me. And you!” she points a finger at him furiously, “Do not get to show up right now and fucking tell me you love me! That’s not fair! That’s not fucking fair!”

She drags in a deep breath, her anger fading as she lets everything go. “And it was one fucking moment! One fraction of a second and I didn’t want to stop. Just one tiny fraction of a second that I didn’t want to get out of the car and deal with all this shit. But I can’t stay in the car forever! I can’t keep driving forever and I didn’t want to get out. I didn’t want to stop at the corner, for one split second. It was only for a split second Jense…” Her eyes are full of tears. “And then it was too late even when I did brake.”

“Hey,” he cuts her off, standing up and moving to hug her hard and she clings to him tightly. “It’s okay. It’s just an accident, people make mistakes, but it’s okay,” he tells her quietly. “It doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t have to mean anything.” She’s not sobbing, and the tears that were there disappear when she presses her face into him. And holding her only has him realise how much he missed her, misses her. But she’s right, he’s not sure they can go back, but he doesn’t want to let go either; so he holds her tighter.

*      *        *

The day seems to drag on, and it doesn’t matter that Rocky gave him updates, Sebastian wanted to see for himself that she was okay. He hadn’t heard from her at all, but he’s not surprised, he figures between tests and being pissed at not being able to race he wasn’t exactly at the forefront of Aston’s mind, but still… it hurt.

It’s only after evening debriefs is he able to go and see her, walking through the hospital, head mulling what he’d say when he saw. He doubted she’d be drugged this time around – her being unconscious would make things a lot easier.  

He’s not sure what he’d been expecting when he saw her, but this… _this_ hadn’t crossed his mind. He sucks in his breath, holding it as he stares at Jenson and Aston, clinging to each other. He blinks, frozen in place, unable to move and unable to remember that he should breathe. Why was he surprised? Why should this not be the case? Aston and Jenson. Jenson and Aston. He never fitted into that equation, and she’d made it clear, on multiple occasions he wasn’t the preference.

He blinks. Well Aston looks fine. She clearly wasn’t on her death bed or in pain. With that he spins on his heel stalking away. He’d seen enough. He’d had enough. He seemed to end up in the same circle with her on repeat. He’s in the midst of furiously berating himself when he collides with Molly, Miles next to her.

“Seb,” she looks at him surprised to see him, only for her smile to fade at his angry expression. “Did you see Laura?”

“I saw enough,” he snaps unable to reel himself in. “She has company.”

Miles raises his eyebrows. “Who?”

“Jenson, she seems to be in good hands.” With that, he shoves between them, charging down the hall. He was getting dinner and then he was going to work out and go to bed. And he wasn’t going to think of Laura for the rest of the weekend. Fuck her.

*      *        *

Laura sleeps on and off, more off than on, constantly interrupted by nurses taking her blood pressure, checking on her. And each time she’s woken from her dozing she finds herself checking her phone, teeth plunging into her lip because there’s nothing there but more messages. And it’s not that she _wants_ Seb to check on her, or _expects_ it, but Rocky made it out like he was interested in her well-being – but apparently not interested enough to check on her in person or even with a text.

She grips her phone tightly, the only new messages there from Ben, but he could wait, and Lillian. She should call her sister as she had now resorted to lecturing and yelling at her via text message in the absence of a call. She hesitates before figuring it would be a decent hour to call her now since she was awake. The phone barely rings before her sister answers.

“So, you’re not dead,” Lillian greets angrily, “Just wanting me to think you are.”

Laura sighs and slinks lower in the bed, time to rip off the band aid. “Don’t be a drama queen. You knew I wasn’t dead and I know you’ve been talking to Miles.”

“That’s not the same and you know it,” Lillian tells her furiously. Laura sighs knowing she was only getting started. “So, it’s okay for me to yell at you?” her tone softens slightly.

“I nearly died you can’t yell at me.”

“You not dying means I get to yell at you,” Lillian snaps back at her. “What the hell Laura? Just drive straight at the corner. Don’t stop. Forgot how to use the brake?”

Laura chews her lip furiously. “Error of judgement,” she shrugs. “I’m fine by the way, if that matters at this point.” Seems like she was going to get a loud lecture regardless.

“You’re not going to win the fucking championship like this Laura. Throwing your car around like that, like you don’t care what it costs. It’s not the first time this season you have made a stupid mistake. Anyone would think you’re a fucking rookie!” Well Lillian wasn’t holding back, and it hurts because she sounds like Rocky, or worse, like fucking Sebastian.

“I know what I’m doing,” she bites at her sister.

“Bullshit. You need to calm down. Find some zen and inject it into your racing, not whatever you’re doing.”

Laura’s fingers fall to her side pressing into her tattoo. “I’ve won more races – “

“And now you can’t win this one. Now you’re going to lose your championship lead,” Lillian doesn’t even let her finish. “You need to put your head in a better space.”

Yes, she did. It needed to be away from Jenson. And it needed to be further from Sebastian. “Are you done now?”

There’s a long pause before Lilian sighs. “Fine I’m done then. Unless you want to actually tell me what’s going on.”

Jenson told her he still loved her. Sebastian kissed her till it felt like he screwed her head on the wrong way. But she doesn’t want to divulge either of those things to Lillian so instead she says, “No. I’m going to find my zen.”

“I’m pleased you’re okay,” Lillian tells her. “I would kill you if you killed yourself.”

Laura smiles at that. “How’s your new job going?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, fine.” For a moment it was like she’d caught Lillian off guard but her sister then dives into her new job in such detail it actually has Laura feel how tired she really was. But it’s nice, drifting off to Lillian chatting in her ear. She wishes she was here.

*      *        *

 


	12. We'll draw lines to stay between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy weekend to all! A tad early but I'm not around tomorrow. Hope you all enjoy the new part!

Sebastian doesn’t miss her, he tells that to the media every time he is asked about Aston not racing this weekend. This weekend was now free of the usual Aston ‘noise’ and he was given peace and quiet. Except, it’s not the same, qualifying feels empty. He takes pole easier than he had in a long time and there’s no need to subtlety bitch about each other after the session.

But come Sunday, she’s at the circuit, doing media rounds, apparently in perfect health, commenting on how he only got pole because she wasn’t there. If she was capable of fucking pole, she wouldn’t have felt the need to throw her car in a gravel trap at top speed. And he glares at her when he sees her in the Ferrari motor home chatting to Molly. Shouldn’t she be at fucking McLaren instead of talking to his staff?

And really, he should leave it, turn around and walk away but he can’t help himself as he stalks over. “Aston, is there a point of you being here?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I had to do an emergency run for Molly. Don’t you have a race to pretend you can win?” she asks crossing her arms.

He falters and looks at Molly. “What’s the emergency.”

She holds up a box of take-out. “I needed some chicken wings. Or I was not going to make it through the race.”

“That’s not an emergency,” he snaps at her, forgetting for a moment that Molly wasn’t the reason he was pissed. And the moment he says that he regrets it, even Laura was shaking her head at him with wide eyes.

“Excuse me?” Molly steps away from him. “You get to comment when you have some spawn growing in you, demanding you eat constantly, only to hate you for it hours later and then _insist_ on some damn spicy chicken wings because the breakfast you ate this morning ended up in a toilet bowl!” And with that she storms away.

“Seriously? Do you have to be a dick?” Laura raises her eyebrows at him.

“Yeah, didn’t think.” He pulls at his hair wondering if he should apologise.

“Do you?” she asks putting her hands on her hips. “Think ever?

“So sweet Aston. Why are you single again? Or has that charming personality of yours finally won Jenson back?”

She blinks at him and wanting the last word he turns and walks away but she stays hot on his heels. “Is that meant to mean something?”

“No,” he tells her coldly speeding up. “You can’t be back here.”

“It sounds like it means something,” she snaps, “And I don’t care.”

He wasn’t going to let her push his buttons, not this time. He walks to his own room, opening the door and slamming it closed. There he felt better, only when he turns around it’s jerked back open and Aston was slamming it closed for a second a time. “No.” He didn’t want to talk to her, he didn’t want anything from her, what he wanted was to be left alone and prepare for his race.

She points a finger at him. “Stop with the fucking Jenson comments.”

He folds his arms and stares at her hard refusing to respond because he really wasn’t doing this with her, but silence only seems to infuriate her further.

“For the millionth time, there is no fucking Jenson!” she shouts at him and he winces because there’s no way that it wasn’t heard by the team. “And you,” she falters before adding viciously, “Didn’t come and see me!”

He freezes, and she looks startled she said might have said that out loud. The silence around them is almost deafening. And now they’re simply staring at each other and she’s waiting for him to say something, so he does. “Jenson not enough company?” he regrets his choice of response the moment he says it.

“You are an utter, fucking idiot.”

“Don’t,” he says when she goes to jerk open the door. He moves after her, smashing his hand against it and pushing it closed so it slams shut. Again. She looks incredibly pissed but he doesn’t care, she was always pissed at him. “I’m sorry, I’m pleased you’re okay.” He crowds her space as she remains pressed back to the door. “I’m pleased you’re okay,” he repeats softer leaning over, removing as much space as possible without actually touching her.

“Whatever,” she shrugs, trying to dismiss the fact that he cared.

His eyes search hers, “You are okay right?” And he doesn’t mean just physically, he figures she was fine if she was in the paddock. He reaches up with his right hand, the left still pressed to the door, he wants to touch her but he stops, not trusting himself and he rests his hand on the door next to her head, close enough that his thumb can stroke her hair. That would be okay.

“I survived worse,” she confesses and there’s something dark that flickers in her features, something worse than fear, but then it’s smothered with a tiny smile, “I’m not going to kill myself and let you win my championship.”

“Well, throwing your car at top speed into gravel traps and taking yourself out for the race means you are letting me win the championship,” he smiles back. He’s hand had been inching closer to her head, his thumb now touches her earlobe. Skin. She shivers, head tiling towards his hand, inviting more.

“I’m cheering for Daniel.”

“I didn’t think it was possible for you to love your teammates.”

“No, just you. I _love_ Daniel.”

He licks his lips. “You should go,” he tells her. Now. Before he did something stupid. Before Antti walked in.

Her eyes are on his hand that was once more hovering, desperate to touch her, to make sure she was okay, to soothe all the doubts he had, to put to bed that fear he had lost her, before he’d even had her. And right now he didn’t care about all the promises he had made himself.

“Seb,” Laura murmurs before she licks her lips and her body arches towards his, and he feels that precious inch of space disappear as her body brushes his. “Touch me,” she orders, breathing hitching in anticipation.

Touch her. Yes. Hips against hers. Stomach pressed together. Forehead dropping to hers. And his hand finally finds a place to rest, over her heart. It beats beneath his palm. Strong. Sure. Almost enough, almost…Her lips are so close as she tils her face towards his, their noses bumping as they share the same breath.

She moves to kiss him, he smiles pulling away teasingly. “Don’t, we don’t have a lot of time.”

Time. Fuck. He turns to look at the clock on the wall. 45 minutes. Shit, he should be changed. He looks back at her as his hand moves, fingers creeping to stroke her collar bone as he stares longingly at her mouth. They didn’t need have enough time to do everything he wants to do…

“I’ll come see you tonight,” he swallows aware that Aston was reaching for the lock on the door.

“Plans. I’ll be celebrating with Daniel.” She makes a soft noise when he drags his hand down her arm, stroking over the soft skin to tangle his fingers over hers that were still resting on the lock on the door. He switches it, releasing it back to unlocked.

“No, you’ll celebrate my win with me.”

Her eyes darken before she kisses him, chasing away the space between their lips as she seeks his mouth hungrily. Her arms are tightly around his neck and he’s pulled against her, as he kisses her back, not fighting her, letting her have her way with his mouth, with him. His hands shift, trying to be everywhere at once as they brush her hair, face, neck…. If he was going to make sure she’s okay, he should do a thorough job before he grabs at her ass and pulls her closer as they continue to kiss furiously. God, he could do this all day with her.

“Don’t you have to get ready?” Laura pulls back trying to catch her breath and he uses that as an opportunity to press his mouth against her jaw, neck, throat, shoulder, anywhere he could press his lips to skin. He doesn’t stop immediately to answer her question as he continues to bite and nip at her until she pulls at his hair.

“Yes,” he finally says as he moves to lift her, and her legs wind around his waist. He should get changed, get ready, speak to the team. But he’s kissing her again, walking them the short distance to the small bench seat, Laura holding on, pulling him closer, squirming against him before he drops her down rather unceremoniously. He felt hot, needy, desperate as he grabs her legs and pulls her to the edge. “We’ll be quick.” She nods her agreement furiously, hands flying to his shorts to undo them.

“Seb?” There’s a light tap on the door and they both freeze at the sound of his trainer. “You still want that massage?”

“Shit,” he scrambles to do up his fly as Laura goes to flee from him, but he pulls her strategically in front of him as Antti opens the door. He wills his body to calm down.

“Hey,” he greets brightly. Antti stares at them and Laura tries to straighten her shirt. “Aston was leaving.”

He doesn’t have to see her face to know she was rolling her eyes. “Antti,” she smiles. “Seb will probably enjoy a good rub down.”

Sebastian can feel his face go bright red and he watches her dart away leaving him with his trainer who was looking at him with a questioning expression. “Don’t ask.” That would be far simpler than the truth.

Antti only shrugs. “Strip, I’ll give you a quick massage.”

*      *       *

Sitting on the sidelines was a reminder of last year and the races she was forced to miss because of her knee. It’s not enjoyable, nor is the fact that Miles is never too far away from her, watching her like a hawk as if she might break at any moment. It puts her in a bad mood, but it didn’t help that her brief encounter with Sebastian earlier had only left her more frustrated – Antti was currently not her favourite person.

So, she’s grumpy, or a bitch if the media want to use that term. She sits on the pit wall next to Rocky, watches as her championship rival not only wins the race but takes the championship lead, even Daniel jumps in her standings. It hurts, a fucking lot. She wants this weekend done and with the race wrapped up, a few comments to the press that Sebastian can enjoy his unearned victory she leaves the circuit.

She turns down Miles for dinner. She wasn’t in the mood to pretend to be happy. She turns down Jenson’s invitation for dinner because she wasn’t ready to even go near him, even if that’s what she’d been pushing for for months. And when she opens her suite door a few hours later, Sebastian standing there, looking fresh and bright from his win, maybe it was the only person she wanted to see – the source of her endless frustrations this week.

“We should talk,” he tells her standing on the threshold of her room.

“No,” she shakes his head and for a moment his confidence takes a beating before she reaches for his shirt and yanks him forward and he’s shoving the door closed after him as she adds, “Talking is overrated and we don’t do it that well anyway.”

There’s a beat of silence, he almost seemed as if he wants to argue but he reaches for her, hands grasping her face as he draws her towards him, kissing her hard. She pulls him closer, sighing into their kiss. It wasn’t full of anger and fury as she had expected, in fact as she kisses him over and over, her anger and frustration were rapidly fading.

Sebastian pulls back, thumbs brushing her cheeks. “Laura, we should talk,” he tries again.

“No, because then we will fight,” she responds breathlessly hands moving to grab bunches of his shirt before she lifts it up. His arms go up and the shirt then hits the ground before her hands are on his chest, stomach, unable to do anything but touch.

. “Laura… I don’t know if this is a good thing.” He says but does nothing to catch her hands that pull at the fastenings of his jeans.

“What? Us?” She asks not pausing as she pushes his jeans down. “Seb, it’s not. It’s really fucking not.”

“So, we’re on the same page?” he asks eyes searching hers, hands grabbing hers when they got to his briefs, clearly not able to split his attention.

She nods. “We’ll stop,” she shrugs like it was a solution and Sebastian wasn’t standing in front of her more undressed than dressed. She leans forward and kisses his chest before he releases her hands when her tongue swipes at a nipple. “In the morning,” she adds.

“See, we can agree on something,” he states, apparently now determined to even their state of undress as he tackles her clothes. He freezes, stepping away from her the moment he’d pulled her shirt off. “Holy fuck Aston,” he says, eyes widening at her exposed upper half.

She was bruised. Nice black and blue marks to remind herself that braking was as important as accelerating. Seb’s hands are on her sides, stroking them gently and looking horrified. “They barely hurt,” she tries to shrug it off. “And everyone looks good in black.”

His gaze snaps up from his fingers. “It’s not fucking funny. You nearly dying is not fucking funny!”

“Says the person that seemed happy to mark me a fortnight ago.”

He grabs her chin, eyes flashing with anger. “Don’t _do that_ ; twist my concern, make it seem like its fucking nothing!”

“Well shut up then. I said we shouldn’t talk,” she retorts. If he always did exactly what she wanted, then they’d never have any issues.

“Fine.” And then they’re kissing again, hard, angrily. She likes it, she wants more as they twist and circle towards the bed. Furious kisses matched with his light grazes of his hands, stroking her bruises carefully, only grabbing at unmarked skin, all of it in stark contrast to their kisses before they fall naked into bed.

He settles over her, carefully keeping his weight off her. His fingers fall between her thighs, he breaks their kiss, taking a moment to touch her, work her up more, like she wasn’t ready and hadn’t thought about this all fucking day. Her moan becomes a sharp cry when his fingers rub at that one spot her body throbs, it’s hard and intense and her eyes blow wide. He looks so fucking smug at her reaction as she rolls her hips towards his hand.

Before she can order him to hurry up, he’s off the bed, darting back to his jeans and scrambling for a condom. For fucks sake. She pushes her fingers between her legs, touching herself and when Sebastian returns, he nearly trips at the sight. “Fuck,” he breathes out watching her. “You need to stop, or I won’t need this,” he says holding up the condom, but his eyes are glued to her fingers moving in and out of her body.

She does, and he moves then and despite them trying to shift things along as quickly as possible, it still seems to take an eternity before he settles back over her and _finally_ pushes into her. And it’s so good, she missed this, _just this_ as she cries out into their messy kiss.  

Sebastian curses as he immediately starts setting a deep and hard rhythm that she matches, her legs wrapped around him, but she wants more.

Her fingers drag down his back as she demands, “Faster. Don’t hold back, you can’t break me.” There’s panted German against her neck and she doubts she wants a translation, but he gives her what she asks for, pulling her legs up so he can go deeper as they move faster.

Laura pushes her hands to the headboard to stop from herself sliding up as she feels her body beginning to clench in pleasure. She was close, she only needed a hand, but she didn’t have one to spare. “Seb,” she calls loudly feeling like she was balancing on the edge of bliss. “God, touch me,” she orders feeling like maybe she will break if he didn’t.

And then there’s a glorious thumb worrying her clit and she cries out feeling everything snap as she comes hard immediately. She’s not even come down when Sebastian pulls out and she slumps back into the bed, only he tugs at her thigh. “Roll over.”

She drags her eyes back open, blinking at him behind hooded eyes. He wasn’t finished. She does as she’s asked, letting Sebastian position her how he wants, on her knees in front of him. He pushes back into her body, and she sighs happily at the feeling before an arm wraps around her hips and his fingers are back between her legs as he moves with one purpose – his release and dragging her along with it.

He achieves both.

*      *       *

Laura is shrugging on a jacket glaring at Sebastian sprawled out in bed and asleep. He shouldn’t have stayed the night, but it wasn’t like they spent a lot of time sleeping. She goes over and grabs a pillow and smacks him across the head with it. “Get up!”

“Fuck. Aston,” he jerked upright looking startled. “What the hell?”

“I have a flight to catch, so get your ass out of bed.”

Sebastian reaches for her wrist, squinting at her watch, clearly his eyes are too unfocused to read it. “It’s seven,” she tells him.

“Fuck,” he groans. “Laura, it’s too early. Get back in bed.”

“I have a flight to London.”

“You can fly back with me. After lunch.” He blindly searches for her near the bed. “Get back in bed and I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”

Now that was a very tempting offer and Sebastian rolls over and grins at her, looking at her with his bed tousled hair. “We agreed that come morning…”

“Yes,” Sebastian cuts her off. “I think we should rediscuss that point.”

She raises her eyebrows. “It’s not still not a good idea Sebastian.” No matter how much she enjoyed it, many, many times.

“Sure. Us, that’s not a good thing. But we can still fuck. We’ll just be careful.”

Was he serious? He can’t be serious. He pulls her onto the bed, looking very serious.

“We’re going to end up back here whether we agree on it or not,” he continues.

Like they couldn’t control themselves? She resisted him last year just fine! Maybe not a great job over the last few race weekends but still…

“Why did you put so many clothes on?” he asks looking disappointed and she rolls her eyes as she lets him flip them over, trying hard to not get caught up in his mouth kissing along her jaw. She wanted to think, and he wasn’t making that easy. “Fly back with me and stay here,” he whispers. “We have at least another hour… we can do a lot in an hour…”

She grins before her breath catches when he bites at her throat. Maybe they could do this, just the sex. Lots of people have sex with no feelings attached. Why couldn’t they? Simple, uncomplicated sex. “Damn it, Sebastian,” she bats at his hands trying to undo the buttons on her shirt. She pushes him till he rolls over and he huffs in frustration.

“Fine, go catch your flight.”

She scrambles to her knees, grabs his hands, and holds them apart. “See this,” she tells him holding his wrists tightly. She shakes his right hand, “This is hate.” She shakes his left hand, “This is love.” She lets go to point at all the space between his hands. “This is all that lovely grey stuff in between.”

He raises his eyebrows at her.

“This is us. Between love and hate.”

Sebastian grins. “I think we’re probably down this end,” he grabs her fingers and pushes it against his right hand. “You know, near the hate side.”

“Fine. My point is, if we don’t let feelings come into this, and we stay in this nice grey area…”

“And you’ll get undressed?” Sebastian asks.

“I’m being serious Seb.”

“Yes, I promise I won’t fall in love with you,” he crosses his heart before he sits up and pulls her into his lap. “Promise not to fall in love with me Aston? I’m very loveable.”

That makes her snort. “I promise, with all my heart, that I won’t fall in love with you.”

Sebastian moves to kiss her and then stops. “We should tell Lillian, she’ll be so happy to know we can agree on something.”

Laura shoves her hand in his face and pushes his back down on the bed. “And no one knows. This is between you and me.”

“Fine. Our dirty little secret.” He doesn’t seem to care. “But it’s Kimi’s plane we’re flying back on,” he tells her as she rises up to shake off her jacket. “And Kimi seems to work everything out.”

“Great, the male version of Lillian.”

“But he won’t bitch at me and give me press work,” Sebastian says reaching up to help her undo her shirt buttons. “Anything else?”

Her shirt joins her jacket on the ground before she shakes her head and leans down. “Not right now. I’m sure we can work out our non-relationship as we go.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian says before her lips cover his and they’re kissing.

And she was very happy with their new agreement. All they had to do was stay between the lines. She was positive they could do that just fine.

*      *       *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at them makes rules and draw lines.   
> Hands up those that think they'll stick to them and everything will be fine and dandy with no issues what-so-ever.


	13. It's all plane and simple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter for you all!   
> Thanks to the wonderful @formulaoneisfast for betaing as always!

 

Sebastian squirmed in his seat, Kimi’s gaze hadn’t left him since they boarded the flight. He hadn’t even said anything when Aston joined them, not a single word, rather he’d been on the end of Kimi’s cold gaze. He looks at Aston next to him, asleep because she’d passed out pretty well after take-off; apparently unaffected by Kimi glaring at them.

“It’s not what you think,” he finally blurts out.

“I don’t think anything,” he shrugs.

Of course he thought something, he’d already accused him of being in love with her, so he wasn’t sitting there thinking nothing. In fact, he can see Kimi’s mouth twitching into an almost smirk, like getting a rise out of him meant something. He folds his arms and closes his eyes. If he went to sleep, he wouldn’t have to see him.

He’s nudged awake a few hours later, Aston leaning over and poking him in the face till he swatted her hand away and opened his eyes. She grins at him and he scowls in return. He sits up and notes Kimi was dozing as was Mark his trainer.

“Seb,” she leans across the tiny aisle towards him, keeping her voice low. “Have you joined the mile-high club yet?”

His head whips back to her so fast he might have jarred his neck. “Are you serious?” She shrugs and looks behind them where there was a small bathroom. “You’re fucking serious.” Where was the sensible Laura from earlier demanding they keep things under wraps?

“You said Kimi knows, and I’ll be quiet.”

“No! Fucking no, okay,” he hisses at her furiously. Kimi would never let him live that down. She looks disappointed and he wished his body was on the same page as his brain and not leaping to attention at her suggestion.

“When did you become boring?” she pouts at him. “And we had a deal, so I get sex whenever I want now.”

She wasn’t whispering anymore and his eyes dart to Kimi nervously and back to her. “That’s not our deal,” he hisses.

“I like the you that was happy to risk my life in Kimi’s rally car.” She undoes her seatbelt and gets to her feet. “I’m going to the bathroom. To _relieve_ myself.”

Fuck. He turns to watch her disappear down the short aisle. He undoes his belt just as Kimi’s eyes snap open.

“Don’t fucking think about it. Sit down. Get your own plane to fuck around in.”

Sebastian looks at Kimi, face now bright red and he redoes his belt. He was going to kill Laura.

 

*       *       *

When Lillian opens the door, Miles is surprised to see her looking incredibly annoyed. “What?”

“I am gone for one race, one fucking race Miles and you can’t keep her in check?” Lillian is immediately off at him with no greeting.

He blinks. “I’m sorry, I don’t have control over her driving. She’s fine but she’ll want to see you.”

Lillian throws open the door and storms inside. “I’m not talking about her accident.” And she was very aware that Laura wanted to catch up. “I told her I had a very bad case of the stomach flu so she’s keeping her distance.” Miles shakes his head as she goes back to her original point and thrusts her phone into his face, so close he has to pull back to see a blurry picture.

“What?”

“Her and Sebastian flew back together?” She looks so pissed and he grabs the phone to look at the picture of Sebastian and Laura at the airport.

He shrugs. “I flew back with Molly, she said she had her own plans. She wants me to move to Zurich by the way – “

Lillian is waving her hands at him frustration. “You are missing everything. This is why I’m not relying on you to tell me things!” She’s back playing on the phone, zooming in on the picture before it’s thrust back at him. “That’s his hand. On her ass.”

Miles stares at her phone. “Someone took a picture of her ass?” What fucker did that?

“Oh my god Miles,” Lillian looks like she might scream or strangle him.

“I’m sure it’s nothing. There’s nothing going on. Plus, Jenson came and saw her at the hospital.”

“Wait, what?” Lillian has stilled looking completely stunned.

“Oh, miss know-it-all doesn’t know everything, does she?” Miles smiles at her smugly.

“What happened?” she demands.

Miles shrugs. “Don’t know. He was leaving when Molly and I arrived. Seb saw more of them than we did.”

“Oh my god, I need to get back to the circuit.” Her hand is on her forehead as she sinks to the sofa.

“Please, how many spies do you have running around taking pictures of Laura’s fucking ass?”

“I don’t have spies,” she snaps. “And I don’t know what’s happening with her and Jenson, but she’s with Sebastian.” She points a finger at her brother, “You keep those two apart. That’s going to end up badly.”

Miles crosses his arms. “She’s not with Vettel.” That was the most preposterous notion. “If anything, I think she’ll be back with Jenson before the next race.”

“And this is why you’re not part of my fucking spy network.”

So she did have one. He’s not really surprised. “So, how are you feeling?” he changes the subject. “Besides mad at my inability to prove your ridiculous theories?”

She slumps backwards. “Sick. Tired. Don’t get cancer.” He moves to hug herself tightly.

She actually didn’t look too bad, but then again, she was only going to get worse before she got better. “You up to going out for something to eat?”

She looks like she wants to say no but she nods. “Sure, then we can talk about you and Molly, and moving to Zurich.”

Great. Nothing he was looking forward to, because he didn’t want to go, and he knew which side Lillian was going to come down on but then again, he figured he’d lost this battle months ago.

*      *       *

Lillian’s mostly dozing through her treatment, which wasn’t a bad thing, sitting around was boring and secondly, she was tired. But they were pouring her body full of poison to fight a disease, so it’s not a surprise really. When her eyes do flutter open some time later, she thinks for a moment she might be dreaming at the sight of a certain Finn sitting in a chair beside her, facing her with feet propped up on a chair and playing some noisy game on his phone.

“Kimi?” She blinks to clear her vision.

“Hang on,” he mutters not looking up as he battles with his phone.

She sighs and moves to sit up. There’s an incredible wave of nausea that comes over at her at the motion. “Kimi,” she says again, firmer this time. He looks up at her this time and gives her a half smile as he does.

“Hi,” he greets as if his presence wasn’t unexpected. He’s back looking at his phone. “Did you get my pictures of Sebastian and Laura?”

“I thought you had shit on in Italy today.”

He shrugs. “Well I can get out of it.”

“You used me as an excuse?”

He has the nerve to grin at her. “Well it’s good for both of us. I don’t have to answer dumb questions and you don’t have to do this alone.” He waves at all the shit surrounding her. “This is a good thing.” He leans back and stretches. “I’m going to get out of a lot of shit PR work.”

“I’m pleased my cancer is making your life so much easier,” she tells him sarcastically.

He points at her head. “You still have hair.”

Lillian’s hand gently pats at her head self-consciously. “It’s not going to last,” she tells him bitterly.

“I’m sure you’ll look great bald,” he promises. “You should cut it off now.”

Her eyes widen in panic, both hands touching her hair. “No. I’m going to keep it as long as possible. I have only started losing a little bit.”

“There’s a bald spot near your ear…” he waves his finger at an imaginary spot that has her frantically feeling around for it.

“Come here so I can hit you,” she orders, and he only laughs at her silently.

“Shave it off Lillian. It’s just fucking hair.”

“I like my hair. I’m keeping my hair,” she tells him stubbornly.

“Fine keep it,” he tells her dismissively. There’s a long silence and Kimi moves to sit up properly, leaning towards her, hand dropping on the bed next hers but not touching it. “So, Sebastian and Laura want to fuck in my plane.”

“Keep them away from each other,” Lillian breathes out harshly.

“No, they can do whatever they want as long as it’s not fucking in my plane.”

“You’re meant to help me!”

“I’m not helping you,” he denies flatly. “Watch them fuck it up? Yes. Sebastian keeps telling me he’s not in love with her.” He’s smirking now.

He was happy to give her a blow by blow of them. Happy to take pictures of her sister’s ass and suggest she takes a picture of hers for comparison sake. Happy to stand around and let everyone else be his damn entertainment. “You are so fucking infuriating,” Lillian mutters. Her annoyance made her tired which made her pissed off at her body for acting like it was turning 90, it was a vicious cycle.

His little finger nudges at her hand, almost stroking it. “Sleep.”

“No, I slept for hours,” she complains trying to ignore him touching her.

“You look like shit and you look tired.” Kimi was always one with the compliments. “Sleep. I’ll stay.”

“I’m not tired,” she denies before promptly yawning.

Kimi rolls his eyes and moves to sit back in his chair. “You sleep, I’ll wait for you to be done.”

“It’ll take hours,” she murmurs already feeling sleepy.

“It’s okay,” he assures her and the last thing she hears is, “They have icecream in the cafeteria,” before someone is squeezing her hand tightly.

*      *       *

Austria. It’s the team’s home race, and there is twice as much press work for both her and Dan. Laura’s not sure they’ve done that much press work together as yet, but he is constantly making her laugh. And when they’re done, they have ended up at Hangar 7.

“What are you doing?” Dan asks her as she pulls out her phone.

She grins. “Inside joke with Seb,” she says taking a photo of the F1 car on the showroom floor. She sends it to him with a message of _Remember our friend?_

“Look at you two, being all besties with inside jokes now you’re not teammates,” Daniel grins

“I suppose that means there’s still hope for us,” Laura responds lightly before backing away from Dan and his mock hurt face before it changes with a new thought.

. “Or!”

“Don’t say it Daniel,” Laura warns already knowing where he was going and she stops holding up a hand.

“He hit on you and now your dating!”

She glares at him. “You and I have a greater chance of hooking up,” she says waving a finger between them.

Daniel is ignoring her comment, still grinning widely. “If he hits on your Laura, you have to tell me, so I can tell Mark –“

She rolls her eyes and walks off, feeling her phone buzz with a response. “Bye Daniel!” She tries hard not to rush to her phone when she receives a message a few minutes later.

Seb. _We’ll have to finish what we started._

Laura’s breath hitches and she stops near the car waiting for her. _I don’t want any more bruises_!!!! she responds. She was still wearing the ones from last week.

_No one would see them._ There’s a sad face then. _But okay. No marks. Promise. Only my mouth on your_. He’d inserted a picture of a cat or kitten emoticon.

Well that makes things very clear and Laura slides into the car and immediately squeezes her thighs together before hastily texting back _When are you free?_

_I’m not even in Austria yet._

_You fucking asshole. I hate you._

_I hate you too!_ Then there’s a ton of broken heart emoticons. God, he has fucking twelve and she was horny.

*      *       *

Miles is not having a great evening. Laura was cranky and clearly in a bad mood; Molly even had the audacity to suggest his sister looked frustrated and maybe simply needed to get laid. Did no one get that he didn’t want to know about her love or sex life? God, between her and Lillian…

And then there was Molly who he couldn’t do anything right by. He’s not sure what happened to the fun and sweet Molly he quite liked last year. It was like she’d been invaded by a completely different person since she got pregnant – whoever said being pregnant was meant to be some rewarding life moment hadn’t met Molly pregnant. And what did he get at the end of all this? Some small thing that was going to cry all the goddamn time and look at him like he had all the answers. He was terrified – of a pregnant Molly and being a father.

He was happy when Laura fled halfway through dinner after getting a text message, practically bolting from the hotel restaurant. Molly had stopped complaining about the serving size of her meal to also check her phone. She huffs at the text. “Seb’s finally shifted his ass from Maranello to here,” she mutters and then to his horror, her eyes suddenly start to water.

“What?” he asks wondering what he had missed and the phone is shoved at him. “Hey Mol, just got in. Tired. Can we run through my schedule tomorrow at breakfast?” he reads out. “What?”

“He doesn’t want to see me,” she’s struggling to hold back a full-on wave of tears.

Miles blinks at her before looking back at the text message. He thinks this might be one of those areas he was meant to tread carefully. “I think he’s probably had a busy day… he wants to see you tomorrow. He’s just tired.” The facts don’t do anything to improve her mood, so he decides to bite the bullet. “I have been doing some thinking…” He gives her a smile, “You’re right, we should move in together. Do the parent things together. Do us together. And if I have to do it in Zurich to get that, well I’ll do it in Zurich.”

“Really?” Her eyes brighten and then she promptly bursts into tears.

“These are happy hormone tears, right?” he asks before she’s out of her chair and hugging him tightly, sobbing to him that yes they were. He kisses her cheek. “Good. I suppose they’re better than sad hormone tears.” He doesn’t even care that she thumps him hard, he just squeezes her tightly.

*      *       *

Sebastian made sure to take his time to open the door to his suite, he knew it was Aston and he smirks at the dark look on her face. “You could at least show you’re excited that I’m finally here.”

“Fuck off,” she snaps pushing passed him and he delightfully slams the door closed after her.

“Did you want something?” he asks innocently. “I’ve had a long day…”

She’d stomped to the bed but now whirls around, hands on her hips. “Are you really going to play it out like this?”

He crosses his arms and leans against the door, not moving one step in her direction. “Yep.” He swears she’s practically shaking in her fury. “You look so cute when you’re mad at me.”

“Why are you punishing me?”

“I don’t know…” he shrugs. “Pick a reason. There’s literally a thousand. We could start with Kimi.” He moves towards her. “Do you know he wanted to take me shopping for a fucking plane? And then had the nerve to email me a list of planes with larger bathrooms.”

She blinks at him. “Seriously?”

“He’s become the new Rocky. Except I prefer Rocky.” He stares at her hard watching her breathing quicken at his close proximity.

“You can have Rocky,” she tells him, licking her lips. “Stop talking now.”

“Why?” He reaches out and drags a finger along her exposed collarbone in her singlet shirt. “Do you want me to do something else with my mouth?” Her breath hitches when his finger stops at her throat. She doesn’t answer him. “Say yes Aston.”

“Yes,” she answers struggling with doing as she’s told to get what she clearly wants.

“Now ask me nicely?” His hands are on her jeans as he talks, undoing buttons slowly, “Say Seb, please will you be ever so kind and get on your knees –“

“Sebastian,” Laura’s voice low, shaking in warning, “I swear to god – “

Sebastian shoves her jeans down her legs. “Playing nice gets you rewards Laura.”

She’s hurriedly stepping out of jeans as she tells him, “I’m not a nice person. Did you not figure that out?”

“Trust me, it has not escaped my attention.” He shoves her onto the bed. “But that’s fine, I’m not a nice person either.” He grabs her thighs and yanks her to edge where he finally falls on his knees for her. He pushes her legs wider, stubbled cheek rubbing on the inside of her thigh and he smiles at the stifled noise she makes, her hands reaching for his head in attempt to make him move faster. He laughs against her leg, kissing his way up, taking his time, because he could.

“Seb,” she pants, clearly frustrated but he only hums as he reaches for her underwear.

“I was wrong,” he tells her after dragging them down and off. “You _are_ excited to see me.”

“Fucking hell Sebastian! I’m going to fucking kill you in a minute.”

“That’s not going to get you what you want though…” He doesn’t wait for her response because he doesn’t care what it is, he simply presses his mouth to where she so clearly needed and drags his tongue lightly across her. There’s a choked sob and he hadn’t even really started. He smirks against her, pulls her closer and sets about giving her exactly what she wanted.

He kisses at her, tongue lapping at her, only swiping occasionally right where she wanted. He was enjoying her squirming around, listening to her harsh breathing, the little cry she makes when his tongue touches her clit before darting back away. He ends up holding her hips down, tongue driving into her body.

She was so wet and tight. He wants to fuck her so badly. His straining against his own jeans, the pressure actually starting to hurt. He groans against her, dropping a hand to unzip his fly for a little relief. He wanted to keep her on edge, wanted to torture her but he’s not sure he can wait to have her. He pulls back to look at her, taking her in her hand clenched around the bedding, the other in his hair trying to pull him back while her stomach rose and fell rapidly.

“Don’t stop!” she orders, head lifting up, eyes blown wide. “Fuck, don’t stop,” she pleads.

He pushes his hands under her shirt, ignoring her for the moment, stroking her sides, her heated skin as she keeps tugging at his head. So, he drops it down and sucks kisses across her lower stomach. It sees her dissolve into little sobs as he ignores her trying to rip out his hair.

“You’re so damn impatient,” he rasps to her, but he make his way back to the apex of her thighs and this time with the intention of ending it. Or else he might lose it and come in his pants before he even had her. He locks his lips around her clit, and sucks, tongue firmly against her. She arches against him, her cries far from muffled as he sets about using his tongue to write ‘Sebastian Vettel for world champion’. At least she seems in full support of that right about now as she shatters into his mouth, jerking on the bed.

And only when she shoves him back weakly, does he pull away, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand as she whimpers rolling away from him. He stands up, squeezing at his erection for relief as she lays on the bed panting. “We’re not done Aston,” he tells her trying to hurriedly remove his jeans and not betray how desperate he was himself now.

The moment he’s naked from the waist down he crawls over her, not bothering with his shirt, sliding his hand under the pillow to grab the condom he shoved under there when he texted her. “Ready?”

Her eyes are wide, glassy, face flushed, and he really did like her like this. She whimpers and pulls his mouth to hers and he takes that as a yes. It doesn’t take long or much really once he’s inside her, and he’s far too worked up to be embarrassed by how quickly it ends, his release slamming into him before he could catch it. He cries out against her shoulder, biting down as he does.

He rolls off her, catching his breath as Laura sits up next to him and she’s trying to look less undone than she felt. “It was okay,” she tells him. “I mean, you were okay.”

He raises an eyebrow at her. “Really? That’s your response.” And when she shrugs, he pushes himself up and throws her back down on the bed. “We’ll do it again then, till you take that back.”

She grins against his lips, “Well they do say practice makes perfect.”

*      *       *

 


	14. Dinner with friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not quite Sunday, but it's close enough on this end. 
> 
> Thanks to @formulaoneisfast for betaing as per usual

“What do you mean she’s not coming?” Laura asks Miles hurt. “Of course she’s coming! It’s Silverstone, she always comes to Silverstone.”

“Sorry Lau,” Miles gives her an encouraging smile, “I’ll be there and Lillian says she can’t get away to come.”

“Fucking bullshit,” Laura squeezes her water bottle tight and it floods out on the table between them in the Red Bull motorhome. It was mid-morning and she wasn’t even halfway through her day and Miles was breaking it to her, as gently as possible that her sister was blowing her off at the next race. “This new job may as well be some new guy in her life where she then promptly forgets anything else exists.” Laura gets to her feet angrily.

“It’s not like that Laura,” Miles reaches for her hand to pull her back down. “Don’t be mad at her…”

“I’ll be mad at whoever I damn well feel like and I’m choosing to be mad at her.” She heads off to do her morning track walk, texting her sister as she does and making sure she knew exactly how she felt.

_You’re coming to Silverstone. Fuck work._

There’s no response but she doesn’t have time for it as Rocky is waiting for her with the guys. “Don’t we look chipper this morning princess.” he greets.

She says nothing because she’s not in the mood for him. They head out and she’s bouncing on top of the kerb at turn one when she sees the bright red of the Ferrari boys. She purses her lips, Sebastian with his head down, looking serious, being the good student.

“Aston,” Rocky smacks his pen on the back of her head. “Stop ogling your favourite driver.”

“I’m not ogling,” she folds her arms as Sebastian looks up and meets her gaze. He grins, only Laura watches the smile quickly disappear and she notes Rocky holding up a clipboard for him where he’d drawn a heart with their initials in it. She shoves at him hard. “Stop it!”

“Then give me your damn attention,” Rocky snaps and she rolls her eyes as she watches him add a few more hearts to his page and the other guys are laughing. The last thing she needs is Rocky spreading his ridiculous theories with the rest of the team.

“Are we done here?” she asks them and there’s smothered smiles and choked laughter at jokes about how the two of them would ever maintain a relationship without killing the other. She walks off as there is fresh laughter at how no doors would remain on their hinges and then they try and count all the times there was door slamming from the prior year. Great, it was clear the track walk was done.

*      *        *

Sebastian sat up watching as Laura crawled off the bed to get redressed. She stares at him watching her as she pulls on her underwear and he smirks at her. “Do you really have to do that?”

“Nope, but I want to,” he shrugs. “If you want me to stop, take them back off and we can go again.”

“Can’t,” she answers. “I have to call Lillian and yell at her.”

Sebastian stretches. “Fine. I have a dinner date anyway.”

Laura rolls her eyes. “Kimi doesn’t count as a date,” she states shrugging on her team shirt and doing up the buttons. “Unless there’s something you’re not telling me and then maybe we should discuss opening this up to him joining us.”

“Not happening. Ever.”

Grinning she turns to hunt for jeans replying with, “Worth asking.” She gets down on the ground to pull them out from under the bed. “But deep down, I know you’re secretly in love.”

“Uh huh,” he wasn’t going to comment any more than that. “So what’s Lillian done?”

“Put her stupid new Ferrari job ahead of me. Your team sucks by the way.”

Sebastian frowns. “What’s she doing? I haven’t seen her at the factory…”

“Don’t know, I fell asleep last time she was telling me.” Before Sebastian can register what’s happening Laura is kissing him quickly. “I’ll let you know what time debriefs finish tomorrow after practice. Probably far earlier than yours knowing our superiority.”

Sebastian snorts and he’s given another kiss. Were they meant to kiss goodbye? Does it matter? He tugs her back for another, pulling her down as he falls back onto the bed. She’s eagerly kissing him back, crawling back over him before she sits up abruptly.

“Stop that,” she orders. She darts away from the bed and temptation. “Have fun romancing Kimi.”

“He’s just going to talk about fucking planes!” he calls after her as she walks out of his suite.

 

He shouldn’t have gotten out of bed. He should have stayed in his suite and called his mum, rather than sit opposite Kimi who was doing his stare thing, occasionally commenting on anything but on him and Aston. Kimi dodging the topic was more unnerving than him actually being blunt and upfront. And when did Kimi even care about front wing updates? Never. He never ever cared about upgrades but he was talking about them now. He didn’t even think Kimi listened in briefings.

“Can you get it over and done with?” Sebastian snaps at him. “Say it, whatever it is you want to say to me?”

Kimi blinks at him. “About what?”

“You know what,” Sebastian hisses.

Kimi grabs his water and smirks. “Not my business.”

“That’s right. But it isn’t anything,” Sebastian snaps at him. “Doesn’t mean anything.”

“Of course,” Kimi answers coolly and his non-reaction was grating on Sebastian’s nerves, he clearly didn’t believe that. “I’m sure it’s just sex. With nothing attached.”

“Yes. That’s all it is,” Sebastian agrees, but Kimi looked like he was silently laughing at him. “What?” he asked exasperated.

“You can’t do no feelings.”

“Yes I can,” Sebastian answers defensively. “And I don’t have any feelings for Aston.”

Kimi rolls his eyes. “So, only sex?”

“Yes,” Sebastian says definitively. “That is all.”

Kimi waves his fork at him. “That means just sex. No dinners, no dates, no rallying, nothing. Just sex.”

“Are you giving me rules?”

“No phone calls. No texting unless it’s to meet up. No asking about each other’s day. No asking about each other’s family. Only go to hotels. Do not visit each other. Don’t kiss unless you’re having sex and don’t fucking stare at each other constantly in the paddock.”

“That last one sounds like it’s for your benefit,” Sebastian huffs.

“It’s for everyone’s fucking benefit,” Kimi bites back. “You’re going to start fucking rumours.”

“We know what we’re doing, it’s fine.” Sebastian assures him.

Kimi snorts loudly. “I can’t wait to watch this fucking blow up in your face.”

Sebastian glares at him. “I don’t know why we’re friends.”

“Because who else is going to let you crash their rally cars because you’re trying to get off while driving?” Kimi asks with raised eyebrows.

“I hate you.”

Kimi smirks and waves at Sebastian’s mostly untouched dinner. “Eat your vegetables,” he orders.

*      *        *

Lillian is trying to keep her eyes open and watch practice where Daniel was currently leading the times. She was at home and she was exhausted. If she had the energy maybe she would answer all of Laura’s calls but she didn’t feel up to fighting with her and she didn’t have an excuse. Suddenly hiding the truth was sheer exhaustion. Maybe she should tell her?

She blinks, smiling as Laura sets the quickest time. Or not. Laura could be pissed at her but at least she wouldn’t be the reason she was distracted. It’s the last thing she gets to see, instead she’s heading to the bathroom to hug the toilet bowl as she throws up what little she had managed to eat for lunch.

It’s quite some time later that she drags herself back to her feet to wash her face and rinse her mouth. She’s careful not to glance at herself, at her pale face, at her gaunt features and dark eyes. Today she looked like she had cancer, she looked sick. And if she touched her hair it would fall out regardless of her protests. She turns away not prepared to spend today crying.

She moves to lie down in bed, taking her phone with her. She needed to call or at the very least text Laura _something_. But for the first time, she’s lost for words. She’s tired, and she doesn’t want to lie, not today. She chokes on a sob and rolls over. She was going to sleep. Maybe she would wake up and she won’t be in hell.

*      *        *

Ever since qualifying has wrapped up, Laura had been itching for a fight. For the first time all season Daniel has outqualified her and not by anything other than pace. But all weekend he has looked on it, more than her and her first instinct is to go off at him, but Miles who has been weirdly quiet and reclusive is ensuring she keeps her distance. Probably for the best, she doesn’t want her relationship with Daniel to deteriorate like it had with Sebastian – she’ll simply need to beat him tomorrow. Plus she had other means to let out her anger.

Plus, Seb was outqualified by Kimi as well, so he wasn’t going to be in a fantastic mood either. Good, he wouldn’t be a smart ass and bitch, he’ll be just as pissy as she was. She’s texting him, bluntly asking when he was done for the day, stalking out of the paddock when someone falls instep next to her. Jenson.

“I feel like you’re ignoring me Laura,” he says quietly as she pushes her phone away that was immediately dinging with a text response.

“I’m not ignoring you Jenson.” She was, all his texts, avoiding his invites to talk. So he didn’t hate her, so he still loved her, but all those things she was desperate for back in March aren’t a priority suddenly. Because he was right, about her, about her inability at relationships. She wasn’t doing that again. She wasn’t letting him hurt her again.

“Good,” he nods at her. “Let’s have dinner then. Miles said you didn’t have plans…”

She blinks and feels her pocket vibrate again reminding her of Sebastian. “Actually…”

Jenson grabs her hand before moving and stopping in front of her. “I’m not asking for anything else other than dinner.”

She bites her lip and looks up at him and he stares at her pleadingly and she hesitates. She still loved him, she still wanted him, and it’s why she nods her head. Maybe they could work out something halfway, maybe they could be friends? Her pocket was vibrating again as Jenson kisses her cheek quickly telling her he’ll text her once he’s back at the hotel.

The moment he’s walked off she rips out of her phone to read Sebastian’s responses.

_Do you want to meet up to bitch at me about Daniel?_ She glares at the text before scrolling to the next one.

_Or do you want me to fuck you till you forget your second best?_ Prick.

_Come straight to my room. Be back in 30._

Well Sebastian was going to have to wait more than thirty minutes. She wonders how quickly her and Jenson could be friends again at dinner so she could run off and see Sebastian.

_Give me an hour. Two tops._ She texts him back.

His response is nearly immediate. _One hour Aston. Or I’ll start without you._

*

They have dinner at the restaurant at the hotel, not venturing out. Jenson pulls her chair out as she throws her phone on the table before he sits opposite her. He smiles at her and it’s odd that there’s awkwardness between them, that didn’t use to exist. If she wasn’t racing tomorrow she’d order herself a bottle of wine, but she was so she’ll stick to water.

“How’s your head?” Jenson asks her as she sips at her glass.

“Fine. Not even a bump,” she assures him.

“Good, I’m pleased. And I’m pleased you’re not throwing the car into walls this weekend,” he smiles.

“Well, weekend isn’t over, but I’m not planning on a repeat. Fucking lost the lead in the championship,” she returns feeling herself heat up at the thought.

“At least your accident hasn’t killed your competitive streak,” he grins at her.

“I’m not sure that’s killable.”

“So are you and Daniel playing nice?”

She smiles at him. “We play much nicer than Sebastian and I.”

The mention of Sebastian’s name has Jenson falter and Laura remembers Mark’s comments from Monaco. She changes the subject, “So what did you want to talk about?”

“Like I said in Montreal, I want to work on us. Have to start somewhere Laura and dinner is a start, right?”

“Yeah, it’s a start,” she agrees.

Relaxing Jenson grabs his own water glass, “To starting over?”

“To starting over,” she clinks her glass against his. “To being friends.” If Jenson wants more than that he doesn’t show it, instead sips at his water as a waiter approaches.

 

She’s only halfway through her meal when her phone vibrates on the table, Jenson in the middle of ranting about Lewis and his growing attitude when her screen lights up with a text from Sebastian.

_Time’s up Aston._

She hurriedly flips her phone over as Jenson raises his eyebrows at her and she tries to put more food on her fork. Her phone is buzzing again and she winces grabbing her water to push her food down faster as she dares to look at her phone and opening up the message, to see that Sebastian had sent her a photo. A picture of him of his hand grabbing at himself through his shorts. Was he seriously going to send photos?

Immediately she’s looking at another picture and his unzipped his shorts. She chokes on her water and slams the phone back down as Jenson asks, “You okay?”

“Fine,” she answers forcing herself to swallow her mouthful, as her phone vibrates again and her face flushes. She was going to kill him and she squirms each time the phone vibrates, cutting Jenson off each time mid-sentence. She wasn’t going to look, she wasn’t playing this game with him.

And it’s not her, it’s Jenson that snaps a few minutes later reaching to grab her phone having had enough of it. “Just turn it off Laura.” He’s fiddling with it as Laura dives across the table but not before he sees all the notifications of unread text messages from one Sebastian Vettel. While she might not have text preview on, it’s enough to see Sebastian’s name on the screen to have Jenson stop. He’s holding the phone as it buzzes again, the unread messages increasing, he stares at her hard.

“Laura?” Jenson asks bluntly.

“Give me that,” she snatches it from his hand because she had never changed her passcode since they broke up and this could end up being a hundred times worse. “He’s probably texting me about qualifying.”

“Bullshit.” It was unlikely that Jenson was ever going to buy that and he leans across the table. “Seriously Laura? Sebastian? That’s where you ran off to?”

“I have not run off to anyone,” she hisses at him. “I am not seeing anyone. Let alone Sebastian Vettel.” And fucking hell, her phone is still buzzing in her hand. She was going to fucking kill Sebastian as she hurriedly turns off her phone.

“Be technical Laura,” Jenson says coldly, “So what, you’re just fucking him?” he keeps his voice low, eyes full of anger and hurt.

“Do not look at me like that,” she tells him angrily. “If I was sleeping with someone, that would be none of your business because you ended things.” He goes to say something but Laura gets to her feet because it wasn’t fair for him to play this card, for Sebastian or anyone. “You don’t get to be jealous. You don’t get to be anything. And FYI, I have no plans to _date_ or _be with anyone_. Since you kindly informed me of all my flaws and inabilities at relationships, I have no desire to do that again, with you or anyone. So really you have nothing to worry about.”

“Laura,” Jenson stands to grab her but she yanks it back from him. “You’re going to walk that path with him, it’s going to end badly.”

He’s not apologising, he’s not taking it back, not arguing she was wrong. She sucks in her breath. “Enjoy the rest of your meal, I’m late for another appointment. With Sebastian.” She stalks away and he’s staring daggers in her back. She knows she’s going to regret saying that but right now it felt fucking great.

Only in the elevator does she turn her phone back on, waiting impatiently for it to load back up. She’s on his floor and walking towards his room when she can scroll through his pictures that only get more explicit and it’s no longer only her face that burns as she stares at his hand wrapped around himself. She bites her lip as she texts him to put his pants back on and open the damn door for her.

The door opens for her and Laura steps in and immediately explodes, “Seriously?” She holds up her phone with the pictures.

“You came, didn’t you?” Sebastian tells her calmly as he grabs her phone and begins to systemically delete all the photos he sent. He sounds calm, but his face held a slight flush, his shorts are barely hanging on his hips, and she can clearly see how worked up he was.

“No, not yet.” She grabs her phone and throws it to the floor. “You better fix that.”

“Maybe I don’t need you anymore.”

She stares blatantly at his erection before stepping forward and wrapping her fingers around him and he hisses, eyes fluttering closed. “Liar.” She squeezes at him and his eyes snap open. “Now fuck me before I decide you’re better off dead.”

“Fine.” His hand is in her hair, dragging her towards him as he slams his mouth to hers and sets about doing exactly that.

*      *        *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since it's the last update before Christmas, I wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas. Thank you all so much for reading and your support, it is always much appreciated. xx


	15. Beneath the denials

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the Christmas wishes! New chapter for you all, happy reading!

Laura and Daniel walk to the driver’s parade together, both sipping at their pre-race drinks before Daniel asks, “So, when I win this afternoon, how much are you going to hate me?”

“What makes you think I don’t hate you now?” she asks him with raised eyebrows.

“Right, how much more are you going to hate me?” he corrects with a grin.

“You’re not winning Daniel,” she snaps at him. If she had the lead, if they were further in the championship, she’d have the right to demand preferential treatment, but she had none of that. Her irritation threatens to grow. Her teammate seems way too chirpy considering it’s the first weekend he seems to have really showed her up. She doesn’t like it.

“Well I’d rather not be on the end of all your hate stares and barbed comments to the press like Seb is, so you’re going to have to work out a way to let go of your anger,” Daniel tells her. “I’m only going to smother you till you love me again.”

“Great, killed with smiles,” she mutters trying to clear her head of Seb fucking her last night. Yes, she had other ways of dealing with her anger. And she shivers recalling being bent over the back of the couch in Seb’s suite and simply fucked in too much detail. And it was good, so fucking good. And not just the sex but being able to have the sex without all the complications of a relationship. Her eyes immediately seek out Jenson, they both seemed to be ignoring each other today, more than usual and that was fine with her.

Daniel nudges at her pulling her back to the now. “This is the beginning Laura. Of me finally working out how to best you.” He laughs as she rolls her eyes and he jogs ahead of her to leap onto the truck. She makes a point to not stand with her teammate, instead seeking Kimi who she knew wouldn’t say a word to her, and if he felt like talking it would be to Seb on his other side.

While the Sauber boys are on her left, they’re happy to keep each other company, so she got to stand and only be subjected Jenson occasionally glaring at her between his glares at Sebastian. Kimi has noticed and he’s looking between all three of them and raising his eyebrows. She turns her back on him to wave at the fans.

An interview and a lap later she can escape to freedom. Only to be knocked off balance by Sebastian who shoves passed her, glaring back at her with a furious look in his eyes, and then Jenson who knocks into her from the other side but she doesn’t even get a glance back. And then she watches Jenson fall into step next to Sebastian. She can’t hear what they’re saying heads bowed together, but both are tense and Sebastian only looks more pissed off. What are the chances they’re simply talking about the race?

“You’re doing it wrong,” Kimi tells her as he walks passed and he looked like he was trying not to laugh.

She was doing it fine. The issue was Sebastian and his fucking text messages!

*      *        *

The race isn’t great, but then again Sebastian didn’t even finish on the podium so maybe he was biased. Aston was second, Kimi got third, and with Kimi nearly always neither happy nor sad, maybe the only person truly happy is Daniel who lead his team to a one-two in their home race. He figured Aston was around somewhere throwing shit around the garage – from the glimpses he saw of the podium she pretty much scowled the whole time. At least he understood, it hurt to be second or anything other than first.

Sebastian doesn’t care though that she’s in a bad mood. He’s pissed at her about Jenson who clearly knows something if his earlier ‘good luck with her, you’ll need it’ comment, was anything to go by. He thought they were being kept under wraps, and there was no way he was letting Aston use him as some means to get back at Jenson. He might not win a race, but he didn’t have to be second when it came to his personal life.

She texts him that evening. He knew she would but he ignores it, he wasn’t going to let her dictate all the terms and then change them when it suits her needs. So he has dinner with some of the team before deciding he had enough. He was happy for the weekend to be over.

Only it wasn’t as he steps into his suite it’s to find Aston lying across his bed trying to balance a room card on her nose. He slams the door closed making it known he was back. “Do I want to know how you got a card?”

She sits up and he’s thrown off balance by the lack of anger and instead how hurt she looked. “Maybe I was a thief in a former life,” she shrugs sounding flat.

He walks over and grabs the card from her and then marching it back to his bag and shoving it away. “Aston, we’re not doing this tonight.” He wasn’t going to let her sad expression get to him, he wasn’t fucking comforting her.

“It’s not my fault,” she huffs and flops back down and he ignores her because the last thing he wants to do is talk about Jenson. “If you hadn’t texted me when I was at dinner with him – “

He freezes. “You had dinner with Jenson?” He stares at her with wide eyes as he tries hard to suppress his surprise; she could have dinner with anyone she wanted and it shouldn’t matter if it was with Jenson; but it does. Why couldn’t it be someone else?

“So what?” She moves to sit up, crossing her legs and sitting firmly in the middle of the bed. It didn’t look like she was going anywhere.

“You need to leave. Don’t you have a team party or something?” He crosses his arms, glaring at her annoyed.

“You don’t get to be mad at me about this,” she bites back. “For fucksake Sebastian. It was dinner. I’m not sleeping with the guy.” If that was meant to make him feel better. It didn’t. Far from it. She points a finger at him, “You don’t get to be jealous.”

“Jealous?’ he scoffs back at her. “I’m not fucking jealous!” She rolls her eyes, not looking convinced. “You want to be with Jenson, _again_. Then go be with Jenson!” He waves at the door in case she forgot which direction it is. “But I’m not some game Aston! Don’t make me a damn game between whatever shit is going on between you two.”

“You’re not.” Her response is sharp, and she looks like she’s getting ready to fight him.

“No,” he tells her pointing a finger at her. “I’m not arguing about this with you. We had a deal! And _you_ broke it!” And he stalks towards the bed because he’ll drag her out himself if he has to, “We said no one knew.”

When he reaches for her arm she yanks it from his fingers before he has a tight grip putting her hand behind her back and he steps back frustrated. “I didn’t tell him anything! You’re stupid text messages did a fine job without me.”

Of course, this had to be all his fault. “Aston, I’m not doing this with you,” he tells her again, he was putting his foot down. He didn’t need Jenson’s angry glares and snappy comments, he didn’t need Kimi’s judgey stares… He falters because Laura’s on her knees at the edge of the bed and slowly unbuttoning his shirt. “Stop that,” he orders and she only smirks at him as her shirt drops the bed and her fingers now work on her jeans.

“Seb,” she says calmly as she pulls down her fly, “Come here.”

“This is fucking cheating,” he snaps but he moves towards her as her jeans are shoved down and there’s so much skin. His hands fall to her sides, greedily rubbing at the bare flesh, annoyed her underwear was in the road as he kisses across the curves of her breasts. Maybe he could live Kimi’s judgey stares, and Jenson’s snappy comments as his hands slide around to her ass and he pulls her closer.

He only lifts his face away from her chest at Aston’s insistent tugging, “Seb,” she says staring down at him, “You’re not a game. There’s nothing between Jenson and me.” He sees the hurt flickering in her gaze as she adds, “We’re not even friends.”

All that pain in her feature, it mirrors what he saw in March, in Australia. He lifts her up and gently placing her to stand in front of him, evening them up, as he kisses her softly. He hated her in pain then, he hates her in pain now as he pushes her hair behind hers ears as he murmurs, “Relationships suck, and they hurt.”

“Yes, and I’m never having another,” she mutters, hands yanking his shirt up.

He smiles against her cheek, she sounds like him. “Much easier to do things without all the feelings and risks,” he replies thinking of them and their non-relationship, as he complies and raises his arms up so she can begin to strip him.

“Yes, much easier,” she says when dropping his shirt to the ground, her hands on him, touching him, making his body flush and burn. “So don’t make me leave.”

He drops his thumb to her lips, dragging it back and forth. “It’ll still hurt in the morning,” he warns her. Did she get that? That he couldn’t fix that for her, no matter how many times they fucked?

She smiles when he gasps, the back of her fingers dragging across the front of his shorts and making his eyes flutter closed. “But you’ll help me to forget for now, right?” He lets her kiss him again, kissing him harder, deeper, till he’s completely lost in her. He makes a noise when she breaks the kiss and her lips leave his. She smiles then, it looks almost real, “I like that you can’t say no.”

He rolls his eyes at her and then grabbing her hips throws her on the bed and moves over her. She pouts up at him and he kisses it because that sadness from earlier is fading.

“I want to be on top,” she says trying to push him back.

“No.” He kisses along her jaw, down her neck, hands running up and down her body. He lets a hand stop and rest on her breast, smiling when she gasps as his fingers tease her. “I like you under me.” He was getting a damn say in something between them, because he had a feeling he was on the losing end in all this with everything else, but right now as he dips down to kiss her again, feeling her wrap herself around him, losing feels completely worth it for this.

*      *        *

Miles stares at his sister at the airport where they were waiting for their flight. He must stare for a while because she finally snaps at him looking up from her phone where she’d been texting almost constantly since they sat down.

“What Miles? Stop staring at me!”

He shrugs and leans in the chair opposite her and unscrews the cap of his water bottle. “You seem different.” Her face flushes bright pink and there’s something she was keeping from him. “Happy. Relaxed. Anyone would think you won the damn race.” He downs the last of his water.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she mutters looking back at her phone as it dings with a new text message for the millionth time.

“You’re seeing someone.”

She doesn’t look up as she answers immediately, “There’s no one Miles. You’re being delusional.”

“Jenson?” He fiddles with the now empty bottle in his hands. The way his sister’s face falls, smile gone and her eyes dulled he wished he hadn’t said that. Taking away her happiness wasn’t his intention. “Forget I said that.”

She looks back down at her phone, but it’s not with the same joy as before as she goes back to her text conversation. He watches her for another long moment before sighing. “I’m getting more water? You want anything?” She only shakes her head.

He strolls through the airport to the nearest place to buy water. He spies Sebastian leaning on a wall with a cap and wearing sunglasses, glued to his phone like his sister. He should try calling Lillian again, as he grabs a bottle of water and stands behind Sebastian’s trainer in line waiting for his turn. He stares at his watch, he wishes he was back home because the first thing he was doing was immediately setting out to try and talk some sense into Lillian – if that was at all possible, apparently both his sisters were stubborn shits.

*      *        *

Lillian was enjoying herself. Who said you couldn’t enjoy yourself while you’re in hospital getting pumped full of drugs that burn your veins for cancer? On her right she had the gorgeous George, smiling at her, and on her left next to the bed was Nicky, who was so very charming. The three of them were having a lunch date, what a caring and very good looking nursing staff the hospital has.

“Seriously Lillian?”

She looks away from George who was currently telling her this joke to find her brother standing in the doorway, arms folded. “I’m busy Miles.” She’d rather enjoy her double date than listen to Miles go off at her. His gaze hardens and she sighs and waves away her favourite nurses who give Miles sheepish smiles as they walk passed.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she snaps as Miles stalks over and sits where Nicky had been. “It’s nice to think I still have it.” Miles sighs as Lillian adds, “Even with no fucking hair.”

“Well I guess we can safely say that it’s not your hair that attracts men,” Miles mutters. She gives him a small smile and there’s an awkward pause, “So Laura is pissed at you, ranted to me the whole flight about you ignoring her and how you’re not going to Silverstone.”

Lillian looks away from him. “She’ll get over it,” she answers. She didn’t want this conversation, she also didn’t want to have a fight with her brother, not when she needed him.

“Please tell me you thought about this more – “

“I did,” she cuts him off. “And we need to talk about some stuff.” She fiddles with her blanket not sure how to even begin. Miles sits next to her and she decides best to dive in and just spit it out, rip it off like a band aid. “So my doctor wants to change up my treatment. Be more aggressive with it.”

“Okay,” Miles says slowly, face remaining neutral, “Beat it faster. Sounds good.”

 And she could let him believe that, but she needed someone. “No, it’s more that It’s not working,” she doesn’t let him finish and she draws in a shaky breath. “It’s more aggressive than they thought. I’m buying time Miles, and not as fast you think,” she whispers. He’s frozen, eyes wide, clutching her hand in a death grip.

“What do you mean?” he whispers.

The word is breathed between them, “Months…”

Her brother blinks, reeling. “No, that’s not right.” He shakes his head pulling back. “No. No. No!”

“Months,” she repeats determined to not start crying.

“Lil,” he whispers head dropping down to her clasped hand, kissing it hard and all she can see over his bowed head is his shoulders shaking, no sound as he weeps quietly. It feels like for a moment she’s stepped outside of her own body and unable to feel, it was nice to not breakdown and she reaches out to run her fingers through his hair.

“It’s going to be okay,” she promises him quietly and for a long while they only sit in silence and not once does Miles let her hand go.

Eventually he speaks, sounding broken as he whispers, “We have to tell Laura.”

Lillian stiffens.

“We had a deal Lillian,” Miles reminds her. “You can’t not tell her now.”

“I’ll do the new treatment plan first,” she states.

“No,” Miles shakes his head at her. “No Lillian. You need to tell her. We need to tell her now. If something happens…” he clearly can’t say the words, not ready to accept she might die, but she’s not there yet either.

“I’m the one that gets to make the decision on this and I’m saying no. She races. If she knows...” God, she didn’t want to the be reason that Laura failed, didn’t want to be the reason that her sister was distracted, or worse stopped all together. She couldn’t live with that, nor die with that knowledge. “We’ll give it a bit longer.”

“No,” Miles repeats sounding more adamant. “If you don’t tell her Lillian, I will. This is no longer a point of discussion.”

“It’s my choice Miles!” she snaps at him.

“No,” he stands up and she’d never seen him look so determined and her heart pounds harder. “You have till the end of the Silverstone weekend or I’m telling her. Fuck our deal and my promise. Be pissed at me, but I will tell her because that’s what she deserves Lillian and you know that.”

And Lillian’s resolve to not cry wavers. “Don’t do this Miles,” she begs.

“You seem to be making a lot of your own choices right now Lillian, and I can’t stop you. You want to date hospital staff, fine. But no, it’s not fine to keep this from Laura. Not anymore.”

“Where are you going?” she asks blinking away her tears, he just got here, he can’t leave.

“Call Laura, I’m getting us lunch.” he answers quietly. “Or lunch for me since apparently you just ate.”

“Can I have ice-cream?” It was dumb to request it, she wasn’t going to able to eat, she can’t keep anything down. Miles walks back over to her and bends down to kiss her forehead very gently.

“Lil, I’d give you the world if I could,” he whispers. “I’ll get you some ice-cream.”

And it’s only after he has walked out of the room does she break and let out a sob. Pulling her legs up, she hugs them, burying her face away as she cries.

*      *        *

Sebastian was playing tennis with Kimi. They didn’t do this often together, but sometimes it was nice to catch up away from the track. “How’s Aston,” Kimi asks as he serves. Sebastian misses the return of serve and Kimi smirks.

“Fine,” Sebastian mutters.

“Following my rules?”

Sebastian returns the ball hard and if he aimed for Kimi’s head it was a coincidence. “Can we not talk about it? You’re not even meant to know.”

Kimi ducks. “Why? Jenson knows.”

Sore point and he glares at his friend across the net. “Fucking serve.” Kimi grins across the net at him and Sebastian points his racquet at him. “Don’t fucking talk.” That would make things easier and they don’t. They finish their game mostly in silence, belting the ball either at each other or making the other run the length of the court because that was fun.

When they’re done, Seb sculls his water, wiping his mouth with his hand when they’re done.

“Are you even trying to follow the rules?” Kimi asks him after satisfying his own thirst. Sebastian doesn’t answer and Kimi reaches to grab his arm. “If you care about her…” he trails off.

“We’re not discussing this.” He was putting his foot down, he wasn’t discussing Aston with Kimi like she was one of the many girls Kimi would chase down on weekends or some girl he wanted to pick up. Not with Aston.

Kimi’s fingers dig into his arm harder. “Lillian…” He takes a deep breath. “Maybe Aston will need you,” he shrugs. “So if you care about her…”

Sebastian stares at his friend, screwing the lid on his bottle tightly. He was dancing around something and Kimi never was anything but direct. “Kimi?”

Kimi though shrugs and won’t meet his eyes. “Shit’s coming that’s all.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he demands but Kimi is stubbornly silent. “Hey, if something is coming I deserve a heads up.”

“Doesn’t involve you.”

“Aston?” Sebastian presses.

Kimi grabs his phone from his bag, smiling at a text there and he looks up at him. “Lillian wants to know what the deal is with Jenson and Laura? Couple or friends?”

Sebastian crushes his drink bottle. “You’re talking to Lillian?” He skirts around the topic of Jenson.

“Sure,” he answers dismissively. “Jenson?”

“I don’t give a fuck about Jenson and Aston.” Just thinking of them hurt his chest. He hated them but Kimi didn’t know that. Or maybe he did because he was struggling to hide a smirk. “I tell you one thing, she’s not going to him on race weekends. She comes to me. Jenson gets nothing,” he snaps.

“Yeah and you have no feelings,” Kimi tells him sarcastically. “Keep trying.”

Sebastian was not going to be baited. “What’s Lillian doing anyway?” he forces out.

Kimi shrugs. “Media stuff. Don’t care.” He was replying to his text messages and Sebastian tries to angle his head to read.

“Are you texting Lillian?” Kimi turns away from him. “That’s it, you just lost your privileges of knowing anything.” He grabs at his things. He was not going to be responsible in anything slipping back to Laura’s sister. Aston would be furious.

“It’s just fucking,” Kimi calls after him. “What can I tell her? There’s no feelings.”

Sebastian doesn’t stop but he does hold up his finger over his shoulder as he stalks away.

*      *        *


	16. All fun and games... (part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my last update on this.   
> For this year.  
> Enjoy what's left of 2018 :)
> 
> Betaed by @formulaoneisfast - thanks for all your help with this!

“Lillian!” Laura has finally gotten her sister on the phone.

“Lau,” Lillian answers far too brightly. “You excited for the race this weekend.”

“Don’t,” she snaps at her ignoring Miles who was impatiently trying to get her to walk faster. She was running late for a Q and A thing with the British drivers this morning; how convenient that her sister only answers when she has like two minutes to talk. “You better be packing to come to Silverstone this weekend.”

“I’m sorry but I’m travelling for work.”

“That’s bullshit Lillian. You will come to the race because that’s what we do!”

“Laura, please don’t be your demanding two-year-old self,” Lillian chastises her.

“Fuck you,” she hisses. “You can tell Ferrari to go fuck their job and come here. This is our thing,” she adds upset.

Lillian goes quiet, too quiet and she shakes off Miles on her elbow who was now furiously tapping his watch. He could wait. They could all wait. “I’m sorry Laura. But I can’t, okay?”

There’s an odd feeling that fell into the pit of her stomach – an unpleasant dread. “Lil? Is everything okay?” Maybe something was up, maybe Lillian was keeping something from her…

“Of course!” Lillian argues. “Everything is fine. But this job…”

“Fine. Put your job before me. I don’t care!” She hangs up the phone and shoves it at her brother. “I hate her.”

“Don’t say that,” Miles looks at her pained as she turns and runs up the stairs and on stage just as her name is called. Time to be wedged awkwardly at a table between Lewis and Jenson. This should be great fun.

*      *        *

“What are you doing?” Sebastian asks when he sees Molly lying awkwardly on the sofa at his place. She was browsing on her phone and looking incredibly uncomfortable.

“Browsing Laura’s Instagram,” she replies. “She was in London today with Lewis and Jenson.”

Sebastian prickles at the response stopping himself from going over and snatching the phone off Molly. She does flash him a picture of the three of them on stage together, smiling for the camera, arms around each other all looking very friendly. He hates the picture. “Can we sort out my schedule?”

“You could try and like her Seb, she’s not a bad person. She’s like you actually.”

Sebastian crosses his arms and says nothing as Molly goes back to her phone before she makes a pained face. “What?” he asks panicked. It was his nightmare that Molly would go into labour when it was only him around. There was no way he could handle that.

“Nothing,” she relaxes back down. “The baby kicked. Hard.”

“Oh,” he reaches for her very protruding baby bump only to stop. “Can I?”

“Sure, feel the little devil kick me to pieces from the inside,” Molly mutters and Seb grins, touching her stomach trying to find the kicks. Molly repositions his hands and then he feels it, confirming indeed there was a tiny being inside her. “Don’t look like you found the meaning of life, that’s how Miles looks!”

He tries to clear his face. “Sorry,” he says but he doesn’t mean it. It was no secret that Molly detested everything about being pregnant. “I can’t wait to meet him.”

“Might be a girl,” Molly warns him.

“Little Sebastian junior.”

Molly looks over her phone, “You get that one passed Miles and you can have it,” she promises before flashing him another picture on her phone, it’s an older picture, he can tell her, Laura’s hair a little shorter; she’s with Jenson. “Her and Jenson look so good together. Wonder where that went wrong…” she muses.

He closes his eyes and tries his best to clear his head like he does pre-race. But all he sees is that picture of Aston and Jenson all dolled up and hugging each other and looking so very damn happy.

“Seb.” His eyes snap open when Molly pinches him. “You okay?”

“Fine,” he mutters. “I’d be better if you didn’t shove Aston in my face every two seconds.”

“If I locked you both in a room, would you sort out your problems or kill each other?” she questions aloud.

They’d fuck. But he stays silent.

“I wonder if it would be mine and Miles’ job to clean up the bloody mess you’d both leave behind?” she continues.

“When’s my flight?” Sebastian was changing the subject.

“Fine,” she sighs. “We’ll work instead.” She stops and hesitates, “But while we run through our schedule, can I have a foot rub?”

Sebastian rolls his eyes but gets up to sit under her feet. “One condition, you keep this baby in until mid-season break.”

“Seb, I will. That’s when the due date is. I promise not have the baby before, as that would be very inconvenient to your life.”

“Well, it’s more like I don’t want you to have it when I’m there.” He looks at her seriously, “Sorry, Mol I’m not going to be yanking a baby out of you.”

Molly snorts. “Seb, my baby is being delivered in a hospital with doctors that won’t ‘yank’ it out, and they are going to get it out while I’m high on drugs. Okay?”

Seb grins. “Good. I like that idea.” It’s a great idea because he doesn’t have to be present.

*      *        *

Laura was doing her damnedest to not be eager, to not be _desperate_ even if it had been nearly two weeks. Her day had been flooded with media and obligations that go with a home race for the team and herself; she should be exhausted not trying to slow her pace to see him. But she was learning to accept that her body had always had a mind of its own when it came to Sebastian Vettel.

She barely knocked when the door flies open. Maybe he was desperate too? Then again, that’s not a surprise when he was the one that told her to come and see him despite the late hour. She closes the door behind her as they stare at the other – almost awkward despite all the sex they’d had to date.

Sebastian looked as if he’d just showered, hair still damp, he smelled clean, skin still a little moist in places. Simply the sight of him has her lower belly tighten and coil with heat. She wanted him.

“Aston…” he reaches for her and she steps towards him. That was all they needed from the other before their mouths seem to rush together. Hands pull at clothes, as they make a haphazard path to the couch where Sebastian drops down, hurriedly pulling her into his lap.

God, this was ridiculous. They’d barely said a word to each other, only heavy breathing and noises of encouragement were shared. Hell, they hadn’t even removed all their clothes, the only delay Sebastian ripping open a condom as she straddled his lap, both wanting to get there as fast as possible so they can _do this_. Her head falls back as she moans at the feeling of him inside her. Two weeks was too long, and she felt like she was on the edge already.

His hands are on her hips as she moves, ensuring she keeps her pace up, both simply rushing towards the release they both craved, consumed with the pleasure they were creating as they moved, mouths pressed together as they gasped and stole the other’s breath.

It’s all over in what felt like minutes; maybe it was. Sebastian slumped back on the couch, Laura with her head on her shoulder as they caught their breaths. She lifts her head and kisses his chin, his head tilted back and resting on the back of the couch as he recovered.

“Hi,” she tells him and she can see lips move into a slow smile.

“Hey,” he replies, staring up at her when she moves to rise to up and stare down at him. “Have a good day Aston?”

*      *        *

Miles was looking over the schedule for Laura, waiting for out front of the RBR motorhome, only to wince when he reads what’s up first. “Well that’s going to make for an interesting Thursday morning,” he mutters

“Hey brother,” Laura is bopping around in front of him looking in an exceptionally good mood. “What’s on for this morning, I’m ready to charm the world media.”

His eyes narrow at her. “What did you do? Why are you so happy? Daniel’s car in order? Sebastian in one piece?”

She laughs. “Miles, I promise Seb’s in good working order and I have not laid a finger on Dan’s car.” She crosses her heart. “Now do we have Sky first up?”

Miles points a finger at her. “No yelling. No insults. No murder on national television.”

She frowns. “Why would I have anything with Seb? Isn’t it with Lewis and Jenson?” The paper is snatched from his fingers. “Oh, Germans versus the British.”

Miles rips back the schedule. “I am not letting you be responsible for World War three. Do you understand?” Laura salutes him, Miles quickly grabs her hand and shoves it down. “And don’t do that on camera. Let’s go.” He turns and pushes her back into the paddock, only to have them joined by Molly and Seb.

“Did you get the lecture,” Seb asks grinning at Laura as he slides his phone away.

“Yes, I’m not allowed to murder you in front of the cameras.”

“See Mol, no murdering you were worried for nothing.” Sebastian is gesturing at Laura. “It’s fine.” Molly is giving him a dirty look.

“It’s going to go swimmingly.” Laura nods.

“This isn’t a joke Laura,” Miles snaps at her. There was no way this was going to go well.

“They think we can’t get along,” Laura is whispering loudly at Sebastian and Sebastian’s smirk only grows as he takes his water bottle from Molly saying nothing as he sucks at his straw.

 

So Sky Sport was doing a special with the British and German drivers, their way of paying homage to the fact there was no German GP this year. Miles crosses his arms as he stands next to Molly waiting for the inevitability this was going to turn to disaster.

“It looks like fun,” Molly comments as they both take in a relay course that had been setup for each of the teams to participate in, revolving around the completely unfun activity of camping.

The six drivers were chatting, doing the intro piece with Martin and Johnny. It was Rosberg, Vettel and Hulkenberg versus Hamilton, Button and his sweet dear sister. The idea was simple enough, back a van up through a winding course, packed with camping supplies, setup a tent and make tea and bratwurst sausages.

They’re ordered to the van and Miles sighs as Laura argues with Jenson and Lewis that she gets to drive. There’s a unanimous decision she doesn’t. In his opinion that was a good choice even if his sister was stomping through wet grass to the car as Lewis gets behind the wheel..

 

Miles doesn’t care what Molly says, it was Sebastian that started it. He and Jenson were meant to be guiding the van through the course to their designated camping spots when Sebastian starts shifting all the cones on the British side which has Jenson go off telling him he’s not getting any bloody tea from them.

It only escalates from there and surprisingly Laura is _not_ involved. Laura’s making tea and arguing with Lewis on how many sugars he wants while Jenson is trying to erect a tent with Lewis that only results in Jenson more interested in pulling out tent pegs from the other team.

“Stop being childish Jenson,” Laura snaps, tent poles flying around wildly, Lewis ducking as he pops over to feed Laura a freshly cooked sausage while Jenson and Seb have now resorted to sword fighting.

“Why does it look like they both wish they had real weapons?” Molly leans towards him.

“And I thought Laura was the concern,” Miles comments. “When did Jenson and Seb feel the need to outdo each other?”

By the end, none of it quite looks light hearted and neither man were even acknowledging the other as it’s decided that the German have triumphed. Mostly because Jenson broke a tent pole. And it’s only when the cameras are off does Laura shove Jenson hard telling him to grow up in what might have meant to be a hushed whisper but was far from it. Laura doesn’t even wait for him, walking off with Rosberg and Hulkenberg while Sebastian returns to Molly with a sausage for her.

“What was that about?” Molly asks eagerly taking Seb’s gift.

Sebastian shrugs. “Nothing.”

“Don’t look like you won,” Molly snaps unimpressed.

“But I did win and I am winning which is why Jenson’s pissed.” Yeah Seb looks smug, his gaze fixed in the distance and Miles sees he’s watching Laura walk off.

Miles frowns and shakes his head. He doesn’t want to know what this was really about. “See you at lunch Mol.” He heads after his sister, texting her as he goes so she knows that she now had her press conference.

*      *        *

The moment Laura sees Jenson chatting with Lewis ready for the press conference she storms over and shoves him. Hard. “Seriously? What are you? Fucking six?”

Jenson looks startled. “I didn’t start it!”

Lewis steps between them. “Look, it was friendly bit of fun. Who cares if we lost.”

“Shut up Lewis,” Laura snaps. This wasn’t about the dumb competition, none of this was about that. She looks at Jenson furiously. “Back the fuck off.”

Jenson’s eyes had darkened as he folded his arms. “I’m not standing in your way Laura. You can fuck that up all on your own.” That earns him another shove.

“Um guys? Someone want to tell me what this is about?”

Laura whirls around on him. “Don’t talk me,” she snaps.

“What did I do?” Lewis asks. “I made you a tasty sausage!”

Laura pushes between them both and heads into the press conference, determined to speak to neither of them for the rest of the weekend.

*

That evening Sebastian finds himself having dinner not just with Molly, but with Miles as well. Miles comes with a bonus; an annoyed Aston. Sebastian waits for Molly to excuse herself to go the bathroom, after Miles leaves to take a call from Lillian, before he leans across the table, “So on a scale of one to ten, how mad are you at me?” he asks Laura.

He figures it’s pretty high because she hadn’t said one word directly to him. “Clearly not as pissed as you are at Jenson. You slammed him in the press conference.”

She looks at him like he was stupid as she responds with, “I slammed you in the press conference too!”

He grins and sits back because she wasn’t ignoring him now. “Yeah, but you slam me in the press every weekend. That’s normal. I’d be worried if you weren’t slamming me.”

She rolls her eyes. “I’m not seeing you tonight.”

He blinks at that, she can’t do that! “You’re withholding as punishment?”

She gives him a look that confirmed she was and looks even more pissed off if that was at all possible.

“Come on Aston,” he leans back across the table towards her, “Come back to room after this and I promise to make it up to you.” She only glares at him. “I’ll put my mouth to good use for an apology.” He deliberately licks his lips and he sees her falter and he grins. Yeah she was coming back to his room. He snatches up his glass of water triumphantly, wanting dinner done now.

Miles returns, and Sebastian rid his face of his smirk as Laura squirms in her chair. “Where did Molly go?”

“To pee, for the millionth time,” Laura returns and she frowns at her brother. “You okay?”

“Fine,” Miles dismisses his sister’s concern.

“Lillian tells you she was wrong and she’s going to be here on Sunday?”

“Laura,” Miles gives her a look but at least his annoyance has suppressed whatever had him looking upset when he sat down.

“Right I’m done,” Sebastian gets to his feet. “Early night for me.” Molly was walking back. “Important for me to rest up to ensure you finish behind me,” he directs at Aston.

“Only in your dreams,” Laura snipes at him.

“Sebastian,” Molly sighs as she sits down. “Don’t start.” He and Laura hadn’t spoken a word to each other for the entire meal, you’d think they’d be given gold stars.

He smiles sweetly at her and blows her kiss as he discreetly rubs his fingers across the back of Laura’s neck and her lips part in silent sound as his thumb rubbed the exposed skin under her pony tail. And with that he walks off.

It’s barely been fifteen minutes when she’s knocking at his door, in his arms, kissing him, wrapping herself around him as he spins her towards the bed. She manages to say between their kisses he better make his apology good.

He would. And he does. Twice.

*


	17. ...It ends in tears (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's celebrate the new year with an update! Welcome to 2019 everyone.  
> Anyway enjoy! Betaed by @formulaoneisfast

 

Miles watches as Molly drops into a chair opposite him, somehow looking more uncomfortable than when she was standing. He was waiting for Laura to finish debriefs so they could leave while he’d been texting Lillian updates on the weekend.

“Okay,” Molly tells him taking his phone and slamming it on the table. “I think we need to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” he dismisses her concern and she drills her fingers on the table.

“Miles, something is going on and I deserve to know because you seem to be stuck on pissed off or looking like you’re going to cry at any moment. So, talk to me. That’s what couples do.”

He shifts in his chair barely able to meet her eyes because he doesn’t want to lie. He freezes when she grabs his hand and squeezes it and he finally looks in her eyes. “I made a promise Mol,” he tells her quietly. “And I think in a few days I’m going to be forced to break it. And please don’t think I don’t want to talk to you about it. I do. So badly.”

“Hey,” she coaxes, “You’re secrets can be my secrets if need be,” she promises. “Trust me, your secrets won’t be more of a burden than your spawn.”

He snorts. “I feel like this might be the only child we will ever have.”

“Yes. Definitely. Don’t ever ask for another.”

“My peeps!” Laura bounds over, smile wide as she had topped both practice sessions today, Daniel in a strong second. Miles forces a smile as his sister kisses his cheek, then Molly’s before she ducks down to kiss Molly’s belly and he winces as Molly digs her nails in the hand she still clasped. She was not a fan of people randomly touching her just because she was pregnant. He made sure to ask. _Always_.

“If Sebastian knew you called me ‘my peeps’, he might have something to say about that,” Molly tells her when she straightens up.

“You’re practically family Molly,” Laura shrugs. “And family supports family. In fact, I’m going to buy you a Red Bull shirt.”

Molly gets to her feet at that. “No. I’m not going to be in the middle of your war.”

“We’re not at war,” Laura argues. “We’re actually in a great place.”

Molly raises her eyebrows before she shakes her head. “Think about it okay,” she says turning to Miles.

“Yeah,” Miles says quietly and then his vision is full of his sister bouncing around.

“Hey brother, want to get dinner and celebrate my awesomeness.”

“It’s practice, don’t get so fucking cocky,” Miles warns her.

“I’m self-assured, confident. Never cocky.”

Miles rolls his eyes. “Let’s go.” He snatches up his phone and slides it away. Lillian will have to wait.

*      *        *

Sebastian stops flicking channels on the TV when Aston returns to her room, smirking at her as she slams the door closed at the sight of him. She was pissed, and he was going to enjoy it, because unlike yesterday when she wanted to rub her practice pace in his face, he was the one that got pole, and Dan managed to secure second, leaving Aston in a lowly third. Maybe he should actively support Daniel more.

“How did you get in here?” she asks looking like she can barely contain her fury. And here she thought Miles might have nicked both her room cards when Sebastian reaches for the room card next to him and holds it up for her.

“Aston, I can steal room cards as well.”

She drops her bag loudly; she may have actually thrown it at the floor.

Yep, he was enjoying this a lot. “I asked Rocky to get it. Stole it from your bag for me. It’s funny how _helpful_ he is when it comes to us.”

“Are you serious?” She holds up her hands and squeezes at the air in frustration.

“I told him you’d want to sort out your anger issues with me…”

“For fucks sake Sebastian!” she shouts at him. “He’s going to think there is something going on!”

“He already does. And there is,” he tells her looking back at the TV. “Me, beating you.” She says nothing, instead looks as if she might be trying to burn him alive with her gaze. He raises the remote and turns off the TV. “Now, are you going to come over here and punish me?”

She reaches over, hand slamming at the light panel to plunge the room into mostly darkness. “Fine, but I don’t have to look at you.”

Sebastian snorts. “I’m sure we can find a position where we can both be happy.”

“Shut. Up.” Yes, she might be angry, and yes, she might hate him, but she was still crawling onto the bed, into his lap. And her kiss is angry, vicious before she bites at his lip hard. He yanks away, tongue licking at the cut she made and the blood she drew.

“You want to play like that?” She doesn’t answer and Sebastian grabs at her wrists, tightly. “We’ll play like that my favourite third place sitter.” She lets out a frustrated cry when he tosses her beneath him. “And if you’re not nice, I’ll finish before you,” he warns, “Just like I will tomorrow.”

“You better make sure this is worth my time Sebastian,” she whispers furiously, “Or I will replace you with someone that can deliver a better service.”

“Aston, there’s no one else that can put up with you.” And before she can think up a snarky comment, he slams his mouth to hers. Enough talking, he wanted his prize for getting pole – An angry Laura Aston.

*      *        *

Laura was standing in the back of the garage gearing up for the race, and she was doing her best to avoid her engineer, but it was a race day and there’s only so much avoiding you can do. And she didn’t need to talk to him to have Rocky giving her smug looks and sideway glances whenever possible.

“Did you have a good evening princess?” he asks her casually catching her by surprise and she jobs in fright.

“Rocky.” She clutches her balaclava tightly. “My evening was great.” She won’t look him in the eyes.

“Anything interesting uh… pop up?” he presses, smiling getting wider.

She does her best to look innocent. “Nope. A boring evening, all by myself, all alone…”

“Liar, liar, pants on fire.” He squeezes her arm. “It’s going to be a great race,” he tells her knowingly, “Because I’m sure, with all that time alone, you’re nice and relaxed and all focused.” He skips away to the pitlane so she can do radio checks.

Fuck Sebastian Vettel.

 

Sometimes the universe is on your side. Or maybe the universe is trying to apologise for giving her a douche of an engineer or an ex-teammate she wishes didn’t exist. Whatever the reason, it’s as if the universe opens up the perfect line for her perfect and flawless getaway – Seb and Daniel weren’t quite as quick, and they move away from her and she flies up the outside of both of them and takes the first corner.

But there’s no satisfaction, no time to enjoy or give the finger at Seb to remind him he was second best, there was nothing she could do but concentrate. She focuses on her laps, maintaining the gap, trusting that the team had her back, that all the cards were going to fall right and that the clouds overhead would not open up and jeopardise her currently sure win.

It doesn’t listen. There’s rain, two laps from the end, and it’s light. To pit for tyres or risk trying to hold on? She stays out, flying past the pit entry. It was one lap now, she could do this. But the track was losing grip and she can feel the car wanting to do pirouettes and Sebastian is on her ass, but like her he hadn’t opted to change his tyres. And suddenly her and Sebastian are dancing together.

Weaving around each other, sliding back and forth across the track. She grits her teeth, skidding over the grass as Sebastian takes the lead. It’s short lived as when she’s back on track he’s also running wide. Her heart is in her throat, she was so close, he was so close. And now so were Daniel and Kimi. All of them battling the track on dries and the skies open as she takes the last corner. She barely keeps it out of the pit wall. She takes the win, just. Daniel second having eclipsed Vettel right at the end who clung on for third.

Despite the rain, she still climbs on her car in the pitlane, pumping her fist in the air as the crowd roars around her. It feels amazing and if she could, she’d live in this moment forever. Feeling high she jumps down; Daniel grinning broadly gives her a tight hug. “I think that’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time,” he tells her squeezing her hard.

Sebastian was dragging a hand through his hair, trying to wipe the water from his face, it was a useless battle as it seemed to only rain heavier. She skips over to him holding out her hand, he rolls his eyes at her as he takes it, “Okay Aston, you win this one.”

“I do,” she agrees. “And I love it because you didn’t.”

He yanks her forward and her breath hitches as he murmurs, “One day, we’ll learn to be more sportsman-like about this.”

She shakes her head, her grin only growing. “That’s not today Vettel.” She pulls away from him because she wanted her podium and her trophy. She won the Silverstone GP and narrowed the gap to Sebastian to only 2 points.

*      *        *

It seemed like it was always Daniel’s fault for them ending up in some dumb situation. She should have walked faster after the race, not let him corner her and then beg her with puppy eyes to go to the post-race celebrations. She’d already told Miles she wasn’t interested in doing post-race duties, but Daniel had insisted it would be fun. And if she was going to suffer, be denied her now routine post-race sex with Sebastian, then Seb could suffer right along with her.

So here they were, backstage waiting for the McLaren duo to finish up, in the wet and crammed under one umbrella. She’s awkwardly sandwiched between her teammate and her ex-teammate who seemed to be suffering wandering hand syndrome despite the dirty looks she gives and his innocent wide eyes. The rain gets harder and she grunts when Daniel squishes her more and she’s forced tighter between them.

“Hold this,” Daniel passes the umbrella to Sebastian before he’s digging out his phone and loading up the camera. “I want to put a reunion picture online.”

“No,” Sebastian snaps.

“We’re not drunk this time, and there’s no alcohol around,” Daniel states and he was clearly ignoring Seb’s request.

“Smile,” Laura orders Sebastian and he glares at her before he smiles as requested and she watches him post it with the caption ‘The old gang back together. But no tequila tonight.’ She grins while Sebastian rolls his eyes.

“Do you know what I’m thinking,” Daniel muses aloud, his arm moving to wrap around Laura, only to slip around Sebastian instead when Sebastian denies him access by dragging her against him. “That since Jenson and Lewis fired you Aston…” Laura sucks in her breath as Sebastian squeezes her in comfort, “That Seb and I could be your new posse.”

Sebastian snorts and she was not going to comment.

“Clearly I would be the Lewis, with my sense of style,” Daniel continues.

“So Seb is my new Jenson?” Laura questions and if looks could kill she’d be a pile of ash from Sebastian.

“Yep,” Daniel says before he adds with a smirk, “I mean it would fit right in with his crush on you.” He then laughs like crazy.

“Excuse me?” Sebastian asks looking both embarrassed and horrified at once.

“If you don’t say anything,” Laura starts but Sebastian cuts her off, voice angry in her ear as he addresses Daniel.

“I do not have a crush on Aston!”

“Not what Mark told us,” Daniel shrugs and Sebastian’s eyes look furious.

“Mark can go fuck himself,” Sebastian snaps and he yanks her back from Daniel, taking the umbrella with him to dump Daniel in the rain.

“Hey,” Dan pouts stepping after him. “Fine. You can be Lewis and I’ll be Jenson and crush on Aston.”

Laura can’t stop grinning because Sebastian looked more pissed at that than the previous comment. “Jealous Seb?”

“Don’t pout,” Dan tries to cheer him up, “Maybe we’re Aston’s dirty threesome fantasy and we can both be Jenson.”

“For fucks sake Daniel – ”

“You’re not in Aston’s dirty threesome fantasy,” Sebastian comments annoyed.

“Sebastian!”

“Oh really when have you two been sharing threesome fantasy’s?” Daniel demands before deciding the pertinent point was him not being included, “Laura, tell Sebastian I’m in your dirty threesome fantasy.”

“Oh my god,” Laura covers her face contemplating stepping into the rain and getting drenched to be away from them. “This is the conversation we’re going to have.”

“We should all pick two drivers on the current grid we want to have a threesome in,” Daniel nods. “It’ll be fun. I’ll even go first.” He looks excited at his suggestion. “First I pick Aston.”

Sebastian snorts loudly, clearly unsurprised at Daniel choosing the only female. “And whose the second?”

“My favourite German of course,” Daniel then reaches out caress Sebastian’s cheek and Laura laughs loudly as Sebastian jerks away from Daniel’s hand.

“I know who you’re first pick is Seb,” Laura says before looking at Dan and they both exclaim together, “Kimi!” Their laughter dies when Sebastian’s name is called and he runs towards the stage, taking their umbrella with him.

“Sebastian!” Laura calls after him as both her and Daniel are dumped in the rain. “Go flirt with someone else and get us another umbrella,” she orders her teammate.

“I can’t always be the one flashing skin Laura,” Daniel tells her as the crowd near them screams loudly, despite the rain, Seb’s clearly on stage. He grabs her hand, “I know it’s not our turn, but we’re crashing Seb’s turn. It’s dry on stage.”

Sebastian was sitting on an uncomfortable looking stool, chatting to the presenter. Daniel tiptoes onto the stage and Laura sighs as the crowd, even in the rain goes wild and Seb who was talking about the exciting end to the race stops to see what the fuss is about. He turns back around smacking the microphone he held against his forehead. Daniel is trying to shush the crowd before he stops and holds up a finger and then Laura is giving him a ‘don’t you dare’ look as he runs back to her grabbing her hand and pulling her on stage. More cheers.

“To think I changed teams and it’s still not enough to keep the distance,” Sebastian says when the crowd calms back down.

Laura takes the microphone given to her. “Don’t worry Seb, we don’t miss you either.” An organiser has gotten her a stool and she moves to sit on it next to Seb; it’s as uncomfortable as it looked.

“Don’t listen to them,” Daniel pipes up. “We’re best mates. We were all cuddling under an umbrella a moment ago.” Daniel looks around for a stool but there appears to be only two. He shrugs and goes over to Sebastian and attempts to hop on his lap. It’s not possible due to the height.

“Just have the seat,” Seb gets up waving it to him. “I need my legs.”

“I think he called me fat?” Daniel shakes his head but happily takes the seat. “Go sit on Aston’s lap.” Laura holds up her hand when Seb looks over at her, weighing it up as an option. He wisely stays on the other side of Daniel.

“So, what an amazing end to the race!” The interviewer declares, “And we have our top three.” The crowd roars.

“Laura, tough race? Fun race?”

“Yeah, a lot of fun, could have ended in tears, but it’s great to be able to win at home for me and for the team,” she answers.

“Daniel, disappointed today? Or is there still a reason to celebrate?”

“To be honest, I’m happy to simply get to the end! And there’s always a reason to celebrate. Tonight we head to Chris’s place, some off-key karaoke, some tequila…”

“Oh god,” Laura whispers, only it’s into the microphone and Sebastian snorting his laughter behind his hand.

“Tequila? A reference to the mysterious in-between of Texas and Brazil last year?” The interviewer looks positively delighted to bring that up.

“It’s not mysterious,” Daniel argues. “We all had a great time, neither of them can argue.” Yes, because they had no memory of it.

“Did it happen?” Laura asks him swivelling to face her teammate. “A few blurry pictures on Instagram and twitter… they didn’t even look like me.”

“Next question, next question,” Sebastian kindly tries to get the interviewer to press on, waving his hand in the air.

“Sebastian.” The interviewer turns on him, “How do you celebrate the wins versus the losses?”

Laura sucks in her breath at the question, and immediately choking on a speck of saliva and diving into a coughing fit.

Sebastian looks at Aston amused as she doubles over trying to stifle her coughing. “We’ll just wait for Aston to keel over and die.”

Daniel helpfully pats her on the back. “I’d ask Seb to get you water, but he’s hoping this is you bowing out of the title race.”

Somewhat recovered, Laura sits up. “There are children in the crowd, right? I’ll save my response for later, and instead we’ll listen to Seb answer how celebrates his losses since he’s finished behind me more this season than in reverse.” She looks at her ex-teammate waiting for his answer.

Sebastian crosses his arms. “Celebrate isn’t the right word. I mean you can’t win every race. And when you don’t, you take the time to reflect, learn and keep pushing forward.”

Laura rolls her eyes at his good boy response. Boring. And really the rest of their interview is on the boring end – well she’s watching Daniel and Seb half amused as they muck around. At least she was dry and not in the rain which happily looks like it’s stopping for their track exit.

Which ends up with the three of them walking out together. She didn’t have a ride because she’d given her vehicle to Miles. Sebastian jiggles the keys at her in invitation. She shakes her head at him, “Isn’t your post-race routine to now, reflect, learn and push forward?” she asks in a mocking tone.

Sebastian reaches for her elbow, eyes darkening. “Come on Aston.”

She darts away from him as Daniel holds up his keys. “Aston is with me. We have a party to attend to and with you no longer driving for the best team on the grid, you don’t get an invite.”

Laura shrugs, clearly unable to argue with that logic. Sebastian points a finger at her, “See you next race Aston, don’t think I’ll forget this.”

“Do your worst Seb,” she tells him not in the least bit scared as she snatches the keys from Daniel. “I’m driving.”

“And you’re going to regret that,” Sebastian tells Daniel as Laura slides into the driver’s door.

When Daniel is in the car he looks at her nervously, “Are we getting there alive?”

“Of course and in record time,” she tells him starting the engine. “Put your seatbelt on.” Daniel closes his eyes and Laura purses her lips, “Please don’t pray, that’s just like Lewis.”

“Why would Lewis need to pray?” Daniel asks eyes snapping open

She grins at him, “Secrets Daniel. And you’re going to need more than tequila to pry them out of me.”

“Aston!” Daniel shouts at her as she races Sebastian out of the car park. “God, I’m going to regret this.”

*      *        *

The weekend had been full on. What always felt like too much media, a thrilling race that was draining, Jenson and Seb and their childish behaviour, Sebastian in general getting on her nerves and Christian’s annual after party that resulted in a terribly sung duet with Daniel. And then topping that off with a mandatory factory visit this morning she was well and truly exhausted. So arriving home the last thing she expects or wants to deal with is her brother in her house, making tea. She only wanted a moment to breathe.

 “Miles, I’m tired,” she says as her greeting to her brother as she dumps her things down. Miles though looks up at her with reddened eyes and giving her a tight smile as he moves to set down some tea. She freezes, staring at the tea and then at her brother. The last time he made for her was to calmly tell her that their father had had a stroke.

“We need to talk,” he tells her quietly.

“Is everything okay? Is Molly okay? The baby okay?” There’s dread in her stomach, a thousand different worst case scenarios going through her head.

“Molly is fine, the baby is fine,” he assures her but she doesn’t miss that he doesn’t say _everything_ is fine. That horrible feeling only worsens. “Sit down Laura.”

“No,” she remains standing stubbornly.

Miles sighs and rubs his face. He suddenly looked ten years older. “It wasn’t my idea to keep this from you,” he starts. “But Lillian is fucking stubborn.”

“Lillian…” Her heart starts hammering because she hadn’t spoken to Lillian since their blow up before the race.

“She wants you to focus on the season, thinks she’s going to distract you…”

“Miles!” Laura snaps because he can’t drag this out. If she needed to know something she wanted to know it.

The three words that leave her brother’s lips tilt her world off it’s axis. “Lillian has cancer.” Laura is frozen, unable to move or even know where to start processing. Miles keeps talking, answering questions she hadn’t thought to ask. “After she passed out in Bahrain, she was told to get some tests because there was a few anomalies in her standard blood work up. She got her results just prior to the Monaco GP.”

“Monaco?” That was _months_ ago. “And you didn’t tell me?” she whispers eyes wide.

Miles looks nothing but guilty, unable to meet her gaze and his eyes water. “It was her idea. She wouldn’t listen when I tried to talk to her. She’s still not listening.” He looks at her now, “I’m breaking my word to her Laura, telling you this.”

Laura presses the heels of her palms into her eyes to stop them watering. She couldn’t break, she needed to think, but there was so much anger building it’s hard to focus as she asks with a trembling voice. “So why now?” And she knows before he even answers, before his face crumbles.

“Treatment isn’t working. They’re trying other stuff, but…” he trails off and the unspoken words of _she’s dying_ scream loudly between them.

She walks over then and she shoves him hard. “How could you _not_ tell me!” she shouts. “I think she’s got some fancy fucking job she’s abandoned me for and she’s what? In a fucking hospital!” Her voice gets louder and Miles doesn’t fight her, lets her keep pushing him till he runs into her sofa. “You should have told me! I deserved to know! I deserved to fucking know!” she screams.

“Yes, you do,” he agrees quietly as she wipes at her eyes furiously.

She backs away then, asking what hospital she’s in and Miles tells her quietly the hospital, floor, room number, directions on how to get there. There’s silence as Laura remembers how to breathe, anger battling with hurt and sheer terror in her chest. Licking her lips she finds her voice, and in an eerily calm tone, gaze square on her brother she says, “I hate you for this. I will _always_ hate you for this. Stay away from me.”

“Lau…” Miles’ voice breaks and he reaches for her but she simply steps back.

“You’re fired.” And then she turns, grabbing her things before she simply turned and walked out.

*      *        *


	18. Very fucking fine

She’s so angry, Laura can feel her body shaking with it. Angry at Miles, at Lillian, but no one more than herself because she knew – _she knew_ none of this was right, that Lillian’s dumb promotion didn’t make sense. She was going to kill her, she was going to let rip at her but with each step through hospital corridors, each seemingly echoing around her, all that fury is leaving. She desperately tries to hold onto it, because everything else welling up in her she can’t handle right now.

She’s informed by staff Lillian was in oncology and hearing the word as she’s lead to the right place only shatters a piece of herself. She finds Lillian is sitting in a chair, arm outstretched, drugs being pumped into her and looking as if she’s asleep. Whispering thanks to the nurse, Laura yanks off her sunglasses and walks toward her sister.

The last time she saw Lillian in person was in Monaco, and it was only weeks ago, right? Her lip drops, quivering as she tries not to cry at how much weight she lost, at how _sick_ she looked. God, she looked everything that Lillian wasn’t. She wants to wake her, yell at her but she looks so fucking tired she instead moves to fold to her knees in front of her. “Lil, I’m so fucking sorry,” she chokes out. “So sorry…”

 

Lillian jerks awake, aware of pressure on her leg and taking a deep breath to wake up she touches the blonde hair asleep in her lap. “Laura….” Her brain is still foggy as she becomes aware of her surroundings, only happy to see her sister as she strokes her head. It’s enough to have Laura stirring before she raises her head and Lillian is looking into swollen red eyes.

Her fingers shakily catch Laura’s tears. Now she remembered. She was going to kill Miles. “It’s going to be okay,” she promises.

“No,” Laura bites back and there are more tears. “It’s _not_ okay, things are not _okay_.”

“Lau –“

“No.” She cuts her off, sitting back on her heels and wiping at her face furiously. “You lied to me. You and Miles. You both fucking lied!” Lillian watches her sister’s anger spark and then fade as quickly as it came. “How could you not tell me?” she sobs, “How could you think anything else is more important?”

Lillian sighs and closes her eyes. She didn’t want to do this, fight and yell - but maybe Laura didn’t either because her head ends up back in lap her voice somewhat muffled as she adds, “I won’t let anything happen to you Lil, I promise.”

Was there a point in having an argument about something that Laura had no control of? No. “Okay,” she answers as she plays with her Laura’s hair.

“And I’m going to make sure you have the best doctors.”

“Okay.” She did, Miles had made sure of that already.

“And I’m going to pay for everything. Don’t worry about money –“

“Laura,” Lillian tries to interject, none of them were without money.

“And maybe we organise more in home treatments?”

“Laura,” Lillian yanks at her hair forcing her to look up at her. “I got this okay. Like you said, everything’s going to be okay.”

Nodding, Laura whispers, “Okay.”

And Laura spends the rest of the night there, mostly in silence until Laura shares the bed awkwardly with her, both of them exhausted. And as Laura cuddles up behind, Lillian feels better than she had in weeks even if she’s too tired to keep her eyes open.

*

Laura was half expecting Miles when she opened her door, he had shown up once already begging her to talk to him and he called her every day, she’d slammed the door once in his face and she hadn’t taken any of his calls, but this time it was Molly. Almost Miles. She’s given an unsure smile and sighing Laura lets her in.

“I hope you’re not here to fight Miles’s battles,” Laura warns. Because heavily pregnant or not, she’d throw her out.

“No,” Molly moves to sit down, sighing happily as she does. “I’m not going to get in the middle of that. He has his reasons for what he did, and you have every right to be pissed,” she tells her simply. “But we need to talk.”

Laura sucks in her breath. “You want something to drink?” And before Molly could ask for something very specific with her weird pregnancy cravings, she quickly adds, “I’ll get you water.”

“Fine,” Molly sighs kicking off her shoes. “So you fired Miles.” Returning with a glass of water, Laura slams it on the coffee table in warning. “I was stating a fact. So I spoke to Sebastian about moving up my time off.”

Laura stops at that. _Sebastian_. She hadn’t thought of him once and she’s not sure she wants him to know anything.

“I didn’t tell him about Lillian,” Molly interjects her thoughts. “I just asked to take my leave early. He okayed it if I needed it so I’m available –“

Laura blinks. “You want to go to Hungary with me?” Was she serious?

“Well not as your press officer,” Molly hurriedly adds. “Just as a friend. That sits. A whole fucking lot.”

“Molly…” Laura stares at her hard, “I don’t need –“

“Yes you do,” Molly cuts her off. “You just found your sister is sick, you fired the only person who shadows you every race. This is not the time to be all ‘I don’t need anyone’. It’s one race, I’m offering to go with you so you don’t have to do it alone.”

Laura’s not sure what to make of the offer, only to suppress the immediate response of rejecting it. She purses her lips. “Maybe I won’t be going to Hungary.” The thought had been in her head since she had left Lillian, racing felt so unimportant right now.

“Like hell you won’t,” Molly tells her vehemently. “You will go and you will race or you will be proving both Miles and Lillian right. So you better be at fucking Hungary and you better have a damn pass for me!”

She hadn’t thought of it like that. And annoyed that she may actually have a point she scowls. “Fine. It’s not like I’d called anyone and cancelled.” She’d argued about it with Lillian extensively already and while she was adamant she wasn’t going, she hadn’t done anything to change her plans.

Molly beams at her. “This is going to be so much fun!”

And Laura freezes when she looks she’s going to cry. “Don’t do that,” she warns as Molly struggles to hold her tears at bay. “If you cry, I’m not going.”

“Okay,” she bites her lips hard. “I’m just so excited,” she chokes out as her eyes continue to well up.

“Do you want to eat?” Laura asks suddenly aware it had been days since she’d eaten any proper meals as she makes the suggestion. “We’ll go out.”

Molly wipes at her eyes quickly. “But I’m picking.”

Laura holds up her hands. “I didn’t think I’d get a choice.”

It’s only after Laura has helped Molly put back on her shoes and back on her feet does Molly grab her. “Laura,” she says holding her shoulders, voice serious, “Whatever happens, you’re not alone. Okay?” And then Molly is hugging her hard telling her she’s the bravest person, and she’s honoured that her baby gets her as an aunt.

And with her lack of food and sleep, Laura struggles to swallows around the lump in her throat. “Molly, food,” she whispers. She’s anything but brave, she felt lost and _scared_.

“Right, food,” Molly pulls away. “I’m fucking starving!”

*      *        *

“You could try and smile,” Daniel leans over to tell Laura. They were signing autographs and Laura had yet to manage one smile. She didn’t want to be here, and she was not going to smile for the fucking fans. She shoots Daniel a warning look.

“Do you want a lesson?” he offers, his grin out in full force.

“What I want is you to shut up,” she snaps shoving the autograph card at a startled young girl.

“If you make the fans cry, they’re going to love me more,” Daniel tells her in a sing song voice. Can he be unhappy for even one moment? She had this intense desire to hurt him right now.

“Fine, then I wouldn’t need to do this,” she responds, “And I don’t need fans. I don’t need anyone,” she adds in a hiss between autographs.

“You should write that and personalise it for the next person,” Daniel snorts.

“Stop talking to me,” Laura shifts her chair away from him. The last thing she needs right now is Daniel and his fucking happiness. The world was not a happy place, she was not happy and all these fucking people happy to see her should have bigger concerns in life than meeting some person they didn’t know.

At least Daniel shuts up then and she can focus on her stupid job. The moment the time’s up, she throws the pen down and stalks away, not even waving to the crowd. Daniel catches up to her a few minutes later, “Hey, you okay?”

“Peachy as fuck,” she answers and she shrugs off the hand that he gently rests on her arm. She didn’t want Daniel, and she certainly wasn’t going to be friends with him and share her sorry tales. Back in the motorhome she spies Molly waiting for her and she heads in that direction.

“Please tell me you were nice to the fans,” Molly begs the moment she angrily drops into a chair.

“Woah, you stole Seb’s press officer?” Daniel stopped next the table with wide eyes. “Does he know?”

“I’m on leave,” Molly answers waving at her stomach.

“It would be much cooler if Laura stole you,” Daniel grins. “Seb would lose his shit.”

“Daniel,” Laura grits her teeth at him, “You are not invited to sit here.”

He rolls his eyes. “Fine, you’re clearly having a bad day. I’ll go sit over here, with all my friends and people I need until you’re ready to remember that I…” He makes a little heart with his fingers and adds, “…. You.”

She gives him a gesture in responds. The middle finger. He skips off and it infuriates her that he won’t hate her.

“Right so I see you cheered up since you arrived,” Molly sighs. “I know you don’t want to be here Laura, but you’re going to have to pull it together to race.”

“Please, I don’t need to be nice and happy to fucking win.”

Molly rolls her eyes. “Fine, be a miserable cow all weekend and win.”

“Well at least we agreed on something,” Laura says leaning back in her chair and folding her arms, ready to glare off anyone that approached her. She’s pretty sure her schedule said she had an interview or something right now. But she wasn’t doing it and if the team fired her for it…. Maybe that would work out fine. Molly goes to say something, “Don’t,” she snaps. “Let’s do the sitting thing in silence.” Molly sighs but she doesn’t say anything else.

*      *        *

“I get to have dinner with you?” Sebastian touches his heart, “I feel honoured.” He drops into the seat opposite Molly while he places his phone on the table.

“I had a terrible day Seb,” she moans, “Please do not go all jealous on me.”

“You didn’t enjoy spending the day with Aston in her thunderous cloud?” Sebastian jokes trying to cover any concern in his tone and Molly’s eyes narrow at him. “Should I be worried you’re not on leave and you’re instead trialling a new position?”

“No, but she does need one…”

Sebastian who had reached for the menu stops. “What Miles is permanently gone?” His eyes widen and he reaches for his phone to check if Aston had responded to any of his texts. Nothing.

“No, sorry, I’m not meant to say anything.”

“We’re family, it doesn’t count,” Sebastian says reaching over and yanking the wine list from her. “Sorry Mols, a few more weeks.”

“Yeah well, I promised Miles, and since when do you care about gossip?” Molly questions.

“I don’t. It was a question,” he says defensively. “And I’m worried you’re going to be asking for more time off to babysit Aston if Miles absence is permanent.”

“It’s one race Sebastian,” Molly tells him. “I’m not going to up and leave you.”

“So what’s with Aston’s bad mood?” Sebastian asks. “It’s not me.” He’s pretty sure it’s not him, they hadn’t spoken once this weekend and she seemed intent on ignoring him, which shouldn’t hurt, but it fucking does. “It can’t be all Miles related.”

“You do like gossip,” Molly smirks but Sebastian watches it slowly fade. “Or you care about her more than you let on.”

Sebastian goes still and he resists checking his phone again. “So I like gossip, who doesn’t?” He goes to pour them a glass of water. Molly takes it but she’s still looking at him intently. He doesn’t like it. He wants her to drink her glass of water and not look at him like that or he’s going to start going red.

“Let’s talk about something other than Astons. What did you do today? How did you survive without me?”

He grins. “I didn’t, I missed you terribly.”

“I love you too Sebastian,” she smiles.

*      *        *

“Let’s go,” Rocky grabs Laura’s arm once free practice two is over. She’s rips her balaclava off, practically dragged from the garage.

She supposes he’s not wanting to desperately talk to her about how wonderful today has been for her. Not when free practice one was shit and somehow free practice two was shittier. Might have been best to bin the car on the installation lap than get a time behind not just her teammate and Ferrari’s, but also the Mercedes.

In the motorhome, Rocky has pulled her into a room, forced her into a chair before sitting opposite, dragging a chair far too close for comfort. She’s expecting him to blow up, expecting anger, so she reels when she only sees concern and worry in his features. “What’s going on Laura?”

“Sorry?” she chokes out.

“Since you have arrived this weekend you have made everyone miserable, you have been unprofessional in every sense and Christian is this close,” he holds his fingers a minute distance apart, “from blasting the shit out of you. But this isn’t you trying to prove some dumbass point to the team. You’re head hasn’t been here since you arrived, so since you clearly can’t focus on your job, talk. Now.”

Laura leans away from him as Rocky looms closer, gaze soft despite his demands. She doesn’t want his concern, and her throat was tightening up the longer he stared at her like that. “Nothing…”

“Do you want to be here?”

She opens her mouth but nothing comes out.

“Hey,” Rocky grips one of hands that was curled in a fist. “I’m on your side. I’m always on your side, even when I’m yelling at you.”

If he makes her fucking cry… she can feel tears burning in her eyes, she’s going to fucking hate him.

“I need you to sort out your head,” Rocky continues gripping her hand tightly, “I don’t care how that is done. Whether it’s to call your brother and make up. Whether it’s going to find Sebastian.” She punches him hard for that. She had no interesting in _playing_ with Sebastian this weekend, of seeing him or being with him; at least he wasn’t texting her anymore. “Laura, you can’t race like this. Talk to me. Talk to someone.”

“I can race,” she whispers but she can’t muster any real force behind her words and Rocky sighs.

“You’re not going to win like this,” Rocky switches tactics. “Don’t you want to win?”

For a moment she falters before she answers, “Yes.”

Rocky shakes his head. “It almost sounds like you don’t believe that.” He gets to his feet. “Sort your head Laura. Talk to someone.” She swallows when he squeezes her hand before he quietly walks out leaving her alone. She pulls up her knees and hugs them. There’s only one person she wants to talk to, and she’s pretty sure she’s dying.

She breaks, a giant sob leaving her, before she can catch it. Only she’s forced to drag it all back, moments later when Molly knocks on the door. “You okay?”

“Fine,” she jumps to her feet. “Don’t comment on practice.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Molly says but she’s holding out her phone. “Lillian said to call her.”

Laura takes the phone and Molly closes the door and leaves her alone. Wiping at her eyes she unlocks her phone. She sees a message from her brother which she ignores before she goes to call her sister, ready to assure her she was fine. Because she was. She was very fucking fine.

*      *        *

“Do you see what you did?” Lillian turns on Miles the moment she’s off the phone with Laura. Her brother was seated on the couch, still watching coverage of the F1 weekend. “If you had kept your mouth shut, she’d actually care she’s not first.”

Miles grabs his phone, sighing as his text remains unanswered. “At least she’s taking your calls.”

Lillian throws her phone onto the coffee table. “Why couldn’t you keep your mouth shut?” She didn’t really have the energy to be angry, but she was. Angry that Miles broke his word. Angry that Laura was clearly struggling. Angry that being angry made her feel shittier. And out of all those things, there’s only one person she can take that out on currently. She points a finger at her brother, “This is all your fault Miles. All of it!”

Her brother blinks looking crushed, but he responds with his own fury, “No. You wanting to keep the truth from her is the reason that things are shit. You being sick is the reason that things are shit. And that’s no one’s fault, so don’t try and pin that on me.” Miles stands up, and Lillian feels guilt at how hurt he was. “And if you’re going to be pissed at me for telling the truth, then fuck you. You can both hate me.”

Lillian watches him snatch up his phone and he stalks out of her apartment, door slamming loudly. Great just what she needed – a sister she couldn’t help, and a brother pissed at her. She was too tired for all of this, fuck life.

She goes to bed, only to wake up with Miles curled up around her, watching her sleep. She stares at him sleepily, and he looks as tired as she felt, and his eyes are so pained. “Please don’t be mad at me too,” he whispers quietly, and there are tears in his eyes then, “Please Lil. I can’t do that. Not with both of you. Not when I’d do anything for either you. Don’t you know I’d change things if I could? Don’t you know that I wish this was me and not you? Don’t you know how much I’d give for you both?”

She touches his cheek and moves closer to him, holding him tighter. “I know, and Laura won’t be mad forever…”

Miles laughs around a sob, face pushing into her neck as he mumbles, “It’s Laura. She’ll be mad at me her whole life.”

“I’ll talk to her,” Lillian promises. “Give her time.”

They don’t say anything else, instead she drifts back off to sleep only to wake to be sick. Miles joining her on the bathroom floor with a bottle of water as he sits next to her. “Thanks,” she whispers weakly and he reaches for her hand squeezing it.

*      *        *

The sun has set, day far closer to being over than starting when Sebastian exits Ferrari. They’d had done well today in practice, but none of that meant much, nothing counted till qualifying and the race, and he wasn’t going to be stupid and discount Red Bull and Aston, even if their pace had been down – he wishes it was that easy to get her out of the picture. But then again, maybe her bad mood would last all weekend and he could walk away with an easy win.

He slows as he passes Red Bull. Was she still here? He still hadn’t heard from her. All he had was silence. To go from seeing her every day on a race weekend to getting nothing made him feel like he was aching as if he was in a major withdrawal. He bites his lip hard as he stops, chewing it, watching members of Red Bull depart, eyes searching for Laura. The fact that he missed her was all the reason he needed to not chase her down, but if he waited…. If he ran into her in the paddock…

She appears, with Christian and he sucks in his breath at the sight of her. They stop outside, Christian with a hand on her shoulder, Laura not looking him in the eye, instead setting about pulling her hair into a swift ponytail. Her face held the same scowl it had since Thursday and he steps towards her, this immediate need to clear it, to make her smile…

“Sebastian.” Christian had turned, nearly running into him when he drew closer. His former team principal smiles and he shakes the offered hand. His gaze though flicks passed to Laura who was glaring daggers into her boss’s back and he excuses himself, stepping around him and diving for Laura as she charges towards the paddock exit.

“No Sebastian.”

He hadn’t even said anything and she was already snapping at him when he jogs to keep up with her. She’s on her phone, texting furiously and he notices it’s to Molly. “Do you want to talk?”

“No.”

“We can having dinner together –“

“No.”

“You can take your bad mood out on me,” he waggles his eyebrows at her and it causes her to come to a halt, whipping around to glare at him eyes full of fire and unleashing her fury at him.

“No! No to all of that. No to everything. No to you! No! No! NO! NO! NO!” she shouts at him. “Was my silence not loud enough for you? No!”

Sebastian reels at the unexpected attack. “Laura,” he reaches for her because something was wrong but she jerks away from him like she couldn’t bear him touching her, putting herself out of reach.

“Stay the fuck away from me. I cannot do this with you right now.” She points at him, her voice shaking and her words hurt far more than her silence.

She turns her back on him and keeps walking, and he lets her go, giving her the space she wants. He presses his lips together, it doesn’t matter anyway, Laura being pissed off at life wasn’t his issue, he doesn’t care as he wanders slowly behind her watching her storm off in the distance.

In car park, he hears her car revving loudly before he watches as she spins the back wheels and rip up grass as she takes off. He steps out of the way as she speeds past him, and then failing to stop at the security checkpoint. He pulls out his phone as he falls against the side of his own car and texts her.

_Reminder set. Don’t get in a car when your pissed off._

Annoyed and angry at himself that he seemed unable to help himself when it comes to her, her jerks open the door and hurls his phone onto the car seat. The urge to take his frustration out on the carpark like she did was high, but he could control himself – at least when it came to road rules.

*      *        *


	19. Don't break me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right okay this is a long one because I didn't feel like it had a really neat spot to break (I doubled it in final editing). So it's twice as long as usual, heads up for those hoping it's a quick read!
> 
> Now because it is so long, I won't be updating on Sunday, so enjoy it. I am also going back to weekly Sunday updates because I am fast running out of pre-planned chapters so I want to catch up and finalise some more. Once that is done, I will return to twice weekly updates. Sorry!
> 
> Thanks to @formulaoneisfast who really really supported and helped me with this and the last chapter and my never ending doubt and complaints. Thank you!

So he couldn’t make her talk to him. So he couldn’t help her or fix her problems she refused to share. So she’d rather run him over in a car park than talk to him. That’s all fine. He doesn’t care. He stomps through the paddock on Saturday next to Antti, he didn’t need to shout at her and be petty, he was just going to smash in her qualifying and hurt her where it really mattered.

Except that doesn’t happen. “What the fuck?” he screams on the radio as the Red Bull cuts in front of him on his flying lap in Q2. He barely avoids running up the back of her car when she _deliberately_ blocks him.

“She wants to kill me!” His lap was ruined and he rips his car from out behind her, drawing beside her and gesturing at her furiously, because what the hell was she was doing?

“Your eighth currently,” his engineer reminds him as he lets her go to make space to go again. Fuck if he doesn’t make the cut to Q1 he was going to kill her personally. His next time lap is with traffic and with the final times being placed he already knows the lap wasn’t going to be enough.

Back in the garage, he releases his seatbelt and frees himself from the car, tackling his helmet angrily. Eleventh. He was fucking eleventh. Antti steps in front of him, shaking his head in warning, and he glares at his trainer, telling him he needs to calm down first. Calm down? Calm down! She nearly killed him and he was fucking eleventh! He wasn’t going to fucking calm down!

Fuck Laura Aston and her bad mood that had destroyed his lap. And fuck Antti being all fucking calm because he was going to the stewards and then he was going to see Aston.

*      *        *

Laura winces when the door slams closed on the briefing room door, Christian had slammed it closed that hard she’s pretty sure he’d just snapped and shaken something from the lock mechanism because the door immediately bounces back open. She goes over, tiptoeing as if she might get caught and given another lecture and pushes the door quietly closed.

Leaning on it she swallows, one tiny mistake in qualifying and you’d think she’d ended the world. Dragging in deep breaths she moves back to the table where her phone rested. Scowling she swipes away messages from Miles and calls Lillian. Might as well get everything over and done with immediately.

Her sister answers after the first ring. “What was the penalty? No press statement as yet.”

“Three grid places,” she answers dropping into a chair. “Oh and a lecture from fucking daddy.”

“Three? You’re fucking lucky!” Lillian lets loose. “You could have killed him.”

“Because we’d all weep over Sebastian’s death,” Laura returns angrily ignoring that her heart clenches at the thought. Hard.

There’s a beat of silence before Lillian sighs. “Are you trying to prove a point this weekend Laura?”

Laura stills at the question. Trying to prove a point? Like she wasn’t trying? Like she was happy for her whole weekend to unfold into a pile of shit? She switches her phone to speaker and slams it on the table, hoping Lillian hears it. “No.”

“We had a deal Laura,” Lillian is trying to calm herself, but Laura can still hear the edge in her voice. “You race, you get me my championship and I won’t die.” It was a stupid deal. Like any of them had any control over her death. “We had a deal Laura,” Lillian repeats, “And don’t think for one moment I am letting you out of it. I want my fucking championship so get your act together!”

“Lil,” Laura choke out her name because for the first time she’s not sure she can do this, and she can’t remember the last time she doubted herself. Why had this become so hard? Why could Lillian not understand that she shouldn’t be here right now? And it hits her hard, guilt and she gasps for air like she was drowning it, threatening to swallow her completely.

“Laura,” Lillian says quietly, “I don’t need you here, I am doing fine. Plus you fired Miles, so that’s one babysitter too much. I want a championship, that’s it, that’s all. So go get it.”

Her eyes water but she says nothing, not daring to open her mouth and risk a full on breakdown.

“Did you talk to the team?”

“No,” she chokes out the lump in her throat getting bigger.

“Jenson?”

She pushes the heels of her hands into her eyes demanding the tears stop prickling. “No.” He had tried to call her, texted her more than a few times and she was doing her very best to avoid him and he’s looks of worry and concern. She doesn’t need him.

“You need to talk to someone.”

“No.” She repeats. That last thing she wants is any of the press to get wind of it all. So people could give her a pity party? Explain away all of her mistakes with some easy excuse. And there was no way she was risking people and their desperate attempts to shove their nose in Lillian’s life. No one was going to know. She wasn’t going to talk to anyone. “I’ll get you the fucking championship, I said I would,” her voice cracks. “I have a debrief, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Love you Lau-“

Laura cuts her off and ends the call, burying her face in her hands and concentrating on breathing. She just needed a few minutes before the room filled up and she was forced to explain her fuck up to everyone and work out a recovery strategy.

*      *        *

You know F1 is fucked up when the person that fucks you over in qualifying, gets third, and even after a penalty is still five grid slots higher than you. Sebastian was fuming when he storms out of the stewards office. She should be disqualified for dangerous driving.

Sebastian walks up the steps of the Red Bull motorhome, anger coursing through him as he shoves passed a few of the guys, refusing anyone’s greeting as his eyes searched for Aston. He spies Molly walking towards him, looking ready to burst at any minute as she holds her stomach.

“No Seb,” she tells him, hand on his chest. “Now is not the time to rant at Laura.”

“I’m in P11 because she fucking blocked me,” Sebastian snaps. “Where is she?” He has no interest in what she’s saying, instead his eyes narrow in on Rocky. He easily steps around Molly, heading towards his former engineer. “Where’s Aston?”

Rocky hesitates before answering, “Briefing room. She’s alone.”

It’s all that he needs to know as he heads there, Rocky calling after him that the lock on the door is broken. He only gives Rocky the finger over his shoulder as he storms off. He finds her exactly where Rocky said, sitting at the table in the briefing room, head in her hands. Stepping inside he flicks his wrist and slams the door behind him but only bounces back open when he it fails to catch.

She jumps, startled, hear whipping up and widening at the sight of him. “Seb –“

“What the fucking hell Aston!” he roars at her as she blinks at him. “You cut me off! I am in fucking eleventh! The way you drove today you don’t even deserve a fucking super license!”

He was expecting her to shout back, blame him, defend herself, _something_ other than her eyes filling with her tears. Sebastian freezes and then to his horror, she drags in a deep breath and then promptly bursts into tears which escalates rapidly into full on heart wrenching sobs as she sits there and cries. He was one the now startled, anger on hold.

He’d seen what Aston looked like when she was in pain, he’d heard her scream in it. He knew what she looked like when she angry, something he saw a lot. And he knew what she looked like in ecstasy. But he’d never seen Aston upset, let alone cry as he watches her sob, face once more buried in her hands. Aston doesn’t cry – Laura maybe… but Aston never. And she was always Aston at the racetrack.

Bitching to her, letting rip about qualifying vanishes as he moves towards her. “Laura?”

Hearing voices, he turns hurriedly and closes the door, stopping when the lock fails to click. Well Rocky did tell him that. He turns back to her, her flooded blue eyes spill their tears silently.

“Please don’t talk – to me about qualifying,” she whispers hoarsely, hiccupping in the middle. “I got a penalty, I’ve already been given enough lectures about everything this weekend.” Her eyes plead with him, “Please don’t start on me. Please.”

There was no way she was crying about qualifying. He moves towards her, reaching to wipe at her tears. Rant at her? Now? He shakes his head at her, he wanted to fix this; fix her because he couldn’t bare seeing her like this. It reminds him of Monaco last year when she hurt her knee and his utter helplessness he was made to feel in that situation. “Hey,” he murmurs before he reaches down to pull her up from the chair and into his arms.

She falls against him, face pressed to his chest, clinging to his shirt. And where was the person that screamed no at him last night? That wanted nothing to do with him? That same girl was holding onto him and he wraps his arms around her head, kisses the top of her head, he seems to only break her more, sobbing against him. He can only tighten his hold on her. This definitely wasn’t about qualifying, this had nothing to do with racing. It had nothing to do with Aston and everything to do with Laura. He can feel her tears through his shirt, now damp as he stroked her hair.

He sees the door move from the corner of his eyes and he hurriedly steps towards it, pulling Laura with him as he extends an arm to shove it closed with as much force as he could to get a message across. The movement sees her pull back enough to look at him. “Hey,” he smiles at her sadly, pushing the hair from her face was sticking to her wet cheeks. He attempts to try and dry her face with the back of his fingers but stops when more tears spill. “What happened?”

“She didn’t tell me,” she chokes out. She hiccups.

“Who didn’t tell you?” he presses gently. And the door moves to open again and he spins around furiously, “Fuck off!” he shouts shoving it closed again. She is only staring at him looking far away. “Hey,” he cups her face trying to draw her back to him, “Who didn’t tell you”

More tears. “Lillian,” she chokes out. “Didn’t tell me because I…I…was racing.” She stammers as he continue to brush away her tears. “Didn’t… didn’t want me to…to…be distracted.” She gasps for air as she struggles to gain control of herself.

His nostrils flare when the door moves again. “What the fuck?” He slams his hand against it again.

Laura lifts her head to stare at the door, telling him numbly, “There’s a briefing.” She blinks at him. “You shouldn’t be here.”

He kisses her forehead. “One second,” he tells her letting her go. “Stay right here.” He sees her hesitate, “Stay,” he repeats. He darts out of the room making a beeline for Rocky. He only has to say the word, “Door,” and Rocky is on his heels, promising to stand guard until they were done. Sebastian glares at him when he wiggles his eyebrows, but his face quickly sobers when he sees Laura wiping at her face. Sebastian slams the door closed when he opens his mouth. “Right, that’s that.”

“Do you know how many questions he’s going to fucking ask now?” she snaps at him, trying to clutch at anger but he ignores it and pulls her back against him, squeezing her tightly. She doesn’t fight him, instead her arms slip around him and she curls against him. He doesn’t push her to talk, instead they continue to simply stand there and Sebastian glances at a clock on the wall. He was meant to be doing a piece for German TV, he had no idea what he was going to use for an excuse. No one would believe him if he told the truth anyway. “Hmmmm?” Laura had mumbled something against him and he’d hadn’t caught it.

She looks up at him with watery eyes, but at least she was no longer crying. There’s so much pain there, and his heart clenches at the sight. “Lillian has cancer.”

It takes a moment to let those words sink in, process them, realise what they meant. “Oh…” She keeps staring at him and his head is now thinking of his own sisters and his stomach twists unpleasantly. “I’m so fucking sorry Laura.” His grip on her tightens and he wants to ask a million more questions, but that seemed inappropriate so he swallows them.

“Miles told me because they said treatment wasn’t working.” Her voice was shaking and he blinks because he understands. Lillian was dying. “And Lillian said I wasn’t allowed to use her as an excuse to not race…”

“Laura,” he says quietly but she cuts him off.

“I don’t want to be here,” she whispers it like those were the most terrible words that could possibly be spoken, and she doesn’t meet his eyes as she says them.

He hesitates and licks his lips before asking, “What do you meant you don’t want to be here? This weekend? Or…” She’s moved away from him now, clearly trying to pull herself together before she’s hugging herself and she only shrugs, chewing at her lip furiously. “Can I offer you some advice?”

She only stares at him which he will assume her silence was acceptance.

“She didn’t tell you for a reason, and you running back the moment you know is only going to prove she was right. Finish the weekend. Go home and talk to her, think about what you want and make a proper decision..” And he adds trying to focus on a positive, “This is the last race before the break. Then you can have some time.” He wants to hug her again, hold her again, all he saw was pain and none of the anger she’d been exuding all weekend. “What did Miles say?”

She opens her mouth to answer only it snaps closed when the door opens again. Sebastian turns intent on going off at Rocky only to falter when he sees Christian standing there eyes flicking between the two of them. “What’s going on in here?”

He glances at Laura but her eyes had hardened and her mouth was set in a thin line. “Sebastian and I were discussing qualifying.”

Sebastian stiffens at her response. There was no way that wasn’t going to be taken the wrong way. She’d clearly been crying and one look back at his former team principal only confirms that because he now looks livid.

“Maybe you should return to Ferrari Sebastian,” Horner suggests coldly.

He stares at Aston and feeling more hurt than he probably should before he asks bitterly, “Was that necessary?” Knowing there wouldn’t be a response to that question he turns and walks out, he pauses in front of Rocky who gives him an apologetic shrug before he spins on his heel and stalks out of the motorhome and past his former team members. He reaches up to rub at the wet patch on his team shirt where her tears had soaked, it sparks anger and sympathy all at once. He was tired of having conflicted feelings about one person. Fuck.

*      *        *

If Molly wants to ask about her encounter with Sebastian she doesn’t ask out loud, only comments that evening, “So you apologised to Sebastian via the press?”

“It was an apology wasn’t it?” she snaps irritated biting her lip as she stares at her phone. Yes, she sucked it up and took responsibility for the qualifying incident. She certainly didn’t apologise in person, but an apology was an apology, and he could take it or not. She shakes her phone in frustration at his lack of a response to meet up – clearly he wasn’t taking it. But maybe an apology for qualifying wasn’t what he wanted.

She slams the phone on the table in her room angrily. He wasn’t getting anything else. He shouldn’t have come to see her. He shouldn’t have broken her in the first place. “Can we be done now?” she asks Molly. She was sick of today.

“Lillian texted me said you had to call her,” Molly sighs.

She drags in a sharp breath. That was going to be about Seb and their ‘confrontation’ this afternoon that was splashed all across the press. “No. So she can yell at me more? No! She yelled at me yesterday, she yelled at me this afternoon. No more yelling at me!” Laura snatches her phone up then and switches it off. She wasn’t talking to anyone. She wanted this weekend done. Molly stares at her for a moment and shakes her head.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Laura says nothing as Molly lets herself out. She figures her brother’s girlfriend was regretting volunteering to come here this weekend. Once the door clicks closed Laura is hit by the same overwhelming wave of emotion from this afternoon. She looks at the ceiling, willing her tears away, because she wasn’t going to spend the evening crying about how shit everything was playing out.

God she hated life. It could fuck right off. She was going to bed and she hopes she never wakes up. Except there’s a knock at the door and her heart is in her throat as she tries not to rush to open it. _Sebastian_. And seeing him standing there, hands in his pockets, eyes full of concern, her throat tightens but she already feels her anger and frustration seeping away, exhaustion fast setting in in it’s place.

“Hi,” he tells her giving her a tight smile. “I know it’s late, but I wanted to make sure you were okay before I called it a day.” He stands in the door way, not moving inside, rocking on his heels almost like he was reluctant to even be here. He’s pissed off at her, but there’s no trace of that, only concern in his eyes.

She immediately regrets texting him. “I’m not an obligation.” That came out far colder than she intended.

Sebastian frowns at that. “You texted, I just want to make sure you’re okay.” His hand reaches for her. “You want to talk?”

Laura snatches her hand back not trusting herself to not break if she gave herself over; there wasn’t time for a breakdown. “I don’t want to rehash qualifying.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Sebastian snaps, “And you know it.”

He’s still standing in the doorway. Did he want her to invite him? She wasn’t going to. He never needed an explicit invitation before, she’s not starting now. In fact, she’s not starting anything now. “I shouldn’t have texted you. I’m tired.”

Sebastian stares at her for a long moment, eyes searching hers. “You sure?”

She forces a smile. “There’s a race tomorrow Sebastian. I can’t –“ She stops and drags in a deep breath. “Not now.” He can’t break her now, and he would break her, maybe to a point where she really wasn’t okay.

There’s a pause before he nods. “Okay Laura.” She gasps when he steps across the threshold, hands cupping her face as he gently presses a kiss to her forehead, lips lingering before he pulls back, thumbs flicking across her cheeks. “Get some sleep.”

Her hands snap up then, grasping at his wrists, holding him in place as she stares at him, her eyes getting suspiciously wet. “I’m sorry.” The whispered apology is choked out, the words forced even if she means them. He blinks surprised at the confession as she adds, “I don’t want to kill you. No matter what the press writes.”

That sees a smile flickering at his lips and he leans forward and kisses her softly. “Night Aston.” He lets her go then and his hands slide through her before he steps back and she watches him walk away as she chews her lip. Why did it not feel like the worst thing in the world if she wanted him to stay, and not for sex – she was far too exhausted for that. It’s the reason she closes the door hurriedly.

Apparently she was so tired her head was coming up with ludicrous thoughts. Bed. Sleep. Race. Home. She needed to get with that programme.

*      *        *

 “Laura thoughts on the race? It appeared to be a tough weekend for you?”

Laura sucks on her drink bottle straw as she makes her way around in the press pen. “The race was what it was. Fighting from sixth was never going to be a great place to start. And strategy didn’t work out great, but it’s done.” She got seventh and after she was done with this shit she was going home and hiding from everyone for three weeks.

“Sebastian has had a few choice words to say about your on track antics this weekend –“

Laura cuts them off there. “I apologised yesterday. He either accepts it or remains pissed at me. I don’t care, either way.”

“He finished 4th today, despite qualifying lower.”

“Good for him,” she snaps. “If you want to talk about his race, talk to him about it.” She moves away then to the next person, because she was not entertaining anyone with questions about Sebastian.

And when the last question is done, there is a sense of relief that washes over her when she falls down next to Molly in the RBR motor home. They were done. This weekend was done. She could go home now. There’s a hand in her hair, Molly lying on the table opposite her and giving her a tiny smile.

“Halfway there Lau,” she murmurs, “But you can have a break now.” She smiles back, just, and closes her eyes. She needed a break. “You’ll feel better about all of this in a few weeks.”

Maybe. She’s not sure, but she wasn’t thinking about that right now. She closes her eyes fighting the urge to go to sleep right here, because it feels like she hasn’t slept in forever, and maybe she hasn’t. And as she half dozes there’s only one person that dances in her vision – Sebastian. She snaps her eyes open. Right no sleeping. She needed to pack up her shit.

*      *        *

 “Sebastian.”

Sebastian had been about to enter the Ferrari motor home when he turns to see Christian walking quickly to catch up with him. He forces a smile at his former team principal, he wasn’t in the mood for a friendly chat. What he wanted was to leave the circuit and put the first half of the season behind him, particularly this weekend.

“Can we have a word?”

He knew the look Christian was giving him and he wasn’t doing this, he didn’t have to receive _lectures_ from Christian anymore. “I have a million things –“

Christian brushes off his excuse before he could even finish it, as he steps closer, dropping his voice. “It’s no secret in the paddock that you and Laura are not the best of friends.” Sebastian goes rigid at hearing her name. “But that is no excuse for you to come into Red Bull and _harass_ my staff.”

“Harass?” he scoffs because that is _not_ what happened; well it certainly wasn’t how things played out.

“You both can make snide comments about each other to the press, you can sort your problems out on the race track within the rules, but what happened yesterday is unacceptable. You are no longer welcome in Red Bull.”

“Is this a joke?” Sebastian blinks because he can not believe his former team, what had been his home had effectively barred his presence from the motorhome. “Christian, Aston and I are far more civil than you think.”

“Please,” Christian looks at him like he made the joke. “Keep away from her, stay out of the energy station. You’re not my driver now. She is, so I don’t need to manage you both, just her.”

Sebastian sucks in his breath. “Did she say anything? Ask for this? Because there is no way I’m taking the wrap for something that didn’t happen!” He was not the bad guy in this situation and if Aston was off implying that…

“We’re done,” Christian states spinning on his heel and walking back to the energy station.

Sebastian stands there staring after Christian who stalks off. He blinks before running his fingers through his hair scowling at the photographers that still linger desperate to add to the drama that was playing out this weekend. They can fuck right off. He rushes up the steps of the motorhome, he was leaving and he and Aston were going to have some words – in the calmest manner possible.

It’s Molly that opens her hotel room door, face startled into a look of surprise at his presence. “Seb?”

He purses his lips. Right, he hadn’t thought about her being here and subbing in for Miles. “Get out Molly,” he tells her quietly as he steps around her and walking in uninvited to find Aston sprawled on a couch playing on her phone. “Aston,” he greets bluntly. She looks up at him and he stares at her hard, “We need to talk.”

“Sebastian,” Molly grabs his arm trying to pull him back. “Now isn’t the time to get into this weekend,” she warns.

“It’s fine Molly,” Laura tells her forcing a smile. “Go,” she adds when she hesitates.

Molly glares at him, “Don’t start any shit,” she warns before she grabs her things and walks to the door, Sebastian following to ensure he slams the door closed after her.

“I still don’t want to talk to you about shit,” Laura tells him the moment he’s hovering back over her and she’s still on her blasted phone, and he can see she’s commenting on Instagram. He grabs it hurls it away.

“Christian banned me from Red Bull,” he tells her bluntly, and she glares up at him.

“How is this my problem? This sounds like your problem,” she snaps.

Sebastian stares at her in disbelief as she confirm his suspicions. “You haven’t told him. About Lillian.”

She blinks at him. “Why would I? That has nothing to do with F1.”

Was she crazy? “Have you told _anyone_?”

“Can I have my phone back please?” she asks completely avoiding the question.

“Laura,” he snaps frustrated, “You can not keep this to yourself. You need to talk to Christian. They need to understand and you need people on your side.”

“Lillian is not an excuse for anything,” she returns. “I’m not using her as an excuse!”

“This isn’t about excuses Laura! This is about support, this about relying on your team, this is about being able to rely on people –“

“I don’t need anyone,” she interrupts viciously. “I never have and I never will.”

“You think you’ll make the whole season with that attitude?” he shakes his head at her because she was going to break if she insisted she can do this with everything else while fighting for a championship. She wasn’t meant to be a rookie anymore, she can’t _not_ understand how important your team was.

“Not only will I make the whole season Sebastian, I will win and I’m going to wave my fucking drivers championship in your face and tell you ‘I told you so.’” She’s clearly fishing for a full on fight, she’s not getting it today, he’s not going to let her pour her anger out on him and escape, not this time.

“No, you won’t,” he states bluntly.

She sits up before storms passed him to grab her phone. “You know what Sebastian, none of this is even about me. You’re just pissed because someone is mad at you and you have this insane need to have everyone like you.” She points at her phone at him, “Get over it, so what if Christian is pissed at you.”

That was not what this was about and he sucks in his breath at her accusation. “I am not the bad guy right now Aston. Don’t make me out to be the bad guy!”

“You were coming to shout at me yesterday, weren’t you? It’s not my fault you chose not to!”

“I’m not going to be given a hard time for fucking caring!” Now they’re full on yelling and there goes any resemblance of a calm conversation as she twists things into an argument she apparently was desperate for.

“Well you’re not meant to fucking care!” she yells back at him. “We have rules!”

“Caring is not loving you! Caring is being a decent human being!” Was she serious? She expected him to go off at her when she was clearly upset and in pain? Like he literally had no feelings at all? “Trust me, we are still in the fucking grey area, though right now,” he grits his teeth, “We might not be on the scale because I really don’t like. As a damn person.”

She reels, almost looking like he hurt her.

“You’re telling Christian the truth,” he points at the door with his order.

Her eyes are dark, full of anger as she asks in a harsh whisper, “What do you want me to tell him Sebastian? You tell me what you want me to say to fix this? It won’t be about Lillian.” She folds her arms as asks sarcastically, “Christian, sorry, Sebastian didn’t upset me about qualifying. Instead he was _caring_? Grow up. Not everyone is going to like you.”

He stares at her a moment before he holds up his hand. “You know what Laura. Forget it.” He spins and walks to the door jerking it open before he looks back at her. “Not only do I very much not like you right now, I also don’t care about you. Feel better with that?” And then he walks out slamming the door after him making her jump.

At least as he walks away telling himself he doesn’t care, he means it so much in this moment.

*      *        *

When Lillian opens the door to see Laura standing there, she aborts her lecture because her sister looked exhausted. “Hey,” she greets deciding maybe it was best to not discus Hungary. Laura gives her a grateful look before Lillian gasps when she’s hugged tightly, Laura clinging to her. “I missed you too Lau,” Lillian murmurs hugging her back.

“You doing okay?” Laura asks when she pulls away.

Lillian shrugs. “Sure.” Okay was subjective – she was okay in the sense of her treatment, but she had certainly felt better. “You okay? Want to talk about the weekend?” Laura walks away from her and flops down on her couch, burying her head under pillows. And because she can’t resist, “Have fun playing with Sebastian?”

Laura seems to be screaming into a pillow and Lillian can’t help but cross her arms satisfied. Her sister’s relationship with Sebastian would be much better for all if it sank to the bottom of the ocean and drowned.

Her face appears as she grips the pillow tightly. “Fuck him.”

Lillian raises an eyebrow. “You did that Laura.” The pillow is hurled at her and she ducks in time. “Hey, sick woman here!” Lillian’s face though softens and she sighs, “I’m sorry it was hard this weekend Lau.” She hesitates, “It would have been easier if Miles was there.”

“No,” Laura sits up, glaring at her. “I’d rather talk about Sebastian with you than start on that.”

“Come on Lau,” Lillian pleads. “He’s not doing so great right now, and I don’t think you are either.”

“No,” Laura replies viciously. “He lied to me!”

“So did I!” Lillian argues back.

“Well he gets forgiven when he gets cancer!”

“Laura!”

“There is a difference Lillian. I asked him about you okay. I said to him something was off and he _lied_. He _willingly_ let me believe things were okay.” But that wasn’t what hurt the most, “And he has _never_ lied to me. _Never_ Lil. For any reason, for anything.” Lillian watches her sister looking unbelievable hurt. “And he lied about this, about something that was about life and death.”

Lillian shakes her head. “This isn’t his fault,” she says quietly. “This wasn’t Miles’ decision.”

“We’re not talking about this about right now,” Laura states adamantly ending the conversation.

“Fine, we’ll talk about Sebastian then,” Lillian grins at her, “Since you agreed.”

“Sure. We’re not talking. There’s nothing else to discuss.”

Lillian points at her happily because this was proving her point. “And this is why getting involved with him is a bad idea. You block him in qualifying and it’s the end of the world.” Laura rolls her eyes and says nothing. “I mean it’s just about qualifying right?”

“What Molly didn’t tell you?”

“Of course. Sebastian storming into RBR, Christian interrupting some spat and Seb storming out just as angry. Yes I heard, it’s a top story on the Autosport website.” Lillian grins, “Want to see?”

“Not particularly,” Laura huffs and Lillian watches as her sister gets a faraway look as she chews her lip.

“Lau, don’t over think this,” she warns and she moves to sit down next to her. “Hey,” she drags her back to the now and Laura forces a smile.

“What if I’m fucking it up?”

“What?” Fucking up with Sebastian? “Does it matter?”

“No,” Laura doesn’t meet her gaze.

“Hey, if you want to take your anger out on someone, Sebastian is the best person to do that! I’m all for you being pissed at him.”

Laura laughs hollowly and the pillow is back over her face. And Lillian groans. Oh fuck. She rips the pillow from Laura. “That’s it. We’re getting you therapy for your anger issues if you are using that as a reason to keep sleeping with him!”

“I do not have anger issues!”

“Well you certainly have a Sebastian problem!”

“No I don’t!”

“Yes you do!” Lillian shouts.

“I do not!” Laura raises her voice louder.

“You have feelings for him!”

The accusation has Laura looking ready to kill her but their phones are going off, and their argument is put on hold as both are soon sitting there, staring at a picture of Miles holding their newly born niece.

“Oh my god,” Lillian whispers before she’s grinning like silly.

“She’s beautiful,” Laura agrees eyes full of love as she stares at her phone.

“You probably stressed Molly into labour,” Lillian comments.

Laura doesn’t argue instead bounces the phone around in front of Lillian’s gaze as more pictures come through, “If I did, then look what came out of it? I should get a gold star.”

_Ella May Aston. Born July 28. 2 weeks early. In perfect health. Weighing six pounds 2 ounces. Molly says that she may as well have been three times that heavy. I can’t wait for you to meet her!_

And suddenly their bad weekends had suddenly brightened. They had a niece and neither could wait to meet her.

*      *        *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're halfway! Mid season break. I have upped the estimated chapters on this because every time I edit chapters I seem to double them, so this thing keeps growing.
> 
> Since we're halfway I'd love to get some mid year feedback! What's been your favourite stuff so far? What was your least favourite? Thoughts or wishes moving forward? What do you want to read more of? Less of? Suggestions? Do you want a happy ending this year?
> 
> With the second half in draft, I am still able to improve and edit so will try and take stuff on board where possible. 
> 
> Thanks for always reading and thanks to those who leave comments! You're the reason I have made it this far into year 2 :D


	20. I'll say sorry from my knees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wasn't planning on posting today but as I get the next bunch of chapters ready I realised I have far more chapters than I thought. And with you all be so kind and super lovely I figured no point holding back. So this please think of this as a thank you for all being so awesome and supportive.
> 
> Thanks to @formulaoneisfast for betaing.

 

It took more effort than Laura would ever admit to find the place and then to actually knock on the door. There was this nagging voice in her head whispering that by doing this she was crossing some line… but still… _not_ doing this was starting to eat at her. She knocks hoping no one was home because then it would make this so much easier and she could skip off and go and see Molly and Ella. No such luck and she ignores the startled look on Sebastian’s face when he opens his front door and sees her standing there.

“Hi,” she rushes out. “Can we talk?”

He blinks at her and asks after a moment, “Aston. What are you doing here?”

“Wanting to talk,” she repeats wondering in what way she wasn’t clear. She knows he’s mad. She hadn’t needed a memo to know that and his brash exit at the end of last weekend had hurt more than she expected.

“Where did you get my address?” He wasn’t letting her in, eyes hard and guarded.

She gives him a tiny smile as she confesses quietly, “I um… called Christian.” She sees it then, he wavers, eyes softening and she shifts closer only to have him sigh. “About Lillian.”

“Good,” he says quietly before he purses his lips and adds, “But you didn’t answer my question. Where did you get my address?”

That hadn’t been much of a challenge as such, what had been the hard part was sucking it up and asking Kimi bloody Raikkonen for it. Kimi on the phone making her squirm in what was mostly a silent conversation took real talent. She was promoting Kimi up her list of strongly disliked people. “Asked a mutual friend.”

“Raikkonen,” Sebastian mutters under his breath, wincing as he does.

She shifts her weight from one foot to the other. He still wasn’t budging from the doorway and he was still eyeing her up cautiously. “Can I come in?” There’s a flash of hesitation before he steps aside to allow her past.

The door is slammed behind her, a sign she was _not_ forgiven and she probably wasn’t very welcome. She chews her lip suddenly feeling nervous and she busies herself by taking the opportunity to look around his sparsely decorated house as she follows him through, herself a mini tour.

It was the definition of a bachelor pad, everything there was for a practical purpose, no trinkets or throw cushions, the only exception were a few family pictures. She glances over them, her mouth flickering into a smile before she peers closer. Her heart aches thinking of her own family as her fingers touch the glass of a framed picture on a wall – Seb looks like a complete dweeb smooched up between his parents. She hates him a little more for that.

He clears his throat to get her attention. “You want a drink or something?”

No she didn’t want anything to drink but the awkwardness that falls over them has her answer, “Sure.” Just so he’d walk away and she could breathe. She wonders where he keeps his trophies. She keeps walking and opens a door. Closet. Surprisingly well organised, she makes a face of approval before closing it hard. Something falls inside and she hurries away.

“Laura.” She jumps when Seb appears from behind her about to open another door.

“I didn’t do it.”

He raises his eyebrows and offers her the water. She takes it and he folds his arms. “What happened with Christian?”

Her fingers curl and tighten around her glass as she stands in Sebastian’s living room and he’s staring at her, waiting. She shrugs. “He said I should have told him before Hungary.”

“Yes you should have,” Sebastian agrees bluntly and he’s still being closed off and Laura wishes he would just be _him_.

“He said he would wave sponsor and media commitments where possible, more time at home…” she trails off shrugging. She didn’t want special treatment from anyone but he had sounded far more upset than she did and she figured she might have actually made Christian cry if she rejected him helping in the only way he can.

Sebastian shoves his hands into his pockets as he tells her, “Take the extra days Laura.”

“I will,” she mutters annoyed she was somehow in a place where she was annoyed with time off. She sets about slowly drinking her water so she can pretend Sebastian wasn’t currently watching her; eyes boring into her and making her feel hot.

The silence stretches as she continues to very, very slowly, swallow her water. “Why are you here Laura?” Sebastian is the one that breaks the awkwardness with an awkward question. And when she refuses to stop drinking, he is once more sighing, staring up at the ceiling, waiting, muttering in German.

He was making any attempts at apologising very hard when she didn’t do apologising well to start with. She stops drinking, pausing and when he looks back at her with an expression of ‘are you done?’ she immediately blows bubbles in her glass.

“Aston,” Sebastian snaps, walking over to snatch the glass away from her and she grins at him; it’s not returned. “Give me that.”

“Where’s your Ferrari?” she asks. “In the garage? Can I drive it?”

“Laura,” he tries again, voice softer like he was aware of her dodging what she didn’t want to do and she chews her lip pointedly staring at her glass in his hands.

“Don’t be mad at me,” she pleads quietly. He drinks from her glass casually and she wants to shout at him for making her do this. It’s not fair. She’s not meant to care. She’s not meant to have to apologise for anything. It’s just fucking sex! She can feel herself getting angry and she wants to tell him that she hates him, and she won’t care if he doesn’t forgive her and – He kisses her, and her brain shuts down. Soft and lingering. “I’m sorry,” she breathes out when their lips part.

“You made this far harder than it needed to be,” he tells her with a smile and he takes no notice of her scowl. “How’s Lillian?” he asks her gently.

She shrugs, not sure what to say other than, “She seems okay, she was lamenting more about her loss of hair than anything else.” Her stomach was turning with the unpleasant thoughts of ‘what if’.

“Don’t,” he tells her seeing where her head was wandering and he steps towards her, against hers as an arm slips around her. His forehead rests against her while she busies wrapping herself around him. He seems hesitant for a moment before clearing his throat, “You going to take some time off?”

Her fingers twirl absently in his hair as she responds with, “Don’t know. I think I’ll do as she asked and use the break to see where things end up and how I feel at the end of it.” She doesn’t want to talk about Lillian so she silences whatever he was going to say next by pressing her lips to his throat. And he’d shaved so it’s not as rough as she was used to and she uses it as an opportunity to drag her tongue across his skin where his pulse was. She smiles at the noise that escapes him at her actions.

But she’s pulled away, his hands holding her face, being forced to look at him. She swallows at his sympathy, at his concern, at his worry, _for her_. “Laura, you okay?”

Everything screams at her to say yes, to default to her usual stance. “No, but I will be. I always am eventually.” With that she steps towards him and kisses him. “I don’t want to talk anymore.” She kisses him again, happy that he kisses her back, that he pulls her head back, deepens the kiss till his lips leave hers and she’s left breathless. “This is nicer than talking,” she rasps.

He grins at her, full and wide, and being _him_. “Want me to show you the rest of the place?” he asks pushing her backwards. “We’ll start with the bedroom.” He’s dumped the glass of water on the first surface they passed, his hands now firmly on her ass.

“I want to see what’s in your garage,” she says instead teasingly avoiding his attempts to kiss her.

“Aston, you’re the only girl I have ever had in my house that is more interested in what’s in my garage than any other.”

“Just think,” she continues as he rubs his nose against hers, “How hot it would be to do it in your car?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s against your contract with Red Bull,” he tells her pushing her down onto the bed and he laughs at how disappointed she looks that they weren’t in his garage.

“I’m pretty sure Dietrich hasn’t added in any clauses about fucking in Ferraris,” she mutters as Seb crawls over her, hovering above her on his hands and knees.

“So it’s not my dirty garage but my very comfy bed, but I can offer you anything you want…” His eyes sparkle brightly and he smiles against the finger that is almost immediately tracing his lips as she shivers beneath him. She could ask him for his mouth, that is so very tempting and she squirms at the thought.

But instead she simply suggests, “Maybe I want to use my mouth for you?” His cocky smile is gone, kisses halted against the tip of her finger as his eyes darken. “I mean unless you’re not interested.” She hadn’t done that for him, gotten on her knees so to speak, he hadn’t asked her or pushed her in that direction but she thinks that might be about to change.

“Fuck Laura,” he kisses her hard, almost desperately as he lowers himself down to cover her body with his, hips rolling into hers.

“I should have offered this instead of an apology,” she laughs softly at the way he was placing urgent kisses against her jaw and neck, grinding into her and make it very clear how much he was onboard with her suggestion.

“I would have accepted it,” he tells her as he lets her flip them over, “For future reference.”

She moves to sit up, straddling his stomach as she grins at him. “That might work out great then for me.” No need to ever apologise for anything as she reaches to remove his shirt.

“I think it’s me that ends up in the better position,” he corrects her as he tosses his shirt onto the floor.

“That’s debatable,” she argues scooting lower so she can undo his shorts, “I never have to say sorry.”

Sebastian snorts. “Only you Aston, would rather get on her knees than apologise.”

He lifts his hips so she can slide them down and she does, dragging his briefs as well. Her body throbs at how ready he was for her but she’d gone and denied herself the opportunity to get any immediate relief. She should get an award for her selflessness right now. She sits back to admire his fully nude form, it felt like forever since she had him and he’s beautiful, all needy for her. Her hands run up and down the inside of his thighs pushing them wider, and he shivers when she uses her nails. She hums contentedly to drag this out…

“Laura,” he murmurs, breathing getting heavier with anticipation and she looks up from staring at his cock that was beginning to leak on his stomach. And when he reaches for her, she grabs his hand tightly and pins his arm next to his side.

“Stay,” she orders before grabbing his other arm and doing the same. “Don’t move,” she adds before she drops down to suck kisses into his chest. And he lets out a frustrated noise, cursing in German but he stays, hands clutching at his bedding like a good little boy as she kisses and nips his way down his body before settling in between his spread legs. She stares up at him and his blue eyes are so dark now as he watches her, wetting his lips and looking like he might actually beg in a moment. Making Seb beg might be fun…

“Don’t Aston,” he warns clearly reading her and she grins, “It’s your turn next, remember that.” She’s aware of that, she had not forgotten and she squeezes her thighs together.

And when she finally drags a finger up the length of him, she smiles at the choked sound he makes and it was only her finger. She uses the tip of her tongue to follow the same path, humming as she does, before she wraps her hand around his length properly, fingers rippling around the length as she wonders how long she should make him suffer.

“Laura,” his hand brushes her cheek, and the way he said her name was almost a whine.

She hovers her lips above the tip, blowing hot air on him and his hips arch up to cover that tiny space between them. He wasn’t doing so well with her instructions but she relents and kisses the tip softly and then immediately draws the head between her lips and sucks, tongue lapping at him as she does.

“Fuuuck,” Sebastian’s eyes have squeezed closed, lips parted as he breathes loudly. They snap open when she sinks down the length of him, letting him fully into the heat of her mouth. She groans under his heated gaze as she swallows him completely. His eyes are wide, his hands moving to tuck her hair behind her ears clearly intent on watching. “More,” he chokes out before adding, “Please.” Maybe worried she’d stop, go back to tormenting him but she doesn’t want to be cruel now – not with the look of awe on his face, the thumb rubbing against her cheek as she begins to move… she wants him to feel good; no strings attached.

She takes her time, not rushing, keeping everything slow and steady. He doesn’t ask her to go faster, and even though both of his hands where touching her face, in her hair he never pushes, pulls or guides. He was allowing himself to be completely at her mercy and fuck did that turn her on. But she can only squirm, rolling her hips towards the bed without any real relief – if she was lucky the seam of her jeans would rub her in just the right way.

“Lau,” his voice is heavy, and he looks completely drunk on pleasure as he rasps her name and she can see his stomach muscles contract, can feel his thighs tense on either of side her. He says her name again, more urgently, “Laura!” He is dragging in mouthfuls of air and she smiles around him knowingly, only moving faster before he lets out a sharp cry, half sitting up as his arms wrap around her head and he holds her to him as he comes, his orgasm washing over him as she swallows.

He collapses back down on the bed, hands falling back to their start position as she suckles him softly before he makes a grunt of discomfort and she lets him fall out of her mouth. She rests her head on his thigh, suppressing her desire to demand he return the favour because her body was screaming for attention, but his fingers were stroking through her hair and she closes her eyes, enjoying it and simply him.

“Laura,” he murmurs her name and it takes a bit of effort to move her to look at him, her head focused on the heavy throbbing between her thighs, her bodies screams drowning out everything around her at this point, except for his finger that moves to wipe a corner of her mouth. “Come here,” he says gently. She moves to get up, but really he dragged her up his body so their mouths could connect, so he could kiss her and her desperation for own relief pours out into that kiss.

“Take off your pants,” he orders gently. She does, or she tries, her body isn’t quite working as functionally as it should, but with his help, she’s stripped from the waist down before he’s pulling her up. “Come here….” She makes an unhuman noise when he pulls her so she’s straddling his face.

“Seb,” her hands move to clutch at the headboard as he yanks her lower and she cries out at the first swipe of his tongue. She wasn’t going to survive this but he’s relentless, holding her tightly and keeping her in place as his tongue swipes at her over and over, right where she needs, no teasing, no drawn out build up as she can only onto the headboard with white knuckles. Her whole body is on fire, her legs are shaking as she balances on the edge, his tongue right where she needs, and she cries out loudly as it lashes at her clit. It’s so good, he’s so good as he drives her higher and higher and then, _finally_ her body clenches hard in sweet release and she sobs as he sucks at her, hips rocking on his mouth.

She reaches down to tug at his hair when he won’t let her up. “Seb,” she says hoarsely, “Stop…” She can’t stay like this, above him when at moment her legs were going to give out, but at this point he was probably holding her up so she didn’t crush him.

She’s immediately lifted off him and shaking she slides down to sit next to him.

“I didn’t want to stop,” he states licking his lips, “I want to make you come again.”

“Kay,” she breathes out, who was she to object and he was definitely more alert now as he moves to scoot between her legs where she was sitting propped up against the top of the bed. His hands part her thighs, fingers brushing her lightly and her body erupts in shivers and a familiar tightening of heat in her gut

“I’ll take my time this time though,” he says kissing her knee. “Since we have all morning.”

“Kay,” she says again, pulling him towards her so he could start and she closes her eyes, fingers tightening in his hair as he starts again and she gasps at the first swipe of his tongue. Right now, his tongue was her favourite part of his body.

*      *        *

Sebastian isn’t sleeping, he’s resting, Laura probably closer to sleeping than he was. But it was nice, lying here with her, neither of them needing to rush off or sneak out. He was propped up on his elbow, watching as Laura dozed next to him, and he smiles at her softly, reaching to touch her before pulling his hand back deciding he didn’t want to disturb her, wake her up.

He slides out of bed a few minutes later and begins to redress watching Laura as he does. She was definitely asleep but she probably needed it with all the shit going on. He slips out, closing the door behind him. He makes them lunch before he checks his phone and winces at the text from Kimi before he even opens it.

_If she’s at your house right now you have broken every rule I gave you._

Sebastian’s mind drifts back to the image of Laura splayed across his bed. Laura Aston was in _his_ house and in _his_ bed. And he doesn’t feel guilty.

_I don’t care_.

And then he turns off his phone and moves to get back into bed grabbing the sandwiches he had made for them.

 

 

Sebastian thinks he might have stepped into an alternate reality. Laura was in his kitchen, wearing his shirt and only underwear, barefoot as she does the dishes from lunch. He blinks but she doesn’t disappear. She makes his heart ache in every way and he touches his chest as she turns to look at him.

“You want to go and see Molly?”

Sebastian blinks coming from his daze. “Sorry?”

“Go and see my niece. I haven’t seen her yet.” She frowns. “You’re looking at me weird.”

“I’m not,” he defends. “We can go to the hospital. She’s not far. You really want to go together?” It seemed to be an unspoken rule they didn’t reveal any part of their relationship to anyone, not even family. He’s still not sure relationship is the right word.

Laura shrugs. “Two people can show up at the hospital at exactly the same time. It’s a free world.”

He smiles. “Okay.”

She walks over then and dries her hands on his shirt. “I’ll get changed.”

He catches her hand as she walks passed and pulls her back. “Don’t do that yet…” He liked her like this, he wanted to enjoy her like this. She only grins letting herself be pulled into his arms.

“There are visiting hours,” she murmurs as his hands slide under her shirt and dragging it upwards. It falls to the kitchen floor.

“I’ll be quick,” he promises dipping his head to kiss her.

*      *        *

 

Laura is sitting crossed legged in a chair next to Molly carefully cradling her niece. She’s perfect and the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. Laura strokes one of her cheeks very carefully. She bites her lip because this could be her. She could have been sitting here holding her own baby right about now.

It’s the strangest feeling. It’s not regret she feels but it almost as if she wants to peer into that world, to see how it would have played out. Would she still have Jenson? Would he be standing next to her and not Sebastian? There’s a twinge in her chest at the loss of him, but it feels duller, less intense.

“I think the name Ella suits her,” she murmurs before smiling as the little girl wriggled trying to get comfortable. “She’s perfect Mol.”

“Yeah, she is,” Molly responded beaming despite looking like she was exhausted.

“If you want to sleep we can go,” Laura says feeling bad she might be interrupting Molly catching up on sleep. Yes, she’s not sure she could do this, go through all that pain, devote herself to someone that would need her completely. She definitely wasn’t ready to be a mother.

“It’s fine, Miles will be back soon and you two should talk.”

That wasn’t on Laura’s agenda so she makes a noncommittal noise.

Sebastian who was standing next to her touches one of Ella’s hand and her little fingers clench around it tightly on instinct. “I want to hold her now,” Sebastian comments.

“I’m not done,” she tells him.

“Please don’t start arguing,” Molly groans. “I’m too tired to deal.”

“We don’t argue all the time,” Sebastian tells her.

Yeah, sometimes they had sex against the fridge. When she raises her gaze Sebastian’s mouth held a very tiny smirk and she figures he was thinking pretty much the same thing.

“Here,” she moves to carefully pass Ella to Sebastian’s arms. He looks so excited to hold her, beaming at her niece and immediately dissolving into baby talk. She rolls her eyes.

“Laura.”

Her eyes immediately flick to the door to see Miles surprised to see her. The tension must be noticeable as Sebastian was looking between the two of them awkwardly. Laura clears her throat, “Congratulations.” She didn’t have to be so entirely petty.

“Thanks.” The smiles she gets is one of relief. “Can we talk?” He was looking at Sebastian, “Alone.”

“We don’t need to talk about anything. I came to see Molly and Ella,” she shrugs and Mile’s face flashes with hurt.

“Laura,” he pleads with her quietly and Laura takes that as her cue. She moves to cuddle Ella goodbye, stealing her back from a protesting Sebastian before she hands her back to him. Molly gets a quick goodbye before she moves passed Miles who watches her walk out with a crushed expression. She didn’t care.

She waits in the carpark for Seb, trying hard to forget her heart hurt and how much energy it takes to be mad at someone you love. When Sebastian finally appears, she’s happy for the distraction. He stops in front of her, eyes searching hers as he suggests quietly, “Don’t hate on Miles for this Laura. That’s not where your head should be, not with Lillian.”

“He _lied_ to me,” she snaps. “Don’t be on his side Sebastian or I’ll be shunning you as well,” she warns, surprised that she was hurt that he wasn’t on her side to begin with.

“I don’t think there should be sides, but fine, I’m on your side,” he sighs.

“Good,” she nods and she bites her lip, swallowing the lump in her throat before she asks. “Can I drive back to your place.”

Seb stares at her for a moment, judging his response before he reaches around and opens the passenger door offering her the keys to his SUV. “Okay Laura.” She clutches the keys tightly surprised he relented before she pulls herself together and moves to the driver’s side.

“Don’t kill us,” he warns.

“Then keep your hands to yourself,” she returns. “We should have taken your Ferrari,” she says as she starts the engine and then promptly revs it hard.

“If we did that, one, that wouldn’t be very anonymous of us, and two, there’s no way you would be driving it.”

“You should be nicer to me,” she snaps. “Life fucking sucks.”

“Nicer to you?” he raises his eyebrows as she backs out of the car spot wildly. “Laura, do you know how much time I spent this morning with my mouth between your legs?”

“Yes, two and a half orgasms worth,” she answers simply look over at him. “If we’re weighing up a relationship based on orgasms, then no one can say we haven’t been nice to each other this year.”

“Eyes. Road. Aston,” Sebastian reaches over to twist her head back to the windscreen to watch where she was going since she was speeding. “And don’t get pulled over.”

*      *        *

 


	21. Training Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update! Hope everyone has had a really good week and you enjoy the latest update :)
> 
> Thanks to @formulaoneisfast for helping as always and checking for my never ever ending spelling errors.

“Oh my god,” Lillian can’t stop ogling at all the pictures of Ella. “She is the most beautiful thing ever.” She couldn’t wait to meet her niece. It’s too bad she couldn’t fly and was stuck here - Miles had assured her as soon as Molly and Ella were up for travelling she would be the first person to see her. “I don’t think you took enough pictures,” she pouts at Laura.

Laura rolls her eyes. “There’s like a hundred and Miles I’m sure is spamming you constantly.”

“I know but it’s not the same. I am so jealous you saw her…” She blows up the picture on the screen. “Was Molly good?”

“Tired, but yeah she seemed okay.”

“Seb was good?” she tests the waters because she knew Laura was there when Sebastian was. Her sister though shrugs her shoulders and hovers over her to stare at her phone, not meeting her eyes so she wasn’t able to get a read.

“Did you see the picture with her hand in her mouth?”

“Laura,” Lillian chides her because she wasn’t squirming out of this. “What are you doing with him?” Laura moves away, snatching the phone as she does, as if depriving her of Ella pictures was punishment. How can her sister not see she was making a big mistake?

“Lillian, stop,” Laura orders bluntly. “I’m not doing this with you. I’m not discussing something that isn’t happening with you. I’m not going to argue with you over someone that means nothing to me. I’m not putting energy there. And if you continue to push then I’ll leave.”

Lillian stares at her hard, aware that Laura was serious and if she did pry, kept pushing she would follow through. She was going to pretend that was good news rather than the more likely bad news and Laura wasn’t talking to her because she was trying to protect something that might hold meaning. Which is ridiculous… right? They were being idiots that were fooling around right? But her silent questions go unanswered and she has to swallow her frustrated screams at being confined to a fucking bed most of the day.

“How’s Jenson?” She didn’t put a ban on discussing that. If looks could kill… “Right, we’ll keep discussing Ella then, but you know if you want to talk… about Jenson or whoever…” Even if she didn’t agree, at some point Laura was going to need to stop denying things and talk to _someone_.

“I don’t. And I won’t,” she returns coldly.

“Have you and Miles made up now?” Lillian asks quietly and her sister was once more not looking at her. “Lau, don’t do this to him right now.”

“I’ll do what I want, and I’ll be mad at who I want,” she crosses her arms stubbornly.

“Yeah, apparently you’re happy to be mad at the whole world,” Lillian tells her. “At some point anger just becomes pain.”

“Shut up,” Laura snaps. “For once shut up.”

“Okay. I’m stopping now.” But just for now as she looks at her sister worriedly. How was she going to meddle from here and fix things?

“Stop it Lillian!” Laura orders harshly, “Keep your fingers out of my life.”

“Like I can do much from here,” Lillian mutters under her breath before her eyes widen with an idea and she grins.

“I swear to god Lil you put your nose where it doesn’t belong…”

“Me? Never!” she responds innocently.

Laura points at her. “I don’t care you have cancer, I will not talk to you.”

“Not going to interfere,” she promises crossing her heart as she settles back into her pillows with a smug smile.

*      *        *

He knew it was a bad idea, that he was going to never hear the end of it, but still – there was no one else to talk to. And yeah, Kimi might not be the best person but if he dared to ask someone more helpful, like one of his sisters, he was going to have to deal with someone that would be far worse than Kimi silently judging him, they would judge him loudly with a million questions.

Sebastian stands by the side of Kimi’s pool where he watches his friend float around, lying in the sun and enjoying his summer break. Kimi looks over at him, “You better be here to bomb dive into the pool and not ask me for advice on women.”

“You’d be the most qualified.” He’d stopped counting the women that Kimi Raikkonen picked up long ago, even when he was married.

Kimi lets what was more an insult than a compliment wash over him. “Well I don’t know what advice you want, at this point you’re dating her not fucking her.”

“We’re not dating,” he snaps. “She’s not my fucking girlfriend.”

Kimi smirks at him. “You sound upset that she isn’t…”

Sebastian sticks his foot in the water, shoe be damned, to kick at Kimi and he only grins wider. “I don’t have to ask you –’’

“Yes, you do, no one else knows,” Kimi cuts him off smugly.

Right, he was going to ignore him and just ask his question. “If I asked her to spend time over the break with me…”

“That makes her your girlfriend.”

Sebastian curls his fist and ignores the comment. “I want to do something nice for her. A few days so she’s not with Lillian in a hospital all the time.”

Kimi sighs. “Then ask.”

“But we do have rules…”

Kimi snorts so loudly he coughs.

“They’re not your fucking rules,” Sebastian tries hard to use his mind to have Kimi float closer so he could jump on him. Hard. “Ours were more….” He holds up his hands to show the gap with the grey stuff. Maybe it would have been simpler to have verbal rules rather than one rule of ‘stay in the grey stuff’. “We only had one rule…”

“And I’m sure you broke it.”

“Stay in the middle and don’t fall in love.”

“You definitely broke it.”

“I am not in love with her!” And yes, he shouted, and yes, Kimi was laughing at him but he didn’t care. He wasn’t in love with Aston because he wasn’t going to fall in love with anyone. He could sleep with her, and they could be friendly with each other and enjoy each other’s company – but he didn’t have to love her.

Kimi sits up straighter, eyes losing their lightness as he says seriously. “This is about Alena.”

Sebastian goes very still. It had been a long time since anyone had said her name, brought her up so bluntly.

“Trust me, Aston won’t leave you at the altar because she won’t say yes to start with.” Kimi seems to be oblivious to the fact that he was poking barely healed wounds very hard. “And spending more time with Laura is going to see you break whatever dumb promise you made yourself.”

His chest felt tight, and he heart was hurting. He hadn’t felt that in ages. “I don’t want your advice anymore.” He turns and walks away quickly. He didn’t want to talk about Alena, he didn’t want to have that thrown in his face when he wasn’t prepared, he didn’t want…

“Give me your phone.” Kimi grabs his arm tightly. Sebastian glares at him and Kimi clicks his fingers impatiently. How had he got out the pool so quickly? Did he teleport? Angry and wanting to go home, Kimi gives him the phone after unlocking it. “Are you texting Aston?” Kimi turns away from him so he can’t grab the phone. “Don’t send it without my okay!”

“Sent.” The phone is shoved at his chest. “You don’t have to get so worked up about shit.”

He quickly brings up the message that Kimi had sent Laura.

_Want a distraction from the hospital? We can train together?_

“Work related,” Kimi crosses his arms. “Not some fluffy bullshit that’s going to confuse your one rule relationship.”

“Thanks,” Seb mutters gripping his phone tightly. “What do I say to Antti?”

“Not my problem.” Kimi walks off then. “You want to go swimming now?”

Sebastian looks back at his phone wondering how long it will take for her to reply. He bites his lip. It shouldn’t matter how long it takes. His heart stops when there’s a reply.

_Sure. I’ll let you know when._

He grins and walks back outside, trying not slip on the puddles Kimi has left. Kimi rolls his eyes at his face and his smile is gone, glaring at Kimi because if he said one thing…

“You’re welcome.”

Sebastian drops his phone and keys to the ground and then runs at Kimi back in the pool to bomb dive right next him – maybe he could drown him.

*      *        *

“Are your serious right now?” Antti was dragging Sebastian aside.

Sebastian looks at his trainer and shrugs. “She’s here. She can join us.” He shoots a glance at Aston who was stretching and he smiles as her shirts rides up and there’s a stripe of flesh begging to be touched. “You just might have to go easier on her.”

“I am not deaf Sebastian!” Aston snaps at him and Antti looks between them worriedly. He should have said that in Finnish.

“This is a bad idea, a very bad idea,” Antti hisses and Sebastian lets out a yelp when he’s whacked across the head because he was staring at Laura deliberately bending over. “Don’t think I don’t know what you really want.”

He doesn’t deny it because he can’t stop the flush to his face.

“Fine,” Antti says, annoyance fading from his face, “We’ll do it your way.” And Sebastian’s smile fades, because he knows what’s coming. “Laura!” Antti shouts at her, “We are running.”

And fifteen minutes later they’re back and drinking water, Laura looking ready to murder him. “You invited me to hell,” she hisses at him. “Next time I’m only visiting Ella.”

“No time for flirting.” Antti rips the water bottle from Seb’s hand. “We’re only getting started.” Laura was glaring at him before Antti blocks his vision and states with a smirk, “You’re going to have no energy to even take her pants off by the end of the afternoon.”

 

It’s two hours later and both he and Laura are lying in a collapsed heap on the grass. “You get trained by the devil,” she gasps.

Sebastian groans and rolls over because he’s not sure how Antti has managed to kill every muscle he owns. He glares at his trainer who was standing there watching them both recover.

“You want to do an extra hour today?” he asks Sebastian.

He doesn’t answer, he doesn’t even have the energy to give him the finger.

“Laura, Seb seems to be dying. You want to go one more round? We can do more boxing? Prove that you’re better than him…”

“Now is not the time to let your competitive streak kill us,” Sebastian’s hisses at Aston as she drags herself to her feet.

“Only if I get to punch Seb some more,” she says walking over to grab the gloves he holding out.

“I hate you both,” Sebastian mutters but he forces himself to his feet because Aston wasn’t going to outlast him.

 

They’re back at his place. More dead than anything on his couch trying hard to not move. Sebastian is the first one to break the silence. “You want to shower?”

“Are you taking my clothes off?” He’s surprised she still had energy to be angry at him, but then again it was Aston.

“To think there was a time when I had the strength to do that,” Sebastian responds flatly. “Or the enthusiasm.”

“If you thought that we’d end up having sweaty post workout sex when you invited me to join you…”

He did, but he cuts her off, as he waves at his lap, “That image no longer does it for me. God, Antti killed that fantasy,” he pouts. But still, he gets to his feet and offers his hand to Laura. “Fine, I’ll undress you, come on.”

And he does, mostly because Laura insists on him fulfilling his word, before they shower together without any of the sex, in fact, Aston tells him if his eyes drop below her chin, she was going to deck him. He still risks it and she reaches behind him to shut off the hot water making him cry out in shock before she gets out declaring she was clean enough.

When he joins her, he finds her raiding his closet for clothes. “You should wear nothing,” he suggests slightly disappointed as she yanks on a t-shirt to match the briefs of his she was also wearing.

She looks him up and down. “And you could only wear towels more…”

He grins at her drops the towel. “Better?”

She walks over and pats his chest. “Not happening Vettel. Now where do you keep your hair brush?”

“I only have combs,” he calls back to her and she stalks back a few moments later holding one of his two combs and looking mightily unhappy as he gets dressed.

“You expect this,” she asks hand shaking it about, “To go through this…” she waves the mop of wet hair in the other, “When you didn’t have conditioner?”

 

The positive though is Laura still stays, despite the lack of desire for sex. Suddenly her being pissed at her brother has pros, he wasn’t her most hated and she wasn’t skipping off to see him. They watch Netflix, drinking their post workout drinks, with Laura sitting on the ground between his legs. He frowns at his comb not making much progress though her hair, even when he starts at the ends.

And when he gives up, and suggests he gets scissors after he tosses the comb away, she punches his foot. She does move to join him on the couch, even if the main goal was to land more blows on him. He groans in protest, arms struggling to deflect her hands. He was almost startled when she moves quickly to land a kiss on his cheek before she smiles at him.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For inviting me here,” she shrugs now pretending it wasn’t a big deal when he offered her a distraction from Lillian.

“Yeah well… sorry Antti is an ass,” he mutters as he shifts to a better position when Laura moves to lie with her head on his lap. “You’re going to fall asleep like that,” he warns as she snuggles down. “And you’re going to hurt your neck. Go to bed if you want to nap.”

“I’m not tired,” she denies but ten minutes later she’s passed out and drooling on his leg. He uses it as an opportunity to change the movie he wanted in the first place. It’s not like she can protest now.

 

“That’s not my movie,” she finally makes a comment an hour later.

“You were asleep,” he says simply.

“Change it back,” she orders yawning.

“Come on Lau, seriously?”

“We agreed on my choice,” she says stubbornly shifting on her back to glare at him. “You can’t change it because I was napping. You’re breaking a verbal agreement.”

“I’m not changing it,” he tells her. He wants to see how it ends and he’s pretty sure she’ll drift off again. Maybe if he pats her… he strokes her face and she turns her head fast, chasing his hand with her tongue. “Laura!”

“Come on Sebby, put my movie on,” she pouts.

“Why don’t you do something else?” he suggests, now trying to ignore her as he turns up the volume and keeps his eyes on the screen.

“We could have sex?” she offers.

“Not in the mood.” He makes a small noise when she turns to mouth at his crotch through his pants. “That’s playing dirty,” he sucks in his breath as he feels his cock twitch at the warmth of her mouth. “Fine, we’ll play dirty.” He shoves his hand into the briefs she was wearing, fingers diving between her folds to touch her, working quick circles over her most sensitive spot till she gasps and her mouth makes a pretty little ‘o’ shape.

Now she wasn’t so interested in distracting him, eyes closed as she falls back into his lap, as her hips rock towards his fingers and he goes back to his movie. He’ll stretch this out, keep her on the edge till the credits roll… he pushes two fingers into her body when she’s wet enough and her eyes flutter open, looking up at him with half lidded eyes.

“I want you,” she breathes out as he slowly fucks her with his hand.

His body flushes with heat at that and he struggles to keep his attention on the TV and not Aston squirming and moaning, and he’s pretty sure most of it was for show. He shoves two fingers in her mouth to shut her up with his free hand and then immediately regrets that. She goes to town on them, sucking them, licking them, making him recall exactly what it felt like to have her mouth on other body parts.

‘I’m watching my damn movie Laura.” His voice was low and shaking more than he cared to admit. He curls his fingers inside of her so she slammed her eyes closed and moaned rather than laughing at him silently. He gives her everything then, working her up fast and hard and she cries out loudly, body straining and twisting towards his fingers as he brings her to the edge of release.

“Seb” she rasps, clutching at his shirt, his fingers pulled from his mouth. He keeps her there, not letting her fall and she looks up at him pleadingly. “Seb!”

He stops his movements all together and turns up the TV.

“I hate you right now.”

“You started this Aston, I’m watching my movie.” He starts his fingers up again, slowly and she sobs as she slumps back down, widening her legs for him as much as she can. At some point she presses her face into his stomach, muffling her sobs of pleasure and he holds her there, speeding up his fingers slightly and her body clamps down on them and he know it wasn’t going to take much for her to come now.

“Fuck me,” she whispers looking at him, eyes dark and begging. “Please Seb. Please.” She squeezes down on his fingers again. “It’ll be so much better with you inside, please.”

Fuck the movie. He turns off the TV as Laura gets to her knees and shoves down the briefs, his shorts and underwear only makes it to his thighs before she’s straddling him and before he can protest, he’s inside her and she’s rocking. “Laura, wait,” he says desperately, hips thrusting up to meet her movements. Why won’t his body listen to him, they needed to stop, for one moment… but she feels so good, better than ever, hotter than ever and she’s choking out she’s close in his ear. His hips chase more, desperate for the tightness he was encased in, not caring if this burned him alive but he should… he should.

“Seb,” she keeps repeating his name and he wraps his arms around her tightly, keeping her moving, and he feels her let go, feels her ripple around him and he desperately tries to keep himself from tumbling over the edge with her. He tries to lift her off him, but she bites his neck and grinds down on him with a happy sigh and he cries out as he spills inside her, coming despite his attempt to hold it at bay.

“Laura!” He rips her off him then, but it’s too late and she blinks at him confused and dazed. “Shit.”

It takes her a moment to catch up. “Seb,” she says grabbing his head and he stares at her panicked. “I’m on the pill and I like have every device made shoved in me. I’m not getting pregnant. Ever. Trust me on that.”

Well that helps. “Okay. Good.”

She strokes his cheeks. “Can you imagine if you knocked me up?”

“I’m trying very hard not to right now,” his head flops backwards as he recovers and not from his orgasm, but there’s a different kind of relief flooding him.

“And then to have to tell the press who my baby daddy is?” she grins.

“Can we not joke about this right now?”

She rolls her eyes and gets off him to yank back on the briefs.

“You think we would have spoken about this before,” he says after fixing himself up as she grabs the remote before he could stop her. He rolls his eyes as she goes to put on her movie, playing it from the beginning. He waits a moment to ask, “Does that mean we don’t have to use condoms anymore?”

“You’d like that wouldn’t you,” she muses.

“Yes,” he answers flatly. Who doesn’t prefer sex without them? “It’s not like I’m fucking anyone else.” When she doesn’t comment immediately, he asks hesitantly, “Are you?”

“Of course not Sebastian.” She looked downright offended and hurt.

“Okay, good.” He swallows feeling relieved because if she was sleeping with someone else, he wasn’t sure he could deal with that. He gets up then and moves to turn the TV off with the button. “Let’s have sex again.”

“Seriously?” she asks raising her eyebrows.

“Yep. I guess Antti didn’t destroy all my energy reserves after all.”

Laura snorts letting him drag her to her feet. “You just want to have sex without a condom.”

“Well that just happens to be a happy bonus now.” He grins at her.

 

 


	22. Pretty in pink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have done so much typing on the weekend I can post a bonus chapter this week!
> 
> Happy reading!

They’re standing side by side in the bathroom, brushing teeth, getting ready for bed. Spending the night feels weird enough but doing bed time routines together feels very couple-y. Laura tries to shut her head down from questioning things, she’s not ready for that and instead, brushes her teeth faster which seems to set off a race to see who can finish first. She wins, slamming her toothbrush into the holder.

“It just means my teeth are cleaner,” Sebastian tells her flashing her the toothiest smile he can before drops his toothbrush next to hers. She sees him pause and stare at them – their brushes side by side. She almost thinks he was going to tell her to remove it but instead he says nothing and walks out, looking thoughtfully annoyed. She looks at them and reaches out and snatches hers back and shakes it furiously as she goes to shove it in her own bag, not caring that it was wet.

She looks at Seb’s bed and wrinkles her nose. They might have spent the night together in Montreal that one time, but that was more to have a lot of sex with naps in between, this was different. “Pick a side Laura,” she mutters to herself and goes to get it in on the left. He appears the moment she has yanked up the blankets.

“That’s my side, move,” he tells her.

“This is the one that I want,” she replies simply burying herself deeper. “You can sleep in your guest room.”

The room plunges into darkness and Laura blinks trying to get her eyes to adjust as she hears Seb moving around and then feels the bed move as he gets in. “Are we going to cuddle?” she asks trying to lighten whatever had killed Seb’s good mood, only to get a cold ‘no’. She sighs into the darkness and rolls over to face the wall.

She was tired, but that was her body, her head was buzzing. She waits for sleep but it doesn’t come. She rolls over to stare at Seb’s back in the dark on the other side of the bed. “Sebastian?” she whispers. No response. “Are you awake?” Nothing. She sits up and waits but she can only hear Seb’s breathing. Deciding he was asleep she slides out of bed and slips out of the room closing the door.

She wanders through his house turning on lights as she goes. She pokes in his rooms, opens drawers and cupboards to simply _look_. There’s nothing of interest. He seems so _boring_ and normal. She wanted to find something interesting – where was his porn collection? Or love letters to his stupid ex-fiance? Or Ferrari documents? Ooo…. His Ferrari contract. How much more was he getting paid than her? She was moping when she spies keys and immediately her eyes light up.

It’s how she finds herself, in the middle of the night taking selfies in Sebastian’s Ferrari. And its where she falls asleep.

 

“Laura?”

She jerks awake. “I didn’t drive it!”

“Laura it’s like four am,” Sebastian had opened the driver’s door and was looking half asleep and concerned.

She groans and twists trying to get comfortable. “Yeah, and you woke me up.”

“Come on.” Sebastian tugs on her arm. “Come to bed.”

“I don’t want to go to bed,” she tells him but grumpily relents and lets him pull her out.

“You can’t sleep in the fucking car.” He reaches around her to snatch up the keys.

She’s half asleep and too tired to argue. She’s put to bed, and she’s only sure of that because that’s where she wakes up, sprawled and twisted in sheets and alone. She blinks and feels hungover from lack of sleep or a bad night’s sleep. She lies there, contemplating drifting off when Sebastian appears, tiptoeing around and getting changed. She smiles when he flashes his ass. He looks like he’s putting on workout clothes and she asks, “Where you going?”

He jumps nearly a mile at her voice before spinning around answering, “Running.”

She forces herself to sit up. “Can I come?”

“Sure,” he flashes her a smile.

They run. They run hard. In silence. And everything feels a little off today. A little disjointed the easy going of yesterday missing. At least till they back at his place, kissing furiously and stumbling to the shower together, and then then they fuck. And that’s still the same, still so good, and addicting and she comes hard, clinging to him beneath the water pounding down on them.

 

 

“Why’s Kimi messaging you about me?” Laura asks after grabbing Seb’s phone when she heard a message. He’s making them breakfast and she’s not helping because she hates cooking and really if he invited her here, he should feed her.

“Because, he won’t shut up,” Seb snaps and it was like his bad mood was back as he walks over and grabs the phone from her, snatching it from her grip.

Laura shrugs. “Make him shut up.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes. “You’d think that would be easy, but it’s not.”

She walks over to peer at the porridge cooking. “I want bacon.” He glares at her, elbowing her back from him. Sighing she moves away, “So what’s the go with Kimi? What did he say?”

“Nothing.”

She crosses her arms. “Please you have your pissy look right now, he said something.”

“A pissy look?” he raises his eyebrows.

“Yep, so tell me what he said,” she orders.

He was remaining stubbornly silent and she narrows her gaze on him when there’s a feint blush creeping up his neck. “It’s nothing, it’s just Kimi with his stupid ideas and his stupid thoughts,” Sebastian mutters moving to grab two bowls. “Tells me I can’t do relationships without feelings and then bringing up Alena.” The bowls slam down hard on the counter.

“Oh… the mysterious ex-fiancé has a name.” Laura tries hard to not show she’s excited to learn something.

“We’re not talking about it,” he says it before she can even ask anything else. “No Laura. No,” he holds up the spoon till she closes her mouth with a pout.

“It’s not fair, you know about all my past relationships.”

“What? Your non relationship with Jenson?” He serves them up breakfast angrily.

“Exactly. It’s only fair I know about yours.”

“Never happening Aston. Never.” He takes his bowl and stalks away to sit at his dining room table.

She frowns and grabs her bowl and follows. She doesn’t sit, she stands there, eating silently as he ignores her. “You know what you do about Kimi?” she muses after a while.

He looks up at her questioningly.

“Hit him back.”

“Hit Kimi?” Sebastian asks with his mouthful.

“No.” Laura rolls her eyes. “Not physically. Just make him hurt in return.”

He keeps staring at her. “You want me to get back at him like I’m twelve?”

“You are twelve, and you look it if you shave. So yes, get back at him.” Sebastian shoves another spoonful of his breakfast in his mouth, but he his face was furrowed in thought. And Laura grins bounding over to sit to next him. “We can do it together.”

He shakes his head. “I’m going to regret this,” he mumbles.

She abandons her bowl to clasp her hands together. “I have a great idea!”

“Fuck,” Sebastian buries his face in his hands. “What is your great idea?”

 

 

“Laura!” Sebastian hisses. “Come here.” It was dark, it was late and she was having second thoughts. She looks at Sebastian who was sitting on top of the brick fence that surrounded Kimi’s property, straddling it and holding out his hand for her. “Laura Aston, do not make me come back down there,” Sebastian warns her.

She moves closer. “There’s bushes,” she whispers to him furiously, waving at them where they formed a hedge against the fence. He stares at her like that wasn’t a reason to be frozen in the dark. “What if they’re spiders?”

“Are you serious?” he asks. “There are no spiders!”

“Did you check the bushes Sebastian?” She puts her hands on her hips because she knows he didn’t, he just charged in and jumped up on the wall; with no fear for his life. She inches closer because he’s going off at her in German now, as if she suddenly picked up another language. She whimpers as she squishes behind them and closer to Sebastian where he was waiting for her impatiently. She smacks his hand that he offers, she didn’t need his help, and she jumps to grab the top of the wall, pulling herself up, trying hard to forget about the bushes against her back.

She shudders when she’s sitting opposite him. “Do I have any in my hair?”

“Yes. They’re building a nest.”

She reaches over and shoves him hard, nearly sending him toppling over the edge. “I hate you.” The comment only makes him grin as he shifts his backpack around to between them and yanks out two masks before Seb is pointing out the cameras around Kimi’s property as she pulls on her mask. “How do I look?”

“Like my favourite driver,” Sebastian grins at her before he yanks on his on and she’s staring at her current teammate.

“I hope Kimi has him arrested,” she smiles back but he can’t see that behind the Daniel Ricciardo masks they’d made from cut-outs she demanded Seb buy when they were picking up supplies this afternoon. “You know as punishment for Texas.”

Sebastian laughs slipping on his backpack but she grabs him before he can jump down. “Wait,” she tells him. “Selfie.” They’re giggling far too loudly for two people that are meant to be breaking in and trying to take a picture in the dark. And when she’s satisfied at the picture, they both leap down, moving quickly to a blind spot with the cameras.

They’re quick, each taking a container and unscrewing the lid and then they’re bolting, each running up and down the length of his pool as they empty their contents fully. It’s too bad it’s dark, there was no way to see if they’d put enough in to make a difference. Suddenly they’re blinded, lights coming on having them both freeze with the realisation that maybe they’d tripped some silent alarm.

They bolt back to the fence, dropping the containers as they make a leap for the wall, yanking themselves over just as Kimi there’s yelling at them to stop. She lands in the bush but there’s no time to panic about spiders, Seb dragging her to her feet before they’re running full bolt to Seb’s Ferrari that he had parked out of sight – she’d insisted it was the perfect vehicle to be their getaway car.

“Can I drive?” she asks as she yanks off her mask.

“Get in the car Aston,” he orders and while annoyed she does, before there’s squealing of tyres and Sebastian tears down the street far too loudly for quiet suburbia at three am.

 

The next morning they’re both howling with laughter at the picture from Kimi on Instagram, he’s floating calmly on his pool with bright pink water and giving the camera the finger. There’s also a blurry picture posted of two people wearing their Daniel masks, and Daniel’s been tagged asking his whereabouts last night.

*      *        *

“I’m sure you’ll look great in pink,” comes Kimi’s teasing voice.

“I’m not swimming in your pink pool,” Lillian grins shaking her head even if Kimi couldn’t see it. She stops at the figure in her doorway. “I’ll call you back,” she tells Kimi. She doesn’t even wait for him to finish saying goodbye as she beams at the Brit standing there. “Jenson.”

“Lil,” he looks horrified at the sight of her and then she’s being squished tightly in his arms. “Jesus,” he says kissing her cheek as he pulls back. “I know you said you were unwell but….”

“I look better than you expected?” she offers trying to wave off his concern and lift the mood. She hadn’t seen or spoken to Jenson in months. “You look good,” she smiles.

“Thanks.” And when he returns the smile, it’s forced, eyes worried as he takes her in fully as he sits down. “Laura never said anything…”

Lillian rolls her eyes. “Of course not. Let someone give her sympathy, be supportive and there for her?” She snorts, “That’s the most preposterous thought ever.”

“Hmm yeah,” Jenson sighs and moves to squeeze her hand tightly. “Please tell me you didn’t ask me here to talk about your sister.”

Her eyes widen in innocence. “Me? I would never.” Jenson cocks his head clearly not buying it and she drops the act. “Fine, I’m worried about her. She keeps talking about putting racing on hold for me. And her and Miles are pretending they’re okay but they’re not and she’s got no one…”

“I’m not sure that’s true,” Jenson tells her releasing her hand and sitting back, looking cross and upset.

She chews her lip. “Sebastian doesn’t count.”

Jenson raises his eyebrow at her. “So there is something there?”

“No,” Lillian shakes her head furiously, she wasn’t going to let that be true. “She won’t talk to me about it, says there’s nothing –“

“That must be driving you bonkers,” Jenson laughs. “Is that why I’m here? To tell you something? I don’t know anything Lil, and I don’t want to.”

She pouts and then there’s a long silence as she asks quietly, “Why aren’t you fighting for her back?” Jenson now doesn’t meet her eyes. “Did she really do something that bad? You loved her, doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance?”

“Lillian,” Jenson kisses her hand. “I love you, but I’m not talking about Laura with you.”

“She needs someone Jense,” Lillian whispers. “Whose going to be there for her if something happens to me? You’re meant to love her and be her friend.”

He closes his eyes, and he looks… sad. “I will always love Laura, but somethings are meant to be, and I’m not sure right now we can do friends.” Lillian shakes her head at him. “And that’s on me okay Lillian. Don’t go give Laura lectures because she’s asked for that –“

“Then go be her friend!” Lillian cuts him off pointing at the door. “Be her friend like she asked, because there was only ever you that put up with her shit.”

“Or Laura could be nicer and make other friends,” Jenson suggests.

“There’s a greater chance of hell freezing over,” Lillian snaps at him frustrated.

That has Jenson laugh. “Lillian, this is none of your business, and I’m sure if Laura knew you asked me here for this express purpose –“

“Well you won’t tell her,” Lillian crosses her arms, pulling her hand free from his. “Was she that bad of a girlfriend?”

Jenson sighs and gets to his feet, deciding that it was Lillian and the questions wouldn’t end, because she couldn’t help herself. “I loved her. We were happy. But not everything lasts forever.” He kisses her cheek. “Keep your very big nose out of this,” he warns her.

“Because you’ll stop talking to me?” she asks, that was hardly a problem they barely spoke in general, running in different social circles.

“Before Laura stops talking to you,” he corrects her bluntly.

“She still loves you Jenson,” she wants to make sure he knew that. He blows her another kiss and slips out. Well that resulted in nothing. She was going to try harder. She yawns, after she has a nap.

*      *        *

At some point the summer break was going to end. At some point her and Seb would need to return to their lives and back to their usual way rather than the last few days they had enjoyed together – so they had stepped away, shifted to this more relaxed and enjoyable place. But it won’t last and she’s not going to delude herself that this was anything but an intermission.

Even if right now they’re kissing furiously at his front door, they’re goodbye embrace turning from a brief kiss to _this._ Clinging to each other, pulling the other closer, their kiss felt desperate as if the moment she stepped outside that this was going to disappear. And she knows it would, they couldn’t stay here… Her back slams against the door and she groans happily. _She couldn’t stay here!_

He tears his lips from her, both of them breathing hard. “Stay.” His hair is a mess, lips reddened and kiss swollen. He looked so good like this, she wants him. “One more day,” he bargains trapping her between his arms. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

“I can drive your Ferrari?” she asks curiously, arms around his waist and holding him to her.

“I’ll see you in Belgium,” he tells her flicking the lock on the front door to jerk it open and resulting in her being crushed further against him.

The words slip out before she can stop them, “You could stay with me in London?”

He’s taken aback at the offer and she wishes she could take it back, but instead tries to shrug it off. “I mean if you have nothing to do next week, before we’re both required to front up at factories…” He doesn’t give her an answer, only kisses her again, both fighting the urge to get caught up before she tears herself away and to her rental car.

No more playing with Seb in Zurich. It was back to normality where they try and beat each other on track and then settle their differences by fucking when required. In the car she looks up to see Seb leaning in the doorway watching her and her breath hitches. “No Aston, don’t look at him like that, don’t think about him like that…” He gives her a half smile, hand raising in a wave and she takes a deep breath, she needed to get a grip on reality. And that reality didn’t include any Ferrari drivers.

 


	23. I can ignore you too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Happy reading!

Molly stands the side in her living room watching two grown men fawn and coo over her newborn daughter. It’s disgustingly adorable and she’d take a photo of them bounding soft toys over her and playing peek-a-boo in high pitched voices if both of them weren’t already waving cameras around. At least Miles actually looked genuinely happy, brighter than he had in a while with the unexpected arrival of Ben.

Well, unexpected in the sense Ella came early. Miles had mentioned Ben wanting to visit, meet Ella, see Lillian. And this might be good for Miles, drag him out of the depths of his moping about Laura’s refusal to talk to him and provide a respite to the constant worry about Lillian.

“Smile for uncle Ben,” Ben asks very politely. “ _ One _ smile for uncle Ben.”

Ella though was going crossed eyed at all the items and people floating about her, her tiny face scrunching up at the over stimulation. Molly knows exactly where this was heading.

“I don’t think she can smile yet,” Miles comments as his daughter lets out a cry, arms and legs beginning to flail in her bouncer. “Can you smile yet Ella? Smile for daddy and uncle Ben?”

“I think she’s had enough of you two oafs hanging around,” Molly warns moving to grab their empty coffee cups and clean up. “Give her a break.” When she returns Ella’s whinging had turned to cries and both men were now shushing her furiously, Miles rubbing her belly and telling her not to make Mummy upset. She rolls her eyes, “Give her to me.” She was rescuing her daughter, feeding her and putting her down for a nap. Which feels like that’s all she’s done in the last two weeks, which she loves and hates equally.

When she returns forty minutes later, Ella fed and resting, she pauses outside the living room where she hears Miles and Ben in the midst of a conversation. She holds the baby monitor tighter as she listens in, not eavesdropping but she wouldn’t deny her curiosity of all things Ben and Miles’ past. She knew the essentials, knew he had served time, knew he nearly killed someone, knew that her boyfriend had no guilt, knew he would do it again, but as for the  _ why _ and  _ who _ she had nothing. Miles never spoke about much of his childhood, of his parents, of living in Australia… and she wasn’t going to push.

“What else did she say?” Miles voice is tight and she can hear the apprehension in it.

“Nothing,” Ben shrugs. “She said she knew about Lillian, wanted me to pass on the letter –“

Molly winces when she hears paper immediately rumple and she assumes Miles was deciding Lillian didn’t get the letter.

“Listen mate,” Ben’s voice gentle, “She’s not coming here. I don’t think she has any interest in seeing you.”

“Clearly,” Miles snaps. “Won’t see her sick and dying daughter and instead sees you? She can fuck right off.”

Molly’s frozen. Miles mother isn’t dead? She was dead wasn’t she? He spoke of her in past tense but when she thinks back there wasn’t the explicit words of  _ she’s dead _ that were ever said. Apparently he was happy for her to assume that.

“She knew I was coming here,” Ben adds. “I’m not special, I’m just in the same state as her and it’s not like it was hand delivered, it was couried. I think she knows a lot of what is happening.”

There’s silence before Miles asks with dread, “Ella?”

“Didn’t mention her specifically, but if she knew I was coming, if she knew about Lillian, she knows. Come on, it’s clear she’s watching,” Ben tells him.

Molly has had enough hiding and she walks in, plastering a smile on her face. “Who’s watching?” If someone was watching her daughter she wanted to fucking know.

She doesn’t miss Miles’ fist only tightening around what she assumes was the letter from Ben. “No one, it’s nothing,” he mutters. He pulls her against him and she flinches when he kisses her cheek. If he thought that got them out of discussing this he was mistaken. “Ben was thinking of going to Belgium and surprising Laura,” Miles blatantly changes the subject.

Ben gives her a tight smile looking as if he wishes he wasn’t stuck in a suddenly awkward situation. “I’m not sure showing up unannounced is a good idea. Not with Laura anyway.”

“Maybe,” Molly comments not really caring about Laura in this moment. “If you can’t get a Red Bull pass, I can swing you a Ferrari one –“

“It’s okay,” Miles kisses her again. “I’ll call Christian.” And then he was conveniently scooting out of the room.

Ben smiles at her nervously under her scrutiny. “You know, I’m going to check some work emails…” And then he’s gone leaving her standing alone in the living room wondering how she was going to broach this thing with Miles when he stops hiding from her. He suddenly lost his privileges at secrets.

*   *     *

Laura was lying on her bed as she allowed her sister to raid her closet for the sole purpose of cheering her up. Lillian was joking about hot dates which she was sixty percent sure was a joke. Either way, she was happy for her to go through and yank stuff she wanted. She didn’t wear most of it.

“I’m going to take ones with tags,” Lillian calls out to her.

“Sure,” Laura shrugs as she bites her peach, and failing to catch the juice with her tongue. She wipes her chin with her hand and notes how far the tissue box is – she rubs her hand over her bedding.

Lillian appears with a bundle of clothes and dumps them on the foot of the bed. “These I’m going to try on,” she says when Laura raises an eyebrow. “So Christian is really letting you show up on Thursday?”

“Yep,” Laura says with her mouthful. “Extended leave. Daniel is already texting me, bitching at my absence.” She grabs her phone lying next to her only to smile at another text from him. A selfie, with his trademark smile and a message to say she was missing all the fun.

“You should tell him,” Lillian says as she busies herself replying with a photo of her lying in bed with a half-eaten piece of fruit.

“No. I told Christian. Which now mean all of big wigs in Red Bull know. How many other people do I need to tell?” she mutters. “You sound like Sebastian.” The moment she says his name she freezes, one because she wasn’t thinking about him because she hadn’t heard from him since she left his place; he hadn’t come to London let alone called her. And two,  _ Lillian _ .

Lillian who had been in the midst of returning to the closet stops and spins back around, eyes narrowing at the comment. “Sebastian knows?”

Laura bites furiously into her peach to fill her mouth back up so she can’t answer. How can Lillian still manage to look so scarily annoyed despite the fact how skinny and gaunt she looked. Her sister instead begins to strip down, making it known exactly how much weight she had really lost and Laura winces at the sight. Lillian storms back into her closet without a word. What were the chances Lillian was dropping this?

None. Lillian was back at the end of the bed wearing only a t-shirt. It wasn’t hers. “This is a new addition to your closet.” It was Sebastian’s shirt. It had  _ slipped  _ in with her stuff when she left his place nearly a week ago. “Doesn’t seem your size though? Am I meant to pair with a German residing in Zurich? You know, one that likes red cars that go very fast?”

How long would Lillian let her not comment on this as she tries to bury herself deeper into her pillows as she fast runs out of peach. Lillian is crawling onto the bed, straddling her before her sister is wrestling her peach out of her hands. She gives up, her peach pretty well done and she only winces because Lillian is using Sebastian’s shirt to wipe her face and her hands. Is it wrong she doesn’t want to get it dirty because then she’ll have to wash it…

Lillian grabs her face, deliberately smooshing her cheeks as she sighs above her. “Laura, stop it. Please stop this.” Laura remains silent. “Spending time with him, especially away from F1… do you know what road you two are headed down.” Lillian squishes her face harder. “Are you in love with him?” Lillian’s eyes search hers and Laura slams her closed. “Do you want to be in love with him? Stop it Laura. Stop it right now before it’s too late.”

Laura opens her eyes when Lillian releases her sitting back up and looking down at her worriedly. “He’s not a bad person Lillian.”

“No!” A finger is being pointed at her. “No. No. No.” Lillian scrambles off her and Laura thinks maybe Lillian had more energy now than she had in ages, even more than when she offered her a chance to pull apart her closet. Lillian who had stormed out of the room returns with a pen and paper. “Right, we are going to list all the reason why Sebastian is a horrible choice.”

“Lil, why are you doing this?”

“Spain, last year,” she angrily scribbles it down. “Spain  _ this _ year.”

Laura sucks in her breath at the reminder. “Remember, that was his fault?” It was and she feels anger spark but it’s gone before she can grasp it. “That’s a long time ago, especially last year.”

The pen is moving on the paper again. “Rival driver. Championship contender,  _ championship leader _ .”

“I really don’t want to play this game Lillian.”

“Better driver?” Lillian asks

“Stop it! He is not better!” Laura finally snaps at her sister. “Stop this shit right now!” Laura is on her knees moving to the edge of the bed where Lillian was standing and grabbing the pen from her. “You’re telling me things I know. It’s not anything. Just stop it.”

“Not anything? I’m wearing his damn shirt!” Lillian argues. “Do not seek comfort in the arms of your rival and bitter enemy! I am not going to die and be the reason you two get together, like a cheesy romance plot.”

“You are not going to die!” Laura shouts at her. “You will not die. No. Never!” Silence hangs around them and a different mood fills the room and Laura’s eyes fill with tears because Lillian isn’t saying she won’t and that heavy feeling is back, lodged on her chest.

“I’m not immortal Laura,” Lillian breaks the silence. She clears her throat, “I mean, being a vampire would be cool. We could always have me turned.”

“Shut up,” Laura orders as she struggles to deal with the lump in her throat. Her fingers reach to play with the hem on Lillian’s shirt,  _ Sebastian’s  _ shirt.

“I’m not hugging you right now,” Lillian tells her walking to get her tissues and tossing them on the bed. “I’m not letting you like smell him and feel better.”

Sniffling loudly, Laura ignores the tissues and sits back on the bed. Deciding it would be easier to ignore Lillian’s comment on dying she adds quietly, “I can stop with Sebastian whenever I want.”

“Great,” Lillian says and she rips off the shirt and tosses it like it’s nothing on the bed. “Then stop.” Her eyes issuing her a challenge.

“Fine.” Laura shifts a foot and kicks the shirt off the bed. “I’m stopping. Now.”

“You won’t call him?” Lillian asks. “No texting? No visiting him? No talking to him once in Belgium?”

“Yep. Nothing.” Laura moves to lay back down pursing her lips in determination. She can stop. She can ignore him. He was ignoring her currently. She could be better at ignoring than he was. She was going to ignore him so hard but Lillian is staring at her with nothing but doubt. “You make it out like I’m going to fail.”

“If I could, I’d bet my life on it,” Lillian tells her.

Laura ignores the comment, instead focusing on the sick feeling in her stomach that was building at her bet with Lillian. She chews her lip as her eyes fix on Sebastian’s shirt on the ground. This was suddenly not about proving a point to Lillian, this was about proving a point to herself – if she had no feelings for Sebastian this was going to be a breeze.

“Now, red or blue?” Lillian is holding up two dresses, a little smile on her face.

“Blue.”

*   *     *

Laura’s walking through the paddock in Spa on Thursday when an arm wraps tightly around the back of her neck and she grimaces when she look up from her phone to see her teammate hanging off her. “Do you have any idea why Raikkonen’s pool turned pink?”

“He has a pink pool?” she asks innocently. Trust Daniel to wait till they were in person to ask that question because he had been silent on that till this very point in time.

He stares at her hard. “Since when did you and Sebastian become friendly enough to do that shit together?”

“Daniel,” she says seriously as she slides her phone away, “I have literally no idea what you are talking about.”

“Bullshit,” he whispers in her ear. He lets her go as she fails at hiding her smirk as they walk into the RBR motorhome together. “Oh and whatever excuse your using Aston for getting out of sponsorship and media commitments, you need to share,” Dan adds.

The comment has Laura falter before Dan is immediately distracted and shouting out to a few of the mechanics, eager to share his enthusiasm for the weekend ahead and she sighs looking around as she digs out her phone to text Lillian and kill time before she’s forced to face press and play nice and be happy.

“Uh, Ms Aston?”

Laura looks up from her phone and immediately breaks into a smile at the young kid standing there. By kid she means the eighteen year old, slightly terrified looking boy holding way too much paper. “Justin?”

“Jack,” he corrects going red.

“Right, Jack.” She looks him up and down. Christian had told her she needed a new press officer if Miles wasn’t returning. She could either hire a replacement and employ them like she had with Miles or she could choose one of the Red Bull team to step in. Jack at the time had not so subtlety been staring at her ass as he shadowed Christian around the factory, some intern or something. She’d chosen him, much to Jack’s delight and Christian’s annoyance because he was very underqualified. An argument about how on the job training is best followed by a few tears, and she now had her own Jack.

“So Ms Aston, you have a press conference this morning –“

“Jack,” she moves to sit down and pats a chair next to her which he hesitantly lowers himself into. “You know what I need before I can do any of those things?”

“Um no?” he looks at her nervously as he tries to meticulously straighten his papers.

“I need coffee,” she states.

“Okay, I’ll get one from –“ he points at the Red Bull coffee machine where there was a growing line.

“No, everyone knows Ferrari has the best coffee,” she interrupts him and his eyes widen. “So can you please be a sweetie and just pop next door –“

“I don’t think I can just walk in there…” he stammers.

“Of course you can,” Laura ushers him out of his chair. “It’s called confidence. March in there, order me a black espresso no sugar.” Jack might be out of his chair but he’s not moving. “Off you pop,” she waves him away and he darts out of the motorhome.

With Jack gone, Laura grabs the papers and rifles through them till she found her schedule and quickly takes a photo of it before shoving all the paper away. She had no use for Jack, she could manage things without a press officer, she’d find other uses for him. The last thing she needs is more staff and people around her constantly. Though there seemed to be this weight in her chest she can’t dislodge.

“Laura, I hope you aren’t planning to torture the kid all weekend.”

Laura stills, eyes torn from her schedule to the last person she expected to see standing next to her. Ben. In fact she has no words as she lets him pull her out of her seat. Before she’s yanked into his arms where she hugs him, hard, holding on tightly as he kisses her cheek.

“Good to see you too Lau,” he murmurs rocking her as they hug and she has to fight the immediate impulse to cry because she  _ missed _ him.

She pulls away and he kisses her hard before she asks, “What are you doing here?” She grabs his shirt tightly wondering if he’s  _ actually _ here before she answers her own question. “You saw Ella.”

“Yeah, Miles insisted I had to meet her in person. And I had some time, so figured I’d stop in see Lillian with everything, and maybe squeeze in some time for you as well,” he teases.

“Right, Miles sent you to babysit,” she lets him go and steps away. Typical. “I don’t need a babysitter.” She pauses when she sees Jack walking back to her with  _ no  _ coffee. “I already have one.”

“Um, Ms Aston, they said the coffee is for Ferrari and paddock guests…” he trails off forcing a smile as he glances at Ben. “Hi, I’m Jack. You must be Ms Aston’s special guest this weekend, Mr Marshall.”

“Ben,” he smiles and shakes Jack’s hand that is thrust out at him. “Also, don’t call her Ms Aston, it’ll go to her head.”

“I like Ms Aston,” Laura pouts.

“And don’t get her coffee, she can get it herself,” Ben adds and Laura shoves him hard.

“Don’t sway my people. Jack, for the rest of the weekend while Ben is here, you are not to follow any of his instructions.”

Jack looks between them, Ben is shaking his head at him and Laura runs a finger across her throat in warning, making the kid’s eyes widen.

“Laura!” Ben snaps yanking her hand down.

“What?” she asks defensively, “Jack knows I was kidding. Don’t you Jack?”

He forces a laugh. “Of course Ms Aston.” He points at the bar in Red Bull, “I’m just going to quickly get you a coffee.”

“You’re a bitch,” Ben tells her the moment Jack has darted away again.

“Yes, I am.” Laura shrugs like she doesn’t care. “I have a press conference. Can you tell Jack to keep my coffee warm till I get back?”

“Isn’t he meant to like do that with you? The press thing?” Ben calls after her but Laura doesn’t stop. She pretends she can’t hear him as she leaves, only sighing when Daniel is back to next to her.

“You’re meant to wait for me,” he sounds genuinely hurt.

“I’m sure you could have found your way,” Laura tells him resisting the urge to push him away when he links their arms together. “It’s you, me and Seb this morning. Oh and Fernando. Do you know what that means?”

“You’re going to be asked why you’re behind both of us in the championship?” Daniel beams at her. “Aston, it’s okay to be behind me.”

Laura rips her arm from him. “I’m lulling you into a false sense of security Daniel,” she snaps. He shouldn’t be so cocky because she was here and if she was going to be here and do this she was going to damn well win. So the break had done something for her, helped her refocus, remind her that she wanted this. Her eyes drift to Sebastian in front of her and she’s reminded of other things she wants. She chews her lip as he makes small talk with Fernando, before all four of them are ushered inside.

“So who's your mystery guest you were laying kisses on?” Daniel asks as they move to sit down. “Mr tall dark and handsome?” She can feel Sebastian stiffen next to her as he puts on the mic. “I didn’t know you were dating anyone.”

“Jealous?” she asks not denying anything and it results in Sebastian’s water bottle being slammed on the desk next to her before he sits down.

“I’m not the jealous type,” Daniel assures her as they both sit down, Laura fiddling with her earpiece. “I’m happy to share you.” The comment has her roll her eyes.

She doesn’t speak to Sebastian, doesn’t acknowledge him seated next to her as the press assemble in front of them. But he doesn’t say anything either, instead spinning his water bottle around, lips pressed in a tight line. She has to fight the urge to tell him Daniel was being ass, there was no one but that shouldn’t matter. But still, there suddenly seems to be a tension between them and when his arm accidently grazes hers it burns and she quickly shoves hers under the desk, shifting slightly towards Daniel just as the press conference starts.

The press conference is everything she expects it to be. Questions about the break before wanting to know their feelings on their championship. Could she win? Was she going to support Daniel? How did she feel about Sebastian leading? Did she think she was capable of winning – the championship, the race… And every question only makes that pressure in her chest grow. And that doubt she thought she had cleared over the break was back, niggling in the back of her head as she starts getting snappy at all the stupid questions.

The moment she can get out, she does. Tearing off her headset and rushing out and it’s only outside does she feel she can breathe again, only she stops when her eyes fall on Jack, diligently waiting for her and holding her cup of coffee.

“Ms Aston,” he smiles at her nervously. “I um, tried to keep it warm.”

Laura looks at her watch. “Jack, it’s ten thirty. I don’t drink coffee after ten. Can you please be a sweetie and get me a tea. Black. No sugar.”

“Oh.” His smile is very much forced. “I’ll um…” he points back at the Red Bull motorhome.

“I like my tea from McLaren,” she tells him bluntly. “And black.”

“Like the colour of her soul,” Sebastian comments as he walks passed and she glares at him except his gaze catches hers and she finds herself sucking in her breath, eyes boring into hers and she quickly looks away before he keeps walking.

“Jack,” Laura claps her hands at him to get his attention because he was staring after Sebastian like he was in awe. “Chop, chop.”

“I want an intern,” Daniel mutters once more back at her side. Laura sighs, because why couldn’t he leave her alone?

“You can have mine,” Laura says watching as Jack makes his way through the paddock. “I think he’s a Ferrari fan,” she snaps, stalking back to Red Bull. At least Ben would be waiting for her and ready to provide a distraction.

*   *     *

On Friday morning, Sebastian is standing outside of Ferrari next to Kimi, both having a quick chat with Maurizio before he’d been distracted with guests. He was about to head inside and find Antti when he catches sight of Aston. His eyes narrow on the man she’s with, tall and dark and he sucks in his breath at the reminder of Daniel’s comments yesterday. And yes, they looked very coupley with Laura tucked up under his arm as they chatted.

“Who do you think he is?” Sebastian voices his question aloud before he can think to filter it.

Kimi shrugs but he yanks out his phone. “Maybe she got a boyfriend.”

Sebastian immediately whips his head to look at his teammate to see if he was being serious, only Kimi is snapping a photo. “What are you doing?”

“Finding out who he is,” he answers and Sebastian looks over to glance at his phone.

“Lillian? You’re texting Lillian?” Kimi blinks at him like that wasn’t a problem. “How much contact do you have with her?”

Kimi doesn’t answer because his phone is vibrating with a message. “He’s an ex.”

Sebastian’s gaze whips back up to Aston. “An ex?” he echoes. His stomach twists up. “They’re very friendly for exes –“ Kimi is back on his phone texting and Sebastian grabs his phone. “Stop texting Lillian for all the answers!”

Kimi stares at him hard. “You’re asking for answers I don’t have. Lillian will tell me if I ask.”

“Fucksake,” Sebastian shoves the phone back at him. “Don’t text her anything about Aston. Or me. Or me and Aston.”

“What?” Kimi smirks at him. “Your non-relationship? Never.”

Sebastian stares once more after Aston as she walks into Red Bull before he does the same and enters Ferrari. This weekend there seemed to exist an ocean of silence between him and Laura. It should be a good thing, he thinks distance would be good for them, because since she came to Zurich he hadn’t thought about anything else but her. And he was putting an end to that - so he wasn’t talking to her, so he wasn’t texting her. And with Laura mimicking his own actions, for the same reason or her own… he swallows. All this silence, the unspoken agreement for distance had him feel like he was drowning in the ocean they’d created.

*   *     *

 


	24. Outsiders looking in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right I have had a bad day so I'm posting an update now - who knows what my schedule is anymore. But maybe some comments will perk me up.
> 
> Anyway, something a little different for this chapter! Hope you all like it.   
> Beta'd by @formulaoneisfast as per usual.

The moment the alarm goes off, Jack sits bolt upright in bed, scrambling from it to grab his phone and shut off the alarm. It was Friday which meant he had survived Thursday. Rushing around to get dressed, he still feels like this is all a dream. One moment he had scored an internship with Red Bull, the envy of all his friends and now…  _ now _ he was the press officer to his favourite driver.  He stops, sighing just thinking of Laura. With her perfect hair and perfect eyes, and perfect hands and perfect  _ everything _ . Catching himself he hurries to keep moving.

He calls his mum the moment he has brushed his teeth with water. He had to beg her to let him go to Belgium, and that was only on the promise he would call her every morning and night, apparently more worried about his safety in a foreign country than the opportunity that landed in his lap.

After assuring his mother he hadn’t died in his sleep by hotel room raiders, he carefully begins looking over Laura’s, he means Ms Aston’s, schedule for the day. The media work was yesterday, so it’s much lighter today with practice one and two. His stomach turns excitedly at the thought of being with the cars, he hopes he can go to the garages and watch. He spends time organising everything very carefully, sectioning his day off and colour coordinating things with coloured tabs before he heads downstairs to wait for Ms Aston and Ben.

He’s thirty minutes early. She’s thirty minutes late which he would be annoyed at if he didn’t get to watch F1 personnel walk passed him. It was so hard to resist the temptation to ask for photos and autographs. Despite having been surrounded by all of these people the day before - none of this was any less cooler than yesterday. He needed to get his inner-fanning under control. His eyes widen at the sight of Kimi Raikkonen looking annoyed and grumpy, god  _ just like  _ Kimi Raikkonen. He waves at him and only gets a glance from the shade wearing Ferrari driver.

“Why are you waving at the enemy?”

He jumps, dropping his papers in fright when Ms Aston appears next to him, wearing her Red Bull issued jacket zipped up. She looked _perfect,_ with her hair pulled back, mouth in almost a frown which was better than her grumpy very much in place frown from yesterday. Her guest for the weekend, Ben was bending down to pick up his now disorganised papers as he flushed with embarrassment. “Sorry.”

“Do I need to write you a list of people to not talk to?” she asks.

“Uh…”

“I’ll write you a list Jack,” she tells him pushing him towards the door and their waiting car. He feels where her hand was resting on the back of his shirt even after she had removed it. Only to realise what she was doing and he he has to resist telling her to not write on his papers as she snatches one from Ben and then begins to scrawl names on it with his personally engraved Red Bull pen from his dad he got for Christmas.

“Did you have a good evening Jack?” Ben asks distracting him from Ms Aston continuing to ruin his morning’s work as they walk. He can only nod. Once he has slid in the back of the car, Ms Aston passing him her backpack and her completed list. He looks over it as she moves to get in the driver's seat. He quickly drops everything to put on his belt, not wearing one would be a mistake after yesterday’s trip to the circuit that had him flying around the backseat like he was made of nothing.

Once they’re at the circuit, Jack sets about putting Ms Aston’s things away carefully. He takes a moment stroke her racing overalls in her motorhome that was hanging up ready for first practice soon. He then rushes away to see if he could get her coffee from Ferrari this morning - maybe he would have more luck today?

He was standing in line, frowning at Ms Aston’s list of ‘People you are forbidden to talk to’ that she had titled on her summarised schedule for the day. Number one, Sebastian Vettel. Underlined. In capital letters. Yep, they didn’t like each other. Number two. Antti Kabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwyz. He thinks that is meant to be the name of Sebastian’s trainer. He wonders what he did to piss off Ms Aston, maybe because he simply worked for Sebastian. Number three was Kimi Raikkonen. And at this point she’d gone and added, anyone in red.

“You know you are the odd one out in this line?”

Jack whips around and his eyes widen to see Sebastian Vettel standing behind. Sebastian Vettel. THE Sebastian Vettel. All his words are stuck in his throat because  _ Sebastian Vettel _ was lining up behind him to get coffee. He manages a squeak.

“You working for Aston this weekend?” Sebastian was looking over his shoulder at his list that he hastily folds up so Sebastian Vettel can’t see his name scrawled in number one position.

“Ms Aston wants coffee.” Finally! He manages something and Sebastian is waving for him to move up.

Sebastian Vettel is grinning at  _ him _ . “She makes you call her Ms Aston?”

“I don’t mind,” he rushes out. He’ll call her anything she wants him to. Was this happening? He has to remember to breathe as he shuffles forward and it was his turn but Sebastian Vettel is ordering himself an espresso.

“Oh and a black coffee for  _ Ms _ . Aston. No sugar.”

Jack blinks. Sebastian Vettel knows how she likes her coffee? They move to the side to wait, and Sebastian is staring at him, looking him up and down, and he flushes under the scrutiny.

“So, whose Aston’s guest for the weekend?”

He wasn’t expecting the question and he looks startled. He holds his ‘do not talk to list’ tightly in his hand aware that he was breaking rules and he didn’t want to upset Ms. Aston. But it was  _ Sebastian Vettel  _ asking him something that he  _ knows _ about  _ her _ . “Ben?” he manages to avoid stammering,. “Uh, friend. Boyfriend maybe. He’s very nice. He is always with her.”

There’s a pause and Sebastian Vettel  _ looks _ ticked off. “Don’t call her Ms Aston,” Sebastian tells him after a moment.

“But –“

“Because she asked? Because she said she’ll have you removed?” Sebastian turns to grab their coffees, thrusting his into the middle of his chest. “She’s not a bitch, you’ll be fine. Don’t pander to her she only dislike you more.”

Jack frowns because why would Sebastian Vettel think his arch nemesis isn’t a bitch? And he thinks Ms Aston likes him just fine. She just had important things to do, she was important… he stares after Sebastian’s retreating form before he blinks and looks at his coffee. Right, he needs to move. He turns and races back to Red Bull, happy he had got Ms Aston her coffee today. The weekend was looking up!

*

Come first practice he feels like bouncing around the garage excitedly, because this was it, the cars were going to start. Ms Aston was putting on her helmet, chatting with Ben, she looks super focused just like Daniel, their joking and banter from moments earlier now over as they get ready to do installation laps.

The moment they roar to life, he feel the vibrations in his bones and this was literally the best thing that had ever happened to him. At least till he has to dash off, having to go with Daniel’s press officer, and then for the remainder of practice he can only hear the cars but still…  _ best thing ever _ .

The Red Bulls are behind both Ferrari’s in practice and both drivers look frustrated. Ms Aston is stomping around the press pen as he follows after her with his recorder, trying to keep up and blushing every time she snaps or curses at the press. He doesn’t get a chance to tell her which people want to talk to her, tell her which people she had to talk to, which were live – she makes all her own choices and skips who she wants. Suddenly he wasn’t enjoying his job and he knows he’s going to hear about it later.

Practice two is the same except Ferrari have extended their lead in the times and Ms Aston was only angrier. With everyone. And she talks to even less press. Yep he is day is continuing to get worse. It’s a late night, he waits for Ms Aston to finish her debriefs that go on for a lot longer than he imagined with engineers and when she appears she looks exhausted and upset. The sight has him falter because she even gives him a small smile.

“Why are you still here?” she asks as she grabs her things he had prepacked for her.

“Um…. I can’t drive and I came with you.”

“Oh.” And he swears she might actually look guilty. “Where’s Ben?”

Jack waves outside. “Calling his wife.” Which when Ben said he went to do he was surprised, because he could have sworn that he and Ms Aston were more than friends, but maybe just good friend?. She says nothing and they join Ben who was wrapping up his call and he walks behind them as Ben hugs her to him, murmuring that qualifying will be better. And Jack blinks at them because how are they not a couple?

Jack wishes for nothing more than being old enough to drink as he watches Ms Aston greedily reviewing the wine list as they sat in the hotel restaurant for a late dinner. Should she be drinking with qualifying tomorrow? Doesn’t matter, she’s drinking, wine in her hand minutes later as she stares at him while he tries to decide what he wants. He’d love a hamburger but it’s not on the fancy menu. .It was just the two of them and he feels incredibly self-conscious with her watching him, almost smiling as he tries to choose something. He ends up randomly pointing at something when the waiter finally takes their order.

“You have a girlfriend Jack?” she asks sitting back in her chair, smiling at him. “Or boyfriend?”

“Um no.” Girls didn’t look at him twice and neither did guys for that matter and he blushed furiously. “I uh… study more than date.”

She grins. “Is there someone you like?”

_ You _ . But he shakes his head as she cocks her head at him.

“There has to be someone that you have your eye on….”

“What about you?” he blurts out desperate to change the subject. “You seeing anyone? Have a boyfriend? Or a girlfriend?” The moment he asks his question, he realises his attempt at small talk is incredibly inappropriate and he watches her falter.

“No,” she answers flatly. “It’s the single life for me.” She waves her hand in the air. “No time for all these people,” she adds her smile now forced. She opens her mouth to say something else, but it snaps closed, lips pressed together and she’s looking over his shoulder. He twists in his chair to see Jenson Button chatting in the distance, whle he was looking directly in their direction.

“Stop staring,” Laura bites at him hard and he is fighting back the pain of her sharp kick to his shin to even think to call her Ms Aston in his head. It’s too late and Jack’s eyes widen when moments later Jenson is yanking a chair from another table and sitting down. With them. With him. In fact,  _ Jenson Button  _ was ignoring  _ him _ and staring at Ms Aston.

Jenson doesn’t even look at him as he says, “So I saw your sister.”

He watches as Ms Aston goes still, face frozen and her fingers tighten on her glass. “Jenson, this is not the time.”

“I’m not surprised you haven’t said anything,” Jenson continues, “And for what it’s worth I’m sorry.”

Jack’s head whips between them, listening and not sure what’s going on with Ms Aston’s sister. But was he seriously at a table with Laura Aston  _ and  _ Jenson Button. At the beginning of the year, if you believed the tabloids they were an item, and he believed the tabloids. The two of them were like the perfect couple, Formula One royalty! But right now, they looked so far from being a couple with Ms Aston looking like she wanted to be anywhere but here..

“Thanks,” she mutters, and her eyes dart towards him and he wishes he was invisible so they’d forget he was here and he could just watch them – the way Jenson tries to grab her hand, the way she snatches it back and hisses at him, “I don’t want to talk about it. Especially here.”

Oh my god he still totally loves her! That’s the thought that is racing through Jack’s mind as Jenson sighs and pulls his hand back.

He shakes his head. “Of course,” Jenson gives an unsurprised laugh. “You don’t want to talk about something that upsets you, not surprised Laura.”

“Did you come here to just mock me? Because I already got the message so no to need rehash that point,” she tells him coldly. 

“No,” Jenson shakes his head. “Sorry, I didn’t want to pick at old uh… wounds. I wanted to make sure you’re okay. There’s no Miles and I....”

“No,” Laura interrupts. “You don’t get to do that anymore and this  _ not  _ the time nor the place.” There is suddenly two sets of eyes on Jack and he does his best to shrink back into his chair as they stare at him.

“Right, of course.” Jenson gives her a tight smile and gets to his feet. “If you need anything Laura, even if you only need a friend.” His hand reaches out, falling to her shoulder. Even from here, he could see the visible flinch from her before she jerks out of his touch. 

“We can’t do friends anymore,” she reminds Jenson, and Jack doesn’t miss the hurt in Jenson’s face, god no one was going to believe him when he told everyone this. “And I’m fine. I’m doing great.”

“Yeah Lau, okay, you’re great and fine.” Jenson relents and steps away. “If you need me.”

“I won’t,” she lifts her chin determinedly. “I don’t need anyone.”

Jenson’s gaze lingers on her for a moment before he turns and walks off. Ms Aston says nothing to him, only stares after Jenson as she finishes the glass of wine in one gulp, slamming it back to the table. 

“Well now I have no appetite.” She’s on her feet and before Jack can comment, ask if she’s okay,  she’s walked off and he turns back to see their food arriving and he realises not only was there more food than he could eat, he had no way to pay for it. 

Crap. He swallows nervously at the waiter not even sure how to start. Suddenly this opportunity wasn’t looking so shiny.

*

Saturday is not a great day, well Jack thinks it’s a great day, more cars, more time in the garage, but pole goes to Sebastian, and Kimi takes second, so it’s an all Ferrari front row - not great from a Red Bull point of view he supposes. And he’s treated to watching Ms Aston throw her helmet on the bench, storming out the back, clearly unimpressed despite her setting a time faster than her teammate, which was a first for the weekend - you’d think she’d be happy.

But nope. She’s pissed and Jack finds himself wincing every time she curses to the press and snaps at everyone. Yep her mood has been plummeting all weekend and he now had bitchy Aston he saw nearly every week on television, except it was now real life, and he was witnessing it and this was so much cooler! Who didn’t want to see her slamming Sebastian,  _ in person _ and insinuating the latest Ferrari updates were clearly dubious and should be reviewed by the stewards for the legality.

Yes, this is now once again the best weekend of his life.

 

Come Sunday for the race, Ms Aston seems nothing but determined from the moment they meet up in the morning throughout the entire day, during any press, when speaking with the team. There’s no joking with the team, her mouth pressed in a thin line whenever she is speaking to anyone, he does his best to keep out of her way, and so does Ben, apparently he wasn’t the only one picking up on the unsubtle hints that keeping the distance right now was safer for all.

Jack gets to watch the race from the back of the garage, sitting with the pit crew and Ben and it’s literally the best thing ever, he’s not sure how he hasn’t yet burst. And it’s the best race  _ ever _ , and he finds himself cheering her on more than ever, he’d love for her to win but that seems all but impossible when she has a bad start, swamped on the line and losing two places to her teammate and to Lewis. He was already envisioning more helmet throwing when the race was over because her winning from this point is impossible. 

And he’s right, there’s no miracle, she stays in fifth. And Sebastian wins the race. His heart sinks for her, he wants her to win, to be happy. If he could give her wins and the world… and he watches her on the screens as she gets out of the car, Daniel giving a hard squeeze, looking thrilled with his third place. Laura though,  _ Ms Aston _ , just looks sad, all that anger from the day before is severely lacking, it only has his heart ache for her more. He chews his lip, wondering what he can do to help…

“Well I think we’re all getting drunk tonight,” Ben muses from next to him and Jack looks over at him about to tell him he  _ can’t _ drink when Ben is adding, “Well, you can fetch the drinks at least for us adults.”

“Humph,” is all he says before Laura is back in the garage and Jack watches as she falls into Ben’s arms, letting him hug her tightly. Maybe he can hug her after…

“Jack,” Christian is clicking fingers at him and he’s snapped from his daze by his boss. “Press with Laura. Go.”

“Um, yep.” He dashes to Ms Aston, carefully tapping her shoulder. “Um press?”

She pulls away from Ben, scowling at Jack. “Fine, let’s go rehash the shit that is seemingly my life.”

“Lau don’t say that,” Ben frowns at her but she walks out and Jack is hastily yanking out his recorder as he follows. What are the chances she’ll have nicer things to say today. 

None.

 

Jack was reassessing his favourite driver and who he should be supporting more of - currently Daniel Ricciardo had his arm slung around his shoulder, “Now, I’m prepared to be your wingman for the evening, so you just have to let me know who interests you, and I’ll be your backup.”

His eyes immediately drift back to Ms Aston who was in a heated conversation with Ben. They seemed to have been in a spat since she’d suggested they crash the Ferrari celebrations, dragging her much too excited teammate along. “Um… I’m fine with just getting drinks for Ms Aston.”

“One word for you,” Daniel says, smile threatening to break out at any moment. “Tequila. She loves it.” Daniel pats him on the shoulder before backing away. “If you need me to be your backup…” He winks at him, “Let me know!”

Jack can only watch as Daniel disappears into the crowd and then at the side of a pretty brunette. He heads back to Ms Aston where she seemed to be purposefully ignoring Ben and instead had her gaze fixed across the other side of the room.

“Do you need another drink?” Jack only asks because he wants something to do, and being around all these people was more than a little unnerving, he would feel better right now if he was being useful - getting her drinks was being useful.

“She doesn’t need any more drinks,” Ben snaps at him and Jack looks up surprised because it was the first time Ben had ever seemed annoyed at him over the last four days.

“Yes, more vodka,” Ms Aston tells him, clearly ignoring Ben and her eyes are torn from across the room to stare at him coldly. 

He nods and spins around, nearly tripping on his feet in his haste to rush to fulfill the request. When he returns not long after, holding two vodka and tonics both in the ready for her, it’s only to catch the tail end of her ‘discussion’ with Ben.

“You’ve had enough now Laura. Drinking doesn’t fix things -”

“Stop lecturing me.”

Ben’s looking at her furiously. “Don’t think I don’t notice who you haven’t been able to stop glaring at all night. Glaring at the enemy doesn’t make them turn to dust anymore than drinking solves your problems!”

Ms Aston looked ready to kill him and he finds himself hastily thrusting her a drink in a bid to save Ben if that was at all necessary.

“You know what Laura, if this is how you plan on spending the evening, wishing a painful death on Vettel while you get blind drunk, then I’m heading back to the hotel.”

“Fine,” she only shrugs. “You know where the door is.” She pounces on the drink that Jack is holding, her empty drink slammed on a table next to her. And Jack watches with wide eyes as Ben spins on his heel and walks out, deciding he was going to take her advice. “So, Jack…” Laura has folded one arm across her, eyes once more fixed in the distance and he turns to see it was indeed fixed on Sebastian Vettel. “Do you think she’s pretty?”

“Who?” he asks, brows furrowed in confusion before he realises she’s referring to the woman that Sebastian was talking to. “She uh… seems nice.” 

That answer only has Ms Aston scowl at him. “Go over there and see if she’s single.”

“What?” he asks eyes wide. “You want me to what?”

She was back to glaring at him, now pointing at Sebastian and the mystery girl. “I said, go over there and find out if she’s single.”

“Why do you -”

“Jack!” 

He hastily retreats, fleeing towards Sebastian because he was worried if he didn’t, her gaze would have him turn to dust. At this point he thinks he should have left with Ben… He lingers to the side of Sebastian and the girl who seemed to be having a friendly chat about the race. She was gushing constantly about how great his race was, and how she was excited to have been able to be a guest of Ferrari this weekend… he finds himself rolling his eyes at her, even he could tell she was being way too obvious. He wrinkles his nose at them. 

Sebastian’s eyes fall on him, brightening at the sight of him. “Have you met my friend here?” 

What? Jack finds himself grabbed and pulled next to Sebastian. “Uh…” The woman looks unimpressed at his inclusion into the conversation.

“My friend here…”

“Jack,” he offers his name and a forced smile as his face goes bright red.

“Jack here, is from Red Bull. He works for Laura Aston.”

“The racing girl?” The woman looks even more uninterested and Jack feels offended.

Sebastian was patting him on the back, much like Daniel earlier and he’s then immediately abandoned, much like Daniel as well, except this time he’s staring at some woman who was looking incredibly annoyed and her gaze was following Sebastian hastily retreating.

“Excuse me,” she mutters and with a flick of her hair she is walking away. 

He finds himself back next to Laura not long after assuring her that she was a bitch, very single and for good reason. She pats his head and he’s once more ordered to get more drinks. He thinks she should slow down but he doesn’t dare offer his advice, lest he is booted or shunned like Ben.

However, with a fresh drink in his hand he finds himself turning in circles because she was gone, nowhere in sight. He looks for Daniel, only to see him slipping out, arm around the waist of the brunette from earlier, lucky he didn’t want a wingman because Daniel was clearly bailing. What was he meant to do now?

 

He goes to the bathroom. That’s when Jack finds her, well he finds  _ them _ . Ms Aston leaning on a wall, her arms folded and Sebastian Vettel leaning over her, arms trapping her in place as he stands close, and really he was  _ too  _ close. Jack’s breath catches in his throat as he watches them, Sebastian talking to her quietly, and everything about this seems intense even if he can’t hear the words, the way they were looking at each other, the way they weren’t touching each other…

No. Fucking. Way.

Jack looks above him, nope, pigs weren’t flying. But there was certainly something going on and he could only stare as he drew in quick and shallow breaths. Ms Aston wasn’t saying anything, she was quiet and he could see Sebastian was only getting frustrated, and then, when his hand falls to her shoulder, slides up to cup her neck, Jack moves to hold the wall because instead of Laura Aston blasting Sebastian Vettel for  _ touching  _ her she sinks into him.

The world was definitely ending. What he would give to have a phone, something to capture this moment because no one was going to believe him! And maybe he made a noise, squeaked his disbelief because Sebastian’s head whipped around to look at him and the moment is gone, broken, shattered as he steps away from his supposed arch nemesis. 

“Jack,” Laura says his name, looking both relieved and annoyed at him at the same time - he’s not sure how anyone could manage that. 

“Jack,” Sebastian was looking at him, more flustered and embarrassed, eyes holding an unreadable expression. “You know where Aston is staying?”

“Yeah…”

“Can you drive?”

“Um…”

Ms Aston is snorting at him and Sebastian was glaring at her before she’s jerked away from the wall. “Ow. You’re hurting me.”

“You’ll live,” Sebastian mutters pulling her towards Jack. “Let’s go.”

“Are you two like secret friends?”

“Never,” Ms Aston hisses at him and Sebastian is rolling his eyes as he leads them both out.

“Give me your keys,” Sebastian says as they’re in fresh air.

“Why do you always have to drive, it’s really not fair.”

“You want Jack to drive?” Sebastian asks holding out his hand to her. “We can let Jack drive, it’s going to be safer than you.”

“I am a  _ very _ safe driver,” she argues back.

“Really? I’m surprised I didn’t get a ticket when I let you in my car -”

Jack stares between them confused because was this the same two people he saw moments earlier all caught up and staring at each other intensely and now they were fighting about car keys. “I’m very confused right now.”

“Join the fucking club Jack!” Laura Aston was shouting at him. “Everyone is fucking confused!” Keys are thrust at Sebastian which he takes not saying anything.  

There’s nothing but silence as they walk to the car, Sebastian keeping a tight grip on Ms Aston and he’s not quite convinced she needed the support but he says nothing, walking behind them, watching as Ms Aston stomped on Sebastian’s shadow in the dark but did nothing to remove the arm he had tightly around her waist.

He wanted to ask so many questions but he keeps his mouth shut. On the drive back, Laura has fallen asleep in the passenger seat and Jack positions himself so he can watch her dozing, she looks  _ sad _ . How do people look sad while they’re asleep? Sebastian glances at him in the rear view but there’s nothing said, he figures if he asked questions he wasn’t going to get answers anyway. 

With Laura now passed out, it’s not so easy to get her moving. And if someone told him on Thursday he was going to assist Sebastian Vettel maneuver a drunk Laura Aston to bed he would have laughed and called them crazy. Except here he was dropping her onto the bed, stepping back to watch Sebastian position her more comfortably and remove her shoes.

“You have a room card?” Sebastian asks him.

“Um, yeah…”

“Give it here,” Sebastian holds out his hand. 

“I’m meant to give it to Ben so he wakes her up for her flight -” Sebastian glares at him only to stop talking because Sebastian has his hand in his jacket pocket, quickly extracting the room card and holding it up. 

“I’ll keep this.” Sebastian though turns away and back to Laura who had grabbed his hand, staring at him with a hazy gaze.

“Stay…” she murmurs apparently unaware he was there, and maybe unaware she was asking  _ Sebastian Vettel _ ?

And Jack watches as Sebastian goes red, glaring at Jack in his embarrassment. And then in the next moment Jack finds himself outside in the hall. No room card. Sebastian on the other side of the door as he slinks away, confused as to what the hell was happening because the obvious can’t be possible - right?

 

In three days time, when he’s at home, with his friends, proclaiming to them, swearing on everyone he knows lives, that Sebastian Vettel and Laura Aston had ‘a thing’ they only laughed at him and were demanding evidence. And he had none and he wonders if he had just imagined it, maybe it was in his head, maybe it didn’t happen… because his friends were right, in what world were Vettel and Aston friends, let alone anything more?

  
  
  
  
  
  



	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! And back to the usual, no more new character POV's (at least for right now).  
> Thanks to @formulaoneisfast for beta'ing.

Sebastian knows before he even opens his eyes that he wasn’t alone and he smiles sleepily recognising the smell. _Laura_. Not ready to open his eyes, to start his morning, he instead pulls her closer, curling around her and burying his face into her hair and breathing deeply. He holds her tightly, trying to float in the inbetween world of sleep and reality.

He is unable to stay there for long, his thoughts digging his way in slowly, reality pressing in. He shouldn’t be here. What time was it? He missed her. They didn’t speak all weekend, they didn’t _see_ each other all weekend. He _really_ shouldn’t be here.  He forces his eyes open and the room is dark except for a strip of bright light between the drawn curtains.

Feeling her stir, Sebastian loosens his grip to allow Laura to roll over in his arms and he pulls her closer as she tries to bury her face away in the space between his shoulder and throat. He moves to stroke her hair as he murmurs to her, “How’s your head this morning?”

Laura’s response is biting down on his shoulder and he curses, fingers tightening in her hair and pulling her back.

“We’ll go with moderately painful then,” Sebastian answers for her and sets about untangling them. She says nothing, releasing him before he sets about trying to find his shoes, aware that Laura was watching him. He glances up at her and her face is set in grumpy displeasure. If it’s because he’s leaving, or because he stayed he isn’t sure because she doesn’t say anything.

“When I threw Jack out last night, I took this from him.” Sebastian throws Laura the room key from last night. “Apparently _Ben_ was meant to be your alarm.”

That has Laura sit up, fingers scooping up the room card that landed on her stomach. She opens her mouth to say something and then slams it closed, lips pressing together silently.

Sebastian sighs, watching as she leans over to snatch up her phone, dumping the room card before furiously texting. “Are you really not talking to me?”

Laura looks up at him, still silent and it’s as if she’s trying to tell him something but unfortunately he hasn’t developed any skills in ESP.

Shaking his head he gives up. “You know what, we both have flights. Sorry your weekend wasn’t great.” There’s still no words spoken. Right he’s leaving, trying in vain to smooth the wrinkles from his shirt because he’d slept in it. Stupidly. Here’s to not running into anyone back to his own room.  

He’s forced to stop when he reaches for the door because Laura has slid between it and him. “Aston,” he warns because the last thing he wants right now was anymore games, particularly this one.

She reaches up and her fingers gently fall to his lips and he finds himself kissing them before he can stop himself and it sees a slow smile spread across her face, and she repeats the action, brushing against his lips for a second time, this time he doesn’t kiss them, prepared this time to stem his impulse. Her smiles falters before she moves to wrap around him.

“Laura, don’t,” he pleads quietly but he’s already narrowing the space between them, pushing her back against the door as she winds her arms around his neck, lips pressing into the corner of his mouth. When did he lose his ability to say no to things? To her? He shivers, as her mouth continues to push against his skin, his cheek, his chin, his throat.

Right, he was taking back control. He removes one of his hands from her ass, tangling in her hair to yank her head back and he slams his lips to hers. He kisses her the way he wanted to kiss her on Thursday, desperate, reminding her she didn’t need anyone else, not Jenson and not _Ben_.

The little moan she makes has him smirk when he pulls away, watching her sway on her feet, dazed and he knows in this moment she’s not thinking about anyone else right now. He likes her like this and he doesn’t need her to tell him what she wants, he knows.

Her hands push into his hair and she rises onto her toes, kissing him again when he doesn’t and it’s easy to get wrapped up in her, in them and this. Wasn’t he leaving? Wasn’t she not talking to him? Thinking though was now limited to need and want as he lifts her up, gripping her hips till her legs wound around him. He walks them back to the bed, while she kissed him, and then they were falling.

“We’re going to be quick,” he tells her breathlessly.

She nods furiously.

“Because we shouldn’t be doing this now.” Laura reaches to remove his shirt conveying her understanding. “Are you really still not talking to me? Like right now?”

She moves her lips furiously and he grins because while he can’t lip read he knows he’s being yelled at. “Okay Aston, later.” He kisses her again, whatever reason she had for not wanting to talk to him right now could wait, because it’s not the most important thing right in this moment.

* * *

Laura was wishing she was somewhere else as she stands off to the side in Lillian’s living room. Ben seems ticked off at her, had since they had flown back to the UK together. Miles and Molly were having a not so hushed argument in the corner while Lillian got her first cuddles of Ella, which was lucky for her because otherwise she’d be giving her death stares, apparently unhappy with her race and in no doubt eager to learn if she had upheld her end of her ‘no talking to Sebastian’ deal. Which as far as she was concerned, she had.

“Is there a reason why I’m here?” Laura asks. She wants to go home.

“Stay,” Lillian sings out to her, and there’s no doubt that response wouldn’t have been snapped if it wasn’t Ella in her arms who she was currently trying to entertain., “We are having a conversation later,” she tells her sounding high pitched and happy, “Yes we are, we totally are.” Laura rolls her eyes at her sister.

“You can’t make decisions for her!” Molly is raising her voice and Laura glances at her brother and his girlfriend in the corner. “Give it to her. Right now.”

Laura crosses her arms. “Miles, can you do whatever it is that Molly wants so we can be done here -”  
“Fine,” he snaps at her and stalks across to Lillian, hand shoved in his pocket to pull out a crumpled and tight ball of paper. “I tried.”

“Um thanks?” Lillian says taking it and she releases Ella from her cuddles back to Miles. Laura bites her lip to ask if she can hold her, not ready to ask her brother for anything. “So do I get to know what I find when I unscrunch this?”

It’s Ben that speaks, “A letter. From your mum.”

Laura’s annoyance and indifference is gone, instead she was frozen because none of them had heard from their mother. She looks at Ben, feeling betrayed he hadn’t mentioned something sooner. “You saw her?”

“Well, she saw me,” he replies not quite meeting her gaze. “Don’t look at me like that Lau, you had a race.”

Laura glances back at her sister, eyes fixed on the letter that Lillian had smoothed out but wasn’t opening, staring instead at her name addressed across the front. “Open it.”

“Don’t open it,” Miles cuts in and Laura glares at him.

“Did she only give one to Lillian?” she asks Ben and he gives her a tight smile in confirmation and she feels it, jealousy pinching at her heart when it shouldn’t, when she wasn’t meant to care, when she didn’t speak to her mother, when she didn’t think of her…

“I don’t want it,” Lillian speaks and Laura has to resist darting over and snatching up the letter Lillian carelessly tossed on the coffee table. She looks up at Ben, “What did she say?”

Ben shrugs. “That she wanted you to have it, that she thought of you all, she knew that Lillian was sick, and that she was watching…”

“Which is so damn creepy,” Molly interjects. “What kind of person is just watching?”

Laura shakes her head swallowing a lump in her throat because she didn’t want to hear anymore. Apparently if she wanted her mother to notice her she had to be fucking dying. “I need air.” Ben reaches for her but she steps around him and ignores her brother’s plea to stay. She slams the front door closed behind and only when she is outside does she stop, closing her eyes and breathing. Suddenly the past didn’t feel so far away.

She sits down on the front steps, closing her eyes, head falling to her hands. She doesn’t use that time to process that her mother had broken her silence with them, at least one of them for the first time in nearly ten years, instead she pushes it away, pushes it back down where it belongs until her head felt clear. And instead she’s seeing one person… _Seb_.

She closes her eyes and remembers waking up with him in Spa. Remembers him playing with her hair, remembers that when she is with him there was nothing but him. Her sister wasn’t dying. Her brother hadn’t lied to her. Her mother wasn’t suddenly back lurking at the edge of shadows. She wasn’t constantly failing at winning in her job. The swell of pressure in her chest has her dig out her phone, fumbling with it till it was ringing and pressed to her ear.

There’s a startled “Hi,” breathed into the phone and her mouth flickers up at the sound of his voice. _Seb_.

“Hi.” There’s a beat of silence. “How are you?”

“Great,” he answers. ”You?”

“Fine, I’m fine,” she hesitates nerves getting the better of her.. There’s more silence. “It’s uh… Monza next.’

“I think I’m reminded of that every two minutes,” he jokes. Right, she doubted he’d forgotten and was instead most likely dreading it and looking forward to it in equal parts.

“Yeah, lucky you.” More silence, and Laura demands her brain to say something to end this awkwardness, generally Seb was never lost for words, so she wasn’t the one looking for things to say. “When are you going?”

“Uh I have some PR commitments, so I’ll be there Monday.”

More silence. “You want to go early?” Her heart stops in anticipation, preparing for rejection. “I can meet you there on Saturday?” she suggests.

There’s no immediate agreeing and her heart now pounds because maybe calling was a bad idea “I’ll um… check with Molly.” More silence. “You okay?”  
As if her calling meant her world was most likely ending, and in some ways it felt like that. “Yep,” she answers sounding way too upbeat he probably didn’t buy it.   
“Are you seeing Lillian at the moment?”   
She snorts. “Yes unfortunately. I am currently vacating a family meeting of which when it’s over, I’m going to be subjected to being yelled at about my shitty race and failure at ignoring you. Though, I’m going to tell her I didn’t speak to you once.”

“You ignored me because of Lillian?” he sounds surprised and far too interested in her failure to filter that comment. Fuck. “I don’t like your sister.”

“Ditto,” Laura mutters, because why can’t Lillian let her do what she wants and how she wants? Everyone wanted a say in everything, between her and Jenson…

Sebastian interrupts her thoughts. “If you want, I can come to London.”

Now? And not wait four days? She’s taken aback at the offer, again lost for words and until she remembers he’s waiting on her response. “You want to come here?”

“Sure, it doesn’t have to be a big deal. I can distract you…” And she can see him smile, even if it’s only a phone call, eyes bright and his cheek has her grin as he adds, “I’m not doing anything. Well I’m meant to train with Antti but I can train with you.”

“Okay,” she says after a moment. “You come here.”

“Okay, I’ll go there.”

“Yep.”

Silence.

“You’ll give me your address?” he asks.

That has her give a short laugh. “Well Kimi certainly doesn’t have it.”

“I hope not. There’s only one reason he’d have that.” He sounds brighter than when he answered, caution gone, even if the awkwardness continued. They were drifting again, this was new territory - phone calls, requests for visits away from the track, mid-season break excused.

“I’ll text you,” she promises.

“I’ll organise a flight.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” The call ends and Laura stares at her phone in her hands. She felt better and there was excitement dancing in her stomach. She should go home and clean up…

“Laura.” She whips around, Ben standing there. “You okay?”

“Fine,” she responds jumping to her feet, a lightness now in her actions. He stares at her concerned and she sighs. “I am fine Ben. Don’t fret about me, god Lillian does that enough.”

The smile he gives is tiny, and his concern is still very evident. “Well, Lillian’s concern generally stems from her own selfish needs and desires, so sorry if that doesn’t appease me.”

She climbs the steps to him. She grabs his shoulders and squeezes. “I’m fine. Not jumping off the deep end. I promise I’m not suddenly an alcoholic.“ She refers to their argument about how drinking wouldn’t solve her problems on Sunday post race.

“Yeah, clearly you’d rather stalk Ferrari drivers and hope you developed the power to murder them on sight,” he jokes before he catches her hand. “I’m sorry she didn’t ask about you Lau. She didn’t ask about Miles, it’s not personal.”

She looks at him, pulling away. “Please, it’s totally personal, it always has been. I look forward to getting a letter on my deathbed.”

She’s at the door when he calls after her, “You want to get lunch?” She turns back to Ben. “I told them I’d offer, you won’t be missed. And you won’t have to stand to the side and sulk about being there.”

Laura walks back to the hand he holds out and slips her back into his. He squeezes it tightly. “Your flight is tonight right?”

“Yep, late. We’ll have lunch and then we can head back and Lillian can bitch at you about whatever it is she’s itching to.”

“Joy,” she mutters and she wasn’t excited about that. Her phone buzzes in her pocket and she grabs it out, and Sebastian’s contact card flashes up with his text message to say he had let her know when his flight was in tomorrow.

“Whose coming tomorrow?” Her phone is snatched from her hand. “Mr Grey?” He’s blowing up the contact card in her phone. “Is that someone wearing a Daniel Ricciardo mask?”

“Give me that,” she orders grabbing the phone back. “That’s none of your business.” Suddenly she was pleased she put Sebastian under a dumb alias - she had learnt something after the incident with Jenson.

Ben though is grinning broadly. “Laura, do you have a secret boyfriend.”

She snorts. “No. Never. And please don’t use that word.”

“What? Boyfriend?” Ben raises his eyebrows at her. “Laura, I think you having someone is a good thing.” He’s serious now, “Whether it’s Mr Grey or someone else, having someone would be good for you.”

She makes no comment instead texts back Seb to tell him her address and to make his own way from the airport. She wasn’t picking him up, one that would invite too much attention and two, she couldn’t be arsed. And then she changes the subject, “What do you want for lunch?

* * *

It’s quiet. Too quiet. Lillian looks around her place that was now empty. Miles and Molly had left with Ella and she already missed her niece who was too adorable words. Ben had left to make his way home and feeling like she’d been overwhelmed with people, she’s not sure why she isn’t happy to have silence.

The letter from her mother which she’d tossed aside feels like it’s calling to her and she walks over to it and sits down. It’s on the coffee table, no longer in the bin, looking worse for wear and there’s a part of her that wishes that Miles never gave it to her, never told her it existed so there was never a choice - to open it or toss it out.

Shakily she reaches out, palms carefully smoothing it, pressing it down, wishing it would dissolve away as she does. She wasn’t Laura. She didn’t wish things were different, wish things had played out differently, they were what they were. And maybe her sister had grown up now, had let go of that childish dream that they would one day all be okay. But was it wrong, if deep down, she had the same dream, that there was this flicker of hope that after all this time, that maybe… _just maybe_.

Removing her hands from the envelope, her name in black printed writing stares up at her. It wasn’t handwritten, it was typed. It wasn’t, ‘Dear Lillian’, it was ‘Lillian’. She turns it over, her fingers very carefully beginning to undo the seal. She knows once she looks, once she absorbs the contents, whatever it contained, there was no going back.

The letter is folded neatly in thirds. She opens it, takes the time to flatten it before she sits back far enough that she can’t read the words. But they were there, typed on her mother’s company letterhead like she was addressing a client and not her estranged daughter. She gets to her feet. She needs alcohol for this.

“What are you doing?”

“I was working out,” Kimi tells her.

“Will you bring me vodka?”

“That seems like a long delivery. You can probably get it closer.”

Lillian nods before realising he can’t see that. “Yes, but you won’t come with the vodka then if I order it elsewhere.”

“Can you even drink?”

“I’m sure it’s not recommended,” she shrugs not really caring. What was it going to do? Kill her? Probably not faster than her own body’s attempt to kill itself. “Bring me vodka and I’ll wear a pretty dress for you.”

“Is it short?”

Lillian snorts. “I’ll wear a short dress for you.”

“See through?”

“Would you prefer me to not wear a dress?” Lillian asks smirking down the phone.

“Yes. But I asked already for you to get naked, you keep saying no.”

Lillian falters. “Bring the vodka.” She ignores his other comment, eyes returning to her unread letter. “A lot of vodka.”

  
****


	26. Anticipation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I late? I feel late. Oh well, I'll have to think up a way to apologise. Leave it with me!  
> But in the meantime, Seb's in London. I'm sure we're all excited :D  
> Oh and there's some Lillian if anyone is interested in that portion :P

 

Laura stands in the middle of her living room, scrutinizing every square inch to ensure it was perfect. She’d fluffed pillows, straightened picture frames, she’d even fucking dusted. But still, she checks again, her phone clenched in her grip because she knew that Sebastian had landed. He’d texted her to tell her he expected a home cooked lunch for when he arrived because he was unimpressed with his supplied food on the plane. 

He wants home cooked? She snorts as she yanks open the freezer. She doesn’t cook. Everything was frozen and meals that were fresh were pre-prepped and organised with her trainer. The only thing she knew where to find in the kitchen was plates and cutlery. She yanks out a meal for Sebastian, her least favourite and carefully arranges it on a plate before whacking it in the microwave. And when it’s heated, she makes it look as neat as possible, sprinkling some herbs on it and beaming at her  creation. She dusts her hands. Perfect. Sebastian better be impressed with her fucking efforts. 

The knocking on her door has her freeze. He was here.Her stomach flips with nerves and it’s only now she was wondering if inviting Sebastian here, into the only piece of the world that was hers, was actually a good idea. She doubted if she asked him to leave if that would be well received. Except when she opens the door and Sebastian is there, hair a mess, looking scruffier than usual, asking him to leave isn’t really on her mind - instead she finds herself reaching for him, pulling him inside quickly.

He raises his eyebrows at her. “That eager to get me in the door Aston?”

“More worried about neighbours seeing you.”

“Sure,” he grins, clearly not buying that and she rolls her eyes, slamming the door behind him, eager to have him to herself, wanting to touch him and have him. Only she finds herself hesitating, fingers shyly reaching for his after he’s dropped his bag. It’s Sebastian that steps closer, that slides his arms around her, draws her against him, drops his lips to hers for a gentle kiss that has her shiver and eager for more. Her eyes flutter closed with a tiny happy sigh and her face tilts expectantly for more.

“Hi,” he murmurs and she blindly lifts up, chasing his lips for another kiss which is given, careful,  _ soft _ , lingering. She winds herself around him because she wants more than that, she’d been thinking about him all day while she tidied and prepped for him. She lets out a frustrated sound when his lips hers again, and her eyes snap open ready to tell him what she wanted, make her demands known but -  _ he’s right there _ .

Were his eyes always this blue? His fingers card through her hair as he rubs his nose against hers, eyes burning into hers and she feels insides tense up with heat. She wants him. More. Now. Right here. “Seb…” she practically pants his name, head lolling back into the hand. Her fingers clutch at his jacket he was still wearing, she hurriedly shoves it down and over his shoulders and she can feel the bastard smiling against her neck before he pushes a kiss to the one spot that makes her weak at the knees, the tip of his tongue flicking out for the briefest moment she might have imagined it before he steps back, jacket on the floor.

“I smell food? Did you make me lunch? I’m starving.”

He wants to eat? Was he fucking kidding? He walks away then and she blinks after him as he goes to find lunch, leaving her reeling and feeling light headed and  _ hot _ . Pulling herself together she stalks after him only to find him in her kitching hunting for a fork and holding his plate protectively.

“This looks good,” he tells her, immediately diving into it, and shoving it into his mouth. 

“I slaved for hours on that.” 

Sebastian smirks at her as she crosses her arms. “I saw the box in the bin.” He goes to move past her, “But thank you,” he breathes into her ear before he brushes past and her body prickles with heat, as if it was reaching for him but he’d already walked away. 

She finds him wandering around her place eating as he does, curiously nosing through her things. “Aren’t you going to eat?” he asks, mouthful as he stands at the window of her apartment, in front of the view she’d bought this place for.

“It’s not food that I want,” she tells him bluntly.

She’s given a shit eating grin before he ignores the comment and goes back to looking back outside. “How long have you been here?”

“Two years,” she answers feeling more and more impatient, eyes greedily taking in his form, watching him toe off his shoes, toes curling in his socks before he’s walking off again. She chews her lip, staring at his ass as he disappears into her bedroom. “Is this your room?” 

Fucking finally! She’s hot on his heels. 

“How many damn pillows do you need?” He was staring at her bed, “How do you find space to sleep? No person needs that many pillows Aston.”

“I like my pillows,” she returns defensively. “And I noted the lack of them at your place,” she returns hotly but he rolls his eyes and then steps around her walking back out. “Seb?” What about her sex!?

He’s abandoned his practically empty bowl on the coffee table, now at a bookcase, prodding and fingering at her belongings. “Stomach sorted?” she asks before adding in the sweetest voice she can manage, “Did you want me to cook you something else?” 

“I’m super satisfied thanks.” She glares at him, spinning on her heel as she takes his bowl and fork to the kitchen, only for Sebastian to ask on her return, “Where are your family pictures? You have nothing.”

“Does it matter?”

He looks over his shoulder at her. “I want to see you as a kid doing backflips or whatever.” 

“Sorry I haven’t hang up my past for you to review. Not all of us have happy childhoods we want to decorate our homes with.” She thinks back to his place and she presses her lips together. Sebastian can have his dumb happy family and she’ll have her fucked up past because life was a bitch. She’s suddenly thinking of Lillian and her letter, or more accurately, her lack of a letter. Her chest hurts.

Sebastian had stopped poking at her shit and he at least had the decency to look guilty. “Sorry, didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“I’m not upset.”

“You look upset.”

“I’m not.”

“Okay, you’re not.” He walks over to her. “I don’t want to fight.”

“Then let’s drop this dumb subject,” she snaps at him but he doesn’t seem offended, instead he was pulling her to him, slipping his arms around her waist. 

“So I brought us something to do this afternoon.”

She raises her eyebrows letting her curiosity be peaked. “If it’s condoms, I thought we agreed that was redundant.”

He snorts and kisses her hard. “No, we can do that later.” She tries not to look disappointed as he lets her go to get whatever he brought with him. A few minutes later, after a triumphant exclamation, he pulls a pack of cards from deep inside his backpack. “We’re playing poker.”

“Strip poker?” That would get them closer to the sex.

“I thought we could play for money. We both know clothes will come off regardless. And this will make things more interesting.” He taps the cards against his chin waiting for answer, “What do you say?”

“What if we played Go Fish for money?” She isn’t sure this was going to be a fair match up with her very limited skills in poker. 

“Worried I’ll beat you?” 

He’s baiting her, she knows that. “I can beat you Vettel.” She walks over and snatches the cards from him. “I’m dealing first, and I’m going to leave you with no money, you’ll be asking Maurizio for advanced pay.”

He laughs, arms around her as he follows her to the living room, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “I think this will be fun.”

“I think this is going to end with one of us sleeping on the floor annoyed, but okay, we can call that fun,” Laura says as they seat themselves on the floor on either side of a coffee table. “What would be better would be sex.”

“Been waiting for me all day to show up Aston?” Sebastian leans across the coffee table. “We could place bets on fantasies and dirty secrets?” His eyes are twinkling brightly. “What have you been imagining us doing doing this afternoon? Or me doing to you?”

Laura can feel her cheeks burn and there wasn’t too many times she can recall being embarrassed. She says nothing, concentrating on shuffling her cards. Only to drop them all when Sebastian tells her conversationally, “I was reading porn on the plane.”

“What?” she chokes out wondering if she misheard him.

He grins at her scooping the cards. “Well it was this forum about sex, not porn as such,” he corrects.

“Why are you reading a forum about sex?”

He shrugs. “New things to try.” He deals out the cards. Was he bored? Was that why he wasn’t interested in sex? “The topic was how to make your girlfriend cum really hard.”

She chokes on a spec of a saliva and immediately goes into a coughing fit. Seb looks somewhat concerned, beneath his smug smile as he looks over his cards. “If you think I’m not satisfied -”

“I know you’re satisfied,” he comments simply, moving cards calmly in his hand. 

“What did they suggest? I want to read the posts!”

“Pick up your cards Aston,” he motions at them.

“Why are we playing poker?” she asks annoyed. They could be systematically working through a very important list right now.

“Anticipation.” He practically sings the one word to her.

She clutches her cards tightly. “I. Hate. You.”

“I know Aston,” he smirks at her. “But you want me.”

Feeling annoyed and more frustrated than ever she squirms on the ground. “We’re playing for cash.” Which god did she need to pray to so she bankrupted him before the day was out?

* * *

Was Lillian excited to see Kimi? Who looked like he was hiding behind his sunglasses. No. Was she excited at the vodka he was holding in his hand? Yes. She grabs it, telling him she’ll make them drinks, only for him to tell her he was fine with water. She ignores him because she wasn’t the only one getting drunk.

“I like your dress,” he says when she returns and she beams at him, her hand moving to unconsciously touch her hair, only there was a scarf on her head instead. “Nice legs,” he adds and she loves that he loves them, despite the fact she had lost so much weight, and her knees look ridiculous and too nobby now. “It’s not see through…” he voices his only complaint.

“Drink your drink,” she tells him smiling behind her own glass before walking to sit down. It’s only when he’s joined her does she take a mouthful, only to stop and sniff her glass. “Did you fill a vodka bottle up with water?”

“No, I drank a whole bottle last night and then filled it up with water.”

HIs sunglasses are still on and her eyes narrow at him. “You are hungover! You got drunk without me!”

“You’re sick, you shouldn’t be drinking,” he tells her bluntly. “I did you a favor.”

“No!” She slams her glass on the table. “You did nothing! I said I wanted vodka! What is wrong with you!”

Kimi though isn’t looking guilty he looks completely happy with his decision. “Why do you want to get drunk?”

“Because life is shit!” she shouts at him. “And you can’t pretend that you are going to do one thing and then do another! You don’t get to do that to me! Not now!”

“Sure, but that’s not new,” he shrugs, clearly not willing to accept that she had cancer as a reason she wants to get drunk.

“You know what, go home. I don’t want to see you.” She turns on her heel and storms to her room, the last thing she hears before she slams the door closed is, ‘But I liked your dress!’

She’s thrown herself face down on the bed. She was going to ignore Kimi, she was going to find a way to hurt him in return -

“Hey.” Except he opens the door, he gets on the bed, his fingers around her wrist and pulling her hands free from where she was hiding her face. “Hey,” he says leaning over, “Do you want to talk?”

“No, I wanted fucking vodka.” She flips over onto her back, Kimi above her, sunglasses now gone.

“You’ve never asked to get drunk with me before. Well since you’ve been sick.” He gives her half a smile.

She stares up at him, at his concerned gaze, and she tries to smooth out the frown on his forehead. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s something,” he returns immediately.

There’s a long silence, eyes not wavering from hers and Lillian feels everything tense up and when she wants the moment over she tells him, “She wrote to me.”

“Who?”

“My mother. I don’t want to read it. I want to read it.” Kimi’s still staring at her, waiting, but she hasn’t got anything else to say.

“Where’s the letter?” Kimi finally asks.

“In the bin.” Kimi frowns. “On top, so I can get it out if I want to. When I’m drunk.”

Kimi rolls his eyes and gets off the bed. Lillian remains still and Kimi returns, before throwing himself down next to her. He’d stopped to grab her glass of water handing it to her. “You want me to read it you?”

“Are you going to do it in a funny voice? Like an Australian accent?”

Kimi snorts. “No. Drink your pretend vodka.”

She drinks her water. She was thirsty. And when she’s done she rolls towards him. “Okay read it.”

“Lillian.”

“That’s not an Australian accent,” she stops him immediately and he glares at her.

“You can try Kimi. You’re not trying.”

“Lillian,” he repeats, with no accent whatsoever. “Uh… I am aware you are currently unwell.”

“Yeah, and she didn’t send flowers,” she mutters.

“I’ll buy you flowers,” Kimi promises, hugging her with one arm, and Lillian shivers as his fingers run over her back. “Do you want me to keep going?”

“Yeah, just like stop if she says she hates me.”

There’s silence for a long moment, Kimi reading ahead. “She doesn’t.”

“Where was my spoiler alert?”

“What?” he looks confused.

“Fine, keep going,” she orders.

“Since you have not uh… apologised. I have decided to forgive you because this is not the time to hold -”

“What?” Lillian sits up snatching the letter from Kimi. “She is forgiving me?  _ Forgiving me _ !?” She was screeching as she reads over the letter quickly. “She’s trying to take the fucking high road!”

Kimi stares at her blankly.

“Fucking bitch. This is not the time to hold grudges,” she reads picking up where Kimi had finished. “I think now is the time to put the past to rest, and I would be happy to try and move forward if you wish. But even if you choose not to, know that in my heart, I have let this go as children make mistakes.” She sucks in a deep breath, “You better go out and get me some real fucking alcohol Raikkonen.”

“No, you can keep ranting to me.” Kimi takes the letter from her. “She asked you to write back.”

“She can drop dead!” Lillian shouts at him and she has snatched the letter back so she can tear it up into the tiniest pieces she can manage. “I hate her. I hate her, I hate her. I HATE HER!”

“You hate her?” Kimi asks and he has the nerve to look amused. “You feel better now?” he dusts off the pieces of letter that had floated onto him in her rage.

“No. The only thing that will make me feel better is vodka. And you failed.” She wants him to leave now but he tucks his hands behind his head, only looking comfortable as he stretches out on her bed.

“If you’re nice, I'll let you have the other bottle of vodka.”

She freezes. “Does it have water in it too?”

“No.” 

Lillian disappears, flying from the room before returning with the second unopened bottle. She was starting to feel better as she shoves at him demanding he open it.

He takes it, but he doesn’t open it, instead he glances at her closet. “Put on a shorter dress.”

“Kimi.”

He waves the vodka around. “Do you want it or not?”

She folds her arms. “Do you want to pick the dress?”

“Easy. No dress.”

“Open the fucking bottle,” she orders and he does, taking a large mouthful and she was then dashing over to rip it from his hands, because she doesn’t trust him to not drink the entire thing in one go. “That is mine. You can have the other one.”

“We can share,” he tells her pulling her back onto the bed. “You get one glass.”

“Two.”

“One and a half,” he negotiates and she nods taking a large mouthful. “You have treatment tomorrow, so you can’t be drunk.”

“Please, you don't think the nurses will cover for me?”

“One and a half glasses Lillian,” he tells her seriously and she rolls her eyes. “Fine, go pick a movie for us to watch now.”

“I’m going to find you a shorter dress,” he says instead jumping up. “If I’m taking you on a date to the movies.”

She doesn’t stop him, nor comment on him calling it a date,  instead grips her bottle of vodka and looks at the remnant of her letter scattered on the bed. She wished she’d never read it, because all it was, all it held, was a confirmation that nothing had changed in the last decade. Everything was exactly the same. Gone any thread of hope that by some miracle…

“Don’t think about the letter Lillian,” Kimi orders from her closet, “Drink your vodka.”

She then proceeds to push it off the bed, prepared to do just that. She was putting the past back behind her, where it had been, where it belonged.

* * *


	27. Betting pieces of our lives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *clears throat* Right so I wrote some smut. Which I feel is more smuttier than my usual. So I feel like I should give a warning but then again the fic is explicitly rated. I was going to remove it but have been told that maybe some people will like it.
> 
> Anyway with the awkward bit out of the road, new chapter, even if I have just posted.
> 
> As always, thanks for my comments and love! You peeps all make my week brighter.

Nearly two hours later, and their flirting and banter seems to have ended, Sebastian doubts sex was on the table at this point. He carefully lays out the post-it-notes they were using to write their bets on as Laura glares at him. She was just grumpy that she was losing. “You can’t be good at everything Aston,” he chuckles. He was enjoying himself so much at this point, the potential lack of sex would barely dent his day.

She doesn’t say anything as she grabs the pen angrily and hastily writes on it. “I raise you fifty thousand.” She tears off the tiny square and slams it in the middle of them before she’s back looking at her cards.

“I am earning more money playing poker than I do each race.” 

“Shut up and call.” She looks up and purses her lips, “Or fold.” 

He shakes his head at her. “I’m not folding.” She stares at him harder. “And I’m not bluffing.” He reaches for his diet coke enjoying watching Aston struggle.

“I thought you were going to teach me!”

“I am. Through hard lessons,” he quips showing her his cards.

“I hate you.” It’s said for the millionth time as she loses. Again.

He says nothing, only humming happily while taking the i-owe-yous from the middle and building his collection. “If your bank account is now empty we can bet other items.”

She doesn’t say anything, instead snatches up the cards to deal again.

“I like your apartment,” he comments leaning back. “Let’s bet our homes.”

She stops. “No, let’s bet your Ferrari.” He goes very still. “And this time, we’ll mean it. A real bet.” He’s not sure that their bets for money have been entirely serious, but she clearly wants it to get serious now. 

He licks his lips, wondering how sure he was he could win. “Aston, there’s nothing you have that would make that bet worth it.”

“You don’t want my Renault?”

“No,” he smiles. “I want more.”

“More?” She drills her fingers on the coffee table they sat at. “What about information?”

He raises an eyebrow half interested. 

“I mean, we’ll bet your Ferrari for anything you want to know about me. Nothing’s off the table.”

He stares at her. “Anything?” That definitely had possibilities.

“Anything.” She crosses her heart. 

“Okay.” And then he grabs the post-its and pen and hesitantly writes down his car and signs it before he slams it in the middle as she happily deals the cards. 

“So what do you want to know?” she asks looking incredibly pleased with herself.

He stares at her hard before he writes down his question and then slides her the post-it to sign. “Sure you want to do this Aston?”

Laura sucks in her breath as she reads it. “Seriously?”

“Seriously,” he says, and her smile is gone. He somewhat regretted ruining her mood but it was his car, and if she wants it, he wasn’t giving it up for nothing. “Are we playing?”

She stares at him, eyes hard before she snatches up the pen and signs it. “If I win, I’m selling your car.”

He sucks in his breath. “Bitch.” She slaps down the post-it with his scrawled question. 

Suddenly this had lost it’s fun, now it was serious. His car versus a question he doubted anyone actually knew the answer to. He stares at it –  _ Why did you and Jenson break-up?  _

He stares at his cards. It’s the worst hand he has to date. He looks up at Laura who was trying to keep her face impartial as she rearranges her cards. Fuck. “We can call it off if you like.” He carefully places his cards face down and crosses his arms. 

“I want your fucking car,” she snaps. 

“What about if I let you drive it?” 

She leans across the table. “Is your hand that awful Sebby?” His face flushes. “I’ll raise you another question for your motorbike.” 

He snatches up the pen. “You know why you keep losing Laura? Because you’re too fucking cocky.” He scrawls his question furiously, the pen just about ripping through the paper. 

_ Why do you hate Australia? _

There’s panic in her eyes now and her fingers are jammed between her teeth. “Sign it.” He hands her the pen. “Then you can have the bike.” The bike and the question end up in the middle of the table. “Call or raise?” he asks her. 

“Raise.” She holds up a finger as she gets to her feet. “But this time I’m trading you for a question.” She turns to leave before quickly snatching up her cards not trusting him. He watches her stalk across the room and return with her keys, struggling to pull one free. “My apartment. But I’m your tenant.” 

He snorts. “The rent just went up.” He waits as she writes her question on the paper and slaps it down. 

_ Why did your fiancé leave you? And did she leave you at the altar? _

Fuck. He should have seen that coming. “That’s two questions.”

“They’re related, and the apartment is worth a lot.”

“Fine.” He signs them away. “Are we done?” He stares at her hard, daring her to push him further. Because he had his next question lined up ready to go if she wanted to keep playing this  game. She says nothing, only staring at him waiting to see who’s going to break first. 

“Call.”

If there was a god, he closes his eyes as Laura throws her cards down. He stares at them, barely registering the pounding on her front door.

“Shit.” Laura jumps to her feet, knee hitting the underside of the table in her panic. “Who is it?”

“Miles.”

Sebastian stares at the door, at Laura, at her cards and at his yet to be revealed hand. Positives, they were dressed and not in an awkward position so to speak, negative,  _ he was here _ . Laura is stalking to the door but he doesn’t care about that right now because despite his shit hand,  _ he won _ .  

Laura has thrown open the door, only to greet her brother with a cold, “Is Lillian dead, dying or gravely ill?”

Miles reaches for her elbow tentatively, “Can we please talk Lau? Before I head back to Switz-” Her brother has gone still, eyes on Sebastian holding his cards tightly against his chest. “Sebastian?” 

“Sebastian is teaching me poker,” Laura tells him much too brightly. “And you are not invited.” Sebastian muttes a greeting at her brother feeling his face flush.

“Lau, please can we stop this?” Miles had diverted his attention back to his sister and Sebastian watches as Laura’s face sets in a scowl and he knows that it was mask. Her brother had deeply hurt her and Sebastian’s heart aches for her.

He stares at the questions he had written and then at Laura’s cards before he looks over at her where she was arguing with her brother and getting upset. He scoops up all the cards hurriedly and putting them in a neat pile before he gets up. “If you want to talk, I can go.”

“No!” Laura snaps at him. “Miles is going.” She looks at her brother upset. “You lied to me. That’s not okay. I’m not okay with that. And unless you have Ella here, you can leave.”

“Lau,” Miles reaches for her hand, looking like he might cry. “You can’t ignore me forever.” 

“Watch me,” she snaps. “Unless we need to discuss Lillian, you and I have nothing to discuss. And you can’t show up here when I am about to win a Ferrari.”

Sebastian winces at that comment but Miles does leave then. Door appropriately slammed closed before Laura is stomping back over, any resemblance of a good mood dashed, the noise of the door echoes until there is silence. She stares down at the table that Sebastian was neatly clearing. “Where’s our game?” 

Sebastian gets to his feet. “You hungry? Or you want sex?” Maybe he could distract her.

She stares at him. “I won didn’t I?” 

“Come on Lau,” he rips up the post-its. “We were having a bit of fun.” 

She looks at him furiously. “I want my Ferrari.” She even stamps her foot.

“Contractually, you wouldn’t even be allowed to drive it,” he reasons with her before walking over. “Come here,” he murmurs, pulling her into his arms even if she stood there stiffly not returning it. “I’m sorry about Miles, you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

He sighs, giving her a sad smile. He kisses her softly. “You want to go out or something?”

“We can’t go out,” she answers flatly. 

He kisses her again, this time with a smile. “Then we’ll just have to stay in. Whatever shall we do?” He presses his lips to the corner of her mouth. “Any suggestions?” He kisses the other corner of her mouth.

“No.”

But her breath hitches when his hands teasingly graze down her sides to rest on her hips. She presses into him though, despite her apparent disinterest. “You want to hear about what I was reading on the plane?” He murmurs the question against her ear before asking, “We could go try some?”

“Did no one seriously ask about your reading material?”

He grins because she clearly was still interested and he laughs before kissing her scowl. “I have never been so self conscious reading anything before. I kept checking to make sure no one was watching.” He can see her mood lift a little and he grabs her hand, “Come on, let’s go play.”

In the room, they’d barely stepped across the threshold when she pulls him back to him, twists back into his arms and kisses him. Sebastian pulls her closer, returns the kiss eagerly, parting his lips, tongue rushing to meet hers as his hands grab at hers that were immediately at his jeans. “Lau,” he pants her name, guiding her hands to slip over his shoulders before his yank her tightly to him and his lips find hers again.

She moving against him restlessly, yanking him closer when he doesn’t give her what she usually expects. There’s no immediate stripping of clothes, not even his thigh to grind against and her lips rip from his with a frustrated grunt. “Seb,” she rasps, and he grabs at the leg that she’d lifted around his thigh as she opens herself for him. 

Fuck it, he can’t wait. His fingers fly to her jeans. “Did you think about me today?” he asks breathing hard. She only shakes her head as he pushes down her jeans. “Not even when you were fluffing all five hundred and three pillows on your bed?”

“You are the last person I think of,” she mutters only for her insult to turn into a moan when he spins her, back to him as he reaches down, fingers sliding into the top of her underpants.

“So you don’t want me to touch you?”

Silence.

He pushes his fingers into her underwear, lips on her throat as he suck on it, smiling when he finds the one spot that has her nearly sink to the floor. He grasps her tightly around the waist, holding her up as his hand now fully cups her. “You didn’t think of me doing this?”

“Seb…” Her breathing is everywhere and he loves it as she rocks her hips futilely. “I thought we were going to do the stuff you were reading…”

“We will,” he promises trying and somewhat failing to remove her shirt with one hand. She helps, apparently eager to keep his fingers between her legs, letting them ripple against her but not touching her how she so desperately wanted. But when they get to his clothes, he does remove his hand, to rid himself of his and strip her fully down. 

God, she was beautiful. He stares at her fully nude in front of him, he wants to fall to his knees, taste her, have her completely. He reaches to cup a breast, thumb brushing across the tip. “Laura,” he murmurs, licking his lips eagerly as he watches it harden. “You really want try this with me?”

She blinks heavily, looking she might be drunk. “I want to come,” she replies, hand reaching for his erection.

He groans as she strokes him, the pleasure sharp and better than he remembered. He feels his brain fog with lust. He could throw her on the bed and just fuck her, push into her, be inside her, she’d be hot and wet and… He cries out when her thumb brushes the head of his cock, playing with a bead of precum and when he opens his eyes, not sure when he closed them, she’s watching with him delight as he crumbles so easily.

“Maybe…” her free hand falls to his chest, running in endless patterns, light, teasing, just like the thumb still rubbing in circles over the head of his dick and it’s too much, too sharp and yet this wasn’t going to be enough to cum… 

“Laura,” he pants her name, desperate for more.

“We could make you come really, really hard.”

Oh god, he suddenly feels like he might be on the edge, fuck, she was barely touching him, and then her thumb is gone and she’s crawling on the bed, swiping all those damn pillows off. “So, what did they say? These men who think their girlfriends aren’t faking it?” 

Sebastian stares at her, mouth feeling dry, because she’d lain back, spread her legs for him, and he was right; she was more than ready. He could see how ready and he crawls up the bed, prepared to spend as much time as she wants him to between her thighs...

“So how do you want me?” 

Sebastian who’d shifted and laid on his stomach strokes her thighs before he pushes them further apart. “Like this is fine,” he answers roughly, kissing her below her belly button and making his way down. He then swipes his tongue against her. He smiles when she gasps. “Oh, don’t come,” he tells her pulling back as her fingers begin to twist in his hair. 

“Okay?”

“Tell me to stop if you get too close…” And then he starts.

  
  


Laura sits across Sebastian’s lap, back to his chest as they lean against some pillows. She was breathing hard, and trembling as she recovers from her almost orgasms. In some ways it feels like torture but Seb shifts behind her, hands stroking her legs and stomach, soothing her as they settle in to try something else. It’s nice, she likes this as he nuzzles her throat. 

“Lift up,” he murmurs, and she does, surprised and relieved to feel him reach down, his erection pressing at her entrance, and after only fingers and tongue…

“Yes,” she breathes out happily as he fills her, Seb’s hand on her hips, pushing her down ensuring he was as deep as possible as she rocked on him slowly. As much as she liked it when he went down on her… this was  _ so  _ good too. She arches back, head bent over his shoulder as she enjoyed herself, 

“Okay?” He kisses her cheek, meeting her movements, pushing into her.

“Uh huh,” she bites her lip when he shifts, changing the angle slightly and she gasps. “Okay,  _ that’s  _ better.” 

“Are you close?”

She opens her eyes, staring at him as he watches her closely. “No. Not right now. Are you going to let me come this time?”

“You want to stop?” he kisses her, it’s slightly awkward and messy. “I’ll make you come now.” One of his hands was between her legs, fingers brushing her clit softly. She sighs happily into his mouth, before he breaks the kiss. His hand leaves her, instead moving to find hers and pulling it between her legs where she was open and exposed and  _ full _ . She rocks faster on him, feeling the pressure deep inside building. She could definitely come like this, hand or no hand.

He stops moving and she lets out a frustrated cry. “Touch yourself,” he rasps.

“You do it,” she orders. “I like when you do it.”

“I will, but show me how you do it,” his eyes burn into hers and her breath catches because he’s watching her as she unravels and this suddenly feels so fucking intimate. “Touch yourself for me Aston,” he murmurs, pushing strands of hair that were stuck to her face away. 

She closes her eyes, trying to hide before she does, her fingers moving, the touch familiar and comforting and  _ hers _ . She feels a ripple of pleasure deep inside,  _ god _ . His fingers move over hers, not pushing or guiding, just following her movements, learning what she liked.

They start moving again and she feels her body lock on his, and it’s almost a wave of pleasure that washes over her, like before but only this time stronger. She makes a happy noise, and Sebastian smiles against her cheek before he brushes her hand away to mimic her actions.

Normally when he touched her, the pleasure was intense and sharp, and in some ways verging on  _ too much _ . When he touched her like that, intent then on making her cry louder, she came hard and fast because she didn’t get a choice. But like this… she lets out a soft moan, her fingers over his, fixing the pressure, slowing down his movement.  _ Fuck _ . This was nice. She removes her hand and lets him continue on his own.

From then it’s just rolling waves of pleasure as her orgasm builds. Her body clenches down on his cock, trying to get him deep, to rub that spot inside that makes her shudder and start the next wave. Sebastian’s fingers don’t increase in speed, they rock slowly, despite the increasing intensity. Her heavy breathing now punctuated with moans that grew a little louder each time.

Sebastian’s free hand was stroking her stomach, pressing down as if he was feeling himself inside her, definitely feeling her muscles contract and tense. “Faster?” he murmurs and her eyes open to stare at the ceiling above her, and she wants to ask how the fuck he was so calm when she feels ready to fly apart.

He takes her silence as a yes and she immediately cries out, “Fuck!” Her fingers scramble to grasp at the sheets at the immediate rush of intense pleasure and she was sure she was going to burst. Maybe they should stop? But even with that thought, her hips rock faster and those waves she felt had merged together and it was a push, a rise of intense pressure, and she wanted to cry out but she feels like she can’t get air as her toes curl. 

Seb’s voice goes very far away, and her vision is filled with pin pricks of light as  _ finally _ the dam bursts, the pressure releases, she feels like every muscle snaps loose as she finally comes. It’s  _ too  _ much, she shatters apart and pleasure rushes to fill in the void, hard, fast until it drowns her.

 

“Lau?”  She blinks and Seb’s face swims in her vision. “You okay?”

Her body felt like it wasn’t attached and all she can manage is, “Huh?”

And that little fucker beams down at her so proudly she wants to punch him in the face, except her arm is limp and tingling and all she can manage is to press her thighs together to stop the throbbing and aftershocks.  

“I’ll help clean up.”

Well she’s not getting up to clean up anything and it’s only as Sebastian calls out to asking where she keeps towels does she become aware of how wet the fucking bed is. Was that all her? He’s back over her and he looks unimpressed. “Do you have like colour coordinated towels?”

“Yes,” she answers. “Blue is guest. You have to use blue.”

“I’m using the grey ones then,” he comments defiantly as he carefully wipes her down and then places a towel in the middle of the bed. “We’ll fix that later. You rest.” He kisses her quickly. “And while you do that, I’m going to comment in that forum.”

And she had a witty response to that but he’s distracting her with pillows, building her a cocoon, muttering that this was ridiculous before she’s passed out again.

* * *

When Laura wakes up, it’s to find she’s alone and drowning in pillows. Huffing she gets up, puts on some clothes and goes to find Sebastian slumped in front of the TV, wearing nothing but briefs and watching the news. He’s also eating food and she realises how hungry she is as she stares at it.

Seb grins at her. “Hey you. You look very well rested.”

She gives him the finger. 

“You want something to eat? I’ll pick something from your freezer to heat up, since apparently you don’t cook. At all.”

“I can cook if I want,” she huffs and she moves to sit next to him. “Finish yours first.” 

“You okay?” he asks as she snuggles down next to him an arm falling over her.

“Yeah,” she answers. “So good, we’ll never need sex again.”

He snorts at that. “Sure Aston.” 

She misses his warmth when he gets up a few minutes later, dinner finished and telling her he’ll heat up something for her. 

She eats, they watch TV, she disappears for a shower and then they head to bed. Which Sebastian bitches is going to take all night to clear all the pillows off so they best start now. She throws every pillow she grabs at him as hard as she could peg them. 

And after, on clean sheets, Laura moves her arms and legs across the clean sheets. Not caring that she kicks at Sebastian as she does.

“I need that leg,” he tells her as he tries to get comfortable.

She kicks him again. “If I maim you in bed, what will your excuse be?” She grins in the darkness, trying to kick at him but not finding his leg. She pouts and then finds herself being hugged tightly, legs trapped beneath his. “You’re crushing me.”

“You’ll live,” he tells her scooting up against her, cuddling her now. “Night Aston.” She doesn’t say anything and he adds, “If I’m not here in the morning, just checks beneath the pillows.”

She elbows him hard. “I’m going to buy you so many fucking pillows -”

He bites her neck. “Go to sleep.”

“But I napped, I’m not tired.”

There’s a beat of silence before he asks, “You want sex?”

She elbows him again, making him whimper. “On second thoughts, I’m exhausted. I was cheated out of a fucking Ferrari today.”

“Well you can dream of one,” he mutters.

There’s silence then and she’s so sure she won’t be able to sleep. But she’s surprised that it sneaks up on her, one moment she’s listening to Seb’s even and steady breaths and then she’s out to the world.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right some important information. I have given myself till the 21st of March to finish this year. Which has surprisingly come up very fast.
> 
> I am having finger surgery and have been told no typing for two weeks and then I have an exam. And while I intend to not listen and type, I will be far from efficient and well I should be studying. So I want this done by then.
> 
> But that results in me having to address an issue I have of writing way toooooo much. It's ridiculous that I keep dragging things out. So, that leads me to a question.  
> Would you prefer:  
> 1) Longer chapters posted weekly/twice weekly  
> 2) Similar chapter lengths of 3k - 4K posted faster, maybe every couple of days.  
> 3) No one cares either way and if i disappear for 4 weeks and don't update leaving you all hanging (hopefully in a pivotal edge of your seat spot in the story) that's just fine.
> 
> I can do any, but choosing 1 or 2 is going to help me write and finish some of my later gaps rather than always being hung up on what's coming up. Please let me know!


	28. A Treasure hunt for answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the well wishes and support for my upcoming nightmare (surgery). You guys are just the sweetest!  
> I think things were mostly split between 1 and 2 as options, with 2 being slightly ahead (more frequent updates). So I think I'll aim for that but doing longer ones where needed. So there will be at least 2 updates a week unless I get caught up in work/stuck on something and then I'll just post longer chapters. Meh, well see how it all goes!
> 
> Hope you all like the latest update!

“What are you going to do while I’m gone?” Laura asks lingering near the front door while Sebastian lounges in front of the TV and eating one of her apples.

“Snoop through your house like you did mine,” he answers with his mouthful. “Go see Lillian,” he waves her away; she stays.

“You won’t find anything,” she tells him folding her arms and he grins.

“What did you find at my place besides my car keys?” He takes a large bite. “I’m going to have fun. Go.”

She walks over to him and grabs his chin and she waits for him to empty his mouth. “Put it all back before I get home.” She kisses him hard.

“Do you want to tell me where the sex toys are now or do I treat it like a treasure hunt?”

She kisses him again, harder, before she shoves him back and stalks out, slamming the door. Right, she was going to see Lillian and silently, she hoped Seb just sat on the couch for the next few hours. Well, nothing wrong with wishful thoughts.

 

Lillian was getting treatment and walking through hospital corridors, Laura realises how she could probably do this route blindfolded now. The thought has her smile as she arrives, her sister looking more exhausted than usual, but she suppresses the dart of worry. “Do I want to ask about the sunglasses?” Laura asks dropping her bag down where Lillian was currently being hooked up. 

“No.”

Her sister sounded tired and grumpy. She stops and stares. “Are you hungover?” The nurse fiddling with medical shit had stopped at her screeched question and she was sure Lillian was giving her a murderous look beneath her shades.

“No.” And then just like that her sister was smiling and laughing with her nurse and assuring him she wasn’t. Her  _ male  _ nurse. They were always male. How were there more male nurses around Lillian than Laura had seen in her life? She rolls her eyes at them flirting and making dinner plans which she wasn’t entirely sure weren’t real.

“Isn’t it unethical to date patients?” Laura asks when what’s-his-name had walked out. 

“Please,” Lillian waves off the comment. “Like that is the most unethical thing I have done.”

The comment has Laura wince, immediately thrown back far too fast in the past wondering if Lillian lying under oath was the most unethical or just plain criminal. And she finds herself asking, “Why were you drinking?” Even if she already suspected the answer.

“I wasn’t drinking Lau.”

She sucks in a sharp breath as her chest clenches painfully not believing her. “Did you read the letter? You read the letter.”

“I brought nail polish,” Lillian sounds far too bright and chirpy all of a sudden. “I want you to paint my toenails.”

Laura snatches the bag. “What was in the letter? You said you were going to bin it.” Her heart was pounding, she wants to know. She wants to read it, addressed to her or not.

“We’re not talking about this,” Lillian tells her calmly.

“Well I want to talk about it.”

“Why do you care? It’s a stupid letter Laura. She wrote a letter rather than an email. She didn’t call and she certainly hasn’t sent fucking flowers to her  _ dying _ daughter. There is literally no reason to care!” Well it’s very clear that Lillian was caring right now and she looks more than a little upset.

“Lil…” she moves to grab her hand but Lillian jerks it away that pressure and pain raw in her chest as desperately ignores the word  _ dying _ .

“We don’t talk about the past Laura,” Lillian reminds her coldly. “We’ve never talked about it. Miles did his time. That’s it. We’re done. And one fucking letter isn’t changing anything. She certainly isn’t writing and begging me or any of us to come back.” Laura stands there very still, not even sure if she was breathing as Lillian harshly brought her back to reality. “She can’t even forgive you for fucking choosing dad and racing over her. Trust me, nothing has changed. So we’re done. We’re not talking about some stupid fucking letter!”

Laura swallows as silence rings around them. And not trusting herself to speak, should she start crying, she moves to sit, seating herself at her sister’s feet, dragging the bag of polish into her lap. After a moment she manages, “What colour?”

There’s more silence before her sister whispers, “The pink sparkly one.”

Laura looks in the bag, rifling through as she carefully puts herself back together. “There’s a lot of pink sparkly ones Lil.” There’s also a bright red one and she holds it up. “What about this?”

“No,” Lillian’s gaze darkens and Laura smirks before grabbing the first pink sparkly one. “We should talk about Sebastian though.” As if any reference to red was now going to be immediately linked to Ferrari driver.

Laura doesn’t even flinch, she supposes the topic of Sebastian now wasn’t that bad in comparison to the painful topic of their past. She looks up innocently as she unscrews the lid. “I didn’t talk to him last week Lillian. I kept our stupid deal..”

“Miracles happen,” she mutters under her breath. “I’m surprised you’re not all mopey and shit.”

She grabs Lillian’s foot roughly, “You make it seem like I’m dependent on him or something.”

“Addict,” Lillian muses aloud in thought. “That might be a good term.”

“We should organise a poker night,” Laura comments changing the subject. “You’re better than me and I need to work on my skills.”

“Why do you care about poker? And you’re making a mess of my toe,” Lillian pouts watching her sister’s poor work.. It results in Laura glaring before she deliberately begins painting around the skin of her nail. “Bitch.”

Laura only smiles sweetly at her sister. “So poker?” 

“Are you still hung up on the fact you lost months ago when we were in Malaysia?” 

No, she was hung up on yesterday when she lost every fucking hand except for the last one… maybe? How would she know when Sebastian shoved the game away? She’d stopped painting, mid brood as to why Sebastian would forfeit his hand,  when Lillian kicks her. 

“I hope you haven’t been indulging yourself in addictions Laura!”

“I don’t have a gambling problem.”

“That wasn’t the addiction I was referring to,” Lillian hisses, “And you know it.”

“No comment,” is Laura’s only response.

* * *

Sebastian doesn’t get up immediately after Laura leaves. He finishes his apple before he drags himself up and bins the core. Then he marches directly to her bedroom closet. He runs his hands past all the dresses and clothes hanging up, material passing across his fingers. There were still tags on most of the items; Aston didn’t wear dresses much, which in his opinion was a shame because she had good legs. He pulls out a red one and holds it up. It was so short he wonders if it’s a shirt.

If he could, he’d have Aston wear that and take her out. Then again, maybe it’s a good thing he can’t take her out because no one else could see her in it. He moves it to the front of her closet. He’ll ask her to wear it for him later before his eyes drift upwards and to some shoe boxes above his head. “And which one is not shoes?”

They’re all so neatly packed in, it  _ almost  _ seems a shame to ruin it. He also thinks Laura might be slightly obsessive with her closet. He’ll bring that up with her later as he wanders out to get a chair.

Shoes.

Shoes.

Shoes.

“Come on Aston, you never wear shoes like this,” he mutters. “Why the hell are there so many?”

Shoes.

Shoes.

“Okay, you have a problem and need help.” He nearly falls off the chair when he tries to reach for one in the corner. “Fuck,” he curses as he fingers finally snag the corner and he drags it towards him. “Not shoes!”

He jumps off the chair, box under his arm as he walks to the unmade bed and throws it down before he tosses the lid aside. The box was full of photos. He grabs one out and grins. Laura standing proudly on a balance beam with a medal around her neck. She can’t be more than ten. Suddenly having an Instagram account would be fun. He grabs a handful and throws himself onto bed. Maybe he would send one to Daniel or Kimi to post…

There’s no order to the madness. It was like she’d gone and stuffed her childhood in a box and then never looked at it again. Pictures of her, of her siblings, of her parents. He stares at one of her next to a kart, it was just her and his fingers brush over the photo. She looks… hard and cold. More than she does now which should be impossible. He flips it over but there’s nothing on the back. 

He grabs another and finds Laura about the same age looking uncomfortable as she’s squished tightly in the arms by a guy a bit older than her. He was kissing her cheek and he purses his lips. He flips it over and this one says ‘Ben’ on the back. Ben? Boyfriend Ben from last race? Ex-boyfriend Ben? He flips the photo back over and glares at him. Yeah, maybe.  Well  _ Ben _ could get fucked, he didn’t like him. He tosses it aside and grins at a tiny smiling Laura and Lillian and Miles beaming at the camera all dressed in uniforms. Laura’s was swimming on her. “Oh, now this one…” He yanks out his phone and takes a picture of it. He was keeping this one.

He gets lost in the box for a good while until he realises that she’ll be back shortly. “Crap.” He shoves everything back and returns the box hastily to its place. He tries to neaten everything back up. The way it was meticulously ordered, he figures she’s probably going to know regardless. Right, bathroom.

When she returns, he’s lying on the bed a vibrator in each hand. “How many do you need?”

“Seriously?” At least he had startled the brooding expression off her face.

“Now I was going to ask which your favourite is but decided it would be more fun to work that out myself.” He turns them both on. “I found the on switches.”

She snorts on her laughter and her bad mood disappears surprisingly quickly as she drops her things and moves towards him.

“I figure Jenson didn’t keep you very satisfied,” he continues as she moves to join him on the bed.

“Were the receipts not in the box? They’re both very recent purchases.”

“Nice try Aston,” he says as she straddles him. “So guess what we’re doing tonight?”

“Playing with my toys?” She shivers as he drags one across her collarbone and then down her body, between her breasts before he circles her belly button. She lets out a gasp when he pushes into her crotch before he switches it back off.

“I thought we’d work on your poker skills.”

“Like fuck we are,” she snaps dragging his hand back between his legs.

He yanks his hand away from her. “You are so bossy.”

“Please, it’s called knowing what you want.” She grabs the other vibrator. “If you don’t want to play with me, I’ll –“

His eyes light up. “Play with yourself?” He quite liked that thought.

Her smile though only grows. “I’ll play with you. I’m sure I can find one you like.”

And his breath hitches as she gets to work on his pants. Right, so this wasn’t quite what he had worked out in his head, but this definitely works too.

*

After they lay there sprawled out naked on tangled sheets. Sebastian, draped over her between her thighs,  watching as she plays with a playing card while he drags her fingers over her stomach and then towards her tattoo where he begins to trace the ink. 

Laura whose face was in frown was staring hard at her playing card. “You won the hand yesterday didn’t you?” 

“Does it matter?” he asks not looking up at her as his fingers mimic the letters on her skin slowly.  _ Race Hard.  _

“Don’t you want to know the answers to your questions?” she continues, and he smiles at the goose bumps that appear from his touch. 

“No, not really,” he says and he looks up to see her frowning at him confused. “I don’t want the answers if you don’t want to give them. That’s cheating.” 

Her mouth moves up in half a smile. “When did we follow rules?” 

He kisses her tattoo. “Just the one rule we follow Aston,” he reminds her. 

“Ask one of them,” she says after a moment before a gasp leaves her when his tongue now begins following the path of his finger from earlier. “Any question,” she says reaching to touch his hair, fingers shifting and encouraging him. 

“No strings?” he looks at her cautiously. 

“Just one…” 

Always something and he smiles. “What?” 

“I can ask one in return.” 

“You only put one question on the table yesterday,” he reminds her. Alena. The wedding. His broken heart. 

“So you know what I’m going to ask,” she shrugs. “What’s your question? I’ll answer it, even if it’s the Jenson one.”

He pushes a kiss to her tattoo, and he stares at it, wondering if giving up parts of themselves should be a point of concern. “I don’t care about Jenson,” he says after a moment. He didn’t, because it was very clear Laura wasn’t chasing him, wasn’t caught up in him, wasn’t walking that path. He had her, mostly, and that was far more satisfying than any reason why they ended things. He wanted something personal, something that was her. 

And then he smiles against her, knowing his question. He moves to crawl up her before he settles himself over her. “Okay, I have my question.” 

“And you’ll tell me all about your ex?” she clarifies their deal. 

“If you’re so curious,” he runs thumb across her lips. “Yes.” She grins looking pleased with herself. “Tell me about your tattoo. I want the story, the why and the meaning.” It drives her, he knows that much, she’d told him that in Monaco, it was her approach to racing, her do or die attitude.  If she’s surprised at his choice, she doesn’t look it, but her smiles fades. “You don’t have to answer.” 

“I’ll answer it,” she mutters. “It’s just a tattoo.” She reaches to touch it, her fingers brushing with his that rested there. “I got it years ago,” she answers. “I was nearly sixteen when I got it. When we were kids, Lillian and Miles, and me, we all used to race karts. My dad loved them and he thought it was a great way to spend weekends; it was how I was introduced to racing. Miles was hopeless much to my father’s annoyance, but Lillian and I were quite good and we started competitions. I always thought Lillian had more natural talent than me and I never understood why she gave it up. 

“My dad told me it was because of fear. Lillian possessed a fear that I didn’t. He told me that if I wanted to do this, continue racing, make something of this I had to have no fear. No fear of failing, no fear of being injured and no fear of death. He used to tell me before every race, ‘race hard Laura’. I took his advice, maybe to the extreme because when you have no fear you not only find the limit, you very often cross it.” 

Seb was looking at her intently. “You were prepared to die.” It wasn’t a question. This echoed their conversation in Montreal.

“Like I said, I went to the extreme. I was happy to compromise safety if it meant an edge. And it nearly killed me when I was sixteen but I went right back. No one thought I would, so I got the tattoo. My mother was really pissed when she saw it and my dad…” she trails off swallowing remembering the look of shock on his face when he saw it. “I think he wished he could take back what he said because after that, for a while he wanted nothing more than for me to stop, but it was too late.” 

“Hey,” he says seriously, face pressing into hers. “Don’t kill yourself for a win Laura.”

He’s not sure if she purposefully ignored his comment when she says, “I wanted to get it removed a few years back…” 

“Why didn’t you?” he asks. 

“My dad died,” she answer quietly and he stills. “I know he never meant his advice the way I took it, but his advice made me the racer I am today so I kept it as a reminder.” 

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs and he kisses her shoulder. “You want to hear my sob story now?”   
Her eyes light up and he grins at her. “Don’t get so excited over my broken heart Aston.”

“What was her name?” she asks apparently ready to dictate how he told the story. “Arianna? Aurora? A-“

“Alena,” he tells her and he can tell she wants to ask more questions. “Do you want me to tell the story?”

“Of course. Go,” she waves her hand at him and he props himself on his elbows above her. 

“I knew her from when we were kids.” 

“Did you love her?” He gives her a look and she immediately zips her lips and throws away the key.  

“I felt like I loved her my whole life. I knew she was the one since I knew what that meant.” She wrinkles her nose and opens her mouth to comment but closes it when he covers it with his hand to keep going because otherwise this was never going to be done with her interrupting and he didn’t want to drag this out. “I loved her and we were meant to be. I mean that’s what I thought.” She says something against his hand but he presses down harder and she rolls her eyes. “I asked her to marry me and she was so hesitant to say yes but I didn’t care because she still said it, said yes, and I was so excited and so happy because everything was coming together like I imagined.”

She licks at his hand and he jerks it away. “When was this?” she asks, mouth finally free.

“I just won my first world championship, we were going to get married in the off-season. And she wanted this big fancy wedding –“

“Sounds like a snob “ 

His hand covers her mouth again. “And I didn’t but if that’s what she wanted. I mean you only get married once. So she could have the big fancy wedding if that’s what she really wanted. It was one day.” 

“And you took dance lessons,” she asks from beneath his hand, and though muffled he can still hear her unfortunately. He sucks in his breath glaring at her. 

“I’m trying to tell you about this important moment in my life… I didn’t interrupt you,” he snaps.

She reaches up to tug at his hand. “But I know how yours ends,” she says when he removes his hand. “And she’s a loser for…” she trails off because they hadn’t got to that part yet.

“Two days before the wedding she comes and tells me she doesn’t want to do it. Marry me. Be with me. Hated the press, the attention. She said she couldn’t do it anymore,” he feels his throat tighten at the memory, because he hadn’t seen it coming, too wrapped up in seeing how he thought should be rather than the way they were. He drops his head as Laura immediately comments. 

“What? After demanding a giant fucking wedding that screams attention? Seb, she sounds like a fucking hypocrite.” 

He stops and stares down at her before he cocks his head and then he kisses her as she moves to stroke his cheeks. She gives him a soft smile, and it’s so clear right now, her sympathy, her understanding that she tried to hide under her snarky comments. 

“So what? She made you undo the wedding and tell everyone to go home. Sounds like you were lucky,” she shrugs. “Hardly seems a reason to go off relationships, besides the fact that their fraught with emotions and feelings and having to be open and honest.” She gives an exaggerated eye roll. “Actually, best to avoid them just for that purpose”

He laughs and kisses her again. God, he loved her. He goes rigid the moment he has the thought and rips his head away from her. He meant,  _ could love her _ . Not that he did love her. No. No. No! He crawls out of bed hurriedly and away from her.

“Seb?” Laura sits up and looks at him. “You okay?”

“Yep,” he tells her. “I’m great.” He was and he wasn’t in love with her. “I’m going to have a shower.” 

“You want company?” 

“No!” He answers much too loudly. “Just, stay there.” He was going to have a shower. Alone. And then everything would be fine. Because his head got words confused. He wasn’t in love with Laura Aston. He stalks to the bathroom and slams the door. There. That was sorted.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did say some of the questions would get answers! And the 'L' word got a reference. You are all very welcome :P


	29. The space of disappointment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are all wondering what schedule I'm running, well there isn't one. As soon as something is done I'm whacking it up as fast possible. Deadlines I have set for myself after all.  
> Anyway, enjoy!

 

“Why are you packing?” Laura looks up from her laptop, she was propped up with her ‘useless’ pillows on her bed, surprised to see that Sebastian had returned from taking a phone call to him gathering his things. She frowns because he was meant to stay another day.

“I have to go to Italy,” he tells her simply. “Work.”

“Oh.” She tries to suppress her disappointment. “Tell them no.”

He raises an eyebrow at her. “Unlike you, I don’t possess a card that gets me out of work commitments.”

The comment has Laura press her lips together as she thinks of Lillian and she would give that card up in a fucking heartbeat. “Don’t be an ass.”

“I wasn’t being an ass,” he sighs. “Sorry. We need to talk about the race.”

“Why?” Laura slams her laptop shut, she can finish her impulsive purchases later. “You want to discuss my superiority and my likely beating you in front of all your fans?”

He doesn’t smile at her. “It’s Monza Aston.” He states it like it was meant to explain everything. “I think maybe it would be best to keep some space between us. At least till after the race.”

There’s her disappointment again and this time it’s not being beaten down. “What about our deal?”

“I’ll fuck you on Sunday, after I win in front of all my fans.”

The comment doesn’t make her feel better, in fact he’d been quiet and aloof since they’d spoken about Alena. Maybe she shouldn’t have pushed that.. “Fine, I don’t need to see you everyday. And the sex is only okay, I definitely don’t need that everyday either.”

Sebastian drops his packed bag and strides over to her, laptop jerked from her lap and tossed aside before his body is covering hers. He smirks at her, watching as her pupils dilate and her breath quickens. Her body was a traitor. “I don’t believe you Aston,” he whispers in her ear.

She locks her legs around his hips. “When’s your flight?”

“I have to go, we don’t have time for _mediocre_ sex.” She moves to wrap her hands around his neck, sure she could convince him otherwise, but he grabs her wrists and pins them down beside her. “You can wait till Sunday.”

She pouts and he chuckles pressing a kiss to her throat. “Molly will be unhappy with me if I’m late.” Another kiss is pushed into her skin. “It’s her first race back.”

Laura only tips her head back, encouraging him to continue as she breathes out, “Fuck Molly.”

Sebastian yanks back. “Interesting. A far better proposal than Kimi joining us.”

“Wait -” But despite her protest he’s scrambling off her and she has to stop herself from demanding he continues. Despite Lillian’s view on the subject, she wasn’t an addict, she just wants goodbye sex.

“Sunday,” he tells her bluntly and his expression was no longer playful but resolut.

“When are you home?” she asks reaching for her laptop and trying not to care she wasn’t getting her way.

“I don’t know,” he shrugs off the question and she wonders if he doesn’t know or if he simply doesn’t want her to come visit, and that wasn’t even the point of her question. And wow, did she get hurt just then by _possible_ rejection?

Returning to her shopping she mutters, “I’ll just guestimate then,” as she continues clicking through and annoyed, she orders more as she furiously slams the keys. She ignores Sebastian as he wanders through her place muttering about where his shoes are, raiding _her_ food and then putting on a jacket clearly ready to leave. She doesn’t get off the bed.

“See you Thursday?” He stands at the end of the bed, packed and ready to go and looking very awkward.

“Yep,” she forces a smile. “In the paddock, not for sex.”

She’s given a flicker of a smile in return and then he simply walks out and leaves. No kisses, only the weird goodbye that had her feeling that they have crossed some line and now everything was off kilter. Fuck.

* * *

There’s red everywhere. That’s all Sebastian sees at every event and it’s so strange that the ocean of support he has here is both uplifting and suffocating at the same time. Kimi seems completely unphased, as if racing for the team’s home race, was the same as any other race. It was as if Kimi feels none of the pressure from having so many hopes and expectations pinned on you - the need to deliver a good result, the only result they want, is _immense_.

There is a seemingly never ending build up of commitments, more press than he could recall and it’s the first time this season he struggles with it all, being himself, well the person everyone wants him to be - cool and funny and positive.

“You okay?” Molly’s hand is on his shoulder as they walk to the waiting car.

“We done for today?” he asks ignoring her question and she nods, and he sighs relieved, and the smile she gives is one of understanding. He was pleased she was back, he was pleased to have her for this weekend.

“You know tomorrow is Thursday so we’re in the paddock and you’ll have just as much going on?”

He grunts, his head though is filling up of images of Laura, and his heart beats in anticipation of seeing her, even if that’s all he had limited his contact to this weekend - at least till post race. And the thought of her around tomorrow is the only thing that consumes him for the rest of the evening and he knows he has a problem. But it’s fine, space was going to fix this.

 

He’s in the press conference this weekend, not a surprise, his disappointment stems from the fact that the wrong Red Bull driver joins him. If the press want to dismiss Aston from the championship simply because she was in third and Daniel was currently his closest competitor they were idiots. He’d been her teammate, he knew her, how she worked, and no matter what shit was going on in the background, unless she was mathematically out of the equation she wasn’t to be underestimated. And with just under half a season to go, a gap of twenty three points is nothing.

“What?” he asks Molly when they are walking out, and she’s staring at him with raised eyebrows.

“You know I record and note your every word, don’t you?”

He refuses to acknowledge what she’s hinting at and he shifts passed her, leaving the air conditioned press room and heading back into the paddock, eyes immediately searching for her, despite him trying to cease the action immediately.

“You called Aston admirable, that people could learn from her.”

“No, I said, no matter where things stand, what position she’s in, she shouldn’t be underestimated.”

“Yeah, and then you said, because she fights hard, never gives up and that’s admi -” she stops mid sentence. “Are you even listening to me?”

“Yes,” he answers distracted by every Red Bull personnel walking past, every damn fan with a Red Bull cap.

“I feel like I have returned to an alternate universe where maybe you and Aston have mutual respect,” Molly mutters. Sebastian remains silent. “Why couldn’t you be like this in Spain and Monaco? Do you know how much pain you would have saved me?”

Sebastian turns to look at her - that feels like a lifetime ago. He can’t imagine them back there again, not even if they drove each other off the track. Right, maybe his problems are bigger than he realised. “Sorry?” He doesn’t know what else to say, Molly is shaking her head, thankfully comment free, and his search for Aston ends when they’re back at the Ferrari motorhome. He’s swamped with disappointment.

 

It’s short lived. It’s at the end of the track walk when he has his first glimpse of her for the weekend. He feels it, the way his heart thumps and then promptly skips a beat at the sight of her. She’s standing there chatting to her mechanics, face wrinkled up at whatever they were saying.

Anything his engineers were talking about fades away as he slows his steps, eyes on her hands playing with a hair tie, before he watches the way her hair moves in the breeze, she rarely wore it loose, certainly never at the track. As if proving his point, she’s retying it back up in a ponytail, team shirt riding up, the stripe of flesh stark and visible against the navy. The desire to run his fingers over the revealed skin has him curl his fingers, before she finally sees him, eyes meeting with his.

Her lips flicker up in a tiny smile, and he feels the world slow down and fade away. It’s just them, locked in a moment where all the pressure from this weekend is gone, and yet he still can’t breathe, his heart is pounding far too hard. He wishes they were in London, or at his place, anywhere else where he could go over, bury himself away with her, because with her, in this moment, everything else is background noise.

The moment is broken, Laura glancing away and Sebastian watches her for a moment longer, before he turns to leave, remembering there was a line, a rule between them. That line that he was all too happy about, so sure wouldn’t be easy to cross, but as he hurries to catch up with the guys he’s aware that right now he was _on_ the line - the line that separates him from wanting her, and desperate to have her, and loving her and needing her.

How did that grey space disappear? Where did it go? It feels so narrow now, like it had trapped him against a wall, unable to go backwards, and yet he was balancing on an edge and he knows - one wrong step and it was all over. He’d be fucked. They’d be fucked.

* * *

This stupid rule that Sebastian had added - no contact on a race weekend till post race, was something she can’t decide if it was a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe he was right, it would be better, one less distraction - but not seeing him was like he’d disrupted their usual routine and she missed it. She missed him and there was nothing she could do to shake that feeling.

It was as if space was more of a distraction because she was constantly thinking of him, enjoying whatever brief moments they could snatch silently from across crowds and rooms, heated looks, little smiles. Space wasn’t providing fewer distractions, if anything, space was creating a whole new issue for them, or at least her.

As if her head wasn’t already full with so much at the moment. As if she didn’t have other things to focus on, like racing. Like doing her job. It wasn’t that her head didn’t go blank as usual when she was in the car, the issue felt more like _getting into_ the car. A tiny voice in her head telling her there were other places she should be, more important things to do than play in cars and beat boys.

She leans on the benches at the back of the garage watching her car being prepped for the first practice, phone hanging from her fingers where she was texting Lillian - well more like her sister was texting her demanding she tops the times ‘or else’. If her sister was trying to be encouraging it wasn’t working, because she should be here saying that _to her_ , here, not from in a fucking hospital fighting cancer. Great, guilt, just what she needed.

“Let’s go princess,” Rocky is next to her ready to give her the rundown on the program. She throws her phone aside and tries to shut out the world.

 

She’s not top of the times, that went to fucking Sebastian but at least she put Daniel back in his place by ensuring she was faster than her teammate. Sebastian though stops next to her on the way to talk to press in the media pen, leaning down to whisper in her ear, breath hot and making her shiver and need a moment to comprehend his words.

“I think secretly you like see me in front of you, or maybe you’re a Ferrari fan at heart.” He’s walking off before she can even comment and she sucks in her breath, anger filling her up at his words.

She shuts him up in second practice by securing the top spot. Just. By a tenth. But it still puts the number one next her name again. She hopes it hurts.

 

Not having Miles, and she’s surprised she’s still not used to his absence at the track, she found herself without company. Well, she had her new official press officer but whatever, she’s not even going to learn her name, and Rocky had offered her dinner, Phil suggested they catch up, even Molly had texted her but _still_ …. No plans she agreed to so it was completely okay to do _this_ – she winds her arms tighter around Sebastian’s neck as they kissed and she rises to her toes to deepen it. This wasn’t sex, so maybe she get off on a technicality for knocking on his door and breaking their new rule on day two.

“Come on Lau,” he murmurs pulling away from her lips. “I don’t even think you’re trying.”

“I was bored,” she shrugs and rolls her eyes because he had looked relieved to see her, had practically dragged her into his suite. “Now kiss me, we’re not having sex.”

Sebastian looks unconvinced. “You came here to simply make out? Like we’re sixteen?”

She grins. “Yep, all above the clothes.”

He circles them to the bed as her lips nip at his throat, “I played this game once, you can uh… achieve a lot with clothes on.”

She kisses him again as they fall onto the bed. “Show me.”

“Laura, it wasn’t a no-sex rule we agreed on, it was we don’t see each other rule,” he reminds her but she wasn’t listening to him because she didn’t want to be wrong or be by herself tonight. He stares down at her and kisses her pout softly, “If you missed me you can just tell me.”

“No,” she denies quickly and he grins as he pulls her legs around him shifting his hips till she can’t help but gasp and then he sets about repeating the movement before kissing her again.

It’s slower than usual but that’s because they’re both trying not to rush and get frustrated so fucking quickly at all the clothes their still wearing. This was the dumbest idea ever. She pushes back against his hips wanting more, her skin on fire but he wasn’t touching it, and the throb between her legs was only growing, not really soothed by the pressure he was providing with their grinding and rocking. “Can I take my jeans off?”

Sebastian laughs breathlessly into her neck. “Getting into your pants is much easier than it was to get into my girlfriend’s when we did this.”

“Yeah, well I’m not sixteen and I know how much better this is without fucking pants,” she says frustrated reaching between them to work on his pants.

He reaches between them grabbing her hands and pinning them down. “They’re my pants.”

“Listen, don’t be a delicate flower…” she stops moaning when he returns to their previous rocking, faster but this time with his thigh pressed against her and that was so much better. “Seb…”

“I’ll get you off,” he promises as she grinds desperately on his leg she wonders if she was even getting across how annoyed she was as she twisted towards him, fought his grip and moaned his name. “At least my parents aren’t going to walk in on us….” He kisses down her throat, tongue on her skin and she can think of a million places she’d prefer it, well just _one_.

“Did you actually get your snobby prude girlfriend off like this?” she asks panting loudly because she was getting closer and this was ridiculous, it shouldn’t be so hard to earn an orgasm. She whimpers arching towards him when his mouth is on a breast – through two fucking layers of clothes, she cries out in frustration and yet it has everything clench in pleasure. She was getting closer… and hotter, she feels like she’s burning up, clothes starting to stick to her…

“Seb… I’m close,” she rasps feeling like if she didn’t come right _now_ , she was going to die.

There’s knocking on the door.

“No!” she hisses at him when he stops, face flushed as he looks up at her, mouth leaving her breast and a wet stain on her shirt. “Don’t fucking stop.”

“Seb?” It was Molly.

“Make me come,” she orders and his eyes widen as he scrambles off her.

“She has a key.”

“Then she is your parents!” she hisses as she gets off the bed.

“One second!” he calls pointing to the bathroom.

“At least I don’t have to get dressed,” she snaps angry as she storms to the bathroom slamming the door and leaving Sebastian to workout how he was going to deal with facing Molly in his current state.  She stands in the bathroom waiting impatiently before she looks at herself in the mirror and freezes at the fresh mark on her neck. When did he do that?

“Fuck.” She looked a mess and she tries to smooth her hair and straighten her clothes. She goes to turn on the tap to splash her face but stops. Molly might hear that. She smiles and turns the tap on hard, she hopes she does. Seb can explain that one too as she tries to cool herself back down. And just because she was a bitch, she reaches over and flushes the toilet.

The door opens a few minutes later and Sebastian looks bright red. She assumes Molly had heard so he was either incredibly embarrassed or furious. “You are a bitch.” Furious.

“What did you tell her?” Laura asks curiously moving passed him and towards the door of his room.

“I didn’t need to say much,” he mutters, ears going pinker. And embarrassed. “Where are you going?”

She shrugs. “Not in the mood anymore,” she tells him. “See you after school on Sunday?”

“I’m having way too many flashbacks right now,” his hands slip behind his head as he stares at the ceiling frustrated.

That has her grin and she walks over and kisses him. “Good luck tomorrow, getting P2.”

“I can’t have pole? It’s the team’s home race…” he pouts and she sees it then, behind the joking - stress and pressure and his eyes mirroring her own but for very different reasons.

She kisses him again, softer stroking his cheeks. “Good luck,” she murmurs and he reaches to grasp her face kissing her again, deeper, longer.

“You did good today,” he whispers when their lips part and she gives him a shaky smile before pulling away. She needed to leave. And he doesn’t stop her.

* * *

Laura decides on Saturday to reinstate the rule of no contact during race weekends. Firstly because she can _see_ how on edge Sebastian is in the paddock, the expectation for him to deliver in front of home crowds. He looks tense and when she’s near him doing press, gone are his little quips and jokes. She’ll give him the space he needs. Secondly, he got pole and she didn’t and she’d rather not have him rubbing that in her face. So instead, she grumpily accepts a dinner invite with Molly.

Molly raises an eyebrow at her outfit when they meet in the hotel lobby. “And you want to go out somewhere. In that?”

Laura winces. She’s wearing a collared team shirt. She had all day when not in her racing gear. It’s the only thing she has that was going to cover the bruise on her neck that Sebastian so impolitely left. She didn’t want questions.

She supposes not dressing down and looking like Aston in the middle of a F1 race was going to be slightly problematic. “Fine, we can eat here like everyone else.” She was sick of the hotel restaurant, and she wanted to go out with Molly and do something and pretend she was able to get drunk because she only qualified third. Again.

“Have you got new Ella pictures?” Laura then proceeds to use the time it takes to walk and be seated fawning over all the pictures Miles was spamming Molly with.

“Miles is taking so many, I’m worried he’s forgetting to address her other needs,” Molly jokes but she takes the phone back, cradling it in her hand and smiling at her adorable daughter. She puts the phone down and Laura feels the mood change before she even asks the questions, “We should talk about Miles.”

“No.”

Molly sighs. “Come on Laura, you can’t shun him forever and he’s going to drive me insane if you don’t hire him back.”

Snatching up her glass of water, Laura leans back in her chair. “No. That’s not my problem and I’m not hiring him back. I don’t need him anyway.” She doesn’t need anyone.

“Yes you do. I don’t believe that.”

“I have never needed anyone,” Laura repeats, “And if I did, it’s not people that keep shit from me.” The fact that she kept things from people she loved at times was not the point that was being argued right now.

“Laura.” Molly sighs her name loudly, but her shoulders deflate and she assumes that was discussion over. Miles didn’t get forgiven because he was _sad_. “Fine, we’ll talk about something else.”

“Ella.” A safe and happy topic.

“You seen Seb with anyone?” Molly’s question completely takes her by surprise that she nearly knocks over her water that she returned to the table. “I think he’s seeing someone.”

“He is?” She feigns interest, fingers coming up to fiddle with the collar of her shirt, trying to pull it up further. “I wouldn’t know and I certainly don’t care.”

Molly shakes her head looking embarrassed at her gossip. “Forget it.” There’s a pause before she leans across the table, “Okay, he doesn’t date, so if he was, who do you think it would be? I mean, as a guess? Maybe there’s a new reporter, he is always flirting with them. But that’s Seb, he flirts with everyone.”

Laura sets about smoothing out the tablecloth in front of her not meeting her gaze as she comments, “Maybe it’s not serious? Some random fan desperate to get into driver's pants.”

The look Molly gives her when she dares look up tells her that she wants her to be  serious. “Please. It’s Sebastian.”

“You say that like I know what kind of women Sebastian dates!”

“He doesn’t do flings,” she snaps at her frustrated. “Sebastian only does feelings.” Laura goes tense at the thought, only feelings? He wasn’t doing feelings with her, that was their agreement. “Well, except last winter,” Molly adds drilling her fingers on the table.

Laura looks coldly at Molly, “What happened over the winter?” She hopes she doesn’t sound as demanding as she think she does.

“Dated a few girls,” Molly shrugs.

“Who?”

Molly frowns at her. “I don’t know, they were Finnish I think.”

“How many?”

“I thought we didn’t care who Sebastian dated?”

“I don’t,” Laura answers vehemently. “I’m making small talk.”

“I’m going to invite him and tell him to bring a date to my birthday party next weekend,” Molly decides. “Then I can meet her.”

Laura chokes on snort.

“And you’re coming,” Molly adds looking at her harshly. “I don’t care you’re not talking to Miles, it’s my party and you’re coming.”

“I have plans Mol…”

“You can hold Ella all night,” Molly offers.

“I’ll clear my schedule,” Laura grins briefly. “I’ll see,” she says more seriously. She doesn’t want to go and see Miles, she doesn’t want to be cornered and have a guilt trip. She should go and see Lillian and spend some time with her during races rather than celebrate Molly’s birthday which she knows Lillian won’t be up to travelling for.

 

Despite dinner being done, her head hasn’t drifted far from Lillian and now stuck on the fact that her sister wasn’t getting better and if she was honest, Lillian was getting worse currently. There’s a swell in her chest, fear and pain because her head was fast filling up with all those things she refused to think about. The ‘what ifs’. Her throat is so tight and tears are threatening as she walks back to her hotel room.

The figure leaning against her door, texting on his phone has her well up in relief before she smashes it down with anger. “Jenson,” she breathes out, wishing her voice didn’t shake as much as it was.

“I was texting you,” he greets her, sliding his phone away, eyes full of concern. “Not that you answer.”

She shakes her head not wanting to do this. “Are you going to do this every race?”

“Care? Check in on you?”

“Yes,” she answers bluntly moving passed him to open her door. At least he stays in the hall.

“Yep,” his reply is simple. “Things are complicated between us Laura. I get that. Working out how to go back is hard, and you can give up, you can turn me away every time. That’s okay. I can deal with that. But I will check in on you and I’ll be there for you -”

“Don’t be there for me,” she shouts at him, tears threatening. “I am fine. I said I was fine!” For fucksake, what did she need to do to get an ex like Lillian that was a douche and never spoke to her again.

His eyes search hers, trying to judge the situation and if he should push. “I care about you Laura, I’ll keep my distance but if you change your mind, if you need someone.” He reaches for her but she steps back. “I can be a friend Laura. You’re not alone -”

Laura’s fingertips catch the edge of the door and she slams it closed. And all that pressure finally cracks her, and her head tips back to stare at the ceiling. She was not helping her tears fall that fucking appeared, refusing to let them have gravity for assistance. Except they keep coming, spilling free. She wipes them furiously.

She grabs her phone, angrily texting Sebastian, not sure who else there was to take her shit out on. It used to be Jenson or Miles… and she had no one. But Sebastian? The world had really gotten fucked up.

Her fingers shift faster because she was sick of people loving her, of people hurting her, of people thinking they can fix her problems. They can’t and she was never going to let anyone try. She'd learnt her lesson with that. She slams send.

_If you break our rule Sebastian, we are done. Don’t ever fucking love me or I swear to god I will make your life hell. We're not friends. We just have sex._

With that she goes to have a shower, feeling somewhat better afterwards. She goes to find her phone to call Lillian for her goodnight only to see a text from Sebastian.

_I know the rule. I’d ask if you were okay but since we’re not friends, I won’t._

And those words, the ones she was sure she wanted just have fresh tears fill her eyes. What the fuck was wrong with her today?

* * *


	30. Defeated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Wanders in and slaps down a new chapter* I am conquering this beast!  
> Happy reading! Thanks to @formulaoneisfast for helping me get this out before I rush off.

 

He’s been dreading this weekend, the pressure to win here, to have a good race  _ here _ , in Monza for the Tifosi. He felt like he had the world on his shoulder and to not let anyone down… He falls against the catchment fencing, tears burning in his eyes as cars roared around in front of him. Fuck this shit. Just fuck it all.

He bangs his fist on the fence before he turns to get on the bike that had pulled up. Engine failure from the lead. He’s not sure any race failure had hurt this much. He doesn’t want to talk to the press. He doesn’t want to see the team. Doesn’t want to disappoint anyone even if right now he had disappointed thousands – and no one more than himself.

Kimi is leading. The first time his teammate is ahead of him this season and it’s  _ here _ . Of all the races he wanted to win, was expected to win and Kimi was going to get it. He doesn’t want to see it, doesn’t want to be forced to say congratulations that would sound bitter and not as genuine as he meant – at least till tomorrow. He doesn’t stick around for the end of the race, the moment he was done at the track, he is out and he doesn’t care that he leaves Molly to deal with it all.

There’s no one he wants to see. There’s no one that can make this be okay. He switches off his phone because he doesn’t want to talk to anyone, not even his family and heads back to the hotel room.

* * *

All weekend Ferrari had been on their game, clearly having the edge. It should have been an easy one-two for the team so seeing a Ferrari park it on the side with less than twenty laps to the end makes her wonder if she was dreaming - it’s not the first time she’d have dreamt about Ferrari cars dying when they wouldn’t get out of the way. Other than that brief thought, there’s no time to think about the unexpected retirement - she still had second place to secure.

It’s only in the driver’s cool down room, staring at the finishes, watching highlights play out does it fully sink in that Sebastian has retired. Laura isn’t sure how to deal with the sudden wave of  _ sorry _ that crosses her, harshly denting her own happiness at getting higher than she should have, tarnishing what was relief at seeing hurl a giant bag of points and close the gap massively.

It’s not that she  _ wanted _ him to win, she never wanted him to win, but to end the weekend like that, from the lead. She chews her lip because she knew how much he wanted it, how much it would have meant to him…

“Engine?” Daniel was chatting to Kimi and she blinks before turning to look at them.

“Don’t know,” Kimi shrugs. 

Daniel smirks at her. “Try not to do a happy dance on the podium,” he warns, “Not the place to do that.”

“I can restrain myself Daniel,” she mutters, though doing a happy dance and celebrating Sebastian’s retirement isn’t really on her mind. Instead the only thing she wants to do when she’s free is hunt down Molly, who is cleaning up from Seb’s apparent exit from the race and the track. 

She’ll worry about what she’ll say to Molly then, and worry much later about what her desire to check on Seb might mean; like she cares. She doesn’t and yet she still calls him, still texts even if he doesn’t answer.

* * *

Sebastian goes to his hotel room. He lies on the bed. He stares at the ceiling. His eyes burn. His chest hurts. There’s a lump in his throat. He feels like he’s being crushed. The longer he lays here, the more the disappointment eats at him from every which way, everything aches.

Maurizio knocks on the door; he doesn’t answer.

Kimi knocks on the door; he doesn’t answer.

Molly asks to see him; he doesn’t answer.

And any of those people could walk in, any of those people could push him but if they did, maybe he’d break, and he didn’t want to break, he didn’t want to –

“Seb?” He freezes at the voice that breaks through the darkness at the same time his room door pushed opened.

Aston. Who he wasn’t allowed to love. And he didn’t. Aston who made it clear they weren’t even friends. Fuck, her text message feels fresh and harsh, only adding to today’s pain.

He says nothing even though he silently screams at her to fuck off, but she stays on the wrong side of the door. There’s shuffling of bags, shoes being flung around and he winces when they drop to the floor loudly. And then feet fall across the floor drawing closer along with the smell of food.

“Seb.” The bag drops to the ground and he sucks in his breath furiously when she moves to straddle him before falling over him. “Sebby,” she whispers her face hovering over his, hands stroking his face before they push into his hair. “I’m sorry.”

She’s sorry? She’s fucking sorry like she cares? She doesn’t care! She has never cared! She probably got promoted to second fucking place! Laura Aston was never fucking sorry! She probably came here for fucking sex. He really did hate her right now. 

Lips press to his temple as her fingers run through his hair and she stays there, still, resting on him. She was going to crush him in every way. “Everything will get better,” she whispers lips against his ear. “It’s one race.” Her breath is warm, voice soft and she pushes him closer to breaking. Everything felt skewed, like she cared, like she was worried, like she wanted to comfort him. He swallows trying to get rid of his delusions. “I promise it’s not the end of the world. They will all forget after the next race…”

“I won’t,” he chokes out before he squeezes his eyes closed and her fingers tighten in his hair in response, kisses pressed into the side of his face. Why won’t she stop?

“But it will be better,” she says, “It will.”

Fuck it. His arms snap around her then, to pull her down, against him, wanting more, wanting everything in this moment. Fuck her stupid text message, she was the one that showed up here. He holds her, tightly, breaths shaking as everything rushes up and he’s simply overwhelmed. But she pulls him closer, clings to him, holds him and it could be minutes or it could be for hours, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t care.

At some point they roll onto their sides, her fingers stroking the side of his face as she smiles at him sadly in the dark. “Are you hungry?” she whispers. No he wasn’t, even if she had brought food. “Molly was going to get you your favourite food, she had a list,” she continues, “I told her you couldn’t have it because it would make you fat and I took it off her because Antti would be very unhappy.”

He says nothing, doesn’t smile, he doesn’t want to be light or banter with her.

“But then I was stuck with a list of your favourite things…” she pushes him back onto his back and he sighs as she leans over the bed to grab the bag she had dropped earlier. “So I bought it for me. Two of everything, but it’s all mine.” She grins at him, trying to tempt him to bite back but he stays silent. “Seb,” her smile fades. “I’ll share then.”

He finds his voice, and it sounds hoarse to his own ears as if he had been crying for hours. “I’m not hungry.”

“Well I got you dinner so you’re going to eat it and pretend you like it,” she states determinedly. “And we’re not eating in the dark.”

His arm flies across his eyes when she turns on the light. “Fuck.”

“You want to eat in bed?”

No, he doesn’t want to eat at all.

“We can watch TV,” she tells him scrambling away to put on more lights, to turn on the TV, to dish up food he doesn’t want. She sits next to him, channel hopping complaining that everything was in Italian as he picks at his food. She comments on anything but the race and he stares at her – wasn’t she going to rub her podium in? Wasn’t she going to give him an update on point standings, she’s probably ahead again. Didn’t she want to say any of that rather than slurping pasta loudly and making a mess of her shirt and face while hogging the remote.

She looks at him and wipes her face consciously with the back of her hand. “Don’t stare at me like that.”

He averts his gaze back to his dinner and shoves his fork around in it pretending he was interested.

“Molly’s desperate to know who you’re fucking by the way,” she says with her mouth full.

He stiffens looking back over at her.

“I made her a list.”

He doesn’t want to ask, doesn’t want to be interested. “Who did you put on it?” Fuck his curiosity.

She looks excited that he commented, like she won some competition he wasn’t participating in. “One name.” He should have kept his mouth shut as she giggles furiously, “She thinks I was joking but I’m sure Kimi came and tried to check up on you. He loves you. And I ship that.”

He groans loudly. “Just shut up and watch the TV Aston.”

She rolls her eyes while trying to contain her giggles but she looks back at the TV with a smug smile.

* * *

_ Where was my call last night? You got second! And more importantly Seb DNF’d so how come you’re not excitedly telling me all about it? _

There’s a second message from her sister.  _ Don’t answer that. I don’t want the answer. _

Laura sighs when she checks her phone in the morning before she looks at Seb sleeping next to her. It was early, very early, but she hadn’t slept much and she needed to slip out at some point. But reading Lillian’s messages hit her with guilt, and not because she didn’t call her but because she was  _ here _ . And because why? She was upset that he was upset? That was dumb, she was dumb. She was meant to be here for sex and only sex.

She puts the phone down deciding to fuck Seb’s precious sleep. “Hey,” she whispers in his ear. She could fix this. “I am going to go; did you want to fuck before I leave?”

Sebastian stirs. “Stay,” he mumbles blindly reaching for her, and grunting his dissatisfaction when she moves away from him.

“No, you can’t trap me here and hold me down till I sleep.” She wasn’t going to allow that, at least not here. His eyes flutter open and he looks so tired. Great, she should have let him sleep rather than wake him up and try and prove some point to herself.

“Let’s have breakfast,” he says to her reaching for her again. “Late.”

She hesitates, “Because you want to have lots of sex?” she asks hopefully.

“Because we’re going to sleep in so I don’t have to think for as long as possible,” he answers and his fingers circle her wrist to pull her down and towards him. She lets him, stiffening as he curls around her, head on her shoulder pressed into her throat before he sighs and closes his eyes.

“Okay, we’ll have sex when you wake up,” she whispers as he drifts off again and she most certainly didn’t stroke his hair as he slept for another two hours and she watched TV on silent.

* * *

Breakfast is lunch by the time they get out of bed. And Laura was so excited that Sebastian was finally out of bed she forgets about the lack of sex as he decides it's late enough they can risk having breakfast at the hotel restaurant. Because everyone would have left - well he was wrong because after loading up plates at the buffet, and she’s happy to see Seb was actually planning to eat, they don’t even get two minutes alone.

“Am I interrupting a date?” Kimi is far too amused when he sits down with them, uninvited.

“No,” Laura answers hotly while Sebastian glares at his teammate.

Kimi shrugs standing back up. “Then there isn’t a reason to not join you.” He smirks at them before he goes to get himself food.

Laura leans across the table to hiss at Sebastian, “He’s your friend make him leave!”

Sebastian looks up annoyed. “It’s Kimi. You can’t make him do anything.”

She watches as he then begins to eat. “You could try,” she says incensed because it doesn’t look like he’s going to do anything.

“He’s right, it’s food and it’s not a date.” Sebastian shrugs clearly having given up.

“I didn’t know you were such a bitch when you were moody!”

“And I didn’t realise how moody you get when I don’t give you sex,” Sebastian comments before shoving too much food into his mouth.

She angrily breathing at him when Kimi returns staring between them amused. “Are we having a lovers tiff?” He seems to show no care that they were both glaring at him. “I assume you uh comforted Sebastian last night?” he asks with his mouth full a moment later to break the silence.

“Are you fishing for all the details?” Laura questions back.

Kimi smirks at her. “Seb likes to be very detailed with his debriefs.”

She wonders if that was true. Did Seb tell Kimi everything that they did? I mean Kimi obviously knows, and Seb would tell her that was her fault for outing them, but she never took Seb to be one that would kiss and tell. She shifts her gaze to Sebastian who was staring at his so-called friend.

“Four times. Once against the door. Bed, and then twice this morning. Six out of ten for the whole evening.” She never heard him sound sarcastically pissed off before.

“So you didn’t have sex at all,” Kimi immediately replies and sips at his water. “That’s interesting.”

“Do you only give me sixes?” She probably shouldn’t be offended at his fake response, but she was. “In no scenario am I six!” Sebastian might not respond but his face read ‘are you fucking serious right now?’. She looks at Kimi, “I am not a six!” Kimi was laughing but whatever response he had was quickly silenced eyes moving behind her and she turns in her chair to see who it was.

“You’re finally up,” Molly greets happily, Antti next to her and joining them. Antti raises his eyebrows at her, and Kimi’s commenting in Finnish and there’s no way she wants to know what they’re saying. “Lunch with the Ferrari boys, did hell freeze over?” No one bothers to answer the question.

It’s somewhere around the time Molly is bitching about some photographer hitting on her and Antti telling how he picked up some photographer last night, maybe the same one for all she was paying attention to, that she realised she was sitting at a table of Seb’s team. It has her shrink back into her chair and clutch at her orange juice. She wasn’t his team, she wasn’t anything. But really the worst part of her realisation is her lack of team, and she had successfully managed to have no one. Just like she wanted.

“You okay?” Sebastian asks her, interrupting her staring at her glass wishing someone would come past and top it up with vodka.

“Fine. Peachy,” she answers, glass put on the table before she wipes her hands on a napkin and moves to stand up. “I just remembered I have a million things I need to do.” And he moves, half rising in his chair looking as if he was going to stand up and join her but he aborts that course of action. Because there was no logical reason for him to do that and instead, he is forced to silently ask her to stay. She ignores it. “I’ll see you guys later.”

 

It’s in her room, standing there alone and staring at her phone does she give in. “Hey,” she says when he answers.

“Hey, congratulations on your second place!”

“It’s not a win,” she cuts him off, who celebrates second bloody place. “You want to catch up?”

There’s a beat of silence. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” she shrugs like it wasn’t a big deal. “We could do something. As friends.”

“You okay Lau?”

She forces a smile, if she pretends, she would be. “Everything’s fine Jense.”

“We’ll do something,” he agrees. “Come to Monaco.”

“Okay,” She’ll see Jenson. She’ll get a friend and then it won’t hurt so much. And she missed him. A lot.


	31. Doing it 'properly'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'ed by @formulaoneisfast who swoops in at the last moment for me as usual.  
> So new chapter - will anyone like me at the end?

She really had missed this place. She sits outside on the balcony at Jenson’s, enjoying the breeze. She missed her old life where things felt simpler. At least Jenson is bringing her wine to help her forget.

“How is Lillian?”

“The same when I saw her last,,” Laura shrugs. “I feel like she never gets better or worse and that’s worse. Because it’s like we’re all stuck.”

“Are you talking to your brother again?”

“I really don’t like you seeing Lillian behind my back,” Laura mutters before drinking all her wine in one go and slamming the glass down.

“Is that the night we’re going to have?” Jenson asks amused. “I’ll just bring the bottle.”

“I don’t have to forgive Miles,” she says when he’s returned, as promised with the bottle. He refills her glass while she impatiently waits. “He lied to me.”

“He tried to protect you,” Jenson corrects and she glares at him. “I’m offering a different point of view, it’s not called starting an argument.”

“Says everyone ever that started a war,” she mumbles sipping at her glass. He laughs and kisses the side of her head and sits down. “Molly invited me to her stupid birthday party tomorrow night.”

“Ah, an attempt at her to try and make peace?” Jenson voices his suspicions.

“Yes. I said no. I don’t need to make up with Miles.”

“But you want to?” he asks and she says nothing because she feels like the answer to that question is showing weakness. “It’s okay to have friends and family Laura. You don’t have to conquer the world alone.”

She frowns and sits back in her chair. “I can do it alone.” She could. She had. She would again.

He sighs like she was missing the point, she wasn’t. “Yes, I don’t doubt that. But you don’t have to, why make it harder?”

“Let’s talk about something else,” she was changing the subject now. “Tell me all about your shoddy winless season to date?” His bad news might cheer her up.

He gives her a look. “Fine, let’s talk about how miserable I am so you can feel better about yourself.”

She grins. “Thank you.”

She’s drunk. That’s what Jenson keeps telling her. He’s also decided it was time he put her to bed. Which is ridiculous. She wasn’t a child, she didn’t need to be _ put to bed _ .

“This would be a lot easier Laura if you let me carry you,” Jenson fails to catch her when she stumbles into a wall. She whimpers.

“You! Are not my shining in my knight.” She stops and frowns. “Was that right?”

He laughs and wraps his arms around her middle kissing her cheek. “No, but okay I won’t save you, keeping walking into walls,” he says while guiding her to his guest room.

When she falls onto the bed that was actually a lot better, the world seemed straighter, swayed less. She grunts when he tackles her jeans. “He’s going to get really mad at you taking off my pants,” she warns him before giggling because Sebastian was definitely jealous of Jenson. “He’s sooooooooooooo jealous of you.”

Jenson stops and looks up at her.

“Jenson this and Jenson that.” She snaps her hands in the air like they were puppets and then she stops and looks at them and has them begin to fight with each other. Biting at each other and she grins because that was more like them.

Her puppets are dragged down the bed, Jenson looming in his face. “Lau,” he says seriously, “You and Seb, you know how that’s going to end right?”

“I don’t like Sebastian,” she grunts and stops and looks down at her legs. “Did you take them off?” She rubs her legs on the sheets or was she so drunk she’s lost feeling in them.

“Laura, I don’t think you’re listening to me.”

“Jenson. My pants.”

“Ow!” She cries out when he rips them off her angrily. “That hurt.” But at least she can feel the sheets now. He’s back over her and she smiles at him, despite the fact he looks anything but smiley and happy. “Don’t be jealous,” she whispers reaching up touch his cheek. It feels similar to Seb’s, stubble tickling her palm. “I still love you, I still miss you.”

He turns and kisses her hand and she smiles, but his eyes look at her sadly. They were blue. Like Seb’s but different. She touches his face, fingers tracing over the curves and edges, she knew them all. “I don’t have any friends,” she whispers and there’s lump in her chest, and she wants to cry.

She moves to sit up and her head smashes into her Jenson and she whimpers painfully as he curses loudly. She holds her face above her eye, Jenson rubbing furiously at a similar spot before he pulls her hand down, “Let me see.” His fingers are gently, carefully searching and circling the forming bump. Jenson was always so careful, always so loving. She moves forward and kisses him, hard. He’s startled, taken aback because he doesn’t kiss her back immediately and then, his lips shift across hers and she sighs happily.

This she knew. This was familiar. This was simple.

He pushes her back into the bed and he kisses her deeper, harder and she wraps her arms around him eagerly, she didn’t even feel her head right now. She knew this, knew how to do this with him as she pulls him closer and then rolls across the bed, kissing each other, holding each other. His mouth is pushing into her neck and he stops suddenly, finger rubbing at a spot, brain so disengaged and fuzzy, she pleads, “ _ Seb _ ... don’t stop.”

And just like that she’s alone, the door slammed closed. The room was back to turning. What just happened?

* * *

Jenson looks up when Laura joins him late in the morning, looking like she hated the world as she slipped on a pair of sunglasses. “Don’t talk to me,” she mutters.

He shakes his head and continues to eat  his cereal. “I’m not talking to you period.”

She frowns. “I can’t process you being mad at me right now,” she groans. “So please, be nice and get me pain killers.”

Jenson watches as she slumps over the table and he picks up his mug of tea and takes a sip before he slams it down loudly. He gets the finger before he stands up to fulfil the request. He drops them in front of her, “Well when you leave why don’t you go and see Sebastian, and he can look after you.”

Laura raises her head and stares at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that, I don’t think either one of us is doing great on the friends page with each other and secondly, you and Sebastian are certainly not just friends.”

She rips off the sunglasses, eyes hard as she stares at him. “What did I say last night?”

“Enough.” Jenson crosses his arms, not sitting down, not joining her. “So you and him… how serious?”

She groans and buries her head under her arms once more. “Not serious,” comes a mumbled response. “We’re not anything. He means nothing.”

“That’s bullshit, even if you don’t realise it yet.” Laura will lie to herself before anyone else. “Are you ever going to change?”

With her cheek on the table, she turns to look at him, eyes going cold and shutdown. “No. What’s the point? You made out I was failure and if I was possible of change then maybe I wouldn’t be fucking him.”

That stung. A lot. “Don’t you put your twisted relationships on me,” he says coldly. “You create those all yourself.” They glare at each other, and he wonders if they’re relationship would repair faster if they weren’t so honest with each other. The silence stretches between them and he shakes his head and walks away.

“I said sorry Jense,” she calls quietly after him. “I can’t keep saying it.”

She did. “And I forgave you.” And yet it doesn’t miraculously make them okay. “Take your pills, have a shower, you’ll feel better.”

She sits up at that. “Want to join me?”

“I don’t think friends shower together,” he gives her a tiny smile and she grins then.

“You can wash my back, that’s helpful.”

Jenson shakes his head at her. “No. I’m not going to be the other man in your non-relationship with Sebastian.” He’s pretty sure she’s only teasing him, that she wasn’t serious. “In fact, you should take your pills, shower and go and see him.”

She looks most unhappy at that suggestion and he walks back over to her and grabs her chin.

“Aston, go and see him. Go and do it properly with him instead of being  _ here _ , at the only place you know he would hate.”

She squirms in the chair trying not to look at him.

“Laura,” he says her name harshly, “Don’t go so far down this path that you can’t recover. And not just with Sebastian, but with your brother, you sister, with anyone really. Being stubborn will win you  _ nothing _ but this loneliness I know you don’t want.” Her eyes water at him. “Now I’m going to go for a bike ride, don’t be here when I get back.” And then he kisses her gently. “Love you Lau.”

* * *

“Hey.” Lillian smiles widely at her, Laura lingering in the doorway to private room in hospital. She was spending more and more time here. Her energy reserves were draining away, no matter how much sleep she had. Seeing Laura though is like a shot of caffeine and she holds her tightly when her sister falls across her to hug her.

“Congratulations on second place.”

“Thanks,” is mumbled against her chest.

“Six points Lau, between you and Daniel, five with Seb. You’re so close now.” She was so proud of her, she knows that Laura’s heart isn’t quite in it, but as long as she kept pushing... Laura says nothing crawling into the bed next to her, and Lillian shuffles over to make room for her. “I can’t wait for my championship,” she beams at her after Laura has snuggled in.

“We’ll hopefully, Ferrari keep blowing engines,” she mutters.

“That would be nice.” Lillian plays with her hair absently, missing her own. “So you didn’t rush over and kiss and comfort him then?

“Rush? Please I had press,” Laura snorts rolling onto her back and staring at her ceiling. 

Lillian sighs and closes her eyes. She has to fight the urge to drift off in the silence that swirls around them. She drags her eyes back open, “Let’s pretend he’s not your arch rival, and the most inappropriate person you could date…”

“I don’t want a lecture.”

“No, we’re going to pretend he’s not lecture worthy. Now, what’s been happening in your life?” Lillian injects as much pep and enthusiasm into her tone as she can.

Laura is looking at her cautiously. “Nothing…”

“Come on,” Lillian pouts. “Tell me, I promise not one lecture.” She crosses her heart. Laura lies there silently, lips pressed tightly together. “Met anyone lately? Sleeping with anyone casually?”

“I saw Jenson,” Laura finally gives her something. “Didn’t want to shower naked with me. He said I should do things properly. Whatever that means.”

Lillian shifts to lie on her side facing her sister. “Do you hate him? Sebastian?”

Laura shakes her head. “No,” she breathes out, looking pained, like that was the worse thing she could say.

“Do you love him?” There’s a long pause, and Lillian holds her breath, desperately hoping things weren’t that far gone, but then again, if she did love him, if that was returned her sister wouldn’t be without anyone.

“No. I mean I could, it’s not the craziest thing to me anymore.”

“You care about him,” Lillian concludes. Laura shrugs, now examining her nails, picking at them like it was the most interesting thing. “Do you want to love him?”

“No,” she huffs. “I don’t want to love anyone. I just feel like right now everything is snowballing and I have no idea how to stop any of it.” Her sister looks overwhelmed, Laura’s eyes now meeting hers, almost pleading with her to have an answer. “How do you stop it?”

“If I knew the answer to that, I’d have a lot less relationships behind me,” Lillian snorts. She hugs her tightly. “You could let it play out and see what happens?”

“Bad ending and all?” Laura raises her eyebrows surprised at the suggestion.

“Yeah. Maybe do it properly like Jenson suggested. Rush to the inevitable demise and then I can find you someone better,” Lillian concludes now wondering if this might actually be better a solution than keeping her and Seb apart. Let them pretend there was a way, and when the season ends… and there’s only one winner...

Laura plays with the sheets beneath her, “Maybe… maybe it won’t end badly?” She looks up hopefully and Lillian knows she wants her to assure there was happy endings.

“Maybe Lau, you should just be happy, even if it’s for a moment,” she suggests slowly, ensuring she picks her words carefully.

“And if he breaks me?”

Lillian smiles, “I’ll put you together again. Like you do with me. And then, then I’m going to find you someone else. Do you like nurses?”

That has her sister laugh. “I’m sure you have an entire list of male nurses ready to go.”

Lillian beams. “Yep. And a far better choice than a complicated relationship with another driver. Even easier than Jenson.”

“You look tired,” Laura touches her cheek, face now full of worry and concern as she changes the subject. “What are the doctors saying?”

She’ll be lucky to make it to the end of the year if she continues like she is. “Everyone is doing what they can Lau.” She buries her face into her sister’s chest, listening to her heartbeat, enjoying the warmth, and being with her. She didn’t want to talk about this. She didn’t need to upset her and she still planned to fulfill their agreement - her being here at the end of the year, so Laura wins her championship. “You going to Molly’s party?”

“Maybe.” Laura is trying to arrange pillows and get comfortable. 

“Sebastian will be there,” Lillian teases her and Laura snorts. “Get some rest Lil. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

She nods sleepily. “Kay…”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes you will :P


	32. Seeing Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone seemed so excited for the party, so here it is!  
> I hope you all bought Molly a gift and you're not all here just to fawn and snoop on Seb and Laura :P

 

The last person Miles expected when he opened the front door was to find his sister there. “Laura?” A present is shoved at his chest as she pushes passed him. She’s early, no one else had even arrived.

“It’s bath bombs,” she tells him bluntly. “Where’s Ella?”

“Molly’s changing her,” Miles replies. “I didn’t think you’d come…” His eyes drag up and down his sister, “What the hell are you wearing?” He’s not sure the short mini red dress she had on could even be considered more than scrap material. “Have you gambled away your money and now you can’t afford clothes?”

Laura rolls her eyes. “We need to talk.”

Miles desperately tries not to get too excited. “Yeah, we should,” he can’t help but give her hopeful smile. “Lau I’m sorry -”

“I don’t think Lillian’s treatment is working,” she cuts off his apology. “We should be looking at alternative options. Like some miracle leaf in Africa or something.”

Miles smile wavers before it slides completely off his face. Right, the only thing they can talk about.  _ Lillian _ . “I have been looking. There’s some trials but she’s on one. This already is experimental -”

“Well it’s not fucking working, so we try the next thing,” Laura stamps her foot. “We are running out of time Miles!”

“Look,” Miles tries to shush her with his hands, calm her down. “The doctors say this is how it works. She’ll get worse before she gets better -”

“Well when they kill her, she’s not better, she’s just fucking dead,” Laura snaps, 

“I said I have been looking Laura, I’m doing everything I can -”

“Do. More.” And the coldness falters and her eyes look at him pleadingly, “Just  _ fix this _ ,” she begs. “Please?”

He reaches for her but she darts backwards. “Lau,” he can’t hide his hurt. What did he need to do win her back, gain her trust back? 

“Is Seb here?” Molly appears, Ella cradled in her arms, and his sister is immediately darting over, snatching her up and cuddling her tightly. “Laura, nice dress?” Molly raises an eyebrow in question. 

“It’s just a dress, stop staring,” she mutters looking self conscious, while nuzzling at Ella’s hair. Laura’s quick to change the subject asking, “Desperate to see Seb or  are you just waiting around eagerly for him to show up with his girlfriend?” 

“Seb has a girlfriend?” Miles questions. Was this still about Molly walking in on Seb and a random girl? Molly was staring at him annoyed, “Molly, whatever chick he’s banging on race weekends is not a girlfriend.”

“Any  _ chick  _ he brings here is,” she snaps in return. “I know Sebastian a lot better than you.He doesn’t fuck around and I think he’s been skipping off to spend time with someone.” She looks at Laura for validation who looks very much like she doesn’t want in on the onversation, “ Do you know last week before Monza, when I called him he wasn’t even in Switzerland?”

Miles frowns. “Yeah, because he was in London. He was playing poker with Laura where she apparently lost her clothing budget -”

“Wait, what?”

Laura has gone rigid and Molly whips around to look at her. “I’m getting a drink.” He frowns at his sister hurrying away, just as there is knocking on the door. “Where are we putting gifts?” he waves the box at Molly who looks as if she wants to stalk after his sister and ask more questions.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Seb in London?” she hisses at him furiously.

“I didn’t think it was important…” He’s poked in the chest, hard in response, his girlfriend’s expression holding a mixture of anger and shock. Was he missing something?

* * *

Sebastian looks up from his neatly store wrapped gift, fiddling with the bow to straighten it perfectly while waiting at the door. It flies open with a gust and he looks up see to see his long suffering press officer. “Hey happy birthday,,” he beams at her and waves the box around like it was his ticket in.

“You came alone?” she asks bluntly looking passed him to confirm.

He passes her the gift and kisses her cheek. “I told you, there’s no one Mol,” he assures her. He jumps when the door slams behind him, Molly looking at him with suspicion. 

“That’s very interesting,” she comments. “Maybe you’ll meet someone here.”

He frowns but she’s called away, halting whatever she was going to add next. He finds Miles instead, Who dutifully takes the gift and places it with the growing pile. “Is Ella here?”

Miles rolls his eyes. “If you can pry her from Laura’s arms, she’s all yours.”

Sebastian goes still. “Aston’s here?” He immediately does a circle looking for her. He hadn’t expected her to show up, not when she seemed to be avoiding her brother. Miles waves him in a direction she was apparently last heading, and he immediately steps that way, not even fighting the impulse to find her - because they were going to have a discussion over her little  _ gift _ . 

“Laura!” He snaps at her, ready to demand to know how many deliveries he was going to need to sign for this week when he stumbles to to a stop. She’s in the kitchen, bopping around with a grizzly two-month-old as she grabs herself a beer.He blinks at her, forgetting to breathe as he stares at her.  _ Fuck _ . He feels all the blood in his body begin to flow south.

“Sebastian.” The fridge slams closed but he can’t drag his eyes above her chest, they seem to be stuck there or on her legs and the very limited red material in between.

“Nice dress,” he finally gets out completely forgetting he was meant to be having words with her. 

“This thing?” She shrugs. “Just grabbed the first thing in the closet…” She smirks at him, apparently very aware of his meddling and preference. This was better than his imagination, shorter, tighter… he wants to touch her, have her. In this moment, he’s not sure he’s ever wanted anything so badly. 

“Molly knows you were in London.” Laura stops next to him, and his hand reaches for hers, fingers brushing hers. It takes a moment for that to settle in. Shit. He snatches his hand away. “No touching,” she murmurs to him, smile only growing like she was aware of the effect she was having.

He swallows and watches her walk back out to the party. Right, he could do that, not touch. He tears his eyes from staring at her legs, only to find that Molly was staring at them,  _ at him _ , mouthing that they needed to talk. He hurries back to the kitchen, away from her. Right, alcohol, no touching Aston, and avoiding Molly. A simple list, he could do this.

 

He half chats to Miles, a few people, but he’s distracted, attention focused on one person. For the next hour, that’s all he does,  _ watch _ , his eyes drawn to Laura again and again no matter how hard he tried not to as she chatted with someone, everyone but him. He wants to go over, see her, kiss her,  _ touch all the skin _ . And he’s aware of where his thoughts are going to end up, if they’re not there already. Getting himself worked up in public wasn’t going to help him at all. 

She looks up and over at him, their eyes locking and he feels like everything around him got hotter, before she smiles, casually running a finger across the top of her dress, over her breasts and he does nothing but take it in greedily, head swimming in thoughts that has him flush. They’re not thoughts he should be having  _ here _ ,  imagining those legs around him, hands grabbing at them as he ruined her lips that were the perfect shade of red to match her dress. Fuck, anyone would think he was desperate, he wasn’t!  _ He so fucking was _ . He hadn’t had her since London, it had been two weeks and at this point he was ready to grab her and drag her out of here just so he could start on the list of things he wants to do with her in that dress.

Laura though drops her gaze, relinquishes her hold on Ella and was walking away, apparently bored because she was now on her phone.

He jumps when his phone goes off. He grins. Aston.

_ I need a room tonight, you recommend anywhere for me to stay? _

_ Yes. But you’ll have to share with me. _

A smile spreads across her face and his phone beeps with her response.

_ I’ll build a pillow wall. _

Bitch.  _ That is actually possible right now _ .

_ Did you not like my gift? _

He glances up at her but he can’t see her and he shifts to look for her, only pausing to respond.  _ I feel like you ordered an excess _ .

_ Seventy five.  _

It felt like seven hundred and fifty! He didn’t have enough places for all those pillows! He’d resorted to stacking them in corners prepared to tell people he had a lot of reading nooks. He doesn’t finish his response before her next message comes through.

_ You want to leave early and work on the pillow wall? _

He catches up with her, she’s lingering not far from the front door..

_ Molly is going to notice.   _ Though the offer was very tempting… He thinks he could ruin her pretty quickly… or more accurately, it wasn’t going to take too much for her to ruin him.

_ Well how about a short break? _

She wasn’t waiting for a reply because she was already walking back out. He drops his drink on the nearest table and heads after her. Eyes fixed on the back of her dress that barely covered her ass. If she raised her hands in the air he’s pretty sure you would be able to see -

“Seb,” Molly grabs his arm as he walks passed.

“One second,” he tells her not stopping. “I’ll be right back.” He doesn’t hear any of Molly’s protests as he dives for the front door.

He finds Laura outside kicking the tyre of his SUV. “You didn’t drive your Ferrari?” She looks incredibly disappointed.

“This one has a bigger backseat,” he states, moving as quickly as possible yet hoping it wouldn’t appear he was running. He reaches for her, fingers grasping her forearm before he spins her to him, arms locking around her before he swoops to kiss her. No more waiting, his head seems to have gotten stuck on the limited channel of -  _ need, need, need. Want, want, want. _

She kisses him back, submits to his mouth, letting him kiss her desperately, all the while his hands roam her body, never still, touching and grabbing. And this isn’t enough, he’s head screaming,  _ more, more, more _ . He pushes, her, and they fall into the car, a surprise gasp leaving her at the contact with cool surface. 

He pulls away, and she’s looks so amused at how undone he was right now. He doesn’t care as he licks his lip, moving his mouth from her ruined lips to tackle new spots, diving for all the places on her throat and neck he knew she loved. She makes a happy noise in the back of her throat, hands buried in his hair, encouraging and pushing him to the next spot.

“I wanted the Ferrari,” she rasps out, “I wore a dress to specifically match your car.” He lifts his head to see her pouting, he kisses it, bites down on it.

Pulling back enough to take her in again, and she looks a lot more undone now, his hands on her legs, gripping the hem of the dress, yanking it higher to her waist before her lifts her easily. “You’re obsessed with my car,” he states, pressing back into her, demanding she wraps her legs around him so he can be as close as possible,  _ so much closer _ . 

She kisses him then as he shifts against her, stroking his cheek encouragingly, like she was letting him have this, spiral further and further from reality. He shouldn’t be this worked up, so close to the edge… but he’s surrounded in her, her body, her lips, her scent and all of it drives his arousal, and he wants more;  _ needs  _ more.

“Seb!” Laura let out a surprised grasp when he squirmed a hand between her thighs, a knuckle brushing against her. “Do not start something you aren’t prepared to finish,” she warns, and he watches as her eyes blow wide and all that control she thinks she possesses over him right now falters. 

He had every intention of fulfilling what he was starting. And he’d be so satisfied with himself at her reaction, if he wasn’t so hard it actually ached. There’s such a tiny piece of material from her underwear, and there’s so little effort involved in shifting it away, touching her, fingers encountering nothing but heat and wetness. His mind blanks when he pushes a finger into her, desperate to be inside he might actually be making more noise than her as he roughly teases her, or more himself.

“Seb,” she pulling at his wrist, forcing him to remove it before she’s working on his belt. She’s breathing just as hard as he is, but she still has enough sanity to tell him, “You know we’re in Molly’s driveway right?”

Any response to that he can think of gone, slumping against her, head pushed into her shoulder because her hand had wormed its way into his pants and underwear, and her fingers were wrapped out him.  _ Fuck _ . He pushes into her grip, biting down on her shoulder, not to mark her but to muffle his noises, her hand and fingers moving and with purpose. He’s so close, he shouldn’t be so close, but she strokes his hair, murmurs to him let go, encouraging him on before she kisses his cheek, and she feels soft and warm, as if she was soothing and comforting him. And yet, her hand is tight, and sure, wickedly purposeful and he feels everything swell up, pinpricks of sharp pleasure before he stiffens, sobbing in relief as he finally comes, pleasure overtaking his senses. He collapses in her arms, feeling so undone as he comes down.

When he has somewhat recovered, Laura cleaning her hand the best she can on his underwear, he manages to find his voice.  “I didn’t think you’d be here,” he says, trying to catch his breath.

“Well there are other perks of coming to Zurich…” She smirks pulling her hand free from his pants, and he makes a face as she sets about trying to do his pants up, because right now he feels dirty in ever sense of the word.

He grabs her hands pinning them beside her head before he kisses her hard. He can think now, and he wants to throw her in the pit of desperation now. “Is that you’re roundabout way of telling me you wanted to see me?” He asks the question while his hand cupped her breast, teased her and he smiles at the side she makes, squirming against him restlessly.

She lifts her head, lipstick smeared, eyes dark and burning. “Huh.  _ Never _ .” He goes to kiss her but she twists her head to comment, “You know what would make this hotter?” Before he can tell her not to say it she adds, “A Ferrari.”

He laughs into her neck. “Fine. I’ll fuck you in the Ferrari at my place.” He can feel her shudder in his arms and moan at the suggestion. “Seriously?” he lifts his head to see how turned on she was. “I’ll drive the Ferrari more often for you.”

“Sebastian? Laura?” Both of them whip their heads around to see Molly standing there, mouth slightly agape. Sebastian jumps away from Laura as she hurriedly smooths down what little there was to her dress that had ridden up.

“Sebastian was just showing me his car,” Laura tells her matter of factly, despite the fact that he yanks up his fly and works on his belt, feeling like his face was so hot right now it has to match Laura’s dress.

He clears his throat, “She’s unhappy with my preference.” 

“Seriously?  _ Seriously _ !” So she didn’t buy that poor excuse. She clearly didn’t know what to say or where to start, her face was fading from shock to confusion. “Since when?”

“Spain.”

“Montreal,” she says at the same time and they both look at each other, because maybe a start date was a touch more complicated.

She frowns, “Wait, you said Spain. Spain this year?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Molly interrupts them, now looking furious. “Does Miles know? Lillian?  _ Anyone _ ?”

Laura flounders around before settling on, “Uh no…?” 

That wasn’t true. “Jenson knows,” Sebastian mutters under his breath only for Laura to turn and shove him hard. But if there was a list, it was Jenson and Kimi and Antti. Probably Lillian.  _ Definitely  _ Lillian.

“Not the time Sebastian,” she snaps glaring at him. “Molly, it’s nothing,” she tells her and fuck those words sting.

His long-time friend though was shifting her eyes between them both. They eventually stop on him and she looks hurt. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

“Mol…” he moves towards her and she holds up her hand.

“Don’t. I have decided that I don’t want to know anything. Nothing.” Ironic, she wanted to know everything before. She walks back towards the house, shouting as she goes, “Neither of you get cake!” before the front door slams after her.

He and Laura stand there silently and Sebastian finally turns to look at her and he can see she looks worried. “I think that went well.”

Laura blinks and glares at him anger sparking up. “You know she’ll tell Miles. This is your fault,” she snaps.

“Excuse me?” Sebastian looks taken aback. “You told me to come out here. I was happy to stay inside!”

“Well we could have had a polite conversation!”

“Because that’s what you wanted?” he retorts sarcastically.”In that dress,” he snorts. “This isn’t just on me Aston.”

“Don’t talk to me,” she orders as she walks towards the house.

“I don’t know why you’re mad,” he continues, following her. “It’s Molly. She’s not going to say anything. And it could be worse, could have been your brother.”

She spins on her heel. “That would be worse only for you. He’d deck you. Which I would enjoy at this current point.”

Sucking his breath in he stomps after her. “I guess that means we’re not using the Ferrari tonight.”

“Oh, we’re still defiling your damn Ferrari,” she tells him, eyes flashing angrily and he can barely suppress his grin and she looked ready to slap him so he hurriedly moves to open the front door. It’s locked.

“She locked us out,” she groans.

“Well it’s not like we were going to get cake.” Sebastian reaches into his pocket to pull out his keys, jingling them to her. “You wanted an early night.”

She reaches for them but he jerks his hand back. “I don’t think so Aston.”

“I really hate you sometimes.”

“So you keep telling me,” he smirks. He’s shoved before she turns and storms to his car. She jerks the door handle but it’s still locked. “Say please,” he tells her walking after her and if looks could kill… “Cheer up Aston, you get to build a pillow fort after you take me for a ride in my Ferrari.” And yes, he meant that in it’s very double meaning way.

His response is the finger as he unlocks the car for her.

*   *     *


	33. Sweet Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally going to be at the end of the last chapter but it felt like too much. So today you can have a teeny tiny chapter before we go back racing. Happy reading!

The moment Molly opens the door Sebastian holds up his gift, his key to be let in. “I bought something for Ella.” He peers over the top at her trying to catch a glimpse of his favourite tiny human. Molly couldn’t be that angry at him she’ll reject his love and adoration for Ella. He grins when she sighs and steps aside to wave him in.

“I really don’t want to talk about it,” Molly tells him but he has known her long enough to know she was hurt that he hadn’t told her. “What did you get Ella?” She changes the subject as she begins to tackle the wrapping. He waits impatiently for her to open it and then smiles. “Baby Ferrari shoes?”

“Aren’t they the cutest?” He had snatched them up the moment he was aware they had existed. He then goes hunting for her, wanting to put them on her immediately. He finds  her sleeping in a bassinet. “Can I hold her?” He didn’t get a chance last night, Aston had hogged her or distracted him.

“No! She’s sleeping. God, let that thing sleep.”

His face falls in disappointment, but he gently reaches out to touch one of her hands. “She already looks bigger.” His smile wavers, he hasn’t finished enjoying her the size she is now.

Molly ignores the comment. “You know these are going to clash with her Red Bull outfit.”

Sebastian’s head snaps up. “She only supports Ferrari.”

“I think Laura is going to have a say in that.”

“You’ll cheer for me won’t you Ella,” he murmurs quietly to the sleeping little girl. “Your Aunty Laura isn’t as good as me anyway. And you’ll look far better in red.” He rubs her belly carefully.

“Don’t put my kid in the middle of your petty arguments,” Molly mutters. “Or whatever shit is going on between you two.”

Sebastian straightens up face now serious. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“It’s fine,” Molly continues not quite looking him in the eye, making it clear it wasn’t fine.

“It’s complicated. We’re not official or anything. If we don’t say anything then we don’t have to explain anything.” He gives her a pleading look hoping she understands.

Molly only shakes her head. “Seb…” she trails off and she sounds disappointed. She looks down and starts opening the shoes to get them free.

“What?”

She hesitates. “You know it’s going to end badly don’t you?”

He sucks in his breath. “It might not,” he says defensively.

Molly yanks at the shoes, gaze lifting to his before she asks simply, “Do you love her?” 

Sebastian should have seen that question coming, Why did everyone keep asking him that? “No. It’s not like that.” 

Molly looks like she doesn’t believe him, and shifts her focus back to the shoes smiling at them before continuing, “So it’s just sex?”

“Yes… and no not completely.” He wouldn’t call it that, and if Aston said it was, she was fucking lying. He was happy to settle on no labels, but it wasn’t just sex. Not now, not anymore. No matter what deals and rules they had in place.

“You’re fighting her for the championship. One of you is going to end up broken come the end of the season.”

“That’s Aston.”

Molly rolls her eyes. “One of you will lose due to the other. You think you’ll be together at the end of Abu Dhabi?” she asks seriously walking over to him. Sebastian looks away from her and Molly pushes the shoes into his cheeks. “Seb, you’re being an idiot. Laura is being an idiot. Stop being idiots.”

“I don’t want to stop,” he tells her quietly pulling her hands down. And he’s not sure he can at this point.

“Idiot. You  _ are _ in love with her.” She sighs. “You’re the one that’s going to end up broken at the end of the year, championship win or not.”

Sebastian sucks in his breath at that. Was it really that impossible for them to make it to the end? Did they really never get a happy ending - no matter who won? He swallows and chooses to change the subject. “You’re not going to tell Miles are you?” Laura didn’t want her brother in any of her business currently.

Molly gives him a tight smile. “No. Not my business. Plus Laura keeping this from him might even them up on the secret keeping front. But continue to be reckless Seb, and you and Laura are going to have more people asking questions. And I’m not cleaning up that mess.”

“We’ll be more careful,” he promises. He’s not sure if there was a way to clean up if they’re not relationship was made public. At least not currently when they were both fighting for the same championship.  _ His  _ championship.

*   *     *

When Laura wakes up, she smiles, burying herself under sheets that smelled of Sebastian, only to stop when she realises that she might be surrounded in Seb, but he wasn’t next to her, only a mountain of pillows, he must have spent far too much time building. She shoves them off the bed, cursing him while trying to clear her vision before she calls out “Seb?”

Nothing, silence.

She gets out of bed and reaches up to yank her dress down that was caught up under armpits. She fucking hated this dress. Out of everything in her closet, this was the one that he moved to the front? Men needed to understand that some things weren’t practical, and a dress this short meant don’t move your elbows up, don’t sit and whatever you do, don’t bend down. She hoped Seb enjoyed it because she was taking it off and putting it in the bin.

“Sebastian?” She calls out walking through the house, still cautiously pulling at the hem because she has on no underwear.

He’s not here. Did he go running without her? The answer to that question is answered when she stands in his garage and noting the lack of a certain red car. This was worse than him going running – he took his Ferrari for a spin  _ without  _ her. “Fucking jerk.” But as she says that she feels the bolt of heat when she remembers last night. In his car.

She spins on her heel and walks to the shower. No point in getting worked up. No point in remembering they’d had argued about whether to fuck  _ on  _ the car or  _ in  _ the car, Sebastian clearly agonising over what he was more worried about while weighing up the risks of damaged paintwork versus ruined upholstery. He settled on the latter and as good as it was, it was awkward and would have been much easier if they did it her way on the hood. But fine, whatever, and as Sebastian pointed out repeatedly afterwards, she still enjoyed herself. A lot. Loudly. Twice. Trust him to keep fucking count.

After her shower, she brushes her teeth, debating for much too long about dropping her toothbrush next to his before she slams it in there because it shouldn’t be a big deal if she wants to let it air dry. And then she goes to his closet and wears his clothes because they were far more comfortable than her own, the perfect ‘too big’ feel to them and the best part was they smell like he did when he was clean. She walks out of his room sniffing the sleeve of his long sleeve shirt only to freeze when Seb’s in the hall watching her with raised eyebrows.

“Hi.” She drops her arm and throws it behind her back.

“What are you doing?” he asks curiously.

Her cheek flush, she can feel the burn. “Making sure your clothes are clean,” she answers defensively. When she moves to march passed him but he catches her around the waist.

“I bought us breakfast,” he tells her pulling her to him.”I got us cake.”

“And you tell me you won’t take your Ferrari anywhere,” she mutters not caring about cake right now, as she stands there while he wraps his arms fully around her, nuzzling at her neck, and she stiffens when he sniffs at her wet hair.

“You don’t smell like you when you use my stuff,” he comments almost sounding sad about it.

What was wrong with smelling like him? “What do I smell like?”

He smiles against her and she makes a tiny noise when he backs her to a wall and then time he breathes her in deeply, trying to find her scent. “You always smell warm.”

“I’m not warm,” she tries to move away from his nose his arm come up she can only shift her head away from him so far.

“Sweet,” he continues. He licks at her throat.

“I am definitely not sweet!” She tries to tug him up, pulling at his hair futilely. He kisses her throat, “Don’t leave any marks!”

“What?” Like this one?” He switches to the other side to bite at the one that was faded you’d only notice it if you were looking for it. She smacks the back of his head because he was definitely sucking now. He laughs and pulls back grabbing her hand, “Come on let’s eat. My lovely little warm and sweet smelling thing.”

She lets him guide her, the warmth she felt wasn’t just in her cheeks at his words – she felt warm all over. It only made her blush harder.

* * *

It’s so nice to be outside, and not just outside, but  _ out _ . Is this what it felt like to escape prison? She takes a deep breath, enjoying air that hadn’t touched hospital walls. She closes her eyes and leans back in her chair, soaking up the sun, and being here.

“Here.” Lillian’s eyes flutter open at Kimi who has brought her a glasses and she hopes it was full of alcohol. He smirks at her reading her thoughts, “No, it’s just water. But I put ice in it.”

She reaches over to play with the little umbrella he had included for her. “One drink couldn’t hurt.” Kimi sits opposite her with what she assumes is not a glass of water and shakes his head at her. “Fine, spoil my fun.” She pouts before she looks out at his pink pool. “You should drain that.”

“I will, eventually,” he shrugs. “I figured I’d leave it till you saw it.”

She glances back at him and her smile fades. He was being sweet, he shouldn’t be sweet. He was sweet for keeping the pool water, he was sweet for picking her up, for listening to nurses give him strict instructions, for giving her freedom before he had to fly out in a couple of days. She wants him to stop being sweet. “Don’t,” she tells him quietly. He says nothing, just stares back at her, knowing but ignoring the situation between them. She forces a smile and lets out a huff to ask, “What are the chances Laura is here, visiting other residents of Zurich that is not my brother?”

“High,” Kimi grins at her. “Sebastian has a problem.”

“I don’t think it’s just Sebastian.” If it was, then Laura wouldn’t be here in the first place. “I figure the next time they come together on track it’ll end in tears.”

Kimi shrugs and Lillian places her feet in her his as she stretches out. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

“Of course it will,” she mutters. That was how this mess was fixed.

Kimi makes a noise when she’s wormed her feet under his t-shirt. “Why the fuck are your feet so cold?” His stomach was sucked in but he doesn’t push them away, instead his free hand is rubbing at them through his shirt. “Clearly you’re not well. You should see a doctor about that.”

She giggles. “One more wouldn’t hurt right?” She puts her glass down and reaches for the folder on the table next to her and taking a deep breath as she pulls out the paperwork inside.

“You don’t have to do that you know,” Kimi watches as she picks up a pen.

“Yes I do. This makes sure my mother gets nothing.”

“Have you heard from her again?”

“No,” Lillian says as she begins to fill in her details. She looks up, “I mean, I didn’t want to hear from her in the first place. And I have made it clear, I don’t want Miles or Ben passing me her letters.  Miles is happy.”

“Are you happy? You could see her if that will make you happy,” Kimi states. “Or call her. Write back.”

“Seeing her will not make me happy,” she mutters, unconsciously pushing the pen harder to the paper. “Because every time I see her, she dashes any hope I have that she might be a different person… or apologise or….” She shrugs. “I can’t change her,” she whispers, “I can’t make her see things a certain way and with everything with Laura…” She chews the end of her pen. “It would be easier if she was dead.” The words hang around her, words she has thought of many times, she’s just never said them out loud. “Say it, tell me I’m a bad person,” she orders Kimi. Instead he pulls her feet from under his shirt and reaches out and drags her chair close.

“You’re not a bad person Lillian.” She gives him a shaky smile and he leans forward, “You’re far from that,” he murmurs.

She lets out a slow breath watching as he face moves closer, lips closer and it would take nothing for her to lean forward and close that distance. “No,” she whispers and he freezes. “Don’t Kimi. Please.”

He sits back and she removes her legs from his chair tucking them underneath her and away from him. If Kimi upset, he doesn’t show it, instead he says quietly, “You always say no, when we both know you want to say yes.”

“It doesn’t matter.” She refuses to look at him, even if she can feel his gaze burning into her while she tries to focus on the one task, she assigned herself while she was here.

“Lillian,” he says her name quietly and a hand reaches to grab her pen.

She looks up annoyed. “Kimi, we agreed on no.”

“No,” he corrects her, “You say no and I listen. I don’t want you to say no anymore. There isn’t a reason –”

“There is a reason,” she shouts at him.

He shakes his head, fingers curled around her pen tightly. “What are you so afraid of?”

She slams her will on the table that apparently, she wasn’t allowed to finish. “I’m dying Kimi! I’m dying and I can’t do this with you while I’m doing that! That’s my reason and I’m terrified okay! So don’t make this harder than it already is!” She winces as her voice echoes around them and she struggles to not cry, she wasn’t going to cry in front of him. 

“Okay,” he says quietly and she grabs the pen back he held out. She watches as he sits back snatching up his sunglasses and staring passed her. Fuck. She sucks in shaky breaths as she keeps writing and blinking away tears that blur her vision. She hates everything about life right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is wondering, I have removed the final chapter count on this because I went and did a count and stopped when I got to like 15 chapters to come (more than the 8). And knowing me that will only grow when I decide to add bits in while editing and posting. So eh... it will be what it will be I suppose.  
> The year ends on December 31, so use that as a feel as to where things are at!


	34. Date me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Happy reading.  
> Thanks to @formulaoneisfast as per usual :)

 

The Singapore weekend had started, and Sebastian finds himself next to his teammate ready for the worst part of their job – PR functions. They were waiting off to the side, him, Kimi and Molly who looked as if she was planning for whatever came next rather than the current fan meet and greet session. Kimi though looks more unhappy than usual, face stoic and expressionless and he had a feeling that it had nothing to do with their current activities.

“You okay?” Sebastian asks.

Silence. And when he goes to press further, Kimi answers most likely so he would shut up, “I’m fine.”

He didn’t look fine. “If you want to talk…”

“I don’t,” Kimi snaps and his annoyance had definitely shifted to aggravation. Sebastian goes to try again and once more Kimi silences him, “You don’t talk about your love life, I don’t talk about mine,” and if Kimi could be any colder with him, he’d been frozen at his icy tone.

Molly makes a face and walks away with an, “Oookay…” She’s clearly decided she wants no further part of this conversation.

He knows he should leave it, this was Kimi telling him to drop the topic but he can’t, he really can’t  _ now _ . “You have a love life? I didn’t even know you were seeing someone!” When had Kimi dated anyone? There were definitely girls around, but no one regular and he was confused. “Who? How long?” The only sign that Kimi was unhappy with the conversation continuing is that his nostrils keep flaring when he breathes, but Sebastian doesn’t care. “How come you didn’t tell me? You have to tell me!”

Kimi starts mumbling under his breath, “This is why I don’t talk.” And then he’s rambling in Finnish.

Sebastian moves closer. “Maybe I can offer advice?” His eyes dart to the stage where they were meant to be shortly, sounds of fans cheering and being riled up reaching them now.

“You can’t help.”

“You don’t know that –“

“You can’t even admit you’re in a relationship,” Kimi turns on him then and Sebastian winces. “You’re so fucking terrified of being in one you haven’t even realised you are in one!”

“I’m not –“

“Yes you fucking are,” Kimi hisses. “With Laura Aston.” Kimi pokes him the chest, “And you are in love with her.”

Sebastian swallows and sucks in a shaky breath. “We’re talking about you –“

“Fine,” Kimi snatches at a microphone that was offered and Sebastian accepts his, stopping to thank the young guy before Kimi continues, “There is no relationship. Okay.”

“But you said –“ Sebastian’s forehead creases in a frown.

“I said nothing, and there’s nothing to talk about.”

“So she said no.” Sebastian pulls a face contemplating someone saying no to Kimi. He’s not sure anyone Kimi has tried to woo has said no before. “Rejection hurts.”

“No,” Kimi says as they’re waved forward. “Life hurts and people having to die fucking hurts.”

Sebastian blinks at the comment as Kimi pushes forward onto the stage, waving with absolutely no interest or effort before he follows. Smiling and waving before he nearly stumbles to a stop when he gets it.  _ People have to die _ .

_ Lillian _ .

Holy shit.

* * *

Sebastian paces around his hotel room calling Laura for the millionth time when she finally answers. “Finally!”

“Four missed calls Seb? Do I take it that you want sex?”

“What? No. I mean yes but that’s not why I’m calling,” he says flushing. “Let’s have dinner.”

“Can’t, Red Bull function,” she answers sounding nowhere as keen as he was to catch up.

He makes a frustrated noise. “We need to talk.” There’s a long silence and he adds frustrated, “About Lillian. And Kimi.”

Another beat of silence. “Lillian  _ and  _ Kimi?” Now she sounds interested. “Like they’re a couple?”

Finally! “Yes!”

“You sound way too excited about this,” Laura sounds uninterested.

“You’re being like Molly!” She didn’t want to discuss Kimi’s love life even if a fortnight ago she was interested and gossiping about  _ his  _ love life. Why was Kimi’s less interesting?

“Seb, it doesn’t make sense. They don’t spend any time together!”

“They do, I know it! Gino told me Kimi has been bailing on PR events because of a sick  _ friend _ . Come on Lau, I know it’s Lillian. We should be spying on them since Kimi gives me so much shit,” he pleads.

“Okay, I’ll talk to her,” Laura agrees. “But Lillian is far more interested in her nurses and she hasn’t mentioned Kimi once –“

Sebastian cuts her off, “Because she said no! Because she’s sick. He was in a bad mood –“

Laura snorts. “Doing PR? Yes, Kimi is usually so thrilled!”

“I am not crazy Laura! I know I’m right. Just…  _ trust me _ on this one,” he begs frustrated.

“Fine. I trust you. And I’ll talk to her okay.” He goes to comment and she adds quickly, “Subtly I promise and  _ in person _ .”

“How’s she doing?” he asks more seriously and Laura’s tone changes as she answers.

“Okay.” She changes the subject quickly, “You want to do something tonight or do you need an early night?”

Sebastian smiles, “Molly would tell you I need to be in bed on time, but I’ll sneak out to meet you – what do you want to do?”

“I’ll text you,” she grins before she ends the call.

* * *

The water was warmer than she thought it would be when she dove into the hotel pool. She kicks towards the surface, breaking it before smoothing her hair back as she spins around. The indoor pool was surrounded by glass windows that looked over the city and she glides towards the edge to take in the view. It was late and she probably should be resting ahead of tomorrow’s start of the race weekend, but lately sensible choices haven’t been used. Hearing the door open and she turns around startled before relaxing when she sees Sebastian standing there holding a towel.

“You wanted to go swimming at this hour?” He raises his eyebrows as she moves towards him and she lights up now that he was here and his face is slowly covered by a cheeky grin.

“Actually I wanted an excuse to do something for you,” she confesses leaning on the edge of the pool as he moves to stand in front of her before pulling off his shirt.

“What?” He looks down at her and she grins lifting herself out of the water and he steps back when she doesn’t take his offered hand.

On her feet in front of him dripping water, his eyes skim her as she stand there in her black bikini. It might actually be famous.

He clears his throat after a long moment, “Is that from your photo?”

She answers by striking that same pose from the cover shot from last year and he licks his lips.

“You kept it?”

“It’s a good swimsuit,” she tells him seriously moving away when he reaches for her. She steps backwards into the pool before moving to the middle treading water. “Coming?” He doesn’t answer just backs up and then runs forward bombing into the water, splashing her as he lands just to her right. She giggles moving towards him his arms coming around her back as hers slip around his neck. “There are rules,” she chides as he kicks backwards and they glide through the water.

“Fuck ‘em,” he murmurs and she kisses him gently. “I love that photo of you,” he tells her as they spin in the water his hands ghosting over her body never staying still.

“I know,” she grins. “I’m surprised it wasn’t like blown up and framed at your place…”

He laughs. “No, I keep a copy in my porn collection,” he teases.

“Seriously?” She frowns. “I couldn’t even find your porn collection.”

One of his hands reach to grab her face, pulling her towards him, before kissing her as he laughs into her mouth. His back touches the far wall as they stop moving getting lost in a heated kiss. When they break apart, her forehead drops to his as she tells him shakily, “I missed you.” Being here with him, wrapped up in him, she can’t quite get her filter to work, and she kisses him again, not really caring.

His hands sliding down her back to settle on her butt. He lifts her higher, against him. “I missed you too,” he murmurs between their lips.

She should be worried, caring that he was upset in Monza, missing him when he wasn’t around… she shivers and pulls him closer kissing him harder. It doesn’t have to mean anything and if it did it, did that matter? Did she care? Would she stop? Her conversation with Jenson flitters at the edge of her head, telling her she should do this properly, give this everything. And what was that? Let herself fall in love with him? Let them be more? With her biggest rival? That would be crazy, that would be stupid and yet she can’t stop touching him, kissing him hungrily because nothing else mattered right now.

“What are you thinking about?” He murmurs against her lips as he breaks the kiss, apparently aware her mind was wandering..

“You,” she smiles.

“What about me?” He smiles turning them as they move away from the wall. “Me naked? Me driving my Ferrari? Me and my porn collection?”

Her grin fades and she has to fight her instinct to filter and avoid, before she answers seriously, “I want to go on a date with you.” She’d asked before. He said no. He said never. Isn’t a date doing it properly?

He looks startled, and the silence that follows might only be for a moment but it’s agonising and her heart feels like it’s pounding before Sebastian recovers, teasing her gently, “You asking me out Aston?” There’s no hint of denial, no quick rebuttal like last time.

“Yes…” She lets him go and moves away, swallowing and trying to tell herself it didn’t matter if he rejected her. “Thought if I asked you in your favourite outfit, you’d say yes.” She moves to float on her back hating him right now for not just saying no immediately, for dancing around his answer.

“I prefer you out of it,” he comments still dodging an immediate response.

She gasps when he grabs her ankle ripping her back towards him unexpectedly. Laura immediately goes under water, before she flounders to the surface coughing up swallowed water. She splashes him when he releases her foot and he ducks under water and she waits for him to resurface, spinning as he circles her slowly. The moment he pops up in front of her, she jumps on his shoulders, catching him unaware as they both go disappear into the water. They wrestle, and when they surface they’re both breathing hard, and she’s trapped against him, back to his chest his arms locked around her holding her arms down.

“So this date…” He murmurs in her ear, sounding like he was catching his breath. “What do you want to do…?”

Her heart skips a beat. This wasn’t no and she can feel her cheeks heat up. “I don’t know,” she lies. She knows what she wanted; she wanted a  _ real _ date; one where the guy sets about trying to win the girl. Seb never won her; he kind of just lucked into this, took the backdoor via her anger. He should earn her, if he wants her.

“You want me to take you to dinner?” His grip relaxes on her and she curl her arms over his. “One of those overly expensive ones with sixty forks?”

Laura turns and grins at him. “Maybe one with less forks?”

They fall silent and maybe he had the same realisation as she just did. It didn’t matter how many forks there were, they couldn’t go. Thinking about that, making them become known by the press sends a sharp spasm of fear through her, enough to bring her back to reality. Laura moves, pushing him away. There would never be dinners, or public outings. She moves to the side of the pool and gets out while he silently leans on the edge, frown etched on his face, clearly in thought.

“Drivers have dinner all the time Aston,” he points out to her, watching her closely as she dries off. “It’s dinner, it doesn’t have to mean anything to anyone.”

She sucks in her breath at that because maybe she wanted it to mean something. She didn’t want just dinner with him, they had dinner together all the time, she wanted a  _ date _ . 

“I meant if someone saw us,” he continues hurriedly as she now annoyed, wraps her towel around herself, He gets out of the pool. “Laura,” he reaches for her but she twists away from him.

God, this was all so stupid. She did not want to be in love with Sebastian Vettel, things would be more complicated than they were. “Forget it,” she forces out. His eyes search hers and she hated herself for even saying anything. “Promise me you’ll forget I said anything?” He sighs and he reaches for her again, but she steps back. “Promise,” she orders.

“Okay, I promise,” he says exasperated grabbing his towel. “Dating is forgotten!” She walks away then, leaving him to hurriedly dry off and redress and catch up with her, his face set in annoyance at her brush off.

They step into the lift together. Laura selects her floor, Sebastian deliberately crossing his arms refusing to select his own. She raises her eyebrows.

“We’re not ending our night like this,” he states irritated.

“It’s late Sebastian,” she tells him bluntly. He shrugs and follows her out of the lift when the doors open. At least the place was dead and no one was around to see them because neither of them weren’t being overly cautious. 

Once inside the suite, Sebastian captures her hand. “We’re showering.”

She wants to protest, but she’s not given much a choice, Sebastian beginning to strip her out of her clothes, till she was standing there in her bikini and then he gets naked. She raises her eyebrows, “We’re just leaving this on?”

“Yep. Let’s go.” She rolls her eyes and moves to turn on the shower, aware he was watching her, head tilted as he checks out her ass. “You know that photo didn’t capture all your angles.”

“I swear to god Sebastian, I’m going to hit you.”

“No,” he says moving to join her, “You want to date me.” He’s quick, catching her hands and pushing her against the wall, hands pinned by her sides as she gasps at the cold tiles on her back.

“We agreed to not mention it,” she tells him hotly, her face heating up in embarrassment.

“Sorry.” He doesn’t sound it as he crowds against her, encourages her to hold him, moves against her, kisses her jaw till all she can think about is how hot and hard he was against her hip. “Do you have any idea many guys last year would kill to be in my position right now,” he breathes into her ear before bit nips at it. “Laura Aston. Wet. In this Bikini. While naked in a shower.”

“Shut up Sebastian,” she orders breathlessly, as he shifts against her with one clear purpose. He lifts his head and grins at her before kissing her, hands making quick work of the swimsuit.

“I was going to take a picture,” he says lifting her easily, “But other needs first.” Then they both gasp when pushes in and then everything else becomes secondary, but this and them and getting to the end as quickly possible the shower beating down on them as he takes her against the wall before they fall into bed, still very wet and rolling across sheets that stick to them, neither thinking about the upcoming race.

* * *

The last time she won a race was Silverstone and it feels like a lifetime ago. She hadn’t won since learning about Lillian, and it was like the press wanted to remind her of how long it had been, of how her teammate was beating in the championship and were stupidly bringing up team orders. It puts her in a bad mood and has her glaring at Daniel.

Because Daniel dominates all free practices. She wasn’t anywhere compared to him. But at least she was in front of Sebastian. But as she sits in the team debriefing prior to qualifying Sebastian was the last thing on her mind as she glares at Daniel. Having him in front of her was only confirmation that she was still missing her edge.

She would happily kill him for it, if it was that simple to get back. But Daniel, spinning on his chair notices her annoyed glare, and he grins at her and mouths that he loves her. And the moment they were done he’s pouncing on her and hugging her so tightly he might really be trying to strangle her.

“Laura, I love you even if right now you are plotting my destruction,” he tells her kissing her cheek. “I won’t let you hate me.”

“Get off me,” she snaps trying to break free from him.

“No, not until you tell me you love me too,” Daniel says stubbornly. “That’s how we fix problems. By being honest and telling each other we love one another.”

“Daniel,” she warns through gritted teeth, “I swear to god.”

Daniel though reaches up to grab her lips and make them move, “Say, ‘I love you Daniel’ and ‘I won’t get mad at you and drive us off track’.”

“I have never hit you!”

Daniel releases her. “Yeah, yet.” He backs away from her, “Come Aston, bring it, show me what you got,” he teases hands making a ‘come get it’ motion.

She gives him the finger and he blows her a kiss before walking out. She stalks out, phone in her hand immediately as she tries to call Lillian but it rings out. She groans frustrated and heads through the paddock after exiting RBR, not really paying attention to where she was going, only to do a double take when she ends up in the middle of the McLaren motorhome. That's a very old habit.

“Lost Lau?” Jenson smiles at her with raised eyebrows.

She recovers and drags in a breath. “I want a new teammate.”

Jenson laughs, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “You’re never happy if you are not in front.”

“He wants me to love him and I want him to fail and be last. That’s what love is to me. That’s how we have a loving relationship.”

“Come get something to eat,” Jenson coaxes her to sit down, his arm now around her neck. “I’ll let you bitch to me about Dan.” She was going to say no, but the next thing she knows she’s sitting at a table with Jenson and a surprised Lewis who joins them.

“Um, hi?” Lewis stares between them, “Did you two kiss and make up or something?”

“Or something,” Jenson answers and Laura smiles at Lewis tightly wishing he would piss off.

Lunch suddenly becomes awkward and Laura sits back quietly watching as Jenson and Lewis chatted. It could almost be old times,  _ almost _ , and she looks down at her chicken salad as she thinks of Sebastian.

She should have gone to Ferrari.

She freezes mid-chew eyes widening at the thought. What the hell was happening to her? And how twisted had things become in twelve months. Fuck.

“You okay” Jenson asks frowning at her.

She swallows her mouthful of barely chewed food. “Fine. Just remembered something,” she mumbles. She shakes her head and reaches for her water, “Nothing important.”

Lie. Lies. Liar.

* * *

It’s long. It’s hot and Sebastian is happy to extract himself once the race was done. Second and considering he qualified third he was happy with that. Dan who had been having a fantastic weekend, and even taking pole had had such a bad start both he and Aston had mugged him off the straight line. He wipes his face with his sleeve, drenched in sweat before shaking hands with the mechanics who come to care for his car.

His eyes flick to Aston whose hand was gripped by Dan’s tightly, heads bowed as Dan congratulates her on her win and there’s a hot spike of jealousy. He shakes his head, trying to clear it as he walks over to shake both of their hands, conveniently breaking up their team love.

He squeezes Laura’s hand tightly and she smiles at him, warm and genuine, eyes shining as she says, “Good race.”

“You too, congrats,” he returns before she’s gone, whisked away to do her post race interview and he stands there watching her, taking in her appearance. Hair a mess, she was just as sweaty as he was, and she was happy but she sounded more relieved than anything else. She hasn’t won since Silverstone, since before she found out about Lillian and he wants to hug her again, tell her he’s proud of her, because of none of this was easy on a regular day but he can’t.

All he does post grid interviews, is sit next to her in the drivers room waiting for the podium, his knee pushed to hers as they all drink and discuss Dan’s poor start and tailwinds. It’s the first time ever he didn’t care if he started questions and rumours if it meant he could squeeze her hand or hug her, but he takes none of that, instead watches as her teammate got to slap her back and inflame his jealousy.

It’s not until he’s rushed to accept Molly’s invite to join Laura post-race does he hug her. Yes there are people but no media and he doesn’t care as he grips her hard and murmurs, “You did good.” She grins at him as he moves to tuck hair behind her ear as she leans into him all smiles and warm and almost his.

“We’re this close,” she pinches her fingers to show the point gap decreasing between them.

“Yeah, well I’m pleased my hydraulic failure helped out there,” he answers sarcastically as her arms wind around his neck and he pulls her closer.

“Stop it,” Molly hisses when she appear with drinks. She shoves a drink at Sebastian adding in an angry whisper, “Just sex my ass.”

And while they break apart, faces appropriately red, Laura leans against him, does nothing to push his arm away that he kept around her waist, doesn’t stop himself from dipping his head toward her and breathing her in. He didn’t care and she was doing nothing to stop him. And yet he still wanted more.

_ More _ . He wanted more of her, more of them. More  _ everything _ .

He doesn’t want to think what that means, so he murmurs in their ear that they should go. He knew she had a flight in a few hours and he didn’t want to stand here and be judged by Molly who was judging him so hard right now. And somehow the walk back to his suite, they don’t touch, there’s no desperate make out session in elevators, everything instead was calm and warm. He glances at her where she frowning at something on her phone while he open the door.

She looks over and grins at him. “Focus and open the door,” she orders playfully. Inside he’s pushes the door closed before she’s crowding him back against it, fingers dragging up and down his shirted torso. “My flight’s been moved up. So we’re going to be quick.”

“Lau,” her name catches in his throat when she works on his pants before dropping to her knees. He lets out a shaky breath, eyes glancing up because seeing her on her knees in front of him was almost too much. His shorts pool at his ankles, briefs following.

“I got you a consolation prize,” she says looking up at him when he dares to glance down at her and swallowing. “So you don’t feel too bad about finishing in second.”

He reaches down, fingers threading through her hair. As much as he loved her doing this, this wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to take her to bed, he wanted to kiss her, do it slow, celebrate with her,  _ love her _ . However, he’s swallowed in wet heat and his head hits the door loudly as he lets out a defeated moan. And the thought of loving her is completely wiped from his mind as he surrenders himself to her.

* * *

Lillian looks from her niece to her brother who was packing up and getting ready to head off. Ella was nearly asleep, worn out from constant attention and a bottle. He’d come to watch the race with her this weekend, and she’d been trying to find the right time to talk to him, or maybe the courage is a better way to put it. But no matter how many time she tried the words got stuck in her throat.

Shifting Ella so she was more comfortable she takes a deep breath. Now or never right? “Miles?”

He looks up from jamming in stuffed toys and raises his eyebrows.

“I was thinking, well more like I’ve done the thinking, and before you say anything. I'm sure okay. Like I looked into it all, and I made up my mind and -”

“Lil,” Miles cuts her off and moves back towards her. “Spit it, since when did you beat around the bush?”

She didn’t usually but for this… She gives him a sad smile before telling him quiet, “I want to stop my treatment.”

There is only silence for the longest time. Miles simply staring at her, eyes passing with so many emotions, growing more misty as he searches her face - judging the seriousness of the statement. 

She reaches for his hand. “It’s not working,” she keeps her voice steady as she talks, “And I’m tired.” She has tears to match his now and she chokes out, “And it hurts. Everything hurts.”

With those words, Miles drops his head, squeezes her hand tightly as he sobs to her, “I can’t lose you. I’m not ready, I’m not ready yet.” He kisses her hand hard before he fully breaks.

“Please don’t make me keep fighting,” she whispers with a sob. “Please Miles. But unless you and Laura say okay, I will. I promise I will.”

She watches as Miles lets her hand go and wipes his face roughly, his attempt to pull himself together. He takes a deep breath. “Okay Lillian. We’ll stop.” She can feel how broken he is to say those words, but she’d been broken for a while now. “You want Laura’s okay?”

She closes her eyes. She already knows getting that is going to be far harder than getting her brothers. But she won’t do anything without both of them agreeing. “Yeah…”

Miles snorts as he hugs her and his daughter. “Good luck. I’m not asking her.”

Wrapping her free arm around her brother she lets out a half laugh, half sob. “Thanks.” She’ll work on her sister. Maybe Kimi will let her get drunk first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the comments on the last chapter had people realising and wondering what will happen when one of them wins or loses the championship. Who does everyone want to win the championship?


	35. Rescue attempt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More reading! Longer chapter this time enjoy!  
> *waves at you all*

It’s a shit day. It’s shit because she spent it in a hospital. It’s shit because Lillian appears worse and mostly slept. At this point she’s sure the doctors are shit. How can her day get any worse? It’s not a question to ask, it only tempts the universe to do it’s worst. And it does, standing in her bathroom, reaching for her towel after a hot shower she sees it – with it’s eight legs, wandering over  _ her _ bathroom wall like it owns the fucking place.

“Fuck.” Startled she nearly slips over in her haste to separate herself from her new nemesis in life. “I’m calm. I’m calm,” she repeats to herself backing out and closing the door. “There, trapped.” She looks at the gap under the door and hurriedly drops her towel to stuff and seal it. Now it was really trapped.

She races to grab her phone, fingers flying to call Miles because he always dealt with these crises but she stops. Right, she wasn’t talking to Miles, and she certainly wasn’t going to undo that over a fucking spider. “Great, I just lost the use of a bathroom,” she says aloud, hands thrown into the air before she freezes and her head erupts into an argument with itself.

Call him.

No. We don’t need him.

We will die in our sleep if we don’t.

You’re overreacting.

He’ll like it if you die in your sleep. He’ll win all the races.

Okay good point.

“Sebastian!” He took forever to answer his phone.

“Aston?” Sebastian answers sounding surprised she’d called him out of the blue and as if she didn’t call him constantly. She didn’t and that wasn’t the point.

“Something happened,” she whispers, eyes glancing at her bathroom door.

“Are you okay?” Sebastian asks rushed.

“I have an intruder…”

“What the fuck?” Did you call the police? Are you in the apartment?” Sebastian sounds panicked.

“I have a spider in my bathroom and I need you to kill it,” she cuts him off because Sebastian freaking out isn’t going to solve her problem. There’s dead silence on the phone. “Seb?”

“There’s a spider?” he repeats it back slowly, sounding unsure like he may have may have misheard her.

“Yes, in my bathroom, it has eight legs. It’s the largest spider I have ever seen. Come here. Kill it.”

“Laura, are you seriously asking me to come there and kill a spider for you?” Sebastian asks the question like she might have lost her mind. “I’m in fucking Zurich.”

“So? Get in your car and drive here,” she demands. “You do it for a goddamn living and you can use my emergency to set a new record from Zurich to London.”

“Laura, I am not driving ten hours to kill a fucking spider!”

“Then get on a plane! This is an emergency! I can’t use my bathroom because it’s being held hostage!”

“Ask a fucking neighbour!”

“My neighbours don’t like me and I don’t talk to them!”

Sebastian snaps at her, “Maybe that’s the problem. Try and be friendly!”

“Sebastian,” she pleads with him. “I’m naked and there’s a spider.”

A beat of silence. “You’re naked?”

She rolls her eyes. “Fine, come here, kill the spider and we can have sex. But until it’s dead, there’s no sex.”

“I hope you realise how ridiculous you’re being right now.” And she can hear him smirking down the phone. “Laura Aston terrified of spiders.”

“Shut the fuck up!” she shouts at him loudly, “Come here and kill it. Right now!”

“You’re paying for my flight.” He ends the call still laughing and Laura throws her phone angrily onto the couch. She hates him, really hates him.

* * *

Laura throws open the door to see Sebastian standing there with his arms folded.

“Do you know how much you’re going to owe me?”

Right now she doesn’t care she simply points at the bathroom. “It’s taken you like twenty four hours to get here. I called you yesterday.”

Sebastian glares at her, throwing his backpack at her as he stalks through her apartment, and as if he doesn’t fear for his life at all, rips aside her towel she was using to keep the spider from eating the flesh from her bones, and throws open the door and stalks inside. “Don’t die!” she shouts after him.

Sebastian reappears almost immediately. “Are you fucking kidding me Laura! That thing is barely visible!”

“Is it dead?” she whispers.

“I am meant to be in Italy!”

“You can go right after it’s dead!” she shouts back at him. “Now kill it!”

He is cursing in German, loudly as he disappears and he reappears with his hands outstretched and cupped together. Her eyes widen and she flees to the other side of the room. “That’s not dead Sebastian.”

“Fucking hell Aston, it’s not going to kill you, I’m going to let it go,” he snaps.

“No, no, no, no,” she tells him panicked. “Then he’ll return. Or worse… it’s a girl spider and her babies will return.” Her eyes are wide in horror.

He doesn’t respond, rolling his eyes as he walks to a window to let it outside. He dusts his hands off and turns back around. “I hope you realise that you will owe me for eternity.” He is looking smug.

She’s only half happy, eyeing the window suspiciously waiting for it to pounce on the glass like a horror movie.

“Do I get a thank you?” he asks.

“It’s not dead,” she returns bluntly. “This might be the beginning of a new nightmare.”

Sebastian snorts loudly and walks over, hands moving to frame her face. “This is going to be my new favourite thing I know about you.”

“I hate you,” she whispers as he laughs while kissing her softly.

“Aston, you can’t hate me. I just flew from Zurich to kill a fucking spider for you.”

“Doesn’t make you my knight in shining armour,” she huffs.

“Debatable,” he grins, “But at least I know you don’t want me to die,” he grins at her happily. She rolls her eyes as he impersonates her screaming ‘don’t die.’. She hates him so much and even when she kisses him to shut him up, he’s just laughing against her mouth.

“Sebastian!” she snaps at him frustrated. “Stop it.” He tries to straighten his face, he fails. “Don’t you want sex? We’re not having sex while you’re laughing at me.” She steps away from him folding her arms.

“Okay, okay,” he tells her reaching for her. “I won’t laugh anymore. The spider has moved on to live a happily ever after outside and you can shower me in thanks with sex.” His arms wrap around her tightly and she stares up at him unhappily but she doesn’t stop him from kissing her, smirking as he does.

It’s much later and their curled up in bed, half dozing as Seb plays with her hair as she lays across him. “Lau?” he says looking at the ceiling, brow creased in thought. She makes a happy little contented ‘hmmm’ in acknowledgement. “You do know you called me to kill a spider right?”

She bashes at his chest and he grabs at her hand tightly to stop her from breaking a rib.

“I didn’t mean it like that, I meant, you called me for a spider and I came. I flew across countries, didn’t go to the factory, because you called,” he tells her quietly.

She won’t look at him but she shuffles closer under the sheet as she mutters, “It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

Of course not. Sighing, he returns to dragging his fingers through her hair. “You need me for anything else while I’m here?”

Laura moves at that, lifting her head to look at him. There’s no mocking smile or any other sign that it wasn’t a genuine offer. “Are you going back tomorrow?”

He reaches up drag his thumb across an eyebrow. “You want me to stay longer?”

“Yeah but it doesn’t mean anything,” she whispers.

“Okay Aston,” he agrees as she kisses him and he lets them get caught up as she moves back over him, but it’s only for a moment.

She’s the one that pull away, her forehead resting on his, eyes still closed as she asks him, “Will you come to the hospital with me tomorrow?”

_ Lillian _ . He answers immediately, “Yes.” Her eyes flutter open to meet his gaze and he sits up when she gives him a shaky smile and he wraps his arms tightly around her before she pushes her face to his chest. He hears nothing, and she won’t look at him as her shoulders shake so he won’t comment that she’s crying. “It’s going to be okay Laura. I promise,” he tells her quietly, making a promise he knows he has no control over, but it doesn’t matter right now as he simply holds her.

* * *

Laura was looking at him guiltily. “What are you going to do while I see Lillian?”

Sebastian shrugs. “Wait for you.” Laura had asked him to come but then decided he wasn’t actually allowed to  _ see _ Lillian because ‘she was a nosy bitch’ and Laura doesn’t want to spend two hours discussing their non-relationship. “I was thinking maybe I’d go and see like the kids in hospital and say hi.”

Laura who had been holding his pinky finger as they walk in snatches her hand away and was now glaring at him as they wait for an elevator. “You can’t do that.”

“What? Surprise sick kids who might like F1?” Sebastian frowns as she slams lift buttons.

“Just for once don’t be the nice guy,” she snaps at him and he rolls his eyes. “And they’d rather see me anyway. Clearly. We’re not in fucking Germany.” They step inside together.

He shrugs before smirking. “Well, you could come with me and we can ask them that in person.”

“No. I’m not talking to sick kids.” She shifts uncomfortably as she crosses her arms, mind made up.

“They’re not going to bite you and I said I’d go with you but I figured as opposed to sitting somewhere in a corner trying not to be noticed, I could do something nice for sick people.” The lift rests on a floor and more people pile in, shoving them together into a corner and Laura looks mightily unhappy to share his personal space, while he happily links his arms around her waist and yanks her closer than need be – he grins at her furious gaze. “Come on,” he tries to get her to perk up a little, “If you want me to go with you and see Lillian I will, just text me.”

“And you’ll abandon all the sick and dying children and come immediately?” Laura was looking hopeful now.

Sebastian snorts. “Yes, if you want me to do that and break their hearts –“

“Yes,” she cuts off. “If I text, you better come running.”

He rolls eyes. “Fine Aston. I’ll make sure to put you above the sick and needy.” That has her brighten up. “You know you’re as selfish as fuck.”

“Thank you, I’m taking that as a compliment.”

“Of course you would,” he mutters as they step out and onto their floor. They walk silently for a few moments till Laura stops.  “You know I can deal with Lillian’s questions,” he tells her. Laura looks over at him. “Because then I’m going to ask her all about fucking Kimi.” Two could play that game.

“It’s fine, go be Mr Nice F1 guy,’ she pushes him away.

He points at her. “I want my answers on Kimi,” he tells her backing away.

“I’ll get you Kimi answers,” she promises and he grins before blowing her a kiss and turning around to find a nurse to lead him to where the Children’s oncology department was. That and the gift shop.

* * *

Laura had barely sat down when Lillian spills out, “Lau, we need to talk.”

There was no way that sentence could be followed by anything good, so she was going to get in first. “Fine, but unless it’s about Kimi bloody Raikkonen I’m going first.” She folds her arms and stares at her sister with the same look she always received when Lillian brought up Sebastian. 

Lillian blinks and frown at her. “What about Kimi?”

Little Miss Fucking Innocent, her ass. This is going to be the same as when she questioned her on Fernando three years ago. “You know, his teeny tiny crush he has on you.”

Her sister rolls her eyes and looks at the nurse that had appeared. “Please, Rosa has a crush on me.” And as if to prove some point, Rosa actually blushes and Lillian smirks. 

“You need anything else Ms Aston?”

Laura goes to respond and bites her tongue because the question wasn’t for her. “I’m fine sweetie.” Lillian gives her the sweetest smile before her nurse hurries off.

Laura clicks her fingers to get her sister’s attention back. “So,  _ Kimi _ .” Lillian stays infuriatingly silent. “Nothing going on? He doesn’t come visit you? You’re not in some secret torrid love affair? Because it wouldn’t be the first time Lillian.”

That has her sister grin. “No one can say I had a boring life.”

“Stop avoiding my questions!” Laura was getting frustrated.

“How’s Sebastian? What did you two lovebirds do in Singapore.”

Laura slumps in her chair. “Is this tit for tat now?”

Lillian actually perks up, clearly liking the sound of this as she claps her hands excitedly. “Yes! Let’s do it like that.”

“Lil,” Laura falls forward onto the bed, head in her sister’s lap because she doesn’t want to do it like that. Why can’t she demand all the things she wants to know and give nothing in return?

“A question for a question.”

Laura only manages a muffled, “Fine.”

“I’ll let you go first, because I’m nice.” The offer is met with a scowl but Laura does sit back up.

“Okay,” Laura decides no beating around the bush. “Have you slept with Kimi Raikkonen?”

“Yes,” Lillian immediately holds up her to stop her from asking  _ when  _ because it was her turn. “You and Sebastian told each other I love you yet?”

Laura makes a face. “No. It’s not like that. We’re not in a relationship.” Lillian snorts and Laura jumps on her next question, “ _ When  _ did you and Kimi sleep together?”

Lillian smirks. “Finland. After your stupid rally stunt with Sebastian. So any crush Kimi has on me is all your fault. And so you don’t burn another question on this, it was a one time thing. It didn’t happen again. It won’t happen again. Unlike you Laura, I know how to do one night stands.”

Laura barely processes the response before she immediately turns defensive, “What does that mean? I can do one night stands!”

“Please, I can count the guys you have been with on one hand. Ben. What’s-his-name, Jenson. Sebastian. For someone that hates relationships, you only seem to do them.” Lillian shrugs. “It’s fine, I’ll do the one night stands for both of us.”

She wants to argue with her sister, but it’s infuriating that she seems to know  _ everything _ . “I slept with Sebastian  _ once _ . A one off,” she mutters.

“Laura! It doesn’t count if you go back for more!”

“There was a one year gap,” she mutters under her breath. She was going to count it. Annoyed that right now they were so far off the topic she wanted to discuss she huffs. “So you and Kimi? Yes or no?”

“No. And never happening.” Lillian crosses her heart and Laura presses her lips tightly together because her sister’s face flickers with emotion, a brief moment of pain that is drowned behind too many emotions in her eyes.

She reaches for her hand. “Since when did you not chase some guy?”

“I’m sure you have told me a million times to avoid painful relationships…” Lillian throws her words back at her. “Plus you banned me from all drivers after Fernando. Remember? And I’m sure you mentioned avoiding Kimi…”

She did all those things. But does that matter right now? “You want my permission? You can have it.” Her sister deserved some kind of happiness.

“Thanks Lau, but I have  _ never _ needed it.” Lillian smiles. “Right, I probably get like ten questions now.”

“Fuck,” Laura lowers herself into her chair bracing herself for the onslaught.

 

Sebastian walks through the gift shop, teeth biting down on a stick of liquorice he had grabbed as he browsed. He’d gone and ordered some new toys for the kids, donating them anonymously, mostly stuffed toys, it’s not like there was a giant selection but – He comes to a dead stop. “No way,” he stares at the plastic spiders they had on the shelf. He turns to shop attendant, “Is this all you have?”

“Might have a box out back,” she calls back.

He practically skips back to her. “I want them all. Every box.” She gives him an odd look but not long later he’s walking into the children’s ward with two large boxes of fake plastic spiders under his arms.

So the problem with doing this unexpectedly, is that he had no autograph cards, no merchandise, nothing to give besides his time, but the hospital staff were more than happy to organise the kids into a room, apparently most of them excited to see him. Molly would be most unimpressed with his impromptu and highly unplanned visit. And he stares at like thirty small faces, some of them beaming up at him excitedly and he wonders if they even cared about autograph cards.

He goes around and introduces himself, asks all of their names before he moves back to the front. “Okay before you ask me lots of questions, I think I want to start by asking some questions myself. Who loves Formula 1?”

More than half of the kids hands shoot up, waving around excitedly. Most of the kids appears to be about seven or eight, with the odd few older and younger.

“And who's your favourite driver?”

He hears names called out from every direction. He frowns at the response, but there was a resounding majority. “Jenson? Really? You know all he does is eat cake and drink tea.” And get in his fucking way with Laura, but hey, he doubts they want to hear about that. “Who loves Laura Aston.” There are hands up and he frowns. “But you love Jenson more?”

There is a screamed chorus of ‘Yes!”

Maybe it’s a good thing Laura isn’t here right now. “We won’t tell her. She’s very jealous.” But he would tell her, the first moment he saw her. And then they’d both bitch about Jenson. “Right, now that we establish I’m the favourite, who has a question?” There are giggles everywhere.

“What’s in the box?” He grins at the boy, Lincoln, six and his favourite colour was blue.

He grabs the box he put on the ground. “You want to see? I got a gift for my girlfriend.” He answers, and he won’t beat himself up about terms right now, because they were kids and this was just simpler and easier. He opens the box and pulls out a handful of spiders to a mass of squeals and laughter.

“She  _ likes  _ spiders?”

“Of course not Samantha,” he smiles at her. “Completely hates them. I’m going to use them to guard my things. Like my car keys and my trophies. I don’t have to worry anymore about her stealing my car of the middle of the night.” More giggles.

“This is like when I was at school and gave Lucy a booger, but she didn’t like that!”

“Boogers?” He blinks at the term and then wishes he hadn’t asked as there seemed to be a lot of fingers up noses all of a sudden. “No, no. Not keen on those, and neither is she. I’ll stick with my spiders.”

“Can I have one?’ So he spends the next ten minutes handing out plastic spiders to all the kids. He didn’t mind, he would still own an army of them.

 

Sebastian leans on the side of Laura’s Renault waiting for her. She’d texted him to meet at the car having finished up with Lillian. He straightens up when she appears, and when in reach she sinks against him. He kisses the side of her head. “Go okay?”

“No,” Laura huffs. “I got drilled all because  _ you  _ wanted to know about fucking Kimi.”

Sebastian grins. “Please, you wanted to know too.” He lets himself relax that things hadn’t gone badly. Laura sulking he could handle. “So?” he asks impatiently.

Laura though had narrowed her attention to the boxes on the bonnet. “What are they?”

He grabs her hand to stop her from opening them. “A gift for you. But not now.” He’d never get an answer to Kimi if she knew what he’d bought.

“I want a gift now,” she demands and he spins her around, pushing her against the car, pinning her in place. “Yes or no?”

“Eh. Yes, maybe. I think she turned him down. Not sure.”

He pouts. 

“For every question I asked, she asked one in return,  _ about us _ . So that’s all get you get.”

“What did she want to know? Did you tell her how you were desperately in love with me?” He teases her and she rolls her eyes.

“You wish.”

He did. He falters, heart skipping a beat at the thought of Laura loving him. She looks at him seriously, watching as his playful expression slides away and instead something shifts between them, her eyes locked with his and everything suddenly feels tight, hot and intense. Her fingers lace behind his neck, pulling him closer, so close they shared the same breath, noses bumping, her eyes sliding closed as she offers her lips. He brushes his against hers lightly, feeling her press into him harder, seeking to close any of the distance between their bodies. 

He kisses her again, softer, arms curling around her tightly as she breathes out, “Thanks for coming.”

“Anything you want Lau,” his eyes flutter open, meeting her gaze, full of so much right now he wants to drown in them, in her. “ _ Anything _ and I’ll give it to you,” he promises. “Anything,” he whispers. The words catch in his throat when it clamps down.  _ I love you _ .

She kisses him this time, lips lingering together, her fingers stroking his cheek. She pulls away, forehead leaning on his as she whispers, “We should go”

He nods, and he releases her, watching her step back, fighting the urge to pull her back into his arms, to kiss her again, to tell her how he felt. However she shakes off the moment, demanding the keys, saying she was driving them back because he said he give her anything. He smiles at her shakily, trying to pull himself back. She kisses him hard, telling him to get his boxes and move. If they’re quick, they can have a quickie before he flies out. 

Seems like a good reason to rush but still his heart pounded and felt full. He loved her.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How come I don't feel any closer to the end of the year? Are we even getting there?


	36. First Date

 

Sebastian never had an issue with his father accompanying him to races, in fact, now that he was older, his father didn’t come to all of them, and he often missed him. Having someone on your side unconditionally, be there, tell him to pull his head in, keep him in line, focused. He could do all those things himself now, but still, even as a grown up he missed his dad sometimes. However, on Wednesday night, eating dinner with his him, in Japan, with his little brother, he taps his fork impatiently on his plate, wishing they weren’t here.

Any other weekend, he’d be squirming in time with Laura, an hour here, a night there. Anything was better than nothing, but now he faced the possibility of only sneaking in a few moments this weekend. And that wasn’t going to be enough. Maybe he could tell them he’s not feeling well and sneak away, just quickly… A pea hits him square in the head.

“You have your very thoughtful face on,” Fabian states, another pea flicked at him that has Sebastian reach over and snatch away his fork. “Hey!”

Their father who had been in the middle of talking about an interesting article he read on the inflight magazine is scolding them both and Sebastian sucks in his breath when he confiscates not just Fabian’s fork, but his as well. “Eat with spoons if you can’t behave.”

“See what you did!” Fabian hisses angrily. “I was being polite.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes. Fabian was being nosey. He gets to his feet. “I’m not feeling well.” He ignores the immediate concern from his father, and the suggestion he call Antti. “I’m going to lie down for a bit. I’m not really hungry.” Then before he can be asked anymore questions he flees the restaurant.

 

“Sebastian -” Laura’s greeting is cut off when Sebastian steps into her room and immediately kissing her. She doesn’t stop him, she kisses him back happily, wrapping herself around him. She thought he was having dinner with his family - she was very aware they would be on limited contact this weekend.

He pulls away, thumbs brushing her cheeks. “I just wanted to say hi,” he smiles as she catches her breath. “I told my dad that I wasn’t well.”

“So what?” She kisses him again, “To do this till he checks up on you?”

“Ah huh,” he confirms before he covers her lips with his again. Just when things are reaching the point where Laura was about to insist she’ll play nurse for him, he yanks himself away.”Right, I’ll see you in the paddock tomorrow.”

“Seb,” she reaches for him but he darts back to the door, grinning at her, blowing her one last kiss and closing door. She pouts, was that what things would be like this weekend? She was annoyed enough when Sebastian had told her his father and brother were here this weekend but the reality was worse. If things were how they had been earlier in the season, all well and good, but now she wants everything she usually gets on a race weekend. Kisses. Sex. All of Sebastian’s attention.

Huffing she goes back to her phone, snatching it up. “You still there Lillian?”

“I wish I wasn’t,” she snaps at her. “What is wrong with you?”

Laura was pleased her sister wasn’t able to see her cheeks go red. “Right what  were we talking about?”

“I can’t wait for you two to be done with each other. If I need to listen to -”

“You could have hung up,” Laura mutters. “How’s Ella by the way?” Change of subject check.

 ***

Sebastian has returned from his track walk and satisfied he was done with his engineers and mechanics goes to sit down with his father who was chatting with Molly. He sighs when she immediately tells him not to get too comfortable. His father pats his hand understanding, meanwhile his brother is bounding over.

“Where did you go?” Sebastian asks trying not to sound annoyed before he heard the answer to the question.

“Red Bull,” he grins. “I’m not banned unlike other people in the family.”

Sebastian sucks in his breath at the comment that was deliberately meant to rile him up. He could be the bigger person right now.

“I have no idea why you and Aston don’t get on? You clearly have the same interests and like… she’s _hot_.”

Molly jumps to her feet. "Let's go Seb," she says way too brighty.

“You’re not her type,” Sebastian stays seated, looking at him annoyed.

Fabian snorts. “No, you’re not her type,” he corrects.

“Seb!” Molly is now pulling at the sleeve of his team shirt. “Come on.”

He gets to his feet, eying his brother furiously as he points at him, “Stay the fuck away from Red Bull.”

“Sebastian!” His father is hissing at him to watch his language.

Fabian is waving him off cheerily. “If you need me, you’ll know where I’ll be.”

“I’m going to kill him,” Sebastian mutters under his breath as he stomps beside Molly, both walking into the paddock.

“Forget Laura, you need to focus,” Molly tells him flatly. “Fighting with your brother is pointless.”

Sebastian slows as they passed Red Bull, eyes searching for her, aware that Molly was rolling his eyes beside him, but not caring.

“This isn’t you focused,” Molly reminds now sounding annoyed herself. “You need to pull it together.”

“I am together,” he says picking up his pace. He could keep his head on track, he could do his job. He could beat her. He had and he will again. Though with that thought, he looks up at the dark clouds looming above, bringing with it rain for most of the weekend, storms imminent.

 * * *

Miles passes Lillian the chips he brought for them to eat while watching free practice. She takes the bowl, but he notes she doesn’t eat any. He wonders if he should be forcing them into her because his sister was fading away. His heart spasms with fear. “What happened with Laura?” He broaches the topic he hasn’t dared raised, but it was clear there was no on track running coming up, rain was pouring at Suzuka.

“Um…” Lillian gives him a sheepish smile. “I got distracted.”

“Don’t make me tell her for you Lil…”

“Why?” she whines at him. “She already hates you. At this point there’s not point in her hating me. I should die with her loving me. You still have years to make up for her hating you.”

Miles mouth opens in a silent gasp, the pain, the harsh reality of what’s happening like a thousand knives driving into him. He wasn’t prepared for the bluntness. His throat clamps closed and no words can escape. And if Lillian is aware of what she just said, made him feel, you can’t tell.

“Please Miles, please don’t make me do this, at least alone.” She’s giving her best puppy dog eyes. “At least be here and do it with me?”

He opens his mouth but he still can’t manage words, so he only nods. There was no way this was going to go well.

“We’ll do when Laura is back from Japan. We’ll rip it off like a bandaid,” Lillian states like it was going to be that simple. There was no way that this was going to go well with Laura. If he had a choice, he doesn’t want to be around for the conversation. He grabs back the bowl of chips and shoves a handful into his mouth, eyes fixed on the TV where there is literally nothing but pouring rain.

* * *

Laura leans at the back of garages, bored as the rain refuses to abate. There was going to be so little running today. She wanted to drive, do something other than stand around here. She looks over at Daniel who was mucking around with a camera and she rolls her eyes. It doesn’t take much to entertain him.

She heads out of the garage towards McLaren. She chats to Jenson but he actually seems busy and doesn’t seem to care about alleviating her boredom. She chats to a few different people down the pitlane before she finds herself at Ferrari. Her eyes focus on the red cars in the garage, neither close to being able to head out to track, but even with the abating rain, practice one is a wash out.

She blinks when a figure blocks her view, Sebastian looking at her with raised eyebrows. “You can’t have her Aston.”

She grins at him. “Not yet anyway,” she returns. “But I have always got what I want.”

Sebastian snorts. “I am not surprised.” He points next door, “Let me remind you where you should be.”

She doesn’t budge and she’s aware of cameras around, and she tucks her hands behind her back to ensure she doesn’t touch before rising on to her toes. She leans forward to whisper in his ear, ensuring her words were only heard by him while she put as much suggestive undertone as she could into - “I’m bored, come play with me.” She drops down and leans away, enjoying watching him purse his lips, falter caught off guard. Only he then spins on his heel and stalks back inside the garage. Clearly that was a no. She lingers for a moment, only to find Sebastian’s father staring at her, watching her, and it has her yank her jacket tighter around herself and head back to her team.

“Aston! Don’t play with the enemy,” Dan is calling out and tsking at her. She rolls her eyes and Daniel wraps an arm around her neck when she’s in reach.”Now, you and Seb have been quite friendly lately. No barbed comments, distance being kept. Let’s not restart the war.”

She was going to ignore the comments. “Let’s get an early lunch,” she suggests. There was no point hanging around. There was only ten minutes left of the session so her and Daniel slip out the back of the garage, grabbing and checking her messages as she goes. She grins at the message waiting for her.

_Tomorrow night. 6pm. After qualifying debriefs. We can play then. Xx_

Daniel raises his eyebrows at her sudden perk in mood, but she slips the phone away without a word, bouncing through the paddock. Even with the bad weather predicted, she thinks this weekend is already looking brighter.

* * *

Laura doesn’t get pole, and as far as she was concerned that came down to the weather, tyres and a drying track. Sebastian set the last flying lap so he took the best time. She glares at the screen of times while waiting in line to be weighed. The moment she could she was going to let fly at Rocky and she wasn’t putting up with bullshit excuses for gaps and timing. She wanted pole damnit!

But that’s exactly what she hears. Gaps and timing, Sebastian had lucked into the perfect time to leave the garage, set the perfect gaps, but she doesn’t care. She stabs at her notepad in debriefing till her anger abates with each passing minute; eyes flicking to the clock. At least at six pm she would be able to forget her problems for a moment only to grumble to herself, forget her problems with the cause of her problems.

“Laura,” Rocky catches her elbow before she can run off. “We’ll get him tomorrow.” He gives her an encouraging smiles, as he if he understands her frustration. His arm slides around her, giving her a one armed squeeze. “You’re leading the championship, you’re in control.”

She presses her lips together, nodding while fighting the urge to push him off.

“Keep your focus on the prize. This is yours.”

She only nods, not saying a word as Rocky moves away, leaving with the rest of the team. She had a bit of time to kill so she sits down to check her instagram, maybe reply to a few comments. Christian walks passed, squeezes her shoulder, stopping to ask if she needs a lift since her press officer had left already. She politely declines, because she had her ride all worked out. She once more looks at the clock, willing Christian out the door, only he hesitates and drops into a seat opposite. No she doesn’t want a pep talk now! Rocky just gave her a pep talk.

‘How’s Lillian?” he asks quietly.

“Fine.” There is no other answer she wants to give him.

“If you need anything, if I can do anything…”

“It’s fine, it’s all under control,” Laura assures him. She’d rather a pep talk than discuss her sister.

Christian reaches over and squeezes her hand. “You’ve done an amazing job this year…”

“Spain? Hungary?” she jokes.

“All things considered,” Christian doesn’t return her smile, looking annoyed at her bringing up races that were certainly not a highlight. “Get some rest Laura.”

She watches her boss leave before staring at her phone. Fuck instagram. She instead watches the minutes tick down, and at exactly six pm she jumps to her feet, slides on her jacket before grabbing her things and bounding to the front door of the motorhome. She looks outside and frowns at the weather. It was drizzling but thunder rolls above before there’s a crack of lightning. The whole sky lights up and she stares up feeling uncomfortable before she see Sebastian jogging towards her, pausing only briefly to look up at the light show. She grins at the sight of him, feeling her insides warm up despite the weather.

She bounces down the steps as Seb grabs her hand only to drop it immediately and he looks around to ensure no one caught his lapse of concentration. The place was close to dead, but there could be anyone lurking around with a camera. The wind picks up and they break into a run, both dodging or leaping the growing puddles. They make their way towards the carpark getting only halfway before the skies suddenly open and there’s a downpour.

She should have grabbed an umbrella. Hindsight was great. She lets out a cry when she’s yanked to the side, Seb’s hand on her elbow as she stumbles under the little shelter the Force India motorhome provided. She stares at the few lone souls running through the downpour, completely unaware of the RBR and Ferrari drivers huddled together. She glares at their umbrellas enviously.

“Where’s your umbrella?” she whines at him.

“It wasn’t raining when I left,” he defends. Poor excuse, it had been raining all weekend. “Where’s yours?”

She lets out a gasp as water suddenly flies off the roof in a sheet and onto them. Sebastian curses looking upwards. “We should just run for it,” he says looking back out as the rain comes down harder than before if that was possible. “I’ll race you.”

“Wait,” she says grabbing the back of his shirt. He looks at her, “I want a head start.”

“Seriously?” He looks amused.

“You’re legs are longer,” she argues.

“And you’re lighter,” he counters. “Ready?”

She doesn’t answer, she just bolts knowing he’ll be right behind her. She was soaked, long before the car was in sight. She hits the grassy area where the cars are parked, and it proves slippery as she slows down attempting to counter her wild skid over what was effectively mud. Seb crashes into her from behind, grabbing her around her stomach and steadying her.

“Okay?”

With her balance back, they tread as carefully and as quickly as they can through the mud. Good luck to the poor person that has to clean the rental car when it’s returned. Her shoes look like mud blocks. At his car he throws his backpack on the bonnet digging out his keys as she tries and mops the hair from her face giggling when he can’t find the damn keys only to then immediately drop them. And of course, they bounce under the car. It didn’t matter, it’s not possible for them to get any wetter at this point, and the rain was actually warm-ish.

He looks at her seriously. “I’ll pay you to get them.”

She grins. “I’m not crawling on my stomach in the mud simply for your amusement.”

He backs her against the car, his hands going to her hips. “Name your price,” he grins back at her before he dips his head to kiss her. It was dangerous, making out in a half empty car park but it doesn’t stop her kissing him back eagerly, She tries and reasons that it was dark, raining hard and who would really try and stop to see who they were. He was warm and his mouth felt delightfully hot compared to the rain.

She moans breathily as he pushes her harder against the door, one hand burying under the layers of her clothes to find skin and slide up her side. He pulls back as he worms more of his hand under her clothes so he can grab a breast. “We should stop,” she pants to him as she starts to shiver though she felt far from cold.

He nods but takes a good long moment before withdrawing his hand. He then drops to the ground, holding her leg as he peers under the car to look for the keys. He stares at up at her, “Do you have a torch?”

She smirks before pulling out her phone to pass to him and he unlocks it to get the screen to display. He takes ages before he lets out a triumphant yell and getting back to his feet. He dangles the key proudly in front of her face. She kisses him quickly, “Very good.”

He passes her a muddy phone which she frowns at before she tries and cleans it in the rain while he wipes his muddied forearms on the back her jacket before opening the car and throwing their things in the back. He opens the door for her, waving her in like he was a gentleman and she hastily slides in, dripping water everywhere. She kicks off her shoes, pouting at how wet she was before he joins her, sliding behind the wheel and removing his own shoes.

“I have towels,” he tells her dropping his and her shoes in the back and then stops. “They’re in the boot.”

“You are very intelligent,” she compliments him sarcastically and he just grins as they take off as much of their wet clothes as they can. “I take it we’re not going to the hotel?”

“Not right away,” he smiles. “We’re going to do something.”

“In the wet?” she raises her eyebrows and he just grins silently as he puts on his seatbelt while she rips off her team shirt now only wearing a singlet.

It’s like driving out of a bog pit. Mud flies everywhere as the wheels spin trying to find grip. Seb eases the car to the small strip of tarmac that would see them leave the circuit. As they head towards security she dumps all her team gear behind her as Seb slows down so she can pull on a plain semi dry shirt from her backpack. This was seriously them pushing the envelope as they wait for security to open the gate.

It was dark, the car was heavily tinted but her heartbeats hard till they pass through. Normally fans would wait here but it was late and wet and it wasn’t a shock that besides passing security there wasn’t anyone else. She watches him attempt to wring out his shirt and flick excess water from his hair.

Before they’re back in town though, Seb turns off the motorway. When she asks how much further he promises not far and sure enough a few minutes later he stops the car as he pulls into a dirt car park. Great. More mud.

Seb tells her to wait and she does as he puts on some flip flops and then gets out grabbing his backpack and coming to her side. She watches him put the backpack over his chest before opening the door. She’s not sure he’s serious when he tells her to jump on his back, but he is and giggling, she does. She pushes the door shut behind her before wrapping both arms around his neck as he then walks them through the rain saving her feet from getting dirty.

She jumps off at the sheltered picnic table before sitting down on the table, her feet resting on the bench seat. He sets about pulling out two sandwiches from his backpack that looked like they came from the Ferrari cafeteria before moving to sit next to her, as he places two bottled waters between them.

“Dinner,” he grins at her. “I can take you out.”

Her eyes flick up at the comment, realising what he was doing, and she’s lost for words, not sure what to say. Unable to think of anything besides, “Best restaurant ever,” before she pulls him down so she can kiss his lips, interrupting his proud smile.

He opens his mouth to say something but then shakes his head, changing his mind as he lets her go. She tucks a leg beneath her turning to face him as she opens her water. She stares at the cars passing them, no one stopping or slowing as she takes a sip. It was really kind of perfect, except for the weather and the fact they were wet and cold.

He moves closer his hand falling to her knee and moving under the edge of her shorts, face in a frown as he asks concerned, “Want me to get you something to keep warm?”

“You have a spare jacket?”

“Close,” he grins and then she watch him dart back to the car returning with a long sleeved Ferrari shirt. He helps her put it on before moving back to sit opposite her.

She pushes the sleeves up that were too long asking, “What’s for dinner?”

He picks up the sandwiches, “Chicken and lettuce or some salad thing.”

“Halvsies?” She doesn’t think either of them particularly wanted just a salad sandwich.

“Sure,” he agrees opening them before grinning and reaching for his backpack. “I nearly forgot…” She watches as he fumbles around. “So at this dinner I was at last night…” He drops down these small tea light candles. “I nicked a few of these from the tables.” He then grabs a box of soggy matches and lights them up, the flame struggling in the window, Sebastian shifting them around trying to shield them as best he can. “There, as good as any expensive restaurant.” He holds up his hand, “Wait, one more thing,” he says back in his bag before he pulls out a pile of plastic forks. “As many forks as you want.”

She grins, before giggling, not prepared to tell him with his chosen meal, didn’t even require one.

It’s somewhere between talking about Fabian’s apparent crush on her and compliments to the cook for their meal that it hits her. _Hard_.  He was funny and kind, competitive and could be a complete jerk when it came to racing but she was desperately in love with him and she wanted him. She stares at him, eyes widening in realisation. She blinks wondering if it would go away, fade, something other than settle in her chest, making itself comfortable in her realisation. She should be panicking, but he smiles at her, shoving the last of his sandwich in his mouth, and there’s none of that in this moment. Nothing but warmth, and contentment for right now.

“What?” Sebastian asks with his mouthful, suddenly looking self-conscious.

“Nothing,” she mutters, flushing and looking down at her lap. When did she get embarrassed like this? _Never_. He’d broken her. Shit. And yet she’s not sure she cares as Sebastian clears all their rubbish, ensuring he collects it all, before he’s asking her if she wants to go back or stay.

“Stay,” she tells him emphatically, bad weather be damned, can they not return to reality for a while? So they do, lying down across the top of the table, side by side, rolling her eyes as Sebastian tells her if it wasn’t wet, they could be stargazing, but instead they’ll have to pretend as they stare at the shelter above them. “I didn’t realise you were one for being a soppy romantic.”

He turns his head and grins at her. “Am I wooing you Aston? Desperately in love with me yet?”

“Never,” she mutters, swallowing at her own lie. His fingers though brush hers, sliding and twisting till his hand clasped hers as she reminds him, “Rules remember.”

Silence. “I remember,” his voice sounded empty and she turns her head to look at him, shivering when she finds him staring at her intensely. It was probably the wind that was picking up around them, blowing the rain towards them or so she’ll tell herself. Rather than the fact that she was allowing herself to drown in him in this moment, be lost with him and not caring if she’ll ever be found. He shifts his face closer, she can feels his breath, warm, lips parted and tempting as she stares at them.

“It’s our first date, don’t know if I should kiss you,” he teases her, and she shuts him up, pressing her mouth to his and kissing him instead. They’re cold but she doesn’t care as they cling to hers.

“Lau,” he whispers her name when he pulls away, and she feels breathless, from their kiss, from the way he was staring at her, she can feel the moment prickling around them. He lifts himself up, moves to lean over her and immediately all the tension between them erupts into heat and want as he presses soft kisses around her mouth, teasing her before he pulls back. “Laura,” his fingers brush through her hair, “Lau, I lo-”

Anything he was going to say is cut off by both of them letting out a gasp when it feels like someone through a bucket of water on them, the rain now fully pouring. The small shelter they had was no longer sufficient to keep them close to dry, water blowing onto them constantly. And they both sit up, grabbing their stuff to make a run back to the car. She gets another piggy back to the car and he asks as they walk, “Front or back?”

She bites his ear, “Is that you asking now or later?” He grins at her not answering and she responds resolutely, “back”. And they scramble in to escape the weather. He leans into the front turn on the heater while she takes the opportunity to pack up her things quickly. The car was dirty and wet and their shit everywhere.

“Leave it,” he says his voice low. He drags her towards him and they’re soon making out furiously and she moans into his mouth.

She slips a hand between them, pressing it into his crotch where he was already hard. “Want me to thank you for dinner?” She pulls his fly down as he replies in rasped German which she assumes was an affirmative. Pulling his erection free, she strokes him gently as his head falls back, his eyes closing. She continues, watching him, enjoying him enjoy himself, before she shifts so she can bend down and take him in her mouth. He lets out a loud appreciative noise as she hold his hips firmly, his hand in her hair tightly as he breathes hard and loud, fogging up the windows as she works on bringing him to the edge.

He arches up suddenly with a sharp cry and he comes, pushing her down on him, wanting more of her as he spills into her mouth. When he slumps back she lifts her head to kiss him his hands moving to her shorts and stripping her out of them and her underwear quickly. “Lie back,” he tells her and they both manoeuvre around in a space not made for these activities.

He doesn’t waste any time, he pushes one leg up as he bends down his tongue sliding between her legs as she moans loudly when he finds her clit. She twists trying to widen her legs as he attacks her mercilessly. Her breath hitches in intervals as the pleasure mounts her hands pulling him against her and holding her to him. Her orgasm floods her and she arches and stiffens, choking out his name as she comes much too quickly.  

Breathing hard she lies there as he lifts his head licking his lips which makes her stomach flip slowly and she lets out a soft moan. Sebastian smirks at her knowingly before he turns and grabs her clothes and tries to help her sit up and put them back on. She sets about making sure she had packed up everything of hers before she looks at the shirt of his she was still wearing.  

“Put your jacket over it, you’re other clothes are wet,” he says reading her mind.

“It’s wet too,” she shrugs.

He follows her back to the front of the car. “Put it on when we get there.” He leans forward to wipe the fog from the windscreen. She uses the towels on the seats that were saturated before dumping her things between her legs and holding her jacket.

“Are we just going to walk in together?”

Seb answers shrugging, “No reason why that wouldn’t work…”

“Great idea if no one is around,” she answers sarcastically. As they get closer she puts on her wet jacket ensuring to tuck any piece of his shirt showing away, shivering at the cold as Seb pulls into the front of the hotel and she hastily exits heading to the lobby.

She’s carrying her backpack, muddy shoes dangling and dripping  in front of her as she walks in barefoot wanting a hot shower. She gasps when she loses her footing on the polished floors. She’s grabbed and steadied and when she looks to her right she’s startled to see Christian.

“Careful Laura,” he warns, “Don’t want another injury.” He stops and takes in her wet and muddy appearance, “What happened to you?” She closes her eyes and hopes that Sebastian wasn’t anywhere near her, because he looked the same. No such luck as she hears Christian’s surprised tone, “Sebastian?”

Seb looks just as startled as her team boss and his former team boss stares between them.

She clears her throat, “No explanation is possible,” she tells him simply, “So just…don’t ask.” She walks to the lift and presses the up arrow, both of them standing behind her, all three of them choosing silence. She hurriedly steps into the lift when it arrives terrified of being seen by anyone else. They all select their floors, all of them ignoring the awkward tension.

Her floor is first and she hastily exits.

“Night Aston. See you tomorrow when you finish behind me,” Seb calls after her. She turns around to give him the finger which sees him blow a kiss at her from behind a startled Christian.

Only once in her room does she realise exactly what a dangerous game they’d played tonight. Enjoyment factor aside, they probably needed to be more sensible about this. But after a long hot shower she feels warmer and better and she finds sleep easily.  

* * *

Sebastian is startled to find his hotel room was not empty. Instead his father was sitting up, watching TV, almost if as if he had been waiting up for him. Like he was fifteen. He flushes as his father turns to look at him, frowning at his appearance - wet and covered in mud.

“Have a good evening?”

“Uh… yes?” He’s not sure either answer was going to have him avoid this conversation. “It’s late -”

“You have a race tomorrow.”

Yep, he’s going to get a lecture. “That’s why I’m going to have a shower and go right to bed.”

“Sebastian,” his father calls him back and he turns back around, steeling himself. “Debriefs do not normally go so late. Everything okay?”

“Fine. I got pole. I’ll win tomorrow.”

His father though is getting to his feet. “You and the girl -”

He sucks in his breath. He really did not want to talk about this. He presses his lips together tightly, biting his tongue to not snap at his father to mind his own business.

“You are young, you can have anyone you want. Not her.”

There were very few things in his life that his parents had ever objected to, generally they were supportive, always on his side. It feels like a blow for his father to be so against something that he was very much on the opposite side of. “It’s not what you think.”

“I am not stupid. I know you. And there has not been many girls that you have been interested in. But this one, she is your competition. You have to beat her -”

“I do,” he huffs. “I will.”

“You think you can have both? Do both? The girl and the championship?”

Sebastian rocks on his heels as he returns stubbornly, “Yes. I want both. I will have both.”

“That is not possible.” His father walks towards him and Sebastian isn’t going to let him convince him otherwise. He pokes him in the forehead, “You need to think with this.” His father looks down at his shorts, “Not that.” Sebastian flushes. “Or worse…” A finger pokes him in the chest. “Do not think with your heart.”

“I know what I’m doing,” he returns quietly.

“She is just a girl. There will be others. Let her go.”

Sebastian stares at him, feeling like his chest was seizing. “I can’t.” He can’t walk away now, he can’t let her go now. He wants her in every possible way. “I tried okay. It won’t stop. I can’t stop.” He had tried last year, hell, he had tried this year. “I want both,” he repeats his earlier statement, pleading with his dad to understand.

His father sighs, patting his shoulder. “Just like your mother,” he mutters turning away, “Too much heart.”

Sebastian’s shoulders slump. His father was clearly disappointed in him, and the last time he was sure he disappointed him was when he had left his lego out on the table and Fabian had nearly choked on one when he was three. There’s an automatic urge to rush after him and apologise, but for what? Falling for the wrong person? It wasn’t like he chose Laura. He hadn’t chosen any of this.

The door to his room closes quietly after his dad. He stares at it. He knew he didn’t want a lecture. He spins on his heel and heads to the bathroom. He wished his dad had slammed the door, Aston would have. He instead, slams the door closed on the bathroom, glaring at it. He was going to have both. Fuck everyone that told him he couldn’t. He’d prove them all wrong. Molly. Kimi. Lillian. His father. He had spent the last few years proving everyone wrong, he could do it again.

* * *


	37. The uncomfortable nature of truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in posting. Life has been... horrible. Well I'm sure it could be worse but doesn't feel like it sometimes.  
> Also my surgery is moved up so will try and squeeze out one or two more chapters but then there will be a 2 week-ish break. Unless I can somehow work out how to type one handed... hmm.  
> Anyway enjoy! (Might spam out a few chapters really quickly)

Laura stands on the podium, face in a scowl as the German anthem plays. There was nothing she could do to catch Sebastian, he’d had an edge all weekend. Her precious lead in the  championship gone once more, though she as only tailing Sebastian by two points now. Bu still, she wasn’t going to pretend to be happy. She was far from it.

When she’s leaving the podium, Sebastian moves to wave her past, his hand resting on her back and she’s torn between wanting to enjoy the fleeting touch or avoid it. Her anger wins out and she hastens pace. She didn’t care if she was being a sore loser, she wasn’t going to pretend to be happy for him when she wasn’t. 

Except by the time she’s finished up, press work done, debriefs over, and she’s changed, her immediate anger has subsided. She’s happy that the weekend was done and her head immediately begins a slow spiral. It starts with the thought of wondering what Sebastian was doing once he was finished up? Would he be spending the whole evening with his family? Maybe she can steal him away, spend the night with him before they fly home. She texts him, chewing her lip as she does because there’s a new path to her thoughts - They had a deal. Of course he’d want to meet up, even for a few hours. But for what? To fuck her? So she can be pissed at him for winning? Her thumbs have frozen above her phone. And yeah she was pissed at him, but taking her anger out on him isn’t what she wants.

Leaning back against the wall in her driver’s room, phone clutched in her hand with an unsent message she’s stuck. What does she want? Him to come and see her, comfort her, tell her she’ll do good next time? She wants him to  _ love  _ her, not flaunt his win and rub it in her face like was the norm. Well  _ had bee _ n the norm. Her breath catches and she’s frozen. Sebastian can’t love her like that, that’s not who they were. She was being ridiculous, this was crazy and yet…  _ she still wants it _ .

She jumps, when her phone buzzes to life.  _ Mr Grey  _ was calling. She blinks at Sebastian’s ID, a reminder of their deal, of how they were meant to be. She swallows. He probably wanted to make a time to fuck… Her chest hurts, and last night feels like an illusion, except for the part where she was in love with him - that was still painfully wedged in her heart. She was so fucked.

“Hey Aston?”

Her head snaps to the door, Daniel knocking on it before opening it slowly. Her teammate was kindly interrupting her panic attack, forcing her to resemble her sure self. “You want to go out and get drunk?” He leans in the doorway. “You know, drink to the demise of Sebastian and Ferrari?”

“Yes!” She probably didn’t need to shout that, but at least Daniel grins at her, brightening up.

“You know what I like Laura? The one constant I can count on in life, your utter hatred of Seb. It’s like a feeling of home you know…”

If those words were meant to be comforting, they aren’t. Her fake smile gone, eyes wide with the knowledge she was so far from the point she’d never felt so vulnerable in her life.

She says nothing, only follows out Daniel, throwing her now silent phone in the bottom of her bag.

 

Sebastian sighs when his phone rings out. His father and Fabian were waiting for him and he reluctantly moves to join them.He had wanted to see if Laura wanted to have dinner, with him and his family. And if she wasn’t keen, he wants to do something with her, see her before they left and went home. 

Fabian is giving him an impatient glare, as if he was still working when he had said he had clocked out. “Personal call,” he snaps at his brother, like it was any of his business. They leave with Molly, and Sebastian ignores all the comments his brother was making about Red Bull, their competitiveness and Aston. It was as if he was deliberately choosing topics to rub him the wrong way. He’d say something if Molly wasn’t digging her fingers into his arm as a warning.

He does enjoy dinner with his family, he does enjoy having them here, however he can’t help but wish they weren’t so he could enjoy his now usual post race routine of being with Laura. He didn’t doubt she was pissed about not winning, she was always pissed about not winning, but still, she hadn’t returned his call or his text messages…

There’s suddenly this niggling doubt he had about them and that they needed to talk. About them. About their relationship. About their stupid deal which had now just become a convenient cover for their relationship to continue under. That was what it was right? They weren’t just fucking, right? He wasn’t the only lost in all of this, right? 

“Sebastian,” his brother is waving a hand in front of his face, attempting to pull him back from the fear that maybe this was all still him. He stares at Fabian with wide eyes, because if can’t  _ just be him _ ! “You okay?”

“Fine,” he mutters, checking his phone for the millionth time and finding it was still absent from replies to his messages. He tries to turn the volume up louder on his phone, he doesn’t want to miss any response from her.

“You don’t seem okay. You seem…” Fabian rocks on his heel, looking at him thoughtfully. “Weird.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes and shoves him from where he was blocking the television. “You’re imagining things.” 

It’s not long after his phone  _ finally  _ beeps, singing to him that he has a message. He’s on his feet so fast, cradling his phone tightly as he puts distance between him and his brother, not even acknowledging the grunt from his dad who had been more than silent with him.

_ Laura _ . His heart speeds up as he begins reading, chewing his lip in nerves after all the silence.

_ Been out with Daniel. Too much Sake. Why do I always drink too much with him? Don’t answer that actually. Hope you had a good night with your family. I have an early flight. Seeing Lillian. So I’ll catch up with you in Russia. _

He reads it and then rereads it, wanting to ensure he doesn’t miss anything. It seems  _ casual _ . They weren’t casual! Were they? She doesn’t sound pissed at him so that’s a good thing. She didn’t want to see him though. His head hurts. And Russia? His heart drops. That’s another two weeks away. He doesn’t want to wait two weeks. Can he call her? He could call her right?

“Sebastian?” He drags his eyes up to see that his father was watching him closely, looking as if he knew who was texting him. “Everything okay?”

“Fine,” he can only force a smile, squeezing his phone in his grip tightly. He stalks back over and sits on the couch, next his brother who was smirking.

“Get it now,” he says happily. “You have a girlfriend.”

At least this time, his father is the one telling Fabian to shut up, while he sits back and stares at the TV blankly. He definitely didn’t have a girlfriend. He had a weird non-relationship built a deal where there is only sex and absolutely no falling in love.

* * *

Laura holds up her hand when she walks into the hospital room and before Lillian can comment she’s being told, “We’re not talking about the race. You watched it, I was there, we are not discussing it further.” Clearly she was still upset about second place. So Lillian zips her lips.

“Second isn’t bad Lau.” Miles pipes up from the corner of the room where he is fiddling with flowers that had arrived from Ben.

Laura’s eyes narrow at her brother and she looks at her sister with questioning eyes. Lillian though, only pats on the bed next to her, encouraging her to sit with her.

“Don’t worry about him, sit.” Lillian orders.

Her sister though is clearly suspicious. “Has something happened?”

“No, but we need to talk.” She takes a deep breath not even sure where to start and Laura is looking more and more worried, eyes darting between them isn’t helping to make this easier.

The silence stretches until Miles has had enough and simply blurts out, “Lillian wants to stop all treatment,”

There’s no silence after that as Laura immediately explodes, “What? Why? No!” She points at her sister, “No! You aren’t stopping!” She’s then pointing at Miles, “This is your fault! What have you been saying?”

“It’s not like that Laura,” Lillian interrupts only to be cut off immediately so Laura can keep on her rant.

“We are not giving up! Why are we giving up? Because it’s hard? Life is fucking hard!”

Miles has stepped in front of Laura, hands on her shoulders, shhing her because screaming in the hospital was a sure way to get attention. 

Lillian opens her mouth to say something but her throat has clamped shut and there are tears blurring her vision. 

“Hey,” Miles grips her tightly, “We all know what’s happening, we are only delaying the inevitable.” Miles’s voice is hoarse and clearly no one wants to voice the ‘d’ word aloud. 

“No,” Laura chokes out and stamps her foot. “If you wanted my permission,” she hisses at Lillian, voice like acid, “You don’t have it. You’ll never have it.” Laura shoves Miles away, “I hate you both right now.” 

Lillian can only watch as her sister then grabs her bag and storms back out. She immediately bursts into tears and Miles’s comment of, “She’ll be back,” doesn’t help. She didn’t doubt that, but Laura not being on her side wasn’t going to change even when her anger has passed.

“I’ll talk to her,” Miles promises moving to squeeze her hand. “She’ll come around.”

All Lillian can manage between her sobs is, “She won’t.”

 

It’s only after Lillian was somewhat calmer does Miles get up to find his sister. She hadn’t come back, but he doubted she actually left. She was probably cooling off somewhere, well hopefully. He wanders around, finally finding her sister in the hospital’s small chapel hunched over her phone.

“Does god answer texts now?”

Laura snorts. “If he did, I’d be sending a lot of fucking texts.”

Miles moves to sit next to her. “She’s in pain Laura.”

“Don’t talk to me,” Laura tells him. “I’m not forgiving you just because Lillian is dying.”

The words hurt, but more that he may lose one sister forever than the fact that Laura is still mad at him. “I’m not here to ask forgiveness… though this feels like the place I should be…” he waves at their surroundings. Laura’s mouth shifts into the smallest of smiles, he was taking it as a win. “Laura,” his voice turns serious, “Don’t make her keep doing this.”

“I’m not,” Laura whispers, “I mean she can do what she wants. I can’t physically stop her.” His sister is distracted by messages on her phone. God replies quickly apparently. 

“She knows that, she wants -”

“My support. My blessing,” Laura finishes for him bitterly. “She’s not getting it. Not to die. Accepting death is the easy way out.” She looks at her brother, and he stares at her eyes that balanced tears. “I could have taken an easy way out. There are many people that can choose an easy way out. I’m not telling her that’s okay.”

“I think this is a little different,” Miles sighs. “She’s not willingly killing herself.” He wasn’t going to currently address the insinuation that Laura had in the past wanted to kill herself. “She needs you Laura.”

“She can have me, she’ll always have me.” Laura promises. “Like she always had, even when she was making her poor love life choices. I didn’t support things back then, and I don’t have to support things now. But she has me. That’s all I have.” She looks up at her brother. 

They sit there in silence and Miles stares ahead at the stained glass and statues around them. Churches had creeped him out since he could remember. “Did you pray?” he asks her.

“Yeah, not that I’m expecting anything,” she answers, phone dropping down for the first time. “But you try anything right?”

With that Miles closes his eyes and does the same thing. Because he would try anything, and Laura’s hand slip into his as he does. He holds onto it tightly.

 

When they return to Lillian it’s in silence, Miles watches as his sister moves to crawl into bed with Lillian, curling around her. Lillian smiles at him sadly hugging her back. Laura kisses Lillian’s cheek softly. “I’ll be here,” she whispers.

“Never doubted that,” Lillian responds apparently deciding not to ask if she had changed her mind.

Miles gets his things together, prepared to head home and leave the two of them. At least for a bit. He kisses Lillian’s cheek, and then Laura’s even if she winces. “Let me know if god answers any of your texts.”

“What?” Lillian looks at them curiously and when she looks at her sister, cheeks holding a little blush and she grins knowingly. “What did he say?”

Laura is burying herself further into Lillian. “Come to Switzerland. Or he could come here.”

“What’s in Switzerland?” Miles asks curiously. He’s ignored.

“Are you going?”

Laura shakes her head. “No, I said I’d see him in Russia. I just want to be here….”

Miles walks out, rolling his eyes at them and their girl secrets or whatever. He grabs at his phone prepared to call Molly. He was looking forward to going home, to seeing her, his daughter. He was tired and so sore. He wants to curl up with them and pretend that everything was okay for a bit.

* * *


	38. In Russia. With Love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Happy reading :)

Leaving Lillian, packing to head to Russia felt almost like an impossible task. No matter what her deal with Lillian is, it means nothing if she’s not there to see her win, if she’s not around to see her win her promised championship. But still, she leaves, she gets on a plane and the only reason for that is, despite the uncertainty surrounding her relationship with Sebastian, he’s  _ here _ .

“Hey.” Sebastian opening the door, eyes brightening at the sight of her as he gives her a tired smile, almost enough to make the world feel like an okay place. And she doesn’t care right now if she shouldn’t be feeling this way, and that her head was full of so many doubts about them.

Instead with a mumbled greeting of her own she steps into his room and then arms, pressing her face into his chest and simply breathing him in. The world seemed far away, and happily fuzzy here. A kiss is pressed to the side of her head as he squeezes her hard.

“How’s Lillian?”

“Okay,” she shrugs. She wasn’t okay, but she doesn’t want to go there.

“You want to stay in tonight or go out?”

They still hadn’t moved from near the door, still hadn’t broken their grip on the other. God, she’d missed him. “Stay here,” she sighs and when he goes to pull back she grabs him hard. “Right here.”

That makes him laugh and a kiss is placed on her pouting lips. “Come on.”

They end up propped in bed, TV on but more for background noise as Sebastian tells her about his catch up with his family and something that he and his brother had done together. She’s half dozing though, missing the majority of his tale, and not because she wasn’t interested but because she felt exhausted.

She’d draped herself over him, sliding ever closer to his lap as she drifts further away till Sebastian gently shakes her. “Hey,” he murmurs. “You’re tired. Why don’t you go to bed, get some proper sleep,” he suggests quietly, fingers brushing her hair.

“I don’t want to go back to my room.”

Sebastian reaches for his phone, she can feel him fiddling with it. “I set an early alarm so you can head back. Come on.”

She should feel like a child, being undressed and tucked into bed, but she doesn’t. Instead as he lies next to her, fingers lightly brushing her face as she drifts off, she feels loved and she sighs as she closes her eyes with a mumbled and undecipherable, “I love you.”

 

It’s 4am when the alarm goes off, both of them snapping awake, confused and blurry eyed. “Fuck,” Sebastian curses before moving to shut it off as Laura throws herself back on the bed and immediately rolls over.

“Hey,” Sebastian moves over kissing her neck. “Get up.”

“No, you get up,” she mutters.

“I’m not sure us switching rooms is going to raise less questions or more than staying here.” He sits up and drags the blanket off her. “I’ll help you get dressed.”

“I’m not moving,” she tells him stubbornly, staying in exactly the same position.

Sebastian lets out a sigh before flopping down on the bed. “Fine, stay there I’m going back to sleep.”

Laura immediately rolls over, seeking him in the bed and snuggling against his turned back. She pushes kisses between his shoulder blades, fingers stroking his stomach. “Since we’re both awake…”

There’s the tiniest of noises when she brushes the front of his briefs he was wearing. She was starting to feel a lot more alert and so were certain parts of Sebastian as she lightly teased him.

“Fuck, you are impossible sometimes,” he says frustrated as he rolls over to face her. “Seriously impossible.” He might sound annoyed but he looks anything but annoyed as he drags her against him and rubs his nose to hers. He kisses her very gently. “ _ Really _ impossible.”

She hooks a leg over his hip and squirms against him impatiently. “You can go back to sleep, and I can leave?”

His hand skims her back and settles on her ass pulling her tightly against him and his erection that was now trapped between them. Sebastian snorts at her. “I don’t think so…” He kisses her again, slowly, deeper as he rolls her onto her back and he moves over her fully. Laura smiles as she wraps her legs around him and Sebastian pulls away. “We’re going to make this quick.”

“Fine,” Laura shrugs not caring her fingers moving to stroke his cheek. He was well due a good shave, but she lets his near beard tickle her palm and he turns his head to kiss it.

“Take your clothes off,” he orders pulling away to shimmy out of his underpants.

Laura throws her arms above her head. “You take them off if you want them off.”

“Damn it Laura,” Sebastian growls as he fingers hook over the top of her underwear. “You’re not meant to be here.”

“And I’m happy to leave,” she reminds him as he makes quick work of the little she was wearing. “Was that so hard?”

Sebastian grabs her hands, fingers tightening around her wrists and pinning them in place. “You drive me fucking insane.”

“Uh huh,” she responds shifting her hips to create friction on his erection. His breath catches. “But you want me…”

“Yeah,” Sebastian groans head dropping down as he enjoys her tease. “I want you…” His fingers had released her wrists and now slide to grasp her hands, lacing their fingers together. “I always want you,” he whispers with heavy eyes before he drops his lips to hers.

The kiss is slow, deep as their tongues rush to meet the other. It’s not the kiss Laura was expecting, it’s far from the instructed quickie Sebastian referred to as they simply kiss, bodies rocking and grinding as a reminder there was more to come – but neither initiate anything, both content with heated kisses as their bodies burn slowly. Sebastian breaks their kiss, nose pushed into hers as he stares at her with dark eyes.

“Laura…” he says her name breathless her hands released after he squeezes them. Hers fly to his head to pull his mouth back down but he resists, a hand reaching between them as he lifts up. He presses against her entrance, holding himself there and her fingers tighten in his hair as she drags in mouthfuls of air. “More?”

Her whole body clenches in a wave of heat. “Seb,” she chokes out her hips pressing down trying to get him to sink in and end the torture.

“Tell me you want me,” he orders, fingers in her hair with the arm he was resting.

“I want you,” she returns her head lifting up to kiss him but he smiles seeing that coming and he pulls back.

“Say you missed me.”

“I missed you!” She did, she missed him so much, she missed him and wanted him.  _ She loved him.  _ He pushes in then, slow, inch by inch watching as she struggles to keep her eyes open. “Seb!” Her head arches back and his lips press soft kisses down her exposed throat as he stills inside of her. Her breathing is all over the place as he kisses his way to her ear.

“I missed you too,” he whispers as they start rocking and Laura moans loudly before their mouths meet again, kisses as unhurried as their movements as they slide arms around the other. Clinging and holding on. She’s lightheaded, probably from lack of air, because it was too hot but she wasn’t going to stop. And that feeling from Montreal, that same all consuming feeling when he had kissed her after asking if she wanted to be loved feels like it bursts in her. It’s bright, fiery and takes a hold of her completely.

“Seb,” she moans tightening her hold on him. She knows what it is this time, knows what to call it.  _ Love _ . This was love. And she should be terrified, but not in this moment, she can’t be afraid in this moment when he was surrounding her, holding her, kissing her,  _ inside  _ of her. It’s intense, the feelings, him, the sex… she feels like she’s being burnt alive from the inside. And somewhere beneath all of that is simple pleasure – but it’s dull like that wasn’t even the object of their coupling.

His lips push desperately to her ear. He talks in German she doesn’t know what he’s saying but she doesn’t need to know, she  _ understands _ . And her whole body begins to tremble at his soft words, voice full of love, words punctuated by soft moans, as breathless as she was. And it’s still not enough, she wants more. Maybe this would never enough, maybe they’d never be enough.

“Seb, more,” she rasps suddenly unable to take this anymore because she feels like she’s going to break and those words were lodged in her throat, desperate to escape.  _ I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.  _ She swears she can hear them echo around her as he moves faster, skin slapping skin. She cries out when he stops and pulls away from her. “Don’t!” She couldn’t bear the distance.

“Come here,” he tells her desperately as he sits up and she scrambles towards him as he drags her into his lap, sinking back onto him as he fills her once more. “Fuck, Laura.” He was panting as his arms wrap around her tightly, helping her move. His eyes are wide, pupils blown as she strokes his face as they balance on the edge and they struggle to walk the line. “Stay with me,” he pleads.

She wraps her arms around his neck, a phone alarm going off somewhere in the background as she kisses him messily. She’ll stay with him, she’ll stay here forever. She was never leaving. But there was only so long they could do this for, balance at the edge, resist the temptation of release their bodies were now screaming for and her cries are no longer being swallowed by his mouth and his groans grow louder and his name leaves her again and again before her body tenses sharply.

“Look,” he gasps desperately, hands tugging in her hair sharply so her eyes snap back open and she stares at him as the pleasure peaks and her body clenches around him in intense waves. It was so good, so fucking good as he watches her fall apart, makes her move through it all. And beneath half lidded eyes she watches his widen, lips parting as German escapes loudly, her name all she understands as he lets himself go to enjoy what they created.

They’re both shaking, they’re both still clutching the other as she sits in his lap. She doesn’t want to move, she never wants to leave. Her head drops to his shoulder as they struggle to catch their breaths. They’d never done that before – that wasn’t fucking. She’s not sure she cares right now as her fingers play with the now damp curls at the base of his neck. His fingers were drawing random patterns over her sweaty back.

It’s like neither one of them want to speak, want to break the moment. But one of them was going to have to get that goddamn phone that kept going off. It’s Sebastian that breaks.

“For fuckssake!” He drags her with him and they fall onto their sides as he grabs at his phone, fingers angrily silencing it before it’s tossed over the edge of the bed and onto the carpet. 

She lies there, tucked under his arm, feeling sated in every way, body loose and head delightfully empty as Sebastian curls around her. She likes this place, she wants to stay in this place, where she felt warm and safe…

“Lau…” Sebastian’s lip brush her ear, coaxing her back. “We need to talk.”

She blinks, and reality begins to crush in on her. She stares at the thick curtains in front of her, not moving, not acknowledging that Sebastian was right, they needed to talk. His fingertips move across her, over her shoulder and down her arm when he props himself up. “I should go,” she finally speaks.

Silence before lips pushes to her temple. “You want a shower before you do?” Apparently Sebastian not in the mood to press for a conversation she’s not sure she even wanted. She nods, twisting to look at him, and his thumb falls to her lips, dragging across them, staring at them; suddenly she’s not quite so sure she’s as sated as she was moments earlier. 

Sebastian’s lips part in a soundless gasp when she parts her lips and sucks at the tip of his thumb. She likes this, being the cause of him coming so undone, wanting her. She likes him wanting her, she can handle him wanting her. 

“Shower,” he tells her roughly, thumb ripped from her lips. 

She lets him drag her from the bed to the bathroom. They stand beneath the water, always touching, unable to leave too much space, lips dragging across skin when possible. She’s shivering with arousal when he pulls her back flush to his chest, fingers between her legs. She cries out as they move through the slick wetness. He holds her up, encouraging her to come for him, telling her he loves making her come, that she looks so fucking hot when she comes, that she was beautiful when she came for him. And she does, because she’s given no choice as her orgasm slams into her.

And she hasn’t even come down when he grabs her, lifts her up and takes her against the shower wall. And this time he fucks her. It was hard and fast and purely for his own pleasure and she doesn’t care. Maybe it would dull things back down between them, make everything go back to normal, because right now she feels out of herself, wanting him,  _ craving  _ him, and not just for sex. It doesn’t, and after she stands on shaky legs as his fingers carefully clean her once more before he turns off the water, apparently unaware that the space he puts between them feels too much. 

They dry off silently, side by side. When their eyes meet in the mirror Laura feels herself flush, and she can’t help herself. She wants to rid them of the space and her fingers shakily reach out to drag down his arm, to cover his hand. And then she shifts, moving behind him, out of sight, before she pushes her heated cheek against his back and then she wraps her arms around him, holding him tightly before she kisses and nips at skin near her mouth.

“Laura,” Sebastian makes a noise, caught by surprise as she sucks at his flesh, arms folding over hers. “Don’t start something…” his warning sounds breathless.

She wasn’t, that wasn’t her intention as she breathes him in, he smelled clean and hers. Well she can pretend, he wasn’t… they weren’t anything. Were they? She presses her forehead into his back, trying hard to not get caught up there as Sebastian tugs at her arm, trying to pull her back around. 

And when she eventually loses that battle, caught up in his arms and his kisses, towels around their feet as they stumble out of the bathroom, he’s telling her harshly between kisses and biting at her lips, “If they do this again, they leave together.”

“I don’t care right now,” she tells him bluntly and those words have Sebastian stop, catching her hand before it can start to do wicked things to him. 

“I’m all for not caring Laura,” he warns roughly.

“Fuck me again,” she orders. Maybe if they fucked again, harder this time it would work. Maybe he didn’t do it hard enough in the shower. She lets out a surprise cry as Sebastian grabs her wrist and yanks her back to the bed and proceeds to do that. He fucks her so hard it may not be possible to walk after, he takes her roughly, he was going to leave marks on her hips from fucking her from behind. There’s no kisses, no gentle touches or tender moments, and yet it’s lacking some vital element that would make this like their couplings in Spain or Monaco.  _ Hate. Anger.  _ It’s missing and it has Laura pushes her face in the sheets to bury her cries and her tears, her hands gripping at the sheets tightly.

But he still makes her scream as she comes. And after he kisses at the red marks on her skin, apologises for hurting her as she lay there recovering.

His body then covers hers and he kisses her hard before he tells her if he she dares asks for him to fuck her again she might actually kill him. She laughs against his mouth and says he can always use his mouth if he was tired.

* * *

They were late and yet Sebastian feels no panic despite Molly’s demanding texts. They eat breakfast in the car to the track, apparently letting go of some of the control over their relationship because ‘drivers go to the track together all the time’ she had said casually when they had finally dragged themselves out of bed.

They don’t speak in the car, Laura looking out the window, lost in thought but her hand was resting on his thigh, fingers fiddling with the hem of his shorts as he drove. Things this morning had been  _ intense _ , and he was sure, so sure, she loved him. He could swear he felt it, seen it… he grips the wheel tighter. He had right? She loved him. His heart pounds at the thought,  _ she loved him _ . 

He looks back over at her, again, for the millionth time, wishing he could get in her head, read her thoughts… She shifts, meeting his gaze, smiling at him, soft and warm, but her eyes were a heated storm, dark with want, like maybe they hadn’t had enough sex, which should be ridiculous,  and far too many emotions he had no idea how to begin to unravel. 

“Lau,” he says quietly as they approach the track.

“Hmmm?” she responds distractedly and his hand flies to hers as it ran up his leg and towards his crotch. “Don’t do that. Is one concussion not enough?” he snaps.

She grins then. “Thought you might be a better driver now.”

He throws her hand back to her side. He lets out a shaky breath. “We need to talk.”

“Hardly seems like the time,” she comments as she waves at their surroundings and Sebastian rolls his eyes as he puts the window down to talk to security and show their passes.

He says nothing else, they go back to silence, grabbing their things. He isn’t sure his head is quite here, his hand searching for hers as they walk through the carpark. She clings to his fingers, her free hand busies with her phone and Sebastian blinks because this could  _ almost  _ be okay,  _ almost  _ be normal.

And then he hears her name and her hand is gone. He blinks and Laura moves ahead of him, moment gone. But as he watches her walk away he doesn’t see Aston. He only sees Laura and she glances over her shoulder at him, giving him a smile and the same look from the car. It makes him flush, his body burn and his chest feel full, but none of it is enough to quite shake his doubts. 

They needed to talk.

* * *


	39. A single question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't replied to all comments yet - but it was either post this morning or answer comments - I think people would prefer I posted?  
> Thanks to @formulaoneisfast for helping me get this one done!

“My favourite teammate!”

Laura looks up from free practice one’s data at her  _ only _ teammate, Daniel dropping into a seat opposite her, clearly settling in with his lunch and apparently joining uninvited. “Daniel, I’m working, I don’t want to chat.”

Daniel makes a face. “You tell me you don’t want to talk to me all the time Aston. It’s fine. I’m used to it. I’ll just do our friendship enough for both of us.” He shoves food in his mouth as if it was his last meal. “And I want to see what you’re doing on Sunday.”

“Racing.” She sits back grabbing her water bottle as she does, eyeing him suspiciously. She didn’t trust him…

Daniel rolls his eyes. “I was thinking more after.”

“Celebrating my win?”

“Whose win it is has not yet been decided, but sure, we can pretend for a moment that it’s you,” Daniel apparently in the mood to play along and appease her. “Well…” Laura watches him hesitate and her eyes narrow, “I have this friend -”

“No,” she cuts him off immediately. “Not interested.” She snatches up her printouts and goes back to studying them.

“Aston, the guy might be the greatest guy on earth, you didn’t let me sell him.”

“He could be curing cancer and I still won’t be impressed.” Daniel snorts and she adds, “How can he cure cancer and wait on me hand and foot?” She won’t let her head dwell on the fact that someone curing cancer could solve a lot of her other problems right about now.

Daniel leans across the table. “Come on, you’re not with Jenson anymore. We all know that. And you’ve been super uptight and stressed. Everyone needs romance and love.” He adds in a whisper, “And good sex.”

Laura snorts. “Who said I’m not getting any of that?”

“Is there someone?” Daniel was now clearly curious, “Aston, I want to meet this other guy. Is it that Ben guy? I thought he was married?”

“It’s not Ben,” she answers shoving her hand in his face to push him back because he was so far across the table now it was ridiculous.

“Oh my god, there is someone!” Daniel is looking way too excited. “Who? Name? What does he do? Can I meet him?”

Laura gets to her feet and points to another table, “I’m just going to sit over here.”

“Oh my god!  _ Are you  _ back with Jenson?” She winces because he shouts that far too loudly and all she can do is glare and give him the finger when she’s given raised eyebrows and nosy glances by their fellow team.

* * *

Sebastian finds himself unable to keep his eyes from drifting back to Laura since she walked in with Daniel. It was a press an event to shake hands, talk with ‘important’ people, mingle and try dodge those from the press. He should probably be paying attention to his sponsors, be shaking hands and making small talk but instead he excuses himself and heads in her direction, sidestepping people as he makes her towards her. His first instinct is to lean down and kiss her, say hi, loop his arms around her and do all those things that would be considered normal except it wasn’t for them, at least  _ not here _ .

But still, he watches her eyes light up at the sight of him, smile replacing her bored and fed up expression despite her only having just arrived. Like any of them wanted to be here. “You come to congratulate me on my pole?” she asks him playfully.

He holds up his fingers, indicating the smallest margin between them this afternoon. “That much in it,” he reminds her. The gap was like a thousandth of a second between them, it was ridiculous it should have been his, one slightly wide corner and he lost it.

“It could be this much,” she reaches up to clamp his fingers closer together, “And I still am number one.”

“There’s still tomorrow Aston,” he reminds her as he drops his hand down. She still keeps a hold onto his fingers, lacing them awkwardly through his. “Points are tomorrow.”

“Stop it!” Molly is next to them, hissing furiously as she reaches down to rip their hands apart. “What is wrong with both of you!”

He can only look at his press officer sheepishly allowing Molly to drag him away, He looks back at Laura who was watching him and she grins holding up her fingers as she reminds him of the gap. He rolls his eyes. 

“You two need to seriously get a grip!”

“You’re overreacting Mol.”

“No! You two seem to have become some touchy feely like couple, as if the longing lovey dovey looks aren’t enough. Quit it. RIght now!” 

Sebastian grins and reaches to hold her hand. ‘If you were jealous Molly, you just had to say so.”

“This isn’t a joke,” she reminds him yanking her hand free and he sighs. “Now go do your job so we can all go.”

 

An hour later he was nearly done, standing with Kimi who he thinks hasn’t said one word all evening, but they both shake the hands of the two men, local politicians who were far more excited about meeting them than vice versa. Sebastian smiles as his hand is let go. “We wish you all the luck tomorrow Sebastian,” he smiles patting him on the back. “Bring a nice trophy home.”

“That is always the aim,” he assures them, “The biggest one preferably.”

“Yes, impress all the girls,” his colleague.

“Uh… yes.” He answers as Kimi watches him, as usual, do all the damn talking. Kimi should be answering these questions, he was always using his status to get women.

“You have a wife Sebastian?” The question is asked as they stop near the exit, so close. “Or a nice girl at home?”

“There are many nice Russian girls.” He’s winked at by the other guy.

“Not married,” Sebastian answers, “No girlfriend.” Kimi snorts next to him which he covers up with an immediate coughing fit and immediately walking off.

“Single then?”

“Yeah…It was lovely to meet you both.” More shaken hands, promises of hooking him up with Russian women and a wife before he can escape. Only he’s nearly knocked over by Aston storming passed him, colliding into him as she does, not that she looks back, not that she apologises. His gaze locked on her, tempted to run after her, join her, go to bed with her, he was exhausted.

“You could have a Russian wife,” Kimi states, “Rather than Aston.”

Sebastian tears his eyes off the now departed figure of Laura. “I don’t need a Russian girl.”

“You want to get a drink?”

“Nope,” Sebastian answers. “Plans.”

“I thought you two were doing the distant thing on race days?”

“We are,” Sebastian answers as he pulls out his phone to text Aston. “It’s not race day. It’s  _ qualifying _ .” They had both gotten very good at their excuses. Kimi wisely says nothing.

 

Despite not getting a reply from Laura he still goes to her hotel room, browsing his phone for a movie they could fall asleep to and watch while he waits for her to let him in. The door jerks open and he’s startled at the fury in Aston’s gaze. “Uh hey?”

“I’m busy.”

He cocks his head frowning. 

“Don’t you have Russian girls that can entertain you?”

“Aston?” His forehead only furrows further and he reaches for her. “What are you -”

“Why don’t go back to your own room. Enjoy the  _ single life _ .”

Okay she had clearly overhead something. “You’re blowing this up -”

“I’ll see you tomorrow when you finish behind me.  _ Again _ .” 

“Laura!” The door is slammed right in his face. Fuck. He grabs his phone and texts her only to receive an image of someone giving him the finger. So, he was watching a movie alone then? 

* * *

_ Single _ . He thinks he’s fucking single? Laura was fuming, had been when he overheard the comment, had been when he rocked up to see her afterwards, so what? He could take his sex and leave? And she still was now as she storms in the paddock, ready to let rip at anyone that dared to speak to her. At least by this point the team know her, and she swears everyone just went scurrying as she steps into the Red Bull motorhome.

Well, except Daniel - who stood in the middle, cheerily waving at her like she didn’t possess the power to burn him dead with her acid gaze. Sorrowfully she didn’t as he bounds over to her. “Aston, it’s race day!”

If he dare hug her… He hugs her. Fuck him as she sucks in her breath and all her anger that was nicely protecting her falters and the hurt beneath is as if someone was taking delight in slicing her chest and heart with shards of glass. It’s so intense the pain, that she can’t breathe and Daniel seems to hug her tighter. And she’s frozen in place, stuck, terror now setting in because she feels like she’s going to cry at any moment because  _ Sebastian Vettel  _ said he was single.

But then Daniel grip loosens, and he steps away, only keep his arm around her shoulders as he chats to her excitedly about the race, apparently not caring she was silent, maybe that was the norm now and he was just used to it. But at least she can breathe again, work on being angry again instead of hurting; but no matter how hard she tries, her anger is no longer enough to cover her hurt.

At least she can focus on  _ this _ . Standing at the edge of the track she looks at her car positioned in pole. She was going to race. She was going to win and she was going to find a way to hurt Sebastian like he had hurt her. Then she would feel better, and everything would go back to normal. And by normal she hopes she magically just stops loving him.

* * *

Sebastian has to resist slamming the steering wheel into the cockpit of his car after he extracts himself, instead controlling his fury as he screw it back in place. He wasn’t giving the cameras anything as he turns his back on them, storming to the scales.  _ Fourth. Fucking fourth! _

He and Aston had been fighting on track, and it’s not Aston that has him raging, it’s his team - who fucked up his pitstop and he finished  _ fourth. Fourth!  _ He wasn’t even on the podium. Was he the only one that remembered they were fighting for a championship? The lead he had over Aston after Japan was gone with her second place. 

The team are apologetic, but he gets the feeling their attitude is, ‘we are sorry, but at least Kimi won’/ Kimi during debriefs says nothing, apparently happy to sit there pretending he was bored while he ranted at everyone for their fuck up. And when Kimi did comment it was to say, “Well, Aston had a shit race too, you’re lucky she didn’t win.” He’d shrug and added, “She could be further ahead than four points.” Never before had he wanted Kimi to shut up and be silent again than he did now. 

At least by the time debriefs were done, rants over, apologies given, he was mostly recovered. Anger now more irritation than anything. Stepping into the paddock he looks around, stretching as Molly appears by his side, both ready to call the weekend done. 

“Are you seeing Laura tonight?” Molly asks as they walk to the exit.

Sebastian shrugs. “If she’s talking to me.”

Molly raises her eyebrows. “Because of the race? Or have you two had a fight.”

“No, we haven’t had a fight.” Though he feels like at this point they were well overdue a conversation which might end up being a fight. Molly looks as if she was about to say more, “Please don’t,” he sighs. He doesn’t want lectures, doesn’t want warnings, doesn’t want to hear any of that. 

“It’ll work out,” she says instead, linking their arms together. “However it is meant to be, will be.”

He gives her a small smile. “Thanks,” he says before they’re stopped by Rocky for a quick chat.

* * *

Laura is sitting in the middle of the bed, rifling through the little makeup she brought to find the brightest lipstick she owned. She hears, doesn’t see Sebastian enter as she comments, “If you keep asking Rocky to steal my room keys I’m going to leave them at the reception when I leave,” she tells him bluntly.

“You have a good day?” he asks, question tentative, cautious.

“No but at least I’m first in the championship thanks to your pitstop error, so there are still positives,” she tells him chirpily.

He gives her a flicker of a smile, relaxing a little that she wasn’t biting his head off immediately, assuming she’d cooled down. “You going out?”

“Yep,” she answers before she carefully applies her lipstick, Sebastian leaning against the closet in her room, watching. When she’s done she jumps up show him the dress she put on. “Like it?”

Sebastian’s eyes on her bare legs. “Yes.”

“Not too much for a blind date?”

Sebastian’s gaze jerks up to meet hers, a little wider and questioning.

“Daniel,” she explains. “A rapper or a drummer or something.” She couldn’t even remember what his name was at this point.

“Seriously?” Sebastian asks. “You’re going on a date?”

“ _ Blind  _ date.”

“Is this like payback?” he asks, annoyance edging into his voice.

“Payback? That would suggest you said or did something wrong and I was punishing you.” She walks over and snatches up her room key to take with her. “You can date your Russian girls and I’ll date who I want.”

“You’re being ridiculous right now Laura,” Sebastian tells her bluntly. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell the world I was in a complicated  _ non  _ relationship with my biggest rival.”

“That’s right, a  _ non _ -relationship,” she repeats and saying the words hurt just as much as hearing them. “You’re going to make me late.”

She goes to move passed him but he blocks her path. “Don’t,” he says quietly, eyes pleading.

The irritation she felt about them was beginning to get to her. “Don’t what Sebastian? Don’t go? Don’t date?  _ Why _ ?” She silently dares him to say it and his mouth opens and closes before his lips press together tightly. “Say something,” she demands. “Are you single?”

“I don’t want anyone else,” he answers after a moment.

She falters at that and steps back. “Are we in a relationship?” she continues cautiously, feeling her heart pound harder. She’s not sure how she wants him to answer that, which answer she wants - the truth or the simplicity that comes with him lying.

And as if knowing he snaps at her, “I feel like you’re setting me up right now and no matter how I answer that I will lose.” She blinks at him. “I mean you’re pissed at me for telling fucking strangers I’m single and yet our entire relationship is based on one fucking rule that is meant to keep us in some stupid grey area.”

“It’s not stupid.” It’s half muttered, mostly for herself, to convince herself that was possible despite her feelings being anything but grey. She stares at her nails with mock interest.

“It’s fucking stupid Laura when you and I both know we haven’t been in the grey area for weeks!”

Laura raises her eyes to meet his, to see his anger, all the hurt there, and she wants to fix it, take it away. She stops herself from reaching for him, fingers curling into fist. “I’m not doing this with you right now.” She tries to step around him but he moves to block her. ‘Sebastian.”

“Don’t go on your date,” he repeats. ‘I don’t want you to go on a date. I don’t want you to date anyone else. I don’t want anyone else,” his confession is followed by a bitter, “Is that what you want from me? To break first? I did, okay. Don’t go on a date.”

The reality of what he was saying sinks in, of what his words mean, what he’s implying presses down on her, and yet none of it seems to soothe her hurt from earlier. And her doubts are still there, like they were simply skirting around things. “You want a relationship? Like properly?”

“Fucksake Laura!” he shouts at her. “We have been in a relationship! I have treated this like a relationship!”

“Stop shouting at me!” she shouts back at him.

“You know what the problem is,” he snaps at her, voice as if he was forcibly restraining himself from raising it at her, “Our stupid one rule relationship. I’m making this shit simple.”

She stares at him, heart pounding.

“No deals, no half way there relationship -”

“You’re ending us?” Her voice turns to ice at what his implying. “You know what,  _ fuck you! _ ” She moves to shove him, angry that he had managed to put her on the verge of tears, angry that right now she feels so much at him ending things when she feels  _ so much _ .

“Laura,” Sebastian reaches to grab her arm, but she slips passed towards the door. “Don’t,” he pleads with her, “Stay. This can be simple…”

“Why?” she asks again, “You ended things. I’m going on my fucking date.”

And then she steps out into the hall and slams the door. There. She was done. Over. Finished. Just like Sebastian wanted. Nothing was simpler than that.  _ And easier _ . Well in every way but one.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks our ship is hitting rocky waters :P  
> (And yes it should be rocky 'ground' but ship! water! So much better this way right?)


	40. Done and dusted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With the help of my fabulous beta, @formulaoneisfast, I have finished the end of this with a only few fingers.
> 
> Enjoy. No updates for a bit because while surgery went well, the pain is pretty bad at times so Im going to give my finger a good break. I'll try and respond to comments when I can.

Sebastian’s first instinct is to go after her, jerk the door open and drag her back into the room. Instead he stands still, the sound of the door slamming in his face now only a constant echo in his head. Laura walking out, storming away isn’t a surprise, she was only confirming all his doubts, that maybe, as usual it’s only him caught up in them. And if he had learnt anything from his time with Laura Aston, personally or at the track, was that if there was ever any feelings or risk of being hurt emotionally, she would put herself so far away from that possibility…

Staring at the door, he breathes, that’s all he can do. Breathe, fight back the urge to cry or scream or drag her back and shake her till she got it. He was pissed off, surprised at his own fury that she could so easily just walk out on him, maybe if any other situation he’d laugh because Aston was right, anger was a great emotion, it was currently burying a well of hurt in his chest.

Fuck it all. He storms out of the room. Why was it always him that put everything on the line, why was it always him willing to risk being hurt? For once,  _ just once _ he wants Aston to be the one that puts herself out there. 

He punches the button to the elevator. And if Aston wants to date some fucking rockstar she can. He keeps slamming the button. The moment he’s inside the lift he texts Kimi. His teammate had won the race so he knew he’d be going out. He could go out, and drink, maybe he would find some nice Russian girl. Maybe then Aston would feel something, if that was at all possible.

His anger though fades. Fast. Getting drunk and sleeping with every willing Russian girl he could find is abandoned before the bottom of his first drink and the woman who was chatting to him excitedly is distracting him from checking his phone to see if Laura had messaged him. Nothing. And with his anger passed, and only hurt in his chest he heads back to his room. Phone clutched in his hand after he texts Laura to call him. She doesn’t, so he calls her when he can’t sleep. He calls her again in the morning. He calls her at the airport. He calls her before he boards his flight.

But there are no texts, no calls, nothing but silence and he spends his trip home mostly silent, ignoring Molly’s gentle prompts to talk. He doesn’t want to talk to her or anyone, especially about Laura. He puts on his headphones and blares music to drown out the world. 

* * *

Run. Run fast. Run hard. It’s what she does the moment she gets home to London. She runs and she never wants to stop. Push for more, push for speed until your lungs burn and the pain that consumes you whole isn’t because your heart feels like it’s been shattered to a million pieces. Run till you have no air so it isn’t possible to cry when you have to breathe. That’s what Laura does. She runs. Maybe she’ll never stop.

If she never stops she never has to deal with where things have smashed into with Sebastian. Their fight in Russia, if that’s what it even was. His missed calls since she returned home, his text messages of them needing to talk. She’d walked out, on them as far as she was concerned, and yet Sebastian was still right there, pushing. Why can’t they keep things exactly the way they were? Why do they need to change? Slap feelings on everything like it makes things okay. It will make nothing okay! It doesn’t simplify  _ anything _ . She wasn’t dealing with this, she wasn’t prepared to deal with this, so she’ll run until she has nothing left.

Finally, her legs collapse under her when she stepped back through the front door. And with her lungs screaming for air, her legs aching with numbness she leans against the door and cries. This wasn’t meant to hurt, she wasn’t meant to hurt. They had it all worked out. She wasn’t meant to love him. There were lines. There were rules.  _ Sebastian  _ ruined  _ everything _ .

Gasping for air, she swallows trying to get herself back under control. This hurts like Jenson. This hurts  _ more _ than Jenson as if denial and pretending somehow made everything worse. She wasn’t going to do this, she wasn’t going to cry about Sebastian. What she needed since she was pretty sure she was physically now unable to run another step, was a new distraction.

Lillian. She’ll see Lillian.

She’s snoozing when Laura sleeps into her room but that was fine. She didn’t necessarily want to talk and have Lillian suck everything out of her head. She moves to sit next to her, gently moving to hold her hand. Even if she wasn’t ready to accept it, her treatment wasn’t working, but did that mean she had to give up? Laura strokes her hand softly, worried if she was in anyway rough she’d hurt her – she was so frail. And frail wasn’t a word she’d have ever associated with her older sister.

Laura rests her head on the bed next to her and closes her eyes, timing her breathing with Lillian’s. It’s nice. Being here with her is… so nice. She drifts off, eyes only fluttering back open at the hand carding through her hair and Lillian murmuring to her.

“Who hurt you Lau?” she whispers.

Laura blinks and she’s not sure if she was meant to answer or if Lillian was just musing aloud. But she answers anyway with a simple response of, “Me.”

She expected a lecture, to hear Lillian tsk at her but there’s none of that, only the gentle sweep of her fingers as she murmurs, “Do you love him?”

There are tears that prickle at that questions and her face scrunches up as she fights back the urge to cry, only shaking her head. She didn’t love him because she didn’t want to love him.

How did Lillian have some many relationships? How did she constantly fall in love, have her heart broken and then pick everything up and move on? Jenson was so hard and she’s not sure she even recovered from that, but this felt like it was crushing her to death. She was never loving anyone ever again.

“It gets better,” Lillian promises her. “Everything fades with time, even pain. I promise.”

Laura didn’t trust herself to lift her head and look at her sister. Didn’t want her to break the precious hold she had on her composure. She didn’t want Lillian to know the truth even if she might already knew it. So she stays still, not moving, only breathing, letting her sister tell her quietly that everything was going to be okay.

It’s only when Lillian falls silent and the threat of a breakdown has passed does Laura dare to sit up. Lillian smiles at her sadly but doesn’t say anything and she was so appreciative she wasn’t dishing out  an I told you so in relation to Sebastian. Stifling a yawn but not wanting to nap all over her sister she stands up stretching. “I’m going to get a coffee, you want anything?”

“Nope, I’m good,” Lillian answers as if getting words out were so much effort. It has Laura chew her lip worriedly.  “So, I guess I’ll just wait here for you then…” Lillian looks at the bed she had been strictly confined to because of how weak she had gotten in the last week.

“Yes,” Laura points at her. “Stay. Right there. Don’t chase anyone.” She walks out with Lillian giggling about some nurse, which she has to halt and reel herself back in,  because she was so short of breath. It crushes a piece of Laura.

Walking back, Laura is posting a picture of her coffee on Instagram. Since Miles had surrendered her account to her, she’s pretty sure it’s become incredibly boring. But she was enjoying it, well somewhat enjoying. And who didn’t love coffee and want to stare at others’ beverages in envy?

Approaching Lillian’s room, she looks up at the sounds of alarms going off and she frowns, only for it to slide off her face and her chest to seize.  _ Lillian _ ” She drops her coffee and bolts up the hall to where doctors and nurses were charging into her sister’s room. She skids into the room, “Lillian!”

There’s too many people, all of them working like mad, and all she can see is Lillian not moving and the alarm blaring at her. She backs up, against the wall, eyes wide with terror. There’s no heartbeat, there’s no breathing and people are yelling. Her hand drops the phone as she whispers her sister’s name over and over. This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening.  _ This isn’t happening! _

And then it’s back. A heart beat. A pulse. The line moves. And Lillian drags in a breath. And Lillian blinks. And at the same moment, Laura breathes, dragging in air before hands slams over her mouth to hold back her cries as she promptly bursting into tears. She’s shaking so much, maybe the only reason she’s on her feet is the wall behind her.

When the doctors and nurses fade back out, a nurse checking on her as she stares at Lillian who looks white, and  _ deathly _ . She can only nod at whatever is being said to her before she walks back to the bed and grabs at her sister, clutching her far harder than she should as she chokes out, “Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me,” she begs desperately. “Don’t Lil. I need you. I need you so badly,” she sobs as a hand rests on her back. “We had a deal,  _ we had a deal _ .”

There’s barely a whisper of, “It was just a nap…” Laura can only watch as Lilian’s  eyes slide closed and Laura hurriedly looks at the heart rate monitors, watching to ensure the line keeps bumping up and down. She holds her hand, she watches her chest rise and fall. She wasn’t going anywhere. Even if she knew and refused to acknowledge the truth – Lillian was dying and there was very little time left.

Choking back on a sob she kisses her hand, clutching it tightly. “Okay Lil,” she forces out. “We can stop now. We can stop…” 

*   *     *

There had been times in Miles’ life where he’d been afraid, felt like he was being crushed with fear. Accidents he had witnessed with Laura, like in Montreal, going to prison and not knowing what to expect, holding Ella for the first time and fearing he was going to fuck up being a dad - but this...  _ This  _ is something more than fear - this was  _ terror _ . Staring at Lillian so still, at what little there was left of his sister and  _ knowing _ there is nothing you can do to help - this was pure fear coupled with terror. This was grief for an inevitable ending.

There are doctors, there are conversations, ones that he was a part of, ones that are hushed behind his back with the nurses. All treatment was ceased, he’d watched them remove the tubes, listened to the doctors tell him that her dying two days ago was more likely a reaction from treatment than the cancer, her body unable to cope anymore and simply shutting down. Was that meant to be hopeful? Laura’s comment from a few weeks back that treatment was killing her might be more accurate than any of them realised and yet… was fighting better than nothing? That was Laura’s view, had been a week ago…

He can only shake his head, rub his face to try and clear his exhaustion, he had flown here when Laura called him in hysterics that Lillian died and that fear, that  _ terror  _ hadn’t left him since. So here he was,  _ waiting _ . He stands near the door, vacating his seat to one, stretch his legs, and two, to offer it to Kimi Raikkonen. 

When he had asked why Kimi was here, Laura had told him blankly she’d called him and that was the end of the conversation, and at this point, he didn’t care, only watching as Kimi leans down to whisper in Lillian’s ear, kiss her lips softly. Any other time he’d be demanding to know what the fuck was going on, but right now he was listening to nurses in the hall talking about Lillian’s bloodwork.

Apparently it looked ‘good’, but her kidneys were failing. He’s not sure how to interpret  _ good  _ from that. As long as she wasn’t in pain… while she slept, or maybe she was unconscious with the amount of time she’d been out at this point. He hesitates before he turns and walks out the room, leaving felt like he might miss something, but while Laura might have fired him months ago, the least he could do while standing around helpless is try and protect her career, because he’s pretty sure she wasn’t meant to be here. He’ll go call Christian.

 

“You can’t stay here,” Miles murmurs. “You’re meant to be at the factory and you look awful Laura.”

Lillian was asleep; she had been nearly for the whole three days Laura had sat next to her. She’d refused to budge, even with Miles pleading with her to go and get some sleep. She didn’t think Lillian was going make the next week, and that was so little time, she didn’t want to miss a minute. She strokes her arm as Miles mutters something about calling Christian back.

He returns some time later and pulls a chair up next to her. “Laura, look at me,” he orders gently.

She turns her head after a moment to stare at her brother. “There is a race this weekend.”

“I don’t care,” she tells him, her attention going back to Lillian.

“She’s going to die,” Miles says adamantly, “Whether it’s today, tomorrow, next week or month. It could be ten years from now, she’ll die. You can’t guarantee to be there for that.”

“I don’t want to race.” She makes it clear her voice shaking as she does.

“You need to race,” Miles says instead. “Lillian will never forgive you if you miss a race for her.  _ You had a deal. _ ”

She closes her eyes and drops her head. She hadn’t thought about the consequences of that promise, that she might not be  _ here  _ when it mattered most. “Don’t tell her,” she begs. How would Lillian know? She wouldn’t. It wasn’t like she was awake much currently and she could lie. She didn’t need to know.

“You fly out tomorrow morning,” Miles continues, “Please go home and sleep till then.”

“I hate you,” she whispers to her brother as she squeezes Lillian’s hand.

*   *     *

Sebastian’s pretty sure at this point he’d never trained so much between races as he has in the lead up to the US GP. He’s pretty sure Antti wants to ask him questions, he certainly looks like he wants to ask questions, watching him worriedly as he pushed himself harder than he had in a long time with every training exercise given. At least when he’s training his head isn’t able to dwell on the silence from Laura.

“Okay,” he says lying on his stomach on the ground in front of the shelving with all his trophies. “I think she’s ignoring me.” He stares hard at the plastic spider in front of him. “So, at this point I’m thinking I need to pack you all up…” His eyes glance at all the spiders he had spent a ridiculous amount of time on laying out. He’d created groups of them, different ground troops, as well as carefully covering his trophies and his shelves. The second group of spiders surrounded all the keys to his vehicle, and he supposes he should address them too. “So, since Aston has decided  we are done,” his heart seizes as he says that, “Then I think we need to post you all to her…”

“Sebastian?” Sebastian twists to look at the doorway, Molly standing there with Ella on her hip, and looking wide eyed at him addressing his men. “Have you been drinking?”

“The bottle of vodka is from Kimi,” he states holding it up so she can see it was still full. “It came with a card that said ‘I told you so’. I’m speaking to Maurizio and having him fired.”

Molly though looks at his shelves, “I was more going to ask about the…” she points at all the spiders.

“My security system,” he says holding his arms out so she’ll bring him Ella and he doesn’t have to get up. He grins and rolls onto his back so Ella can sit on his stomach. “Aunty Laura is terrified of spiders,” he tells her bouncing her a little.

“Don’t bounce her,” Molly warns, “She just ate.” She hesitates and sits next to him. “So nothing from Laura then?”

“Nope, maybe she’s on some fancy island with her new boyfriend -”

“Seb,” Molly cuts him off, and he stops when he sees the pained look on her face.

“What happened?” he sits up immediately, cradling Ella carefully as he does. “Lillian?”

“Yeah…”

“She’s in a really bad way. She died, but they got her back, but she’s been unconscious since… Laura called Miles in a mess a few days back. He left, hasn’t been back since and says this is it.”

He freezes. Lillian was going to die? “Is Laura okay?” Should he call her? Check on her? Well call her  _ again  _ because he had been trying.

“Miles says she’s going to race. I think he pushed the point, but she’s flying out today…” Molly shrugs clearly not sure on the answer.

If Laura was going to race that was good. That would be a distraction, she’d need something. He reaches for his phone and Molly interrupts his internal debate to call her with, “She’s on a plane Seb.”

“Right,” he says, attempting to crush his phone in his grip instead. “When’s my flight?”

“Tomorrow,” Molly answers him cautiously. “Seb, don’t –“

She stops that sentence when he glares at her furiously. Don’t what? Hurt her? Cause her more pain? Didn’t she understand that he didn’t want any of that for Laura? Complicating her life wasn’t his intention even if she was fine with fucking his up and not only destroying his long forgotten new year’s resolution but breaking his vow to never date or be in love again.

“We should go earlier,” he says scrambling off the floor. “Maybe see fans and be supportive to the team.” He gets to his feet, prepared to start packing immediately.

“Seb, we can’t go earlier,” Molly says using her calm voice that she liked to use when she thought he was being irrational. He ignores her and she continues, “My mum can’t look after Ella till tomorrow and Miles is with Lillian.”

Sebastian turns back around at the doorway, holding up Ella, jiggling her in his arms and smiling when she smiles back at him, one little arm reaching towards his mouth. He catches her hand and drowns it in kisses. “We’ll take her with us. Everyone will love you, they will, yes they will,” he tells her in his baby voice.

“Sebastian!” Molly snaps at him. “You’re being ridiculous. And if you want to see Laura, maybe letting her breathe before you barge in and try and rescue her from the un-rescuable would be a wise idea?” Sebastian remains stubbornly silent, now talking in German about how silly her mother was as if Molly didn’t understand German. “Seb,” she decides on a softer approach, “If you ended things, don’t make this more complicated for her. She doesn’t need it. Call her or text her and feel her out before you do something stupid.”

He stares at her. “Fine. We’ll go tomorrow.” And then he would see her in person, and he could make sure she was okay, and be there for her, because she was going to need someone, even if she didn’t realise it.

* * *

They’re in the US this week, and the GP is not the thing currently on his mind. He does try and call Laura but unsurprisingly she doesn’t answer. He tries and listens to Molly, give her space and time, but he’s worried and her silence is only making it worse. 

He doesn’t wait till they’re at the track, he just systematically calls people till he gets a room number. Fuck people knowing at this point. And when he shows up at her hotel room, there’s a Red Bull press officer that answers, looking surprised to see him. 

“Sebastian?”

“I need to talk to Laura.” He moves passed her without an invite. She’s sitting on the ground surrounded by autograph cards and hats. Signing them not even looking up at him.

“You’re not welcome Sebastian,” she states bluntly,

“We need to talk,” he replies. He looks at the press officer, not sure of her name, she’s new. “Can we have a moment?”

“No,” Laura answers for her. “Gina stays. You go.”

Sebastian moves past a confused Gina to join Laura. “Laura,” he says quietly, “I’m so sorry about Lillian.”

Laura’s gaze finally snaps up to meet his, it’s empty and cold as she tells him in an icy voice, “She’ll be fine. And don’t get comfortable. I don’t want you here.” She goes back to signing as Gina packs them into a box looking like she wants out of here. 

“Hey,” he tries again, reaching for her hand only for her to snatch it back and looks like she wants him to drop dead. “Lau, in Russia -”

“We’re not talking about that, there’s nothing to talk about.”

He glances at Gina, hesitating before deciding to fuck it, “I don’t want to end things. I want to do this properly. I care about you, I'm worried about you. I lo-”

“I said I don’t care!” she raises her voice. “I said we were done. So we’re done. Finished. Dead. Over. We’re over. It was nothing, we were nothing.”

He stares at her, because she can’t believe that. Gina is hurriedly leaving the room, door closing the only sound as he tries to process what she’s saying. “Don’t do this Laura, you don’t mean that.”

“I do. There’s only one thing that matters right now. It’s not you. It’s not us. Its me winning, its me winning this championship. That’s it, that’s all. You are nothing to me. You always have been, you always will be.”

Her words hurt, even if he knows right now she doesn’t mean them. Well he was clinging to that hope, because he can’t be the only one that feels something. “Is hating me how you want to do this? Is that going to make things easier for you?” He tries to not sound as upset as he felt. “We don’t have to do it like that…”

She looks back up, eyes locked with his, void of nothing but anger and coldness. “Well I am. I did.”

Swallowing the lump in his throat Sebastian gets to his feet. “Okay Aston. We’ll do it like that.” He gets up to leave, and she doesn’t stop him, call his name, chase him down and take it back. Instead after he has closed the door behind him, he’s alone in the hall, feeling like she crushed his heart with nothing but a blink of her eyes. She wants space, he’d give it to her, and with that he walks away. They were done then and she can do it alone. But there was no way he was letting her win, she can break his heart, but he can hurt her back by taking the only thing she apparently cares about - her championship.


	41. Blame it on me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look what I did? I wrote a chapter with seven fingers!  
> Also look at me taking a break. I'm not so good at letting things go. Sorry!  
> Thanks to @formulaoneisfast for helping me out with this chapter

It doesn’t matter if he has been smashed, if his heart has been crushed in his chest. It doesn’t matter if he feels like curling up in bed and not facing the world the next day, the circus that is F1 doesn’t stop. Antti yanking at his ankle the next morning, dragging him out of bed, dragging him to the gym. And after, he’s forced to get dressed, join Molly and the team for breakfast. 

He can barely manage smiles, his usual morning chipper mood killed, and he wants to go back to his room and bury himself away. But he doesn’t get much of a choice, there are press duties and fans, and at least it’s all a distraction and he’s thankful that Molly and Antti aren’t asking questions.

At the track however, he feels out of sync with everyone, and when the opportunity presents itself he can’t help but seek out Red Bull, seek out Aston. His eyes finding her again and again, making the hurt feel fresh and raw each time. He has to stop himself from going over and talking to her, remembering he promised her space. She seems further away than ever, blanking everyone, even the Red Bull staff that are with, her arms folded and eyes fixed blankly in the distance. There’s no doubt she doesn’t want to be here.

He can understand that. He doesn’t want to be here either. But escaping is impossible, so here they were, stuck together, separately, in their own misery. He drops his head as he walks the track, kicking hard at a loose stone as he does. Fuck all this shit. Could this weekend get any worse?

 

Yes. Apparently it isn’t enough for Aston to break him, she has to blame him for all her problems. Being name called in the press conferences isn’t new, but her ranting after free practice on Friday that the  _ one  _ lap that he blocked her on, resulted in her poor times for the whole session is laughable. Her bitchiness though only gets worse throughout the weekend and Aston has decided every problem she has is his fault.

After qualifying he has to front the stewards after she reported that he didn’t slow down under double waved yellows. Fucking bullshit, as if that in some way meant he hindered her qualifying pace, was the reason she ranted non-stop about getting P2 and finishing behind Daniel. He’d only qualified third, yet that doesn’t seem to factor into Aston’s logic.

Up until this point he had bitten his tongue, had held back on responding to Aston’s need to make their spat public. He didn’t want to be petty, he didn’t want things to resort to how they were last year, no matter where they stood personally, but he was losing his patience with her.

“Sebastian, thoughts on qualifying, on Aston’s accusation?”

Sebastian crosses his arms, purses his lips before he answers coldly. “Stewards have all the footage. It was clear from the outset. And as for qualifying, I’m pleased Daniel is on pole.” And when Molly gives him the nod they were done, he spins on his heel and stalks away. Maybe he would fight Aston on and off track. He certainly wasn’t going to lie down and let her walk over him, she’d done that enough. 

“Don’t start something Seb,” Molly tells him quietly.

“She’s starting it,” he snaps. “I can make up shit too and report it to the stewards. I can be an asshole if that’s how she wants to play this.”

Molly sighs. “You want to have dinner alone? Talk about what’s going on with you and Laura?”

“Nope,” he answers simply.

She looks at him concerned. “Okay,” she forces a smile and squeezes his arm before he ducks into the shelter of the Ferrari motorhome, looking forward to ending the day.

  
  


When Laura gets out of the car on Sunday she wants to scream into her helmet. She was second, and there was no one to blame but fucking Sebastian Vettel. Any chance at fighting for the lead was over in the first corner, when  _ Sebastian  _ ran into her, touched  _ her _ , and yet somehow she was given the drive-through penalty. It was lucky Sebastian had spun, and she had been able to recover her second place.

She storms passed Daniel jumping onto his car, waving to the roaring crowd as shakes with anger. She wants to find Sebastian, she wants to scream at him, she wants to punch him, she wants to let rip at him for  _ everything _ \- why did he have to exist? Why couldn’t he just get out of her way, out of her life? Why was he always fucking up  _ everything _ !

“No.” It’s Christian, arm wrapping around her tightly. “Let’s not hunt down Ferrari drivers,” he murmurs, steering her away from the parked cars and where Sebastian was glaring at the damage on his car. “Second is great Laura -”

She shrugs him off her, eyes full of fire. “Second is never good enough,” she hisses, bypassing the rest of the team and heading to the driver’s room to be weighed. She wishes Sebastian had finished on the podium, she’d have shoved him right off it.

 

With the podium, press conference, Christian’s watchful gaze, she has no chance to let rip at Sebastian in person, so she ensures she vents to the press. Not only at Sebastian but also at the stewards, who as far as she was concerned had been blind all weekend. And there is absolutely no comfort in the fact that she has extended her lead over Sebastian in the title fight, or the fact that she was leading.

Everything feels like it’s on a knife’s edge. Everything feels like if she blows the wrong way, it would all fall to pieces around her. Its suffocating, the world felt like it was suffocating her. And when she leaves the paddock on Sunday evening, her hands are clenched to stop them shaking, and her anger and frustration feels as if it’s the only emotion she holds right now. What she needed was an outlet…

 

“Laura?” Jenson looks surprised to see her when she shows up at his hotel door, and she smiles at him, taking in his appearance, looking clean and fresh. 

“You want to get dinner?” she asks.

“Yeah, that sounds great. I’ll cancel on Lewis.”

“Ah, music to my ears,” she grins. She waits for him to grab his things and when he hugs her squeezing her tightly, she feels herself falter. The wall inside her wobbles and for a moment it threatens to break before he releases her, and then tucks her up under his arm and kisses the side of her head.

Dinner is nice. Jenson seems happy to do the talking, he is also kind enough to avoid topics that he knows was going to cause issues, no discussions on Sebastian, no discussions on Lillian. It was nice, and walking back to his room with frozen yoghurt she wasn’t interested in, she looks over at him. She missed him, she missed them.

They were easy. At least looking back, it was easy in comparison to everything she had going on now. Frowning she stabs at her frozen dessert she wasn’t really in the mood for as Jenson opens the door to his room, telling her he’ll raid the mini fridge for something to drink since she hadn’t wanted to go out.

When he passes her the drink, she murmurs, “Thanks.” She forces a smile and he meets her eyes, and they lock on hers. She steps closer, her fingers reaching for him, stroking the buttons on his shirt as his breath catches.

“Lau,” he says quietly, shaking his head at her.

“Don’t,” she tells him stepping closer. She moves to kiss him, eyes fluttering closed when her lips meet his. Her drink dangles from her fingers in one hand, the other reaches up to touch his cheek. “I miss you,” she breathes out. She kisses him again, he kisses her back but it's only for a moment.

His hands fall to her shoulders and she’s firmly pushed away. “Don’t do this Laura,” he pleads with her. “Don’t make me the distraction guy. That’s not fair. Not after everything.”

The words cut, and she sucks in her breath. “Fine.” And not wanting to hear anymore she ignores him calling after her as she dumps her drink and walks out, slamming the door behind her. She’ll just add rejection to the pile of shit she had to deal with as she storms her way to the elevator. 

She slams the button, taking deep breaths because she hadn’t got this far through the weekend to break. She hadn’t spent the last four days resolutely ignoring Sebastian to break now, she hadn’t been grilled by the press to break now. Stepping inside the small box that feels like the walls were suddenly far too close she squeezes her eyes closed and tries to breathe.

“Tough weekend.”

Her eyes snap open at the Aussie accent, and she’s startled to see Mark Webber opposite, looking casual and sympathetic. It seems to take a moment to pull herself together, to not feel the wrecked heap she was. Forcing a smile she returns with a simple, “Hey.”

Mark stares at her, eyes searching hers and she feels it, there’s definitely a moment between them and Mark’s mouth pulls into a slow smile as she relaxes and he says, “Hey…”

* * *

“Hey,” Lillian answers the phone sounding tired.

Laura falls into her bed, curling up. “Sorry I didn’t call you sooner.”

“I assumed you were somehow exacting revenge on Sebastian,” Lillian breathes out, sounding like talking was a lot of effort. But she was talking that’s a step from when she left.

“Yeah, something like that,” she mutters. “How are you feeling?” She didn’t want to talk about the race or anything close to that.

“Tired, but a lot better,” Lillian answers. “In that I haven't died again.”

Laura’s blood runs cold. “I'm not ready to joke about that,” she whispers back. Suddenly she’s back in the room, and all her fear is so real.

“Sorry,” she says after a moment. “Second was good Lau. Don't beat yourself up, you did great. You extended your points, that's good. Keep focused.”

Laura crawls into her bed, hugging her pillow. She doesn’t want to keep focused. “I want to see you.”

“Soon,” Lillian promises. “After you win Mexico.”

Another week. She’s not sure she can keep going. She wants assurances that Lillian will be there for her to go home to.

“I’ll be here,” she promises as if her sister was reading her mind. “I’ll keep my side of the deal,” Lillian murmurs, “Promise Lau…” Her sister trails off sounding like she was falling to sleep.

“Get some sleep Lil,” Laura whispers an after some shuffling noises her brother’s on the phone who was giving her a rundown. Lillian was doing better, her vitals were stable and they were still running tests, trying to work out a timeline, a base of where things are now that there was no treatment. Miles doesn’t have any answers, but he does assure her that Lillian was okay, that she has picked up and seems better.

She supposes that's good news, yet, it just feels like a moment before the storm. Ending the call, she drops the phone next to her and drags in a shaky breath, And then she lets out a sob she can’t catch, escaping passed her wall and it’s quickly followed by another. And she’s on the edge right now that if she starts down this path, she’ll never recover. She scrambles from the bed, wiping her eyes, right time to shower. Then bed, then sleep. Then start tomorrow.

* * *

Miles eyes are glued to the TV screen where he was currently watching Laura and Vettel battling out for first place. If the last race had resulted in them exchanging rubber, their vicious overtaking attempts were going to put one of them in a wall. He winces when Sebastian dives up the inside, retaking first place.

“I think I’m going to have a heart attack,” Lillian tells him, slouching under her sheet like maybe she didn’t want to watch. 

Miles glances at her, “Not funny.” With her health currently, that wasn’t something to joke about. Before he can lecture her more, the commentators are going off excitedly as Laura runs wide, losing time behind Sebastian.

“Call her and tell her to be happy with second!”

Yeah, like Laura will settle for second. They weren’t even halfway through the race. He sighs as Rocky’s radio transmission comes up, telling Laura she needed to cool it, settle in they will get him in the final pit stops.

Miles was already dreading post-race, if the build-up with their snappy comments to each post last race was bad, things were going to hit the fan after this race. Miles curses as he watches Laura push Sebastian onto the grass in the next lap, practically shoving him off track at the next corner as she takes the lead. It’s immediately followed by Vettel screaming on the radio that she deserves to black flagged.

For the next few laps, things to seem settle, Sebastian slotting in behind the Red Bull and following for a few laps before he pulls into the pits, prepared to try an undercut to jump to the lead. It works, and Miles is then listening to his sister screaming on the radio wanting to know why Sebastian was ahead. 

And that’s how things stay. Race done. Sebastian first. Laura second, and Daniel in third. The result has cut Laura’s lead to three points with two races remaining over Sebastian, and nine points over Daniel.

“Maybe I should go to Brazil…” he says worriedly.

“Yeah, but good luck getting her to agree to that,” Lillian sighs, chewing her lip. “I don’t think she’s doing so good.”

They’re now watching the post-race where Sebastian was going off at Laura in the driver’s room prior to the podium, Daniel positioning himself between the two, as they shout at each other and neither are holding back. It’s the first time since Spain they were airing their displeasure with each other, but this time it’s in front of the world feed.

“I think they’ve fallen out,” Lillian comments, eyes glued to the screen as Maurizio is there trying to calm Sebastian while Daniel is fighting Laura from giving the Ferrari driver the finger. “Like  _ properly  _ fallen out.”

Miles stares at her, “When were they friends?” he asks confused and Lillian is glaring at him.

“Honestly Miles! I like fucking died and spent two weeks dead to the world and I see more than you.” A pillow is thrown at him. “Open your fucking eyes!”

“If you’re trying to convince me there’ something going on between Laura and Sebastian -”

“No, I was saying that there  _ was  _ and now there isn’t. Blind and deaf,” Lillian snaps. 

Miles shifts his gaze back to the awkward podium where the top two are silently fuming and neither happy. “Don’t be ridiculous Lil…” But even as he says it he does wonder… Laura had cut him out so much this year what had he been missing? But the only thing he sees now are two pissed off drivers. 

It’s Lillian that asks the question, voices aloud the possibility that neither of them had asked, “What if she doesn’t win the championship?”

Miles swallows. Two races left. Three drivers so close in points, nothing was certain. “I don’t know,” he says simply. He doesn’t have to be by her side every race to know how much Laura wanted her championship and none of it was about her at this point. He knows she’s only doing this for Lillian, and for her to lose it this close to the end… “I’ll go to Brazil. With Molly.” He looks at Lillian worriedly, “No dying while I’m away. As if Laura isn’t pissed at me enough.”

“It would be your fault,” she jokes. “But I’m okay, I feel a lot better.”

Miles nods. She looked a lot better, there was colour in her cheeks, she seemed to have more energy today, he was surprised she hadn’t drifted off to sleep in the race. Was it too much to ask for things to stay like this?

* * *

Yelling at Sebastian check. Yelling at the team for their strategy fuck up check. Ranting at the press about all of the above check. At this point, Laura hates them all. It was like no one cares what she wants and she doesn’t care right now that Christian and a fuming Rocky are both giving her a sharp dressing down because of her behaviour. They can go fuck themselves. 

At this point she wonders if they were sabotaging her campaign. It’s as if no one in the team wants this as much as she does, it's like they don’t get it. And after they’ve both finished questioning  _ her  _ professionalism she asks, “Are we done? Can I go?”

Christian looks incensed at her response, Rocky looks as if he wants to shake her to death. It only has her add, “Going to call my dying sister if you’re finished with your lectures.” Fuck them both. She turns and storms out.

Pushing through the motor home, well more like walking through the path that team cleared for her, apparently eager to all jump out of her way, she charges her way to Ferrari. It’s Molly that is the first person to block her path when she gets there.

“Don’t do this Lau,” she warns.

“I’m finishing what we started,” Laura snaps at her. “Move.” And when she doesn’t, she just shoves passed to get to Sebastian’s room. A few raised eyebrows, but no one stops her, security here was a joke, or maybe the team just want to witness more fireworks.

She doesn’t knock, she just throws open the door, only to falter immediately when she finds Sebastian sitting on a massage table more undressed than dressed. Antti is behind him, working on his neck.

Her breath catches in her throat, and there’s a familiar bolt of heat. Recovering she snaps, “I don’t know why you’d have a sore neck. It’s not like you used your mirrors at all during the race.”

Sebastian’s gaze darkens. “Aston, I’m not doing this with you.”

“Get out,” Laura addresses Antti. Only Seb’s trainer doesn’t budge and she wants to scream at him. It’s like everyone wants to protect him like she has the power to hurt him.

“It’s okay,” Seb says after a moment as if he was enjoying her having a meltdown in front of him.

Antti glares at her, then points at his driver. “There are still a lot of team members here. Watch what you say, what you  _ do _ .” When Antii moves passed her, his gaze is like ice, and she returns it with her own. He can hate her, she doesn’t care.

And Sebastian gets up and grabs his drink bottle and he looks so calm as he sucks on his straw, waiting for her. She clenches her fist before she leans over and locks the door. “I assume you have come to apologise.” 

“You ruined my race, I’m not fucking apologising to you,” she hisses. 

“No,” Sebastian slams his bottle back down and grabs a shirt. Thank fuck, it would help her think clearer. “You aren’t seeing the bigger picture Aston. One DNF, one fucking DNF and the championship is over. You take us out, and Dan fucking wins. Do you get that?”

“Me?  _ Me? _ ”

“Yes, you!” He shouts. “You get a drive-through last race and you still can’t get it through your head! You have two races this season  _ you _ fucked up because you can’t control your anger. It’s like you don’t fucking learn!” She freezes when he walks over and unlocks the door, “I don’t have anything else to say to you.”

“Well I’m not done with you,” she snaps and she goes to lock the door again and what follows is a petty slap fight as they fight over the door. “Stop it!” she shouts.

His hand drops away and he moves to shove his face close to hers, staring at her, eyes furious. “You’re not here to yell at me Laura. But we’re not playing that game anymore.”

She swallows, hesitantly reaching for him. “Seb,” she says his name quietly, looks at him pleadingly, but his eyes are hard and cold.

“You really came here so I could fuck you? In the motorhome?” he asks almost like he was mocking her as he backs her up to the door. “That pissed at me you can’t even wait a few hours till we’re at hotels?”

She licks her lips, staring at his mouth, before he leans down, lips hovering over hers before he moves to kiss her neck. She tries to muffle her moan, arms hurriedly wrapping around him, pulling him closer  _ needing him right now _ .

She’s practically panting as he kisses his way to her ear where he whispers, “I’m not fucking you anymore because you’re pissed at me.” He shoves her back and turns away and marches determinedly to the farthest corner. He snatches up his shorts. “You want me to get into bed with you Laura, you wine and dine me.”

Recovering, Laura pulls herself together. “I hate you.”

“You’ve made that very clear. But I’m still not fucking you.”

Her lower lip trembles and there’s this insane desire to just fucking cry. “I’ll find someone else then.”

Sebastian waves at the door at her threat. “I tried to unlock it for you.”

“Fuck you!” She goes to rip it open, the door catching on the lock. 

“We don’t have to do it like this Laura,” Sebastian says quietly. “That’s not how it has to be.”

She finally gets the lock undone and she yanks the door open, and she whirls around to whisper furiously, “I don’t need you.”

“Then get out.”

 

Walking back to Red Bull, passed a glaring Antti, a concerned Molly, she angrily wipes at her eyes, at her fucking tears at Sebastian not wanting her. Only the moment she’s back there’s Daniel, backpack on, laughing and saying goodbye to the guys, being everyone’s best friend. She stares at him, hating on him till he notices her.

His smile slips away and it’s too late, he grabs her arm before she can duck away. “You know Laura, this weekend, you have been nothing but rude and a bitch to everyone. You need a massive attitude check if you think anyone here wants you to win. You’re not gathering team support behind you and I’m not saying that as your teammate, I’m saying that as your friend.”

Laura lifts her chin, ignoring that his words hurt. “We’re not friends. And we both know I’m better than you. And I certainly don’t need you to win.” Daniel just stares at her, trying to read her, and then to her horror, he hugs her.

She stands there frozen, but he only squeezes her tightly and it’s like knives in her chest and there’s suddenly this mass of hurt and pain welling fast in her. “Stop,” she whispers.

“No,” he states, and after a moment she wraps her arms around him, hugging him back just as tightly before she pushes her face into his shoulder to hide her tears. “You don’t have to do it like this Laura,” he tells her quietly.

“I do…” It’s the only way she knew how to do anything. “And I’ve never been so scared to lose anything in my life.” And it’s not just the championship, it’s Lillian, it’s Sebastian, it’s  _ everything _ . And at this point, they’re all the same thing. 

And then, standing in the middle of the motor home, being hugged by her teammate she finally cries.

* * *


	42. Trying to move past troubles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! We are so close to the end. You have no idea how excited I am to be *this close*.   
> New chapter, tried something a little different because sometimes I get bored with the usual, not sure it worked quite how I wanted it to, but hope you all enjoy it anyway :D

Lillian is standing in her room in hospital, fingers brushing over the central line that had now been removed from her chest with treatment not continuing. One less hole in her body. She knew the doctors were upset that she was stopping, but there’s no denying the relief that came with knowing that it was all over, one way or another. She was exhausted, and not physically, in fact, she had more energy than she had in ages, but emotionally and mentally.

She turns at the knocking on the door, and she smiles at her visitor lounging in the doorway. “You got here quick..”

Kimi smiles at her. “Took the first flight from Mexico,” he shrugs like it wasn’t a big deal. It was.

He strides over, arms enveloping her and she hugs him back tightly.

“I wasn’t sure you’d still be here,” he murmurs and it only has her clutch him harder because it came close to the point where that might have well been the case. A hard kiss is pushed to your temple as he continues to hold her.

And that’s where they stay, standing, in silence, simply holding each other. And she doesn’t want to leave. Can they stay here?

Except nothing lasts forever. “Ms Aston?”

Kimi releases her, mostly so she can turn to see her doctor standing there holding an armful of files. “We need to talk about your results,” she says simply.

Lillian can barely manage a smile, and Kimi in response drags her impossibly closer. This was her getting her new timeline. How long she had left with no treatment. Just because she was feeling better was not to be confused with  _ getting  _ better - she knew her body would simply be feeling great from no longer being poisoned constantly. Her cancer was still there after all - lurking, waiting to attack.

She’s made to sit, she’s made to listen to numbers, medical jargon that she still doesn’t understand - how she doesn’t know. At this point, she feels like she should have a degree in medicine after the last seven months. And despite Kimi’s offer to leave, she makes him stay, so she doesn’t have to hear her death sentence alone.

And after, as she cries, holding her results in her fist tightly, she’d prepared herself for everything but the one outcome. Kimi looks at her worriedly, trying to brush her tears as she only cries harder. “You want me to call your brother or sister?”

Lillian can only shake her head. No. Because Miles would tell Laura, and no matter what she wants right now, she’s not sure the news would help or hinder her championship fight. “Laura can’t know,” she eventually manages. “Not till after she wins... or loses.”

Kimi presses his lips together but he nods, not making further comment and then he leans forward and kisses her and this time she doesn’t stop him.

* * *

“Did you tell her?” Molly asks as she hands Miles the passes for the race.

Miles snorts. “No, it’s not like she’d let me tell her anyway.” He ignores Molly’s concerned expression and instead frowns at the prancing horse on his VIP pass. It’s strange to not have Red Bull colours, to not share Laura’s colours.

“Hows Lillian? She going to be okay with you taking a week out?” 

Miles shrugs. “She seems so much better,” he forces a smile, “Can’t get my hopes up though..”

“Who says we can’t wish for miracles?” Molly questions as they hear a car in the drive. “That’ll be mum with Ella.”

Miles brightens at that. He feels like he was missing so much of Ella in the last few weeks having been planted so firmly in London. “I’ll get her,” he says rushing to the door, happy to greet Molly’s mother, even if she wasn't a fan of him knocking up her only daughter. But still… it was worth it as he cradles his daughter tightly and he tells her he loves her, so, so much.

Leaving her is so hard, and he if he was going to Brazil in a week, he’d have to leave her again. If she was a bit older, if Lillian was better, he’d take her everywhere. 

 

He does text Laura to give her a heads up that he will be accompanying Molly. He doesn’t want her to jump to conclusions that he was supporting Ferrari. Doesn’t matter though, he still receives expletive-ridden texts calling him a traitor and that she hates him. He can only sigh and sit back to watch the bitchfest commence between her and Sebastian this weekend. 

* * *

Laura sits at the back of the garage, legs folded as she watches the guys work on her car, preparing for first practice. She should have interviews, be doing something, but no one has grabbed her, Christian hasn’t stormed in and demanded she does her job and he had seen her, given her a small smile before she’d looked away.

When Daniel bounces in, race suit tied up around his waist he stops to greet the guys, chats to them. She looks out at the fans opposite the pits that were filling up. She knows that she’s no one’s favourite, but when did that ever stop her? Wasn’t it always just her versus the world? In the end, no one else fights your battles, no one else can give her the win, no one but her.

 

_ Laura cries out when her mother yanks her hair hard, trying to twist it up in the tightest knot possible for her floor performance. “A bit of pain won’t kill you,” her mother’s response has her bite her lip when she seems to only pull harder when she makes a noise. “Now, Claudia has weak ankles, and Melissa’s routine was sloppy. There is no reason why you don’t win this one.” _

_ “Okay,” Laura is just relieved her mother has finished with her hair and her hand immediately flies to touch her scalp, try and relieve the pain from the those ‘too tight’ strands. _

_ “Leave it,” her mother slaps her fingers. She grabs her shoulders, “Look at me Laura.” Her mother smiles at her, “You can do this. You don’t need anyone else to win. You focus on your routine, watch your somersault, the last time it wasn’t tight enough -” _

_ She looks passed her mother to search for Lillian and Miles and her dad in the gymnasium. All three of them wave madly at her and she grins at them, moving to wave back. Her hand though is caught. _

_ “Laura, you need to focus. They don’t matter, you want to win, it’s always just you. You and no one else. Do you understand?” _

_ “Yeah…” she drops her hand and her mother pushes her to line up.  _

 

“Hey,” Daniel is in front of her, pulling her from her daze. “You and your brother not talking? Or has the fight between you and Seb like deteriorated to the point where you are now fighting each other for family members?”

“Can we not mention his name?” Laura snaps, she was sick of it. What she wants is just a break from him.

Daniel stares at her. “I think you two need like couples therapy or something,” Daniel muses after a moment and she snorts, only that was probably true and she’s suddenly swallowing a sob that threatens. “How’s your sister?”

Laura shrugs. She’d seen her when she got home after the last race, but since she flew out again, she’d been avoiding her calls. At this point, it was easier without any noise and Lillian seemed to be doing a lot better. “Good, I guess.” Sobbing to Daniel last race, sharing her woes hadn’t made her feel better, in fact, he’d gone from annoying clingy before to insufferably suffocating now.

Daniel looks at her with sympathy, but it may as well be pity. She wishes he would stop pretending he cares. She can see she's been given the wrap by Rocky and she moves to get down. It has Daniel grab her hips, lift her down and spin her till her feet hit the ground.

“Time to get our game faces on Aston.”

She’s not quick enough to dodge him bopping her on the nose as he moves to his side of the garage. She frowns after him, not exactly sure what to make of their current relationship - shouldn’t it be all out war?

* * *

_ “Laura!” _

_ Hearing her father’s voice only has Laura yank her legs up and try and hide her, her lip stuck out, tears in her eyes. _

_ “Laura!” There’s panic now in his tone but he was closer and she cries out when she’s wrenched to her feet and swept up and hugged. “Don’t walk away like that again!” And after recovering, he pulls back to dust her cheeks from tears, and the grease on his fingers smear through her tear tracks. “What’s up cupcake?” He keeps his grip in her tight as they walk back to Lillian and Miles. _

_ Laura though can’t stop from staring at the trophy in Lillian's hands, swinging it around carelessly. “I didn’t get a prize.” _

_ Her father bounces her. “You did great Lau,” he kisses her cheek. “One day you’ll get your own trophy. You should be happy for her, she did a great job. You need to be happy for the people you love.” Another kiss pushed into her cheek before she’s put back down. Her father holds her hand, dragging her behind them as Lillian excitedly chats about her race to Miles who looks more interested in his Nintendo Gameboy he had just got for his seventh birthday. But all Laura sees is the trophy. _

_ In the car, Lillian is trying to play with her and Laura can only ignore her till her sister leans across the space between them and pushes her trophy to her. “You can have it, Lau, if it makes you happy.” Lillian is smiling at her hopefully like it would make her happy and they can be friends again. _

_ Laura picks up the trophy and she runs her fingers over it. It's pretty, even if already smudged and dirty, it's still the shiniest thing she’d ever seen. She clutches it tightly for the rest of the car trip home. _

_ “Why are the girls so filthy?” Her mother looks horrified but Laura holds up her trophy proudly that Lillian had given her. Her mother brushes past her. “Henry! You were taking Miles!” _

_ “The girls wanted a go, and Lil did amazing,” he hugs his daughter proudly against him. _

_ “I gave my trophy to Laura,” she explains and Laura hugs it tightly hurrying to her room, worried her mother would make her give it back. But instead, her mother explodes at their father about letting them into karts. She crawls onto the bed and puts the trophy on her pillow. Something soft so it doesn’t break. _

_ Lillian is shouting at her to come shower with her, and she runs out of the room to find her sister. _

_ That night, Laura lies in bed and she chews her lip as she listens to her parent's voices getting louder. She rolls over to look at Lillian asleep in the bed opposite. Her eyes shift to her trophy on her bedside table. She smiles at it before she crawls from the bed to go to the toilet. And on the way back she goes to the living room wanting her dad to tuck her back in. _

_ “You can’t have the girls signed up for karting without a discussion with me Henry!” _

_ “Ange, you are overreacting. So what if the girls like it. It's just a bit of fun!” _

_ “Girls don’t race! If they want to do something, I'll find them something to do.” _

_ “And if they enjoy it? If they’re good at it? Lillian did amazing,” her father was trying reasoning, fighting to keep his voice down as Laura lingers near the door. _

_ Her mother snorts. “Amazing? It was a third-place finish, Henry. There was like eight kids and she didn’t win.” _

_ “Not everything in life is about winning Angela,” he tells her coldly as Laura shrinks back. _

_ A glass hits a table loudly. “No one remembers who finishes second or below.” _

_ Laura goes back to her room, running on the wooden floors and hurriedly crawls into bed. She stares at the trophy next to her before she sits up again and slips from the bed. She gives the trophy back to Lillian. She doesn’t want that one now. She doesn’t want to be forgotten. _

  
  


“I’m not in the mood.”

Laura doesn’t say anything as she closes the door behind her, room key dropping down as she stares at her teammate who was sprawled out on the bed eating an entire tub of ice cream. “Wow, bad breakup?” she jokes.

“Where did you get the key?” he asks and there’s no smiles or playful Daniel and it kind of breaks her heart. Damn him for winning her over despite all her attempts to hate on him. She moves to join him on the bed and she hugs him tightly because she might have won, but she doesn’t want him to hurt. 

“I got good at stealing room card keys,” she quips lightly. “Did you know that Ferrari drivers get better rooms than us?”

“I don’t know if I should ask you why you are breaking into Ferrari driver’s rooms or if I should start a petition for bigger hotel suites to forward to Christian.”

“It’s definitely the last one,” she tells him grabbing the ice cream. He has the sports channel on, apparently wanting to relive his pain at falling out of the title fight in Brazil with one race to go. “I’m sorry,” she tells him sincerely. She’s not sure what to make of her conflicted emotions she had winning and knowing that Daniel didn’t finish. If it had been in reverse...

“Yeah, well life’s a bitch right?” He waits for her to take a spoonful before he’s snatching it back. “Your engine didn’t blow, so that’s enough.”

“I was going to see if you wanted to go out or something?” she lies back to watch highlights of her winning the Brazilian GP. It wasn’t as satisfying as she thought it would be, beating Sebastian, didn’t feel as good as she expects it to. Extending her lead in the championship isn’t a relief as it should be. And while going out was something the guys were doing, she wants Daniel to come. She’s not sure there have been many times where she cared where her rivals placed when it wasn’t part of a math calculation to calculate her lead or deficit in points.

“Suppose I could use something to mix in with my ice cream,” Daniel is looking at his half-empty tub, and the thought has Laura wrinkle her nose. “How much shit did you cop from Christian when you went around accusing Sebastian of attempted murder post race?”

Laura winces. “So you caught that?” 

Daniel snorts. “It’s part of the highlight reel. FYI, he pushed you wide, he wasn’t trying to kill you.”

They’ll have to agree to disagree and she didn’t want to discuss the incident with Sebastian. He was a nightmare she couldn't escape and being nearly slammed into the wall on the drag to the first corner where she only just managed to squeeze through, only feels like confirmation - maybe if she had crashed, it would only be a fitting end to it.

“So why aren’t you going out with brother?” Daniel might be moping and feeling sorry for himself, but at least he was still kind of enough to change the subject. Only it’s to another sore point.

“We’re not talking,” she shrugs, ripping the ice cream back. “And no, it’s none of your business.”

“You like to make enemies with everyone Lau, you need to work on that.”

“I’ll add it to the list,” she mutters.

* * *

They were one step closer to the end of the season, and Sebastian is happy they were nearly done. He’ll take his second place, after the first corner he hadn’t been anywhere near Aston. She was in her own league this race and he knew that from practice and qualifying… There were ten points he had to make up, and he had done just enough math to know that if things ended like this next race, he’d lost the championship.

So the odds weren’t in his favour. But he wasn’t going to hand it to her, wasn’t going to give up on the one thing that he fought hard for - in the end, they had all had made sacrifices. And after last year, where it looked so much simpler than this, he was going to do everything in his power to not lose it at the finish line. He needs to walk away with something after this year.

Post-race, he goes out, planning to spend the evening with the team, celebrate what they had achieved so far, to take some time for them before they were all required to head out and do it one last time. There are few go to places in Sao Paulo that teams go, so it's not a surprise to find himself in a club surrounded by the Red Bull team.

He ensures he goes around and greets the guys from his former team, and despite the tension with the championship fight it’s all very pleasant. Well, except for one member of the team. He clenches his jaw when Laura walks away from him the moment she has spotted him. 

“Daniel,” Sebastian shakes the hand offered at him, Daniel’s smile forced more than genuine. “Sorry about your engine.”

“Thanks,” he says, “It’s fine, one I’m going to get very drunk, and two, probably safer for me to not be in the middle of you and Laura duelling it out in Abu Dhabi.”

Sebastian’s smile tightens. “You might be the lucky one.” 

Daniel says hi to Molly, as she offers to get him a drink, Miles has gone to join the Red Bull guys and Sebastian moves to head back to Molly only to stop when he sees Laura glaring at him. He gives her a flicker of a smile, hoping... it fades when it’s not returned. Fine, they won’t be civil. He stalks away.

Any resemblance of a good night is destroyed when an hour later he watches Laura making out with some guy on the dancefloor. Well, she had told him last race she was going to find someone else to fuck. Wow, and he thought she couldn’t hurt him more. If she wanted to make him jealous, she had. And furious he gets to his feet and slams his glass down. 

 

Miles isn’t sure if right now is the time he decides to fuck Laura’s orders to keep his distance as he watches with fury as she kisses some guy for anyone to see, and it was more like she was putting on some show. He wasn’t so delusional to think his sister spent her time racing and being celibate, but this was beyond too far. Not to mention she was technically on the clock and in no definition was this close to professional.

“You know your angry vein is popping right now.” Molly who had joined him turns to follow his gaze, “What are you looking…” she trails off before she does a fast circle. “Where’s Sebastian?”

Miles sucks in his breath. “I think we should be addressing the issue at hand!” He has no idea how he was of any relevance right now as he watches Molly desperately looking for her driver. Huffing he turns to head after Laura, only to stop to see she’s no longer there, only a very confused looking bloke. 

 

_ Laura lays on her bed, staring out the window, watching the rain beat against it. It’s like the sky was crying in the absence of her tears. She should be crying, at yet it feels like everything has frozen inside of her. Everything so tight she can barely breathe right now. _

_ “Lau?” Her father sits on the bed beside her, a hand resting on her shoulder. “You did the right thing. You’re young, there’s so many other fish in the sea…” _

_ She cringes at those words. That would be something her mother would say. It doesn’t help. _

_ “It’s best you focus on racing if that’s what you want. No distractions… Don’t let anything or anyone stop you from fighting for what you want.” _

_ She rolls over to stare at him then. She knows that he’d been pressuring her for months to consider her relationship with Ben. He was all fine with them while he was in prison, that actually made things simple. He wasn’t a distraction locked up and joked he wished all of Lillian’s boyfriends were in prison. Lillian probably would have loved conjugal visits if they were honest.  _

_ “Yeah well, it was Ben that ended it. Not me. So you can save your dumb speech about me making the right choice. Because I didn’t, I wanted both,” she snaps at him, tears finally drowning her vision. “But good for you being right. Do you want a prize?” _

_ Angry she gets off the bed stomping through the house and she makes a point to slam every door on the way. Focus on her career, like she wasn’t doing that now like she didn’t put all her energy there. The only time she let up, didn't fight to scream louder than all the boys around, didn’t have to do anything ten thousand times harder just because she was a girl was when Ben saw her for a few weeks at a time flying from Australia to the UK.  _

_ She stops suddenly at the front door. Ben’s words about being a distraction, that it wasn't going to work, that he wanted her to win the world… She turns around to stare at her dad who had followed her. “You did this.” All the words that Ben used, all those things her father had been lecturing to her for weeks about. _

_ “It’s raining. Storming out in socks is a bad idea,” he warns calmly. _

_ And her pain is gone, replaced by anger as she shouts at him. “Stay out of my life! I can have what I want. I have always gotten what I want! You can’t make my decisions for me, I’m an adult -” _

_ “That’s debatable right now,” he states crossing his arms as if her screaming has no impact on him. _

_ “I can have Ben! I can win! I will get an F1 drive. I will be world champion. I will have  _ everything _!” She steps out into the rain because fuck shoes. _

_ “You don’t get everything Laura,” he snaps at her. “Life is about choices. You choose what is important, what matters. No one gets everything! And if you’re not careful, one day you'll learn the hard way that you can end up with nothing!” _

_ Furious she grabs the door and pulls it closed as she stands in the rain. “I hate you!” she screams through the closed door, shoving her wet hair from her face as the rain pours down on her.  _

_ In response, the lock turns over as her father locked her out with a blunt retort of, “Let me know when you have cooled down!” _

 

Laura’s hand slams the bathroom door behind her, Sebastian’s fingers already on the lock. Yes.  _ Yes _ . She’s wrapped around him, feeling like she can’t quite catch her breath, heart hammering in her chest as she tries to pull him closer, lips on his throat, on his neck. She lets out a sharp gasp when he spins her, slamming her painfully into a basin.

He hadn’t said one word when he ripped her off the dancefloor, but he didn’t need to and the utter satisfaction that she had broken him is the biggest high. She moves to kiss him, desperate because it had been so long since she had him. Except Sebastian shoves her back, hands under her dress, yanking down her underwear with little care. 

“Seb,” she pants his name, fingers diving for his jeans feeling like all there was need and the harsh sound of their breathing as she tries to hurry this along. It’s all taking too long, and she needs him, more than anything as he lifts her up, and she gasps when his erection brushes her, and her body floods with heat.

After another moment, holding herself up as Sebastian reaches between them, positions them just right… She cries out in relief when he pushes in, one arm scrabbling for purchase before it’s around his neck. Then they move as she mouths at the stubble on his jaw, making a messy path to his mouth, only to find when she reaches his lips he rips back from her and their movements falter.

She stares at him, unsure, He grabs her hand and throws it back from around him. “Seb?” But his only response is to push harder into her, and she goes from being on the edge and so fucking close to spiralling to the realisation that he hates her. His eyes cold, and this was them in Spain the first time when he fucked her out of sheer frustration and hatred.

Her arms shake, and she realises that this hurt, and not just physically. The last time they were together was in Russia… in Russia where Sebastian loved her, and her eyes flood with tears because there’s none of that here. Her hand bunches his shirt on his shoulder trying to push him back because she now wants him to stop. He doesn’t, instead, his head drops to her shoulder, and his movements lose their rhythm purely chasing his release and she sobs out, “Seb. Stop.”

There's a choked sound against her throat before he comes, and shuddering, he finally stills. Her throat clamps up, and she can barely fight back the urge to cry as he shoves himself away from her almost immediately, like maybe he was repulsed by himself.  _ Or her _ .  She slips to her feet, legs shaky, and she wants nothing more than to fall in his arms, beg him to fix this, apologise, ask for it all back…

Sebastian had fixed himself up, and yanking up his fly he tells her coldly, “See you in Abu Dhabi.”

Laura's chest seizes, sob frozen as he unlocks the door and walks out. She stands there, underwear at her feet, and the need to clean herself up more than apparent. Wasn’t this what she wanted? And suddenly she’s thrown back to Montreal and Sebastian was asking her if she wants to him to love her or hate her. 

Falling over the sink she cries because back then she didn’t know her answer, and now… now her answer is pointless. 

_ Love me. I want you to love me. _

* * *


	43. Aston vs. Vettel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title fight time! If you didn't pick a fav, you have like half a chapter less to choose!

Sebastian pulls off his sunglasses as he sits down in what would be his final press conference of the year. He blinks at the cameras as he sets himself up. He was the last one there so the moment he has prepped the questions start. 

“Welcome to the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix Thursday press conference. Sebastian, shall we start with you?” Sebastian gives a small smile and looks up at the room. “What are your thoughts and feelings going into this weekend? You’re fighting Laura for the title, the hunter, not the hunted so to speak. Considering your colourful history, is this different than previous years?”

Sebastian lets out a puff of air between his lips. “I think sometimes you are all expecting some kind of fistfight between Aston and I. It’s not always like that.” He blinks because for a moment they weren’t battling for the same thing, they were sitting on a wall at 3 am trying to take a selfie. “I approach this weekend like all the others, like I have approached races previously. In some ways, it is easier for me because I just aim for the win and if it works out, it works out.”

“As is becoming the norm, there were some rather descriptive words used to describe some of your moves last race..”

Sebastian shakes his head at the question wondering if he would ever have a press conference where he wouldn't need to discuss Aston.

“Have you two had a chance to talk about that in person?”

Sebastian stares at Crofty. “If you think that Aston and I sit down after a race, have some tea, discuss how things went, then I don’t think you are the person that should be asking questions.” There’s rumbled laughter in the room and it only makes him wince.

“Well no, I don't think you would be quite on those terms, but as racing drivers, as drivers that should be respectful,” he clarifies, “Did you discuss your first lap move?”

Sebastian shakes his head. “No.” No, instead he had fucked her in some bathroom, let his anger and jealousy erupt and he hates himself. Hate himself more than he hates her for pushing him to that point -

“Did you want to take the opportunity to wish her the best -”

Now they were just shitting him off. “Not particularly. We both have our reasons, our drives to win. I’m sure at this point Laura knows my feelings. I don’t wish her any bad luck. And I will enjoy the last race of the season no matter the outcome.”

  
  


“Laura?”

Laura’s head snaps up at her name wondering if she had missed the question but she hadn’t been listening.

“Thoughts ahead on this weekend’s race and the title fight?”

“It’s another race. The aim is to win, to ensure I’m in front of everyone…” she shrugs.

“And then tea with Sebastian?” Someone asks and she blinks not getting the joke. 

“The constructor's championship is still to be won, is that something that is in your head as well?”

Laura forces a smile, says the PR lines that are required. “I focus on the best result for me, the team, and that’s all I can do. In the end, winning the constructors championship is important for everyone.” Right, where was her gold star because did anyone besides the bigwigs care about constructor championships?

The questions shift, at least till it’s opened to the floor and she’s decided that Kimi had the right idea. Answer with one word and then they were less likely to keep asking shit. And when it’s all done her and Sebastian are made to stand next to each other, smile for the cameras, and then asked to shake hands. She wonders if at this point they were being cruel now for her uncooperative answers.

She grasps Sebastian’s hand that was offered, lip curled as she keeps a smile in her face, both of them looking at each other in stony silence. And everything between them is cold, icy, except for where they’re hands hung awkwardly between them. Her hand gripped in his, warm, secure… They’re thanked for their time and Sebastian practically throws her hand back at her and then walks out, snatching up his water and shoving his sunglasses on.

She moves after him, slower, letting him put distance between them as she joined Gina, keeping her head low. 

  
  
  


“Laura,” Martin catches up with the other title fight contender as she walks to the grid. “Thoughts on the race ahead.”

Laura who was drinking as she walks, looks as if she might ignore the question before she finally rips the straw from her mouth, as if she might be unaware this was live and making it deliberately awkward. “Nope.”

Martin almost looks exasperated, but this had been her attitude all weekend. She’d become Kimi Raikkonen without the charm. “Is it only Sebastian you have in your sights today, or will you approach be taking the race as it goes?”

“My target has always been Sebastian,” she tells him coldly. “I finish in front of him, then I win, regardless of our positions.”

She walks off then and Martin comments, “I wonder if Sebastian knows he has a big target on his back? I am sure it’s been there since they were  teammates…”

  
  


“Have you seen her?” Lillian questions Miles as she watches the build-up to the race. She’s never felt so sick in her life, it might be worse than post-treatment nausea. All she had seen besides brief snippets of her sister was in highlight packages, and season review to date content, plus a  _ lovely  _ montage of Sebastian and Laura - at least there was plenty of footage for them to use. 

“Not in person. I think she’s avoiding as many people as possible. I’m probably on the top of the list,” Miles answer.

“You know, I just want this to be done,” Lillian wrings her hands as she paces in front of the TV. “Also. I need to have a chat with baby sister about her attitude problem she has at the moment.” Every time Laura has spoken this week has given Lillian the desire to smack her sister across the face. “Literally wants to burn everything around her. There is no way Christian is going to renew a contract with her after some of the shit she has been saying.”

“I don’t think Laura is thinking about next year,” Miles sighs. “I’m not worried about that yet, we have twelve months to sort that out.”

“Whatever happens Miles…”

“She might have literally put me on an exclusion list with Red Bull, right there with Sebastian, but I’ll go see her,” he promises. “You doing okay?”

“No. I want to be there,” she snaps. She can’t do anything from here, and at this point, Laura wasn't even taking her calls. She hadn’t spoken to her since Thursday. If she was lucky, she’d text her back and tell her she was ‘fine’. 

“Stop pacing, I’ll call you later. I’m going to go to the grid. I’ll wave to you if I can spy some UK cameras…”

“Idiot,” Lillian mutters but she does go sit down to see if she can find her brother. Finding Laura is easy, ignoring all the camera’s that want to be in her face right now, she’s the one looking like she wants everyone to shrivel up and die.

  
  


Should she be feeling excited? Laura’s felt like she’s had none of that in a long time. She’s numb at this point, and everything and everyone around her has just become a background blur. And standing on the side of the track, her eyes sift through all the people, across her mechanics, through the guests, until it’s as if there’s a path for her gaze to the other side - till she was staring at the P2 driver, till she’s staring at Sebastian.

His blue eyes, cold and like ice as he refuses to look away. They had literally not spoken a word to each other, no matter how much the press wanted to put them together. But there was only one fight that was left between them, and wasn’t it the only that matters? Wasn’t that where they were always going to end up?  _ Here. _ Aston vs. Vettel. 

“Stare wars princess?” Rocky steps in front of her, and she blinks, Sebastian gone, before she looks up. “You’re on pole, you have this,” he tells and he squeezes her shoulder and the smile he gives her she doesn’t return. 

There was no doubt there was tension in the team, but she didn’t care right now. The only relief being provided was by Daniel, who had on Thursday showed up in the paddock wearing a t-shirt that had her face in a heart and said ‘#1 fan’ underneath. He was a loser but it was the only thing had made her smile; along with his comments and jokes all weekend about joining her side in her rivalry with Seb. In what world did your teammate become your biggest supporter?

She moves to get in the car. This was it… she takes a deep breath before she moves to get in the car. She closes her eyes and keeps breathing. This was hers…

 

_ Lights out. And away we go... _

  
  
  


So far everything has run smoothly, her last pit stop was scheduled, quick; strategy was looking good. There’s no traffic immediately ahead of her, but she knows that she’ll have fallen down the order and it will take a moment to work out where things are at least until all the others that hadn’t pitted in front do. Rocky comes on the radio, “Vettel is doing a longer stint. Push.”

She does. She throws the car around the circuit, today it was hers, and not the win, the championship. It’s lap after lap, there’s nothing else in her head, turn, turn, straight. It’s as easy as breathing, and her pace is good, but she pushes harder...

“Oil pressure low!” Rocky’s voice breaks through and her stomach clenches. “Fuck, it's dropping fast.”

Her heart sinks, disbelief filling her up as she fiddles furiously with settings as ordered when she turns the car on the pit straight and flooring it. She’s being told that Vettel was exiting the pits. They race out together, side by side and the thought flashes through her head –  _ Take him out! Take him out! _ It would be simple.

But she doesn’t and there’s only the briefest nudge, front tyres brushing together as she keeps ahead of him,  _ just _ . But it doesn’t last and before the lap is completed she feels the power dipping, and then the engine lets go and it’s over. Vettel’s Ferrari screams past as she screams into her helmet before jerking the car off the track and harshly onto the grass. Her hands come up to cover her helmet as she remains in the cockpit, numbness washing over her as the back of her car blazes furiously lighting up her championship.

“Laura,” Rocky’s voice is in her ear, thick with emotion, “Sorry, that’s it.”

Marshals are waving at her to exit the vehicle and she releases her belts and steps free of the car, watching on in silence as her engine is extinguished. That was it. This is how her year ends. She puts the steering back in place walking towards the barriers and jumping over. Her first mechanical failure of the year. That can’t quite sink in. Her first failure and it cost her the championship. There’s a harsh stab of loss – a championship that wasn’t hers. The lump in her throat grows as she fights back tears as a bike appears to take her lift back to the pits.

And it’s only when she’s in the garage does she remove her helmet wishing the cameras would fuck off as she watches on the monitors as Sebastian roars around the circuit on his way to claiming the championship. It wasn’t fair, none of this was fair! She wants to punch the screen, only she’s grabbed, pulled into a tight hug.

Christian is hugging her hard, squeezing her tightly as he offers nothing more than a simple ‘I’m sorry.” It didn’t help, what would help was being left alone as he has the audacity to add, “There’s next year Laura.” Was that what he said to Daniel last race?

That has her shove him off her. No, he doesn’t get to tell her that. She didn’t care about next year, she cared about  _ this  _ year. She wanted it this year! Christian is waving for two media personnel to join her and escort her back to the safety of the RBR motorhome, charging through the waiting cameras to get there – it would only be a short reprieve she knew that. And right now she’s not sure she had the strength to face them.

Inside, finally, alone she strips her overalls off, wanting out of her all racing gear only to stop halfway when tears blind her vision and she turns to kick a wall. Her fist pound the wall next before she lets out a sob and collapses against it, hands over her face as she lets herself slide to the ground.

No. No. No. This wasn’t how this year ended. She doesn’t lose this right at the finish line. She doesn’t walk away with nothing this year. She doesn’t! She had lost so much this year, she had sacrificed so fucking much, this wasn’t her reward! She didn’t get nothing from all that pain. She’d lost Jenson and was left with some weird awkward friendship, all because of her pregnancy shit. All the shit with Sebastian, walking away from him and the ‘more’ that had been just there for them – for what? Second fucking place?

And what about Lillian? She had a deal with Lillian. She cries harder. She didn’t give up all that time with Lillian to have nothing at the end of it. She promised she’d give her a championship - they had a deal. She draws in ragged breaths, her sobs only getting worse as she continues to try and vent the heartbreak of loss. Winning today was meant to balance out her year of pain. It wasn’t fair, but at this point what part of life could she control?

The door to her room opens almost inaudibly, closes silently as someone drops down next to her. And she knows the arms that pull her against him, knows the person who holds her as she cries. “Miles,” she sobs, “It hurts, it hurts so bad.”

“I’m sorry Lau, I’m so fucking sorry,” he chokes out as she crawls into his lap. Right now she didn’t care if they weren’t talking and if he had spent the whole weekend to date up until this point with Ferrari. She just wanted him to fix it and take away the agony because she had nothing. She had nothing and it hurt so badly.

*   *     *

“Sebastian you are the champion!”

Sebastian hears the words well into his cool-down lap, heart pounding and in complete disbelief. Except this was real, and he won. He gets out of the car and he immediately runs at his team, throwing himself into their arms. Daniel, in second, comes over to hug him and gives his congratulations. And after, he stands on the podium feeling like this wasn’t happening, and after everything… He covers his face as he is overwhelmed as his emotions hammer through him. He sprays his champagne, is drenched as confetti falls and fireworks blast overhead. He stares at them not even able to properly answer the questions on the podium. Everything now exists in a blur.

And the moment his feet are somewhat back on the ground he is hugging his parents, hugging Molly, Antti… anyone and everyone in the team. There are cameras and the flashes are blinding but he’s not sure he can care right now.

“Sebastian!” He spins as his name is shouted and he grins as David Coulthard standing there, hugging him tightly. “Congratulations. Thoughts?”

“None,” he laughs, hands rubbing his face still not sure that this was real. “I just… none. To do this with Ferrari, to win with them, it’s so  _ special _ .” he can feel more tears coming and he shakes his head as David slaps him on the back “Thank you, to everyone, to all the men and women back in the factory, I just can’t believe this.”

“You drove a good race, clean getaway, looked as if you might jump Laura in the pitstops…”

His heart feels like it stops for a moment, chest tight. “You know, to fight Red Bull, they were right there to the end. And with Laura…” He stops, throat clamping up as his euphoria swirls with disappointment and hurt for her, “I am sorry for her. We have our issues, but there is no one that I enjoy fighting as I do with her.”

David looks like he might not quite believe that. “Does that mean you are expecting her to congratulate you?”

Sebastian wants to say yes so badly, but he doesn't know, and he’s saved from answering that when he’s dragged away and doing more interviews. It doesn’t end, and he doesn't even mind right now. He just wants to celebrate with the team, he wants to enjoy this for as long as he can…

  
  


At some point, the tears have ceased. At some point Miles had let her go telling her he’ll see what he can do to get her out of here. And yet she’s still on the floor as numbness and disbelief settle in firmly. She likes it, she hopes it never leaves because right now she can breathe and she closes her eyes and does just that, face pushed into her knees that she hugs to herself.  _ Breathe _ .

“Laura?”

She looks up and sees Daniel and his face is pained. “I know there’s nothing I can say…”

She blinks and her lower lip wobbles as he walks over and squats in front of her.

“Don’t,” he pleads, “God Laura Aston crying…” She swallows a sob and he hugs her tightly even if she doesn't return it. 

And she knows he gets it, this was him last race and now she hates that she made him go out when she should have helped him find a dark corner to hide in.

He pulls back. “So you’re brother is getting you out of press work, lucky you…” He grabs an item next to him. “But I got you the next best thing?” He holds up a tub of ice cream. “I figured it would be best to get a safe flavour. So I got vanilla. Boring sure, but it goes great with just about any alcohol you want to add -”

“Shut up,” she bites out failing at holding back her tears. She drops her knees and moves to wrap her arms around her neck. “You are literally the worst teammate ever,” she clings to him harder, “Thank you,” she whispers.

“Yeah well, wait till you see the angry letter I wrote to Renault…”

She snorts on some weird combination of a laugh and sob before wiping her eyes. “You get second? Congrats.” She does try to mean it, but she’s struggling with everything right now.

“Yeah, well I tried to drown Sebastian for you in champagne -” He stops at that and picks up the ice cream making a face as he considers the option. “You want some with this? Might go okay?”

She thumps him as her brother appears back in the doorway. “You need to make a statement, a few words then we’re done.” He gives her an encouraging smile as Daniel gets to his feet, and Laura lets him pull her up.

She gets changed then and wiping her face she tries to suck her pain in, tries to scrub away evidence she’d been crying - she fails at that too. She walks out then, and she makes a point to try and thank anyone in the team she comes across, tries hard to actually care as they dish her condolences for her loss. The words of ‘next year’ are like some motto and she just ends up repeating them back, like looking forward made everything okay, when at this point the thought of next year, of doing this all again makes her feel so incredibly exhausted. She doesn't want to do next week let along next year.

She goes to face the press; surprisingly it was Christian who accompanied her along with her brother. She does a short spiel, answering a few questions before Christian steps in to do the rest of the media obligations allowing her to slip away. She’d find a way to thank Christian for that later, but in the meantime, she wanted to get as far away from the circuit as she could.

Exiting the paddock, she looks at one of the huge screens that were showing Sebastian with the team, posing for photos, looking absolutely ecstatic at his WDC win. 

There’s an immediate intense clash of emotions. She loved him, even if they weren’t officially together but right now she wasn’t sure she’d ever hated anyone or anything as much as she hated him at this moment. The part of her that loved him drowned out by the selfish part of her, the racer who was furious and spiteful.

Sucking in her breath she picks up her pace not at all sure what this was going to do to her and Sebastian’s already complicated relationship. But right now if she was forced to chose, the racer in her would win the argument, she wanted nothing to do with him. Her hate burned brighter and harder in her chest at this moment, overshadowing any of her other feelings.

Miles only says something when she’s back in her room, phone in his hand. “Lillian wants you to call her.”

Laura only shakes her head and walks to her bed and crawls onto it. She couldn't bare speaking to her sister right now, not when she had nothing for her.

“I know it hurts Lau, I’m sure this might hurt more than anything else…”

Laura says nothing and grabs a pillow and hugs it tightly staring out the window and the lit up skyline. There were more fireworks going off. 

“But I promise, it won't hurt forever.” There's a kiss pushed to her cheek. “I’m so proud of you, and I love you, and you have only ever conquered the world in my eyes.”

The fireworks cloud behind tears, but she holds in her sob till Miles had walked back out. She sits up and looks around. Alone. No one. She cries, and she left her icecream back in the motorhome.

 

“Seb?” 

The soft knocking on his room door has him look up from staring at his trophy. He’d gotten dressed, prepared to go out with the team, meet up with his parents,  _ celebrate _ , and it had all hit him as he was putting on his socks.

Molly pokes her head into the room, eyes full of worry. “You okay?”

He nods and the smile he had worn after the race now falters, threatening to fade away, despite his victory. “Did you see her?”

“No,” she answers walking over when he drops his head down. “Miles didn't say much either.”

He nods, and despite not trusting his voice he chokes out, “It’s okay. I know she hates me.” And then, just like that, the last of his euphoria fades, with the crushing realisation that he won and Aston lost. Or was it that he won and lost Aston. He can only push the heels of his palms into his eyes to hold it all back.

“Seb,” Molly whispers folding to her knees, “Sebby it will be okay,” she whispers hugging him tightly. “Give her some time, of course, she’ll be upset -”

He cuts her off. “I love her.” The words spill out, spoken out loud for the first time as his breath catches on a sob. “I love her so much it fucking hurts.” Everything was done now, results given, and with it all, they were finally at the end and there’s nothing but the crushing realisation that no matter how he felt, it would never be enough, it was never enough to not have them end  _ just like this _ .

Molly just holds him, cradling his head to her chest. “I know, and I promise in a few weeks things will look different. But you won.  _ You won _ .” She makes him look at her, “And I am so proud of you.”

He drags in a shaky breath trying to pull himself back from the brink.  _ He won. _ Molly begins to wipe at his cheeks, at his tears. He won and he was happy. Right? He’ll just keep saying it. He catches Molly's hands, “You’ll make sure she’s okay won’t you?” He looks at her pleadingly because he knows he can't call Aston, can’t check on her.

“Yeah,” she smiles at him sadly. “I’ll check on her for you.”

He sits back then, pulling away from her as he runs the back of his hand under his nose. “I am happy,” he assures her.

“Good.” He’s not sure she bought that.

He looks down at his shirt. “Is this shirt okay?” Right, he goes back to worrying about what shirt to wear.

She strokes the button down shirt and makes a face. “It’ll do.”

It has him stare down at his choice and frown. “What? The chicks won’t like it?” he jokes.

She smiles at him and kisses his cheek. “I love you, don't ever change.”

  
* * *


	44. Happy Endings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, it's here. Ready for your consumption.  
> Get something warm to drink, maybe some tissues... it's long but I didn't want to break it so enjoy and get lost for a bit. Take your time because won't be any of them for a while.  
> Thanks to @formulaoneisfast for helping me see this through to the end. Your encouragement is appreciated and I'm so grateful *blows you kisses*

“I was starting to think I didn’t have a sister, that she was just this figment of my imagination?” Lillian says looking up from her bag that she was packing. Laura doesn't say anything just walks over to put her bag down on the hospital bed as Lillian opens the drawer to next to her.

“You’re going home?” Laura asks quietly not quite meeting her eyes, “Miles said to give you a lift…”

“Lau…” Lillian says softly and that one word sees tears spring to Laura’s eyes. “I don’t care you didn't win.” If Laura had taken her calls, had not avoided for the last few days she’d know that. And her heartbreaks as Laura’s face crumples, as she pushes fingers into her eyes. “Hey,” she whispers as she moves around to hug her tightly. “You did amazing, so fucking amazing. This is the first year you could fight for a title realistically, and look what you did!”

Laura drags in air, it stutters over a sob. “I didn’t do anything. I didn’t win anything. I didn't get you anything.”

“I don’t need anything Lau,” Lillian grasps her face tightly. “Just you, just Miles…” She kisses her cheek hard. “I don’t need you to win the world Laura. Not like that.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”

Lillian hugs her tightly as Laura buries herself in her arms. She strokes her hair till there was nothing but silence and Laura’s steady breaths. “I haven’t told Miles, but I got my results back for stopping treatment..”

Laura turns and pushes her face against her shoulder. “Don’t Lil, not now. I can’t hear this now…”

Lillian smiles against her temple. “But they said it looks good… _really_ good.”

Laura goes still in her arms before she pulls away to look at her properly.

Lillian gives her a shaky smile. “I mean, for now. They said there was barely any detectable levels of cancer. I mean, anything can change…” Laura was looking at her in disbelief. “I mean they will redo tests in a few months, see what has changed. But they said, years. They're not sure how many and we shouldn’t think -”

“You’re in remission?” Laura cuts her off. “Proper remission?” There are more tears.

“They didn’t put it like that,” Lillian answers because she doesn’t want to pretend that everything was going to be okay, there was a lot of unknowns. “And I mean they’re worried about damage from treatment and I think my kidneys might be fucked -”

“I’ll give you a kidney,” Laura whispers hugging her hard. “I can yell at you now? For sleeping with the entire male nurse population while dying?”

Lillian snorts. “If you think I had the energy for that… but yeah. You can yell at me again.”

“I love you Lil. I love you so fucking much.”

“Love you too,” she whispers back. “Win or lose.”

*

He’d gone home the moment he was wrapped up with his media commitments. He was exhausted, drained. His parents are happy to see him, hugging him tightly, telling them how proud they were of him. It has him smile, because there were very few people he cares about pleasing.

Sebastian takes a few days to escape and the longer he’s at home the duller he feels, the shine tarnishes on his joy, on his happiness. It’s there, but he’s acutely aware of the fact there was silence in one aspect of his life. It was like Aston had vanished. No texts. No calls. Not that he was expecting any, not that he had initiated contact, but it wasn’t just that - her social media was quiet, no press outings, no sightings. Nothing. He knows because he may check on that before he goes to sleep every night.

He’s rifling through his father’s tools in the shed, wanting some stuff for his bike. He makes himself a little pile as he keeps his head focused on this and not wandering at least till his phone rings.

“Mol, please tell me you aren’t calling about work?” She promised he was done until the FIA prize giving.

“No,” she assures him with a small laugh. “I wanted to let you know about Lillian.”

He goes still. “She okay? Laura okay?”

“Yeah, like really okay. I mean Miles is fluffing pillows for her and suffocating her to death -”

Sebastian smiles at that. “I don’t know if you’re talking about Laura or Lillian right now.”

Molly snorts. “May as well be both. But Lillian I meant. She got good results. She needs weekly dialysis for her kidneys, but nothing that can’t be managed.”

Sebastian turns to sag on the workbench at that news. “That’s good. Really good.” He swallows and some of his worry leaves, because it was one less thing for her worry about.

“So we are having like a celebratory dinner on the weekend -”

“I’m not home,” he answers immediately looking for a box to throw the stuff in he was taking.

“Please, I have your scheduled on my phone, you’re home tomorrow.”

Sebastian stops at the thought of seeing Laura, and his breath rushes out, desperate to talk to her and desperately dreading it a the same time. “I don’t think she’d appreciate that.” His head stuck on fucking her in that bathroom, not caring she had wanted something else, had deliberately denied letting her have anything more than what he thought she had deserved. _Seb stop…_ His chest was tight at those words, at the sight of her fighting back tears before he had just left and walked out. “If she wants to see me… she has my number.”

“Okay,” Molly relents. “I’ll still save you a place.”

“You do that.” He looks up to see his father there. “I’ll talk to you later Mol.” She says farewell and he dumps his phone down to grab a box he had seen. “You don’t mind if I borrow these?”

His father shakes his head but says, “When I’m getting the last lot back?”

Sebastian grins. “Eventually,” he promises.

His father helps him throw it all in the box and it’s only when it’s done does he clear his throat. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out the way you wanted.”

Sebastian goes still before he looks up, smile tight as he meets his dad’s gaze. He can only shrug. “I won the thing that mattered.” Just saying the words leave his mouth with a horrible taste.

“I think…” his dad pauses looking for the right words, “I think you chose what’s important right now; the thing that you can’t fight for later.”

Sebastian folds the box lid roughly and shrugging again. “Yeah well, I’m not sure I want to fight for her now or later.” His fingers curl around the box tightly as he says that - why did saying that hurt so fucking much.

“Sebastian.” His father grabs his arm, moving closer eyes looking concerned. “Are you in love with her?”

The breath he draws in at that question hurts almost as much as his answer. “No, because I’m stopping.” And then he shifts past his dad because the conversation was done. He walks outside to put the box in his car, not sure why it making the right choice is so hard. Because he knows it is, he wasn’t putting himself out there again, not with her, can’t let himself get wrapped up in her, can’t let her pull him down again. And as he shoves the stuff in his car, slamming the door hard, it’s not enough to drown out her voice.

_Seb stop_.

 

* * *

 

Laura knocks softly on the nursery door watching her brother rocking Ella. He looks up at her as if dragging his eyes away from his daughter snoozing in his arms was a great deal of effort. He does manage a smile for her though. “Can we talk?” she asks quietly. He nods and she slips in quietly to stand by his side smiling at her niece wrapped up in a pink blanket and her dad’s arms. “She’s so perfect…” she strokes her arm.

“Yeah,” he says softly, “And I now have to make sure I don’t fuck her up.”

“I’m sure you’ll be a great father,” she assures him watching as Miles moves to lay her carefully in the crib.

He leans down watching his daughter before he turns to look at her, he gives her a hesitant smile. “So, the hair…”

She consciously reaches up to touch the back of her head, rub at her exposed neck. “I donated it, for Lil.”

“It looks good,” he tells her.

“Liar, but thanks,” she smiles at him self-consciously. She already misses her longer locks, it had been longer than she had it in a long time, and she wanted to donate it for cancer research, to a cause that would use it to make wigs for cancer patients. But she’s hating her new hair, and she can’t wait for it to grow a bit longer, maybe out of her pixie cut to a bob… she could deal with that.

“Lau,” he hesitates, “I am so sorry,” he whispers. “For hurting you, for lying.”

Her smile fades away and her chest hurts, and all that pain she’s pretending doesn’t exist right now, flares brightly. “Yeah, you did hurt me. You, me, Lillian, we were meant to have each other’s back –“

“We do,” he says vehemently. “I have your back Laura. Always. And Lillian’s and this year has been…” he stops lost for words.

She shrugs. “Shit?” she offers. “Disappointing?”

“Yeah. All those things.”

She pushes aside her pain and takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to hate you. I don’t want to be angry all the time. No matter what people think. And I do still love you…” She gasps when Miles strides over and pulls her against him, crushing her in his arms looking like he might cry.

“I love you Lau, I love you so fucking much. You and Lillian and I can’t live without either of you.”

She hugs him back. “I love you too. And I uh… forgive you.”

He pulls back not sure he heard her right. “Really?”

She nods. “But if you listen to Lillian’s bullshit ever again –“

“Done, not listening,” he promises cutting her off.

She grins and he kisses her forehead. “I am sorry and I do love you.”

“Good,” she squeezes his arms “Then you’ll be my date for the award show.”

“Ah I see,” he lets her go, “You want me as your arm candy.”

She rolls her eyes. “I have to stand up there and accept second fucking place, and I’m not doing it alone.”

“You know losing is not the end of the world,” he reminds her. And she knows that, she’d have given it all away for Lillian this year. “But I’ll go. For you.”

“Thanks.” She steps away from him. “So Molly said when you had finished watching Ella sleep  dinner is ready.”

“Right,” he tells her going back to the crib. “I just want one more minute.” Laura rolls her eyes and he grins. “Trust me, I love her more asleep than awake screaming. I’m enjoying the good moments.”

 

And then she’s downstairs, sitting around a table with her brother, Molly and her sister, celebrating maybe the only fight that mattered this year. And yet, no matter how much joy she felt at Lillian being okay, at least for now, there’s only an empty void in her chest and her heart hurts - and it’s only partly due to do her lost championship.

“You could go see him,” Molly tells her as she helps her load the dishwasher. Laura looks up, blinking at the suggestion. “He’s home. Go see him, talk… or slam doors or whatever it is you two do.”

Laura says nothing for a moment as she hands her another plate. Her head had been wrapped up in nothing but Sebastian since he won, in one way or another. From hate and anger to now when she only aches for him. “I’m not sure he wants -”

“He does,” Molly cuts her off. “He constantly asks about you.”

Laura gives her a flicker of a smile, and there’s a burst of hope she struggles to suppress.

Molly reaches over and takes the knife she’s gripping tightly. “But don’t take that.”

Laura shakes her head. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“What’s not a good idea?” Lillian is there then, looking for another bottle of wine.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be drinking so much -” Laura starts concerned.

“Please, I haven’t drunk since mum sent her stupid fucking printed email.”

Laura drops her gaze at that. She wonders if she watched her race...

“So?” Lillian leans on then bench as Molly starts the dishwasher. “Are we chatting about Sebastian?” Her eyes light up with the thought of gossiping.

“I was thinking of inviting him around for dessert,” Molly tells her cheerily.

“Don’t,” Laura begs pained. She's not ready and her palms start sweating at the thought of seeing him. She rubs them furiously on her pants.

Lillian wrinkles her nose. “Mol, they tried. They failed. Let’s not encourage more heartache,” Lillian is incredibly chirpy in her assessment. “They’re doomed to repeat this again and again and again…”

Those words only have the hole in her chest widen. _Again and again_ … she couldn’t do it again, she’s barely doing it now.

“You don’t know that,” Molly huffs.

“Please,” Lillian scoffs. “It’s them. If I had put money on them this year, I’d be sitting pretty right about now.”

“I’ll pour us more wine,” Laura tries to change the subject turning away and ignoring the pinpricks in the corner of her eyes that dared to threaten to spring free.

“And what about what they want? What makes them happy?” Molly is arguing back as Laura slams drawers to find the bottle opener.

“I don’t give a shit about what makes Sebastian happy,” Lillian returns hotly.

“What is your problem with him?” Molly asks hands on her hips. “Sebastian is a good guy!”

“He nearly killed her!”

“Stop it!” Laura shouts. “Just fucking stop it.” There’s silence both of them staring at her looking at her apologetically. Laura drags in a shaky breath, “I will see Sebastian at the stupid gala. That’s it. We don’t need to discuss this further.” She slams the bottle opener on the bench.

“Lau,” Lil says regretfully and when she reaches for her Laura steps away.

“And he’s not a bad guy Lillian,” she adds quietly. “He was _never_ the bad guy.” She was. She was the one that fucked up, that pushed and pushed. The one that ensured their relationship was so tightly wound up in something that was always going to crush them, where no won anything, where there were no happy endings.

She walks out then as Molly pleads with her to wait and goes to sit with her brother. The two of them can argue about her love life without her. Or the very lack of one because _she_ fucked up.

*

“What do you think?” Laura asks when Miles appears in her suite, hands brushing across the full skirt of her black dress. “I scrub up okay?” And all the nerves she felt had little to do with her outfit choice. She hadn’t even picked her dress, Lillian had.

Her brother looks a little lost for words before he clears his throat. “Are you putting a jacket on that? Or better a shirt?” He gestures at the top half that was in stark contrast from her full-length skirt, with it’s deep and wide V and mostly exposed back.

“Very funny,” she tells him.

“I was serious,” he tells her as she goes to get her coat and she smiles at him.

“Well, I want to look better than my dumb second place trophy.” It’s meant to be light-hearted, but she knows she fails when he gives her a tight squeeze of reassurance.

He goes to help her shrug her coat on. “Just be gracious Laura. Smile and be polite. You know, all those things you struggle with.”

“I can do gracious,” she promises. She thinks.

 

The moment Sebastian lays eyes on her, there feels like there is no one else, and everyone blurs away. She looks amazing. She cut her hair. He finds himself drifting towards her, unaware he was even doing so.

“Sebastian,” his sister is hissing at him, tugging on his arm. “We were told to go sit down…”

He will. In a minute. He wants to talk to her. Desperate to talk to her. Tell her since Brazil… He stops because she turns and their eyes meet and he’s frozen, caught up in a sea of blue, eyes that widen, full of so much. _Loss_. Can he tell her he’s sorry? Can he tell her that he didn’t mean to hurt her? Can he tell her that he hates what he did to her in that club, that he was desperate to take it back because he knows he hurt her? Can he tell her -

Laura looks away, turns to her brother and the moment is gone as Stefanie is in front of him. “Seb?” She turns to look behind her to see what had captured his attention and her mouth makes a little ‘o’.

“Let’s go sit down,” he grabs her arm and pulls her in the opposite direction. Laura will have to wait as his face flushes.

“God, I know Fabian said you had a girlfriend, but seriously? Laura Aston?” He’s not sure if she looks more shocked or excited.

“What are you doing?” he whispers nervously because she’s immediately on her phone.

“Uh, texting Mel because this is like the best news ever.”

Sebastian resists the urge to snatch the phone away, or worse beg her to stop because he knows that’s only going to make this worse. Why wasn’t he an only child? “I should have brought mum.”

Stefanie snorts. “Yeah, well it was my turn and since you are in a secret torrid love affair with your arch nemesis -” She stops at that. “If you get married and have babies, can I write your autobiography?”

“You are being ridiculous. There is nothing going on,” he goes with denial. He had to say something. And while his sister eventually shuts up, he knows she’s texting Mel, he knows they're coming up with stupid book titles and news headlines. And he distracts himself by watching Laura who was seated between her brother and Daniel and if he shuffles his chair a little to the right… he can catch glimpses of her.

“Seb,” Stefanie says just before the lights dim, “If you want to talk…”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” And then he claps and his sister is forced to be silent.

 

Smile. A camera flashes. And another. Her face hurts from smiling. No wonder she didn’t like fucking gracious. She rubs at her cheeks, her and Miles now try and dodge the media. Can they sit down now and eat? But no, people to talk to her, to pretend to be happy with; her cheeks hurt again.

She comes to a dead stop. Miles trying to find what had caught her attention. “What?” he asks straining to see through the crowds.

Sebastian. “He brought a date?” Some blonde floozy hanging off his arm as he smiles and looked as if his cheeks don’t hurt. She clenches her fists.

“Sebastian?” Miles asks. “He’s not allowed a date?”

No. He wasn’t. But instead she shrugs, “I mean, I’m surprised anyone would agree.” Mr I-don’t-date dips his head towards the woman next to him, and she looks like she’s laughing. Laura’s chest tightens up. Seriously? He was moving on with her? She looks older than him!

“They’re practically pawing at each other. In a public place as well.”

Miles looks between Sebastian and his sister who was now looking around the room. “Laura?”

“I need alcohol. A lot of it.”

“Stop drinking,” Miles whispers as he claps at the awards presentation. “You’re not going to be able to get on stage without falling over.”

“Dan’s been training me for this moment,” Laura hisses at her brother, refusing to clap as she finishes her fifth glass. She was going to be fine, it wasn’t tequila. But hopefully in the morning, she won’t have to remember this. But avoiding the now wasn’t possible.

Daniel leans over then, “You’re welcome.”

Laura forces a smile and Daniel squeezes her arm as they turn to keep watching the never-ending awards. She slouches in her chair and folds her arms. You would think losing was punishment enough…

Daniel slouches down, shuffling closer as he whispers, “So I was thinking, what are the chances we can mug Sebastian on the way out? I mean we’ll just take the trophy…”

Her pout flickers towards a smile as she looks at her teammate. “And what? We cut it in half?”

“No, we have a custody arrangement. Week on, week off, alternate holidays…”

“And who’s going to watch our precious offspring when we race? Are you going to be the stay at home parent?” she teases.

Daniel nods at Miles and Laura grins as Miles gives her a warning look and she giggles into her champagne glass.

 

But there is only so long she can drown her moping in her drinking. Eventually, her name is called and it’s all back – the pain of losing feeling fresh and raw. But at least there are no tears, there’s nothing but the smile she’d worn all evening as she accepts the award. She shakes their hands, she pretends that this was enough. She’s made to stand on that stage, watch Sebastian accept his championship and losing hurts yes, but seeing Seb win… that pain is gone.

Her smile fades as she remembers Miles’ words from Abu Dhabi that Seb winning wouldn’t hurt forever. She remembers she was meant to be applauding and she hurriedly moves her hands to catch up. He looked happy and proud, and everything he deserved to be. She’d be the same in his shoes. Because winning a race could be hard, to be able to win the season, to put together a performance that gave you the ultimate prize that was a hell of a lot harder.

When his eyes sweep in her direction, his smile falters, as if he felt guilty for showing his joy and that hurt – more than losing. He shouldn’t feel guilty to win, she shouldn’t have made him feel guilty to chase what he wanted. They wanted the same thing, the same dream. So he reached his and she’d stumbled. Seb’s shaking hands and then he’s in front of her, hand extended and he looks at her hesitantly as his hand hangs between them.

It’s warm, her hand wrapped in his as he squeezes it. She missed him. “Congratulations,” she tells him. She means it, with her whole heart.

His smile is back, mostly. And he’s still holding her hand. “Thank you.”

And he lets go, moving to the next person and she blinks under the lights. Can she go home now?

She’s holding two glasses of wine, so close to having this night over when she and Sebastian are eventually forced together. One glass had been for Miles, but at this point, they were now both hers. “Sebastian,” she smiles politely.

“Laura,” he returns watching as she takes a large sip from both glasses. He raises his eyebrows.

“Where’s your uh… date?” She was proud she didn’t use one of the many other adjectives she had lined up in her head.

“Writing about our torrid love affair,” he mutters but she misses it, and he reaches to take a glass from her.

“That was mine,” she frowns as he drinks it all.

“You said that about the championship too…”

She braces herself for him to rub it in further, and she looks up to see he was trying to be funny, trying to lift the mood. He opens his mouth like he wants to say something but he doesn’t get the chance, instead there’s someone asking for a photo and then they’re pressed awkwardly together with their awkward smiles. She finishes her glass of wine. She needed more. She politely excuses herself as Seb is forced into more photos. Suddenly not being the man of the moment was a good thing.

 

The crowds were thinning, people beginning to leave now that the official proceedings were done. His eyes drift back towards Laura and her brother, they seemed to do that all night. She looked good, so damn good. Not that he could have her, any piece of her.

He wanted to talk to her, they needed to talk… The moment that he sees Laura slipping away from her brother and Daniel, he ditches his sister, shoving his drink in her hand and heading after her, not even waiting to hear Stefanie’s comment.

He follows her, pushing between bodies until she’s on a balcony outside and there’s no one else. It’s just Laura, who slumps on the balcony rails and breathes deeply, and him. He moves to close the glass doors, the soft click having caught her attention and she turns to face him startled.

“Seb?” For a moment her eyes brighten before it dims and her smile dissolves and she only looks _sad_.

“Can we talk?”

She shakes her head and turns to look back at the city around them and he leans next to her, keeping distance between them. “I like your hair,” he tells her. She touches at it but doesn’t comment. “And you look good.” He slides his hand towards hers but she pulls it away tucking it behind her back and out of his reach.

“Not here...” she whispers.

“I’m sorry,” he tells her quietly.

“For what?”

“Everything. Brazil. Mostly Brazil Lau...”

She stares at him, pained and instead says, “I meant it you know. My congratulations.”

“Yeah, I know” The silence stretches between them, it feels like it’s choking them, or maybe it’s him as she turns away from him. He reaches for her, fingers hover over her near bare shoulder before he runs his fingers down her arm, seeing the goosebumps appear. When his fingers reach her wrist he drags his fingers back up as he steps closer, slowly removing the space.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you…” He bends down and his lips touch her shoulder. “I don’t want to hurt you…” She turns towards him and he moves to press another kiss on her shoulder. “I can’t bear the thought that I hurt you…”

“Seb,” she gasps when he pushes his face into her neck and she hugs him then, arms around his neck as she holds him.

“I’m sorry. So sorry.” Maybe if he said it enough things would get better, he wouldn’t feel so guilty.

“Just be quiet,” she whispers trying to get closer to him but that wasn’t possible now that she had pressed herself against him, but he does fall silent. It was the two of them, alone, in the dark, feeling like they were being crushed under the weight of this year. But they were still standing, swaying together despite a lack of music. Maybe they could stay here and never leave.

 

Miles looks at his watch. How much fresh air did Laura need? Molly had fallen asleep because she was no longer returning his text message and people were starting to look at him funny because of the photos he was taking for Lillian, point his phone all around at the room and at celebrities for their outfit choices, their looks, and who they were dating – whatever Lillian was demanding. He heads off in the direction that Laura had set out, trying to spot his sister, which shouldn’t be too hard with the thinning crowds…

He stops and blinks at the two figures outside on the balcony. Maybe all that glass was skewing his vision… he pushes open the door and no, it really was his sister slow dancing with Sebastian Vettel. The conversation with Lillian was rushing back, every moment he had seen of Laura and Sebastian together, from them laughing, to finding them playing poker together was now dancing and demanding his full attention. Right… so this shouldn’t be a surprise.

And yet he was floored. It was one thing to be sleeping with another driver, but this… _this_ looked like so much more. This was everything that it shouldn’t be. He goes to say something but he has no words, and instead, his mouth opens and closes silently before Sebastian finally notices him. And his eyes widen and he jerks away from Laura.

Laura whirls around, startled at their interruption, eyes full of surprise and panic. “Miles,” she tries to sound composed as she discreetly wipes at her eyes.

When she moves past him, he grabs her arm. “Laura,” he finally finds a word. He wished he was capable of more so she could answer the thousand other words he had streaming through his head. What was she doing? Was she crazy? Stop it! Right now!

But before he can say any of that she tells him coldly, “Don’t. Just fucking don’t.” She pulls her arm free and pushes passed him and he’s left facing a sheepish looking Sebastian Vettel who shoves his hands into the pockets of his trousers.

“Don’t,” he cuts off whatever Sebastian was going to say to him. “I don’t care,” he tells him simply. “I don’t care if you love her. I don’t care if she loves you. You’re making a fucking terrible mistake.”

Sebastian's face had hardened. He shakes his head. “You’re too late with this lecture,” he says simply. “There’s nothing to lecture.” With that Sebastian walks passed him.

Did that happen? His head whirled as he digs out his phone to text Lillian. Only the response he gets is – _You’re at the end of the story Miles. You’ve missed the beginning, middle and climax. No one cares anymore._

Great. Just fucking great.

*     *     *

There was a mini argument with Laura about going away for Christmas, and despite it coming from a place of worry and love about travelling for a few days, she can’t wait to get away from her and Miles. It feels like for months they were babysitting her, and as much as she loved them for it… to be _free_ , to do something for her again...

There’s something soothing about queuing to check in at the airport and to clear customs. The whole normality of the activity is so refreshing. Having the energy to stand and be _out_. She knows she’s not one hundred percent in the clear, and this might not be a permanent turn around but she was going to enjoy it.

Stepping off the plane, she knew no one would be meeting her, but still, her heart sinks a little at others embracing loved ones. She pulls her beanie lower as she moves through the crowds, only to stop when she hears her name. She turns around her face brightens at the familiar figure waving at her.

She’s crushed in his arms and he tells her she looks great despite looking shocked at her appearance. She might look better than she had in the last few weeks, but she probably looks awful in comparison to when he had last seen her at the track in Monaco. She’d lost a lot of weight and she feels too skinny and she was still lacking her hair, but there are no comments on any of that as he wraps an arm around her shoulder and tells her how happy he was to see her and how happy he was that she was spending the holidays here.

“Sorry he couldn’t be here in person, but he didn’t want you to have to find your own way,” he explains and Lillian nods. She was happy that someone was here.

And when she finally sees him, the door whooshing open her breath catches because he looks good, he always looked good. “Kimi.” His face breaks into a smile at the sight of her as Mark, his trainer, carries her bags inside. “Hi…” she breathes out.

“I wasn’t sure you’d actually come,” he tells her, “You’ve turned down all my invitations to date…”

“Yeah, I was a bit under the weather,” she shrugs and he reaches for her, arm coming around her waist and she gasps as he hugs her, hard. And she loves that he doesn’t think she’s breakable even if she looks at as she wraps her arms around his neck tightly hugging him back. “Finland is cold,” she mutters into his neck wanting to go inside into the warmth and Kimi is chuckling softly into her neck.

“Okay,” he says kissing her cheek and easily lifting her and swinging her through the doorway before he kicks it closed. “Better?”

“Yeah, a little.” She pulls back and he immediately moves to kiss her and she brings her fingers up to his lips “We were going to wait.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Till you were better, till you weren’t a burden,” he returns her conditions she’d voiced so many times. “You look better. You were _never_ a burden,” he says lips moving against her fingers she hadn’t removed. “I’ll make my own choices.”

Lillian hesitates and drops her fingers. “Okay,” she murmurs, relenting to him, because at some point he was always going to break her. And she shivers as his lips brush hers lightly.

“Merry Christmas,” he whispers before moving to kiss her again.

*   *     *

Laura nervously bounces on the balls of her feet not even sure he was home… just as she thinks that the door opens and before he can say anything she holds up a present in the hopes he doesn’t slam the door on her. “I got you cake for Christmas…”

Jenson’s mouth slowly pulls into a smile and reaches for the red and gold wrapped box. “It doesn’t look a whole cake…” he comments.

“Well you’re not retired yet and I don’t mind Mikey,” she shrugs relaxing a little because he hadn’t shooed her off yet. He nods at her hair and she cringes, “It’s just hair.”

“I like it,” he says after a moment. The fact that is everyone’s comment she was starting to think it was really as horrible as she envisioned. He steps aside and lets her in and Laura gives him a thankful look as she steps into his place.

“You have a good Christmas?” she asks conversationally.

“Yeah, it was good,” he tells her putting the box down on a table and offering to get her a drink. “You spend it with Lillian?”

“Please,” Laura scoffs, “Please, she was given the okay to travel and she was gone. She’ll be back in a few days.” She better be having a bloody good time with Raikkonen since she’s been left all alone to mope.

Jenson returns with a glass of water and places it down near her. “You doing okay?”

She gives him a tight smile and shrugs. “Miles says I just need some time.” She reaches for her glass, dragging her finger around the rim. “Jense…”

“It’s okay Lau,” he says quietly. “You don’t need to apologise,” he assures her.

“Really?” she’s pretty sure that isn’t true. “For being a shitty girlfriend? For being an even worse semi-friend?”

He shakes his head. “I’m not mad at you.”

She frowns. “You should be,” she returns. “You can be mad at me. And I’m sorry. Really, really fucking sorry. For not telling you I was pregnant. For what happened in the States. At this point, I’m pretty sure I’m a bad person.” Her smile wavers and her eyes feel suspiciously went.

“You’re not a bad person Lau,” he moves to hug her tightly. “You made mistakes, but you’re not a bad person.”

She hugs him back tightly. “I’m sorry we’re sucking at being friends post breaking up,” she mumbles against his shirt as she lets her snuggle into her arms. It almost helps her hurt. Almost.

“I don’t think that’s just on you,” he kisses the top if her head. “Even if we never quite go back to how we were, just know that I still love you. Always.”

Those words do result in tears. Because she knew, _she knew_ before she let them move from friends to more, that if it went wrong, that she wouldn’t have that anymore. And here they were, letting go of them, maybe not completely, but they’ll never be the same. “I want to go back,” she whispers holding him tighter. “Please, can we go back?”

“Back?” he asks kissing the top of her head.

“Like in time,” she explains looking up at him. “You know before Red Bull. When I was in Sauber, and we were cutting holes in Lewis’s clothes and everything was so much simpler and _easier_.” Great, she was going to fucking cry again. This year had really broken her, losing had shattered so much of her. “Why did life get so hard? I hate it. I hate it all.” At this point she’s not even sure where to start rebuilding things, how to begin on fixing this, patching the holes where everything ached and leaked pain.

“Next year,” Jenson says quietly and she was sick of hearing that. “Next year starts in less than a week. And Lau, you keep going. That’s all you can do.”

That was the problem though. She doesn't want to go forward. She doesn’t want to do it all again. Maybe he doesn’t get it, maybe no one gets it.

“You and Seb talking?”

Great. He wants to punch her in the heart. “No.” She doubts the award night counts as talking. “I’m not - I can’t think about that right now.” Right now, her focus was on trying very hard to pretend Sebastian didn’t exist.

His finger lifts her chin so she’s forced to look at him. “Sometimes the best things in life hurt the most. Don’t be afraid of pain Lau.” He bends down and kisses her softly. “Maybe instead of thinking the world is against you, you find someone that will hold the wall up for you, have someone on your side that gets it. What it’s like to lose and hurt when you don’t get a championship.”

She shakes her head, as she stares up at him, in eyes she loved, in a face that dimmed her hurt, for just a moment. She kisses him again. “Enjoy your cake.” He lets her go then and there are no goodbyes, but she kind of likes that.

* * *

“You should come tonight.”

Sebastian forces a smile at Molly as he bounces a grumpy Ella in his arms. “I’m busy,” he tells her as Ella now begins to properly cry.

“You can’t avoid her forever Seb,” Molly tells him as she continues to load the fridge with alcohol.

He can try, wherever and whenever possible. “I know that,” he mutters bouncing Ella harder despite it making her only wail louder.

“I want you to come tonight. Don’t stay at home sulking, it’s New Years.”

“I’m not sulking,” he tells her. “Honestly.” He wasn’t sulking, or moping or doing any of that. He was simply… hurt, sore, broken… “And my parents are coming around with Fabian, so I won’t be alone.”

She stares at him for a long moment before she sighs and slams the fridge closed. “Just don’t bury yourself away like last time.”

Sebastian doesn’t respond to her comment because he wasn’t going to think anymore about either Alena or Laura and the fact that apparently no one he loved, loved him back or enough, and it at this point it came down to him. Not even Ella who was now screaming like she was murdering him. His heart was aching again so he squeezes at Ella and moves to rock her as he hears the front door open and laughter. He barely has enough time to compose himself before he’s facing both Lillian and Laura with their arms full of groceries while he’s standing there holding their niece who was screaming at the top of her lungs.

“Sebastian,” Lillian greets him stiffly. Laura barely looks at him, giving a forced smile and walking past him.

“You want anything else Mol?” he looks over at her where she was starting to unpack all the things that Laura and Lillian had brought in. He’d already done his designated chores.

“No,” she comes over to grab Ella from him and he happily hands her back to Molly. He tries hard to not be jealous when she buries her face in Molly’s chest and immediately begins to settle. She kisses his cheek. “Think about it? Tonight?” She looks at him pleadingly.

“Enjoy yourself,” he tells her sincerely. “I’m sure it will be a great party.”

“Happy New Year Seb,” she gives him a one-armed hug, squeezing him tightly. He looks over Molly’s shoulder at Laura watching him and the moment her gaze meets his, he immediately averts his eyes and pulling away from Molly. He mutters goodbye to all of them and hurriedly leaves.

How many more times would he need to be shoved in front of Laura unexpectedly for it to not hurt and be awkward? He figures another few more times, and then he’ll be so used to the knives in his chest, it’ll be all good.

*

Has it been a year already? It feels like more than that and oddly like yesterday as Laura watches Miles join her and Lillian before passing them each a glass of champagne. A year ago they did this with Jenson, a year ago Lillian wasn’t sick, a year ago she was in love with someone else, a year ago she felt as if she could conquer the world. This year, right now, she’s not so sure of herself.

Miles and Molly’s party is starting to get into full swing, so the three of them had slipped out and to a quieter area outside, despite the cold. If they do this quickly then they wouldn’t freeze to death.

“Okay,” Lillian is bouncing around trying to keep warm. “Here’s to good health.”

“That seems like the only thing worth asking for,” Miles agrees.

“Good one Lil, now we’re all going to seem petty.” Laura then adds, “To… moving on.” From her championship loss, from her failed relationships.

“To family,” Miles finishes.

Laura smiles at that and the three of the clink their glasses and take a drink. “Now can we go back inside and be warm?” Lillian asks.

“Yes, and get drunk,” Laura mutters more for herself but her brother shoots her a concerned look that has her quicken her pace. She doesn’t want anyone’s pity and she does her best to wear a smile and enjoy herself. At some point she won’t have to pretend she’s happy, she’ll just be happy right?

 

Pretending was going well. Pretending went even better with alcohol and there was plenty of that. So as far as Laura was concerned, her efforts were gold star worthy, as she smiled and glared at anyone that dared to venture her way where she was standing in the corner.

It’s getting close to midnight when her brother stops the music and shouts for everyone’s attention and then pulls Molly to his side. There’s a black box he held as he begins some sappy story about feelings and love being the greatest gift. Was he proposing?

Nope. She wasn’t listening to this and she spins on her heel and heads to the front door. The only stop she makes is for a jacket and car keys. The party sucked anyway. It’s only at the car door does she stop. “Shit.” She’d been drinking, what were the chances she was still sober after an uncounted amount of drinks? “Fuck.” She kicks the wheel of Miles’ car she had prepared to borrow and sucks in a deep breath.

She stomps down the driveway as she yanks up the zip on her jacket. And she tells herself she has no destination in mind, but there’s only one person’s place she knows was in walking distance - not that it was exactly weather right now for a stroll. If she was in Australia, it would be uncomfortably hot. After all these years in Europe, she still hated the cold.

Breathing out, air making that pretty misty when warm meets fucking freezing air, she was standing in front of Sebastian’s property. She chews her lips wondering if the longer she stood here if it would fade from awkward to stalkerish, her feet however are stuck. If she was here, maybe they could talk…? I mean, clear the air before starting a new year. I mean that would only be sensible right?

Then she finds herself standing on his doorstep, hands balled by her sides unable to know. What does she even say? She didn’t know what to say at the FIA Gala and staring blankly at his front door she still doesn’t have any words, no magic solution to fix everything. She should knock… or she would freeze to death - which might be preferable...

“Knock once and if he doesn’t answer then you can say you tried,” she resorts with bargaining. But it works, she gently raps her knuckles on the door. “We tried.”

She turns and begins to walk away, dusting her hands as she goes, except the moment she’s turned her back on the house, it’s back – that all consuming pain that makes it feel like breathing was impossible. “Fuck.” She turns around and returns, pounding her fist on the door. “Sebastian!”

It takes a moment before she hears locks and she immediately backs away, and her chest seizes in anticipation. She wants to take back her knock now, she’s not ready. Maybe if she stands still he won’t see her…

“Laura? Laura Aston?”

She blinks because it’s not Sebastian. It’s his brother, staring at her with wide eyes. Nowhere in the scenarios she’d played out in her head was it not Sebastian that answered the door. But it’s New Year's Eve, of course he wasn’t going to spend it alone. Okay, slight flaw in her impromptu plan as she gives Fabian the largest smile she can muster. “Is your brother here?”

Fabian looked positively delighted, his mouth pulling into a far more genuine smile than hers as he refuses to tear his eyes from her as he screams out, “Oh Se-bas-tian,” in a singsong voice.

She cringes.

“So are you his mysterious girlfriend?” He crosses his arms looking her up and down.

She blinks. “Sorry?”

Fabian rolls his eyes. “Please, we all know there’s been _someone_. But you…” He looks so excited at his newfound knowledge.

There’s German being snapped from behind Fabian but it doesn’t diminish his smug expression when Sebastian appears and then just like that all the air leaves the vicinity around her and her heart skips a beat. _Sebastian_.

“Laura,” he breathes out her name.

And Fabian is still standing between them, head turning from one to the other and then he says something in German, but maybe that’s a good thing. Sebastian’s head snaps to his brother dragging him out of the doorway and shoving him back inside and slamming the door closed.

They were alone and Laura backs away feeling like he was suddenly too close. “I don’t think I should be here.”

“Don’t,” he pleads reaching for her.

“You’re with your family, and your brother…” She was not dealing with Sebastian’s family, that was not the plan.

“Shit.” Sebastian winces with realisation and he drops his hand and turns to jerk the door back open where Fabian is still on the other side on his phone, furiously texting. “Give me that,” he orders, ripping it out his hands and he’s hissing at him angrily in German. Why can’t the whole world just speak bloody English? The door slams closed again as Seb shoves the phone in his pocket and gives her a nervous smile. “Like my sisters aren’t bad enough already…” he shrugs and she gives him a tiny smile understanding.

There’s a long silence. It drags on as they simply stare at the other.

Sebastian clears his throat. “So uh… hi.”

“So I was taking a stroll…” Laura waves over her shoulder, “Passing by…”

Sebastian raises an eyebrow, somewhat amused.

Her face turns serious, and it was taking a lot of effort to not shove her fingers in her mouth and start on her nails. “So, I’m not very good at this stuff.”

“I don’t think anyone is,” he replies.

“I just think we should clear the air. Like somehow reset everything,” she presses forward.

He gives her a flicker of a smile. “Lau -

She cuts him off. “And if we’re honest, I mean all of this is your fault. Being all nice and fucking loveable when we had a deal. That wasn’t very nice Sebastian. And I had it all worked out.” She was verging on rambling but her mouth is happy to keep spilling out words and Sebastian isn’t stopping her. “I hate you. I win all the races. You cry. And year done. That’s how it works.”

“Not sure I would have agreed to that plan,” Sebastian comments with a frown.

“Yeah, well it was _my_ plan. And like, how dare you ruin it all!”

Sebastian crosses his arms, face turning hard. “Have you just come here to yell at me Laura? Because I have better things to do with my time.”

She grabs at his arm to stop him from turning. “Stop, like fuck.” She stares at him upset. “What did you do to me? It’s not fair, it’s not fair that you won and I don’t even get you at the end. That’s not fucking fair Sebastian.”

“I’m not sure I’m really following this… and to be honest Laura -”

He looks tired and exhausted and he clearly wasn’t getting it. Frustrated she shouts, “I fucking love you okay! And not some stupid friend way that Daniel thinks is important, like full on I’m dying kind of ‘I love you’. And this all hurts so much more than losing.” Great now she was going to fucking cry. “Being in love with you hurts and I hate it so much.”

“So romantic…” His teasing response has her shove him hard.

“Fuck you.”

His smile is gone and he grabs her arms. “Laura,” he whispers, eyes full of pain. “I know. I know okay.” She presses against him then and he hugs her tightly as she pushes her face into his sweater. “And I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“I want to do it again, start again,” she whispers, voice muffled against him. She looks up at him, tears balancing in her eyes that she hadn’t rubbed away. “Can we start again?”

Sebastian grasps his face and kisses her softly, thumbs brushing through her tear tracks. “Lau, there’s never been anyone that makes me feel like you do, and that’s the good and the bad. And everything with you… it’s so intense. And I can’t breathe sometimes because of how I feel -”

She grips his wrists as her stomach begins to weigh down with a horrible rock-like lump. “We can do it better,” she whispers, smile wavering on her lips. “I can be better.”

He kisses her again, lips lingering on hers. “All I think about Laura, is Brazil.”

She slides her to his neck. “It’s okay. I forgive you. Don’t think about Brazil.” She doesn’t want to think about Brazil, why can’t they think about something nice, like Japan?

His forehead touches her and he closes his eyes. “I was so angry at you… Lau…” He opens his eyes and looks so broken. “No one has ever pushed me as far as you do. No one has ever made me so angry -”

“That’s okay,” she kisses him again to assure him, but he doesn’t kiss her back. “You make me mad too,”

“You don’t make me a better person Laura.” The words are harsh and they slice through her so sharply she wants to drop to her knees as her hands fall away from him. “I mean,” he looks like he wants to take those words back, “We should make each other better people. We shouldn’t be tearing each other down…”

He was saying no. She backs away from him shoving his hands away when he reaches for her.

“Laura,” he looks so upset. “I can’t fight you like that again, I can’t have you love me and then hate me and I can’t be in the middle either.”

“Fuck you!” she shouts at him as she wipes furiously at her dumb tears. He was confirming everything she had been swirling in her head. She swallows and sucks in deep breaths as she turns and begins to walk away.

Sebastian is next to her. “Let me drive you back.”

“Don’t fucking touch me,” she shoves him away when his hand falls to her back. “I told you I loved you!” How can that not fix everything? She thinks her heart doesn’t even exist right now and there is so much pain she doesn’t know how she’s even standing

“It’s nearly midnight, you can stay?” His hands are safely tucked at his sides and he looks like he wants to cry.

She stops and spins to face him. “Never, _never_ talk to me again. I hate you so much.” And then she shoves him again making him stumble backwards. With that, she keeps walking and this time he doesn’t follow. Good. She doesn’t want him.

At least on her walk back, she doesn’t feel the cold. And somewhere along the way she hears fireworks, and looking at the night sky, she watches in the distance at the popping of colour, blurry till she wipes her tears.

“Happy New Year to me,” she whispers dully before there are more tears. And then her head is filled with a song she hasn’t heard in so long, “No hope, no love, no glory, no happy endings,” she sings to herself as she keeps walking. Yeah, Mika knew there were no happy endings. “This is the way you left me, I’m not pretending…”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I need to say a few things.  
> 1\. if you want to listen to the song that Laura is singing it's 'Happy Ending' by Mika. Other songs I recommend if you want to keep indulging in pain are 'Start Again' by Conrad Sewell and 'Let it Go' by James Bay. Those songs helped me write this chapter.  
> 2\. Year 3 I will do, hoping to make it shorter, but apparently, I don't possess the ability for short stories. I admire those writers that can pack so much into shorter works. I'm jealous. Right, my point! Do you guys want like teasers/spoiler tidbits like I did with year 2? I haven't got a proper drafted story to really do it the same but was thinking of doing it a different way if you are interested.  
> 3\. If anyone wants to chat in my self imposed fic break, please feel free to hit me up on Tumblr (@itszephoria) I'm always looking for new friends and people to chat to.  
> 4\. And lastly, and most importantly... thank you to those that have kept coming back to read. And to those that comment - hearing your thoughts, engaging with you all like that has made this one of the most fun things I have done. I can't thank you enough for being so supportive, for taking the time to comment, short or long. Replying to you all is literally my favourite thing.  
> Anyway, I can't wait to hear your final thoughts on this. Did Seb make the right choice? What did you love and hate about the year? What do you want for year 3? Ideas, thoughts, suggestions? Anything you want me to not include, improve on. do more of or less of? 
> 
> Right, I'll let you all go and curl up now. But hey... Lillian isn't dying right now! I mean yay! Right?


	45. True or False

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STOP! WARNING! POTENTIAL SPOILERS AHEAD.  
> Proceed at your own risk if you are someone that wants to not know anything!
> 
> DISCLAIMER - The below is based on how things are planned, things may change while I am writing - it happens all the time. It's not like I choose how things go, things veer away from my plan all the time. Honestly, I control nothing!

So I may already have the first chapter well on its way but as year 3 is being completely redone, I don't have snippets to give like last time.

So I was umming and ahhing about the best way to do some teasers and then... BRAINWAVE! Let's play a game...

The below is broken into 2 statements. One is true. One is false. Feel free to take guesses of what you believe is correct or you want to happen!

 

A) Ella becomes a big sister

B) Laura and Sebastian share a near-death experience

 

A) Laura and Daniel decide to have sex

B) Red Bull renews Laura's contract mid-season for another year

 

A) The title fight for the championship comes down to Sebastian and Laura in the final race

B) Laura and Mark Webber spend a lot of time together - despite the fact that he has a girlfriend

 

A) Lillian and Kimi don't last the year

B) Sebastian's mother sets him up on a blind date that leads to a relationship

 

A) Laura shares her past with Sebastian to prove a point

B) No one dies this year

 

A) Laura gets engaged and stuns the paddock by showing up with an engagement ring

B) Miles and Molly call off their wedding at the last moment

 

A) Laura and Sebastian turn to each other after a shock death in the motorsport community

B) Lillian falls pregnant

 

A) There's no happy ending at the end of year 3

B) There's next to no Jenson this year

 

A) Mark and Miles work together to get Laura a new contract for the following year (year 4) with Ferrari. 

B) Lillian returns to working with Laura

 

Right, that's all I have... maybe I'll do snippets when I have actual story written.

Random point - it's hard to come up with fake facts than it is true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS - if you are desperate for answers, you can probably twist my arm on Tumblr with next to no resistance because I am pretty much unable to keep things to myself when it comes to fic.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always much loved! I appreciate them all and they make me write faster :)


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